Authors: Tamsyn Bester
I walk into the palatial mansion and immediately feel out of place. There are people filling every open area I can see. Some stand around talking, their blue cups
filled with cheap beer, while others gyrate against each other to the rhythm of the
music. I can feel the vibration of the music in my chest as it travels through the
crowd in waves. I shouldn’t be here, and my mind won’t stop telling me to leave.
But I can’t. I push my way through the mob of hot, sweaty bodies until I’m standing in the living room. Heads bob up and down as a new, faster song starts to
play through the speakers. Looking around, I notice how the guys in the room eye
my body with appreciation, no doubt after hearing the rumors that have surfaced
at school. The girls, on the other hand, look at me with disgust, muttering the word
‘slut’ and ‘whore’ under their breaths. They’re half right. But I don’t owe them an
explanation for my lewd behavior. I don’t owe anyone anything really; least of all
insight into my sad, black hole of a life. I’m about to make my way back towards
the front door, with every intention of leaving, when a familiar voice stops me.
“ You came,” he says behind me. I turn around and come face-to-face with Kyle
Henderson. The playboy. The football captain. And the boy I’ve been crushing on
since I was twelve. He’s only a year older than I am, but his chiseled jaw, high
cheekbones and light blonde stubble make him look far more mature than any other boy his age. And I use the term ‘boy’ loosely; referring only to the parts of him
that, in fact, make him a boy. Kyle is a man, albeit a walking cliché with his perfect blonde hair, Adonis-like physique and roguish charm. He’s also trouble. And I
happen to be in the mood for trouble.
“ You asked me to,” I reply. A strange feeling washes over me, resembling something close to shyness. It’s unfamiliar. I don’t do shy, least of all with guys. But
Kyle makes me feel it, however unwelcome it is.
“Funny,” he says. “I didn’t peg you for someone who does what she’s told, Hayls.”
His lips curve into a smirk and it’s easy to see why the girls at school fall over
themselves when they’re in his presence. His confident persona is disarming. I lift
my chin, hoping that he can’t see the cracks in my superficial confidence. “I don’t.”
Taking a step closer, he stares into my eyes. “I’m glad you came,” he says. “Can I get
you a drink?”
“Anything but beer.”
He chuckles. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
I nod. When he disappears into the swell of people, I feel eyes burning a hole in the
side of my head. I turn slightly, only to catch Kimber Allen glaring at me. I can’t
help the smile that slips onto my face. I know she was watching my exchange with
Kyle and judging by her expression, she isn’t happy about it. Good. Maybe now
she’ll shut those Botox lips of hers and stop spreading rumors about me. Or just
stop spreading the false ones, at least. It’s no secret that she hates me, or that she
has made the most of my self-destructive behavior and used it to her benefit. But I
can’t blame her. I’ve brought all of it on myself, willingly, in an attempt to ease the
numbness that has consumed me and feel something, even if it’s just physical.
I look away just in time to see Kyle walking back towards me, drink in hand.
My eyes travel the length of him. His blue polo shirt fits him well and shows off
some of his best assets. Broad shoulders, defined chest, strong arms. The designer
jeans he’s wearing hugs his legs and I’m sure if he had to turn around, it would
show off another one of his ass-ets. I snicker at my inside joke.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, amused. Realizing he heard me makes me blush, but I
manage to keep it cool. “ Your ex-girlfriend.” I reply, taking the blue cup from his
grasp. I bring it up to my lips, tasting the harsh liquid and feeling it burn all the
way down my throat. It’s disgusting. But after the third or fourth cup I won’t taste
it anymore.
Kyle frowns. “I didn’t even know Kimber was here,” he lies easily. Of course he
knows. Kimber would have made sure of it.
I shrug. Bringing my cup back to my lips, I watch Kyle over the rim as I take another gulp, and another, until it’s finished. Kyle’s eyes never leave mine and when
he licks his lips I have to stop myself from mimicking him.
“ You want another one?” he asks, taking our empty cups and placing them on a
nearby table. Instead of answering, I step closer, liquid courage coursing through
my veins, and take his hand.
“Dance with me,” I say softly. His hand tightens around mine and he leads us
onto the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the giant living room. Eyes fall
on us and I tense. The attention I’m used to getting is usually the kind that takes
place behind closed doors, or in the backseat of a car, not in public. I feel Kyle’s chest
pressed firmly against my back.
“Relax,” he breathes against my neck. “Let go.”
His hands rest on my hips and the way his fingertips press into my skin makes me
shiver. Our bodies start moving, our hips bumping and grinding to the beat of the
music. I push my ass into Kyle’s crotch and rub it back and forth over his growing
hard on. He sucks in a breath, and I stifle a moan. This is what I want. I crave the
physical connection like lungs crave air. One song bleeds into another and we keep
dancing until the room gets hot and my skin is damp.
