Dearest Series Boxed Set (4 page)

Jenna leans into me and grins. “I know you don’t usually drink, but you’re going to want to have a couple of these before we start my game.”

Before last spring, I couldn’t drink. Alcohol and anxiety meds don’t mix. But now that I’m pharmaceutical-free, the idea of doing shots to blunt the edge of whatever humiliating game Jenna has in store for me is appealing, so I reach for a shot.

“Bring it,” I say, clinking my glass with my brother’s and throwing it back.

“Did Mom or Dad call you?” Jax asks as we move toward the living room, waiting for Jenna to announce whatever crazy antics she has planned for tonight.

“No.” Do they ever? I think my brother keeps asking, hoping for a different answer. “Did they call you?”

“Nope. I talked to Mom a few weeks ago, and she said something about a dog show, so maybe she’s out of town. And dad… Well.”

It’s a lovely idea, that our mother is busy traveling, but we both know that probably isn’t the case. And our father is like the amputated limb we keep hoping will grow back. The truth is they’re both bona-fide assholes, more interested in work and prize-winning dogs or car shows than their kids.

“I want your schedule so I can come to some of your games.”

When we were growing up, I was the only one who went to see him play. Our parents never made it. He won all kinds of awards and medals and a full ride to Boston College, and our parents probably don’t even know what position he plays.

“I’ll email it to you.” He clears his throat and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You know, uh, Daren still asks about you.”

My eyes narrow. “Don’t go there.” He gives me a look, and I exhale in irritation. “Why