Brushing my dark hair to the side, Kyle lowers his head until his lips brush
against my ear.
“Let’s go upstairs,” he whispers. My head is swimming, from both, the alcohol I’ve
had and my need to get lost in this carnal connection. “I want you, Hayley,” he
breathes into my ear. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”
I turn around to face him. His eyes are dark, determined. I’m fairly certain he just
said that to get into my pants but I can’t judge him for that. I’m planning on using him for the same thing. “Okay,” I say. I ignore the pang in my chest. I always
feel that way before.
Kyle grabs my hand and starts pulling me through the mass of people, which seems
to have doubled since I arrived. The clock on the wall reads 11pm but I doubt the
party will abate any time soon. Guys stop to talk to Kyle but he brushes them off,
the same way he does to the girls who throw themselves at him. He leads me up
the marble staircase and only lets my hand go when we reach his bedroom door.
He ushers me into his room, his hand on the small of my back, and closes the door.
With every step he takes towards me I feel the sexual tension intensify. For a brief
second Kyle hesitates, and I can see the indecision in his eyes and on his face. He
seems to recover from whatever conflict he felt a second ago because he closes the
gap between us in one stride. The silence between us stretches and I think we both
know words are not necessary. Talking would only make it awkward, forcing us
to pretend that this is more than a simple exchange. He only asked me to come to
this party for one reason, why make it something it isn’t?
He swallows, leaning down until his soft lips brush against mine. His tongue
leaves a blazing trail on my bottom lip and I open up, welcoming him. Our lips
move against each other, our tongues twisting as we taste each other. I taste the
beer on his breath but the anticipation of feeling with only my body overshadows
it. His hands grab my hips roughly as he pushes me onto his bed. He climbs over
me, his lips crashing into mine again. I claw at his clothes, our hands removing
every piece of fabric, every barrier, until we’re both naked. Like all the times before this, I push all emotions away, focusing on nothing but the physical.
“Fuck,” Kyle breathes harshly. “I don’t think I have a condom.”
I think about it for a minute. I’ve never had sex without one but I’ve often wondered what it felt like. I’m on the pill, so we should be fine. A voice pops up in my
head telling me what a bad idea this is but I reason with it, arguing that, with
graduation around the corner, this gets to be one last hooray. After tonight, I will
get to start over and pretend that the last year of my life hasn’t been filled with
parties and meaningless sex. I never have to see Kyle or anyone else from this
wretched, soul sucking place ever again. So why not go out with a bang. Literally.
“It’s okay,” I say. “We’re good.”
“But I’ve never gone without one,” he contends.
I look him in the eye. “Neither have I. But I’m on the pill, so we’re good.”
He settles between my legs and I feel the tip of his cock tease my entrance. “Tell me
you want this,” Kyle breathes heavily with gritted teeth. “Tell me you want me to
do this to you.”
“ Yes,” I breathe. I bite my lip and close my eyes when I feel him push in. I wrap
my legs around him and he lowers himself onto me. I welcome the weighty feeling,
and the fullness. Kyle doesn’t look at me as he thrusts deeper and deeper. He tucks
his face into my neck and I find that I don’t mind it. This is all I wanted. It helps
me forget about the parents who don’t love me and only use me as a pawn when
they see fit. I can’t even say I’m a trophy daughter anymore, because I made sure
to ruin that image good and proper. Maybe I am a slut, or a whore, but when it’s
nothing but my body connecting with another, everything else fades away. I’ve
managed to replace emotional things like affection and love with the feeling of
sexual and physical gratification. It’s fucked up. But it works for me.
Kyle quickens his pace, his hot breath fanning the inside of my neck. His muscles
tense and I know he’s close. Lifting his weight slightly, I take the chance to slip my
hand between our bodies and start rubbing my clit. The quicker Kyle moves his
hips, the quicker my hand moves, and it’s not long before we both moan our release.
“Fuck, Hayley,” Kyle sighs, rolling off me and catching his breath. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so…”
“Good?” I finish for him. “What? You didn’t ask your buddies how it is before you
invited me here?” I sit up quickly and grab the nearest item of clothing to cover
myself up.
His brows furrow. “No, Hayls. Do you think that’s why I invited you? So that I
could just have sex with you?”
“ Yes.” I reply honestly. Kyle looks away from me and I know I’ve caught him.
“Look, Hayley, I -” I put my hand up, interrupting him mid-sentence.
“Don’t, Kyle. I know the drill. I used you just as much as you used me and now it’s
over.”
I jump off the bed and start gathering my clothes. Kyle doesn’t move from the bed
while I dress, but when I look up again he’s standing in front of me, wearing only
his jeans.
“Hayley, wait.” he pleads. His expression is one of guilt. But guilt over what exactly? Having sex with me or admitting that it’s all he wanted me for?
I see another emotion flit across his features but it’s gone before I can determine
what it is. Our eyes meet for the last time and I do something I’ve never done
with anyone else before. I touch his cheek. And then his lips. “Goodbye, Kyle.” I
whisper. I’m not sure why I say it, or why I touch his face that way, but for the
first time ever I feel something else, something new.
Regret.
Horns break through the memory and I jump in my seat. The traffic light in
front of me is green but I was too distracted to notice. I ease forward into
the traffic, ignoring the swear words being thrown in my direction by other
drivers. I check my rearview mirror again, to make sure Ari is okay, and find
her staring out the window, still singing her song. I’m silently grateful that
the only reminder I have of her father is her brown eyes and that her dark
curls and fair skin come from me. Not that it would’ve mattered. The day
she was born I knew I would love her forever, regardless of who she looks
like. I stop in the small parking lot outside the daycare center and take a
deep breath to steel my nerves. I don’t want Ari to see how terrified I am. I
want her to see that I’m brave, even if that’s the last thing I feel. I climb out
and open Ari’s door. She looks up at me and smiles, all her new teeth on full
display. “You ready to make some new friends, monkey?” I ask her while unbuckling her car seat.
Her eyes widen, filling with excitement and curiosity. “Yes mommy! You a
monkey!” she squeals, giggling.
I let out a little laugh. “Oh, really? If I’m a monkey, then what are you?”
Her little eyebrows scrunch before she answers. “I’m a pwincess,” she proclaims. I take her bag from the back seat and pull her onto my hip.
“Yes,” I reply softly, placing a kiss on her forehead. “You’re my little princess.”
Synopsis:
I was thrilled when I was offered a graduate teaching position at the prestigious Tennerson Girls Academy. At twenty-three, this would be my first
‘real’ teaching assignment. Working at the elite boarding school, home to the
daughters of some of the wealthiest people in the world, was a great opportunity that I would’ve been stupid to pass up.
One week into my new job, and I suddenly had no idea why I chose high
school…I was a seventeen year old boy once, I knew how teenage girls behaved. You can’t even imagine the hell of trying to teach thirty, hormonal
driven seventeen year olds who have been cooped up, away from any male
contact.
I could handle the whispers every time I entered the room. I could even
handle the obvious attempts at gaining my attention.
What I couldn’t
handle was her…
Add to that the lack of male contact, and I was going insane. Like literally. I
wasn’t used to this. A year ago I was normal. I had a boyfriend, friends and a
loving family. There is nothing normal about me anymore, and nobody here
lets me forget that.
My name is Wrenn, and I’m only here because my aunt took me in after
what happened, but my aunt also happens to be the headmistress of this
academy…Can you see my problem?
He dropped me back at my car just before half ten. I was shocked at how
late it was. We had been talking for hours. I felt so relaxed around him, yet
at the same time, nobody had ever had me feeling so damn wound up.
“So, you still want to see this movie tomorrow?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Are you asking me out?” I asked, my tone sweet.
“No. I’m merely trying to broaden the cinematic knowledge of one of my
students.” His expression became serious. “Asking out one of my students
would be incredibly unprofessional on my part, and unethical. I wouldn’t
take advantage of you like that.”
“What if I wanted to be taken advantage of ?” I moved toward him—very
slowly, gauging his reaction. He held his breath as I edged closer, until our
lips were almost touching. I paused, looking into his eyes, so desperately wanting to feel his lips against mine, but not wanting to step over that
boundary without him wanting it equally.
He tilted his head so his lips brushed over mine, the sensation making me
dizzy. His hand wandered up to my face, his fingers gently running along
my hairline. Then suddenly my lips were crushed up against his with a passion even I wasn’t expecting.
As quickly as it began, he was away from me, his eyes a mixture of lust, regret and confusion. I was a hot mess. My heart was beating out of control, I
felt hot and cold and lightheaded. Thank God I was sitting down, or I was
sure I’d have ended up fainting.
“I’m sorry, Wrenn. I shouldn’t have done that,” he said quietly.
“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want,” I replied. He sat, his hands clenched
tightly on the steering wheel, not speaking. “Will I see you tomorrow?” I
asked.
He glanced at me, confused. “The movie,” I reminded him.
He exhaled loudly. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” he asked, raising his
eyebrows.
“Maybe not, but I think we need to talk about this . . . ” He nodded as my
voice trailed off.
“I’ll call you.” His voice had softened, as had his expression. His eyes were
no longer hard. I nodded, and got out of the car, closing the door.
He drove off, and I stood there on the curb, staring until I could no longer
see his taillights. Once he was gone, I stepped into my car.
I sat there, trying to digest what had just happened. Kissing him had evoked
everything in me. I felt like a hurricane of feelings and emotions had ripped
through my body, leaving me a muddled mess inside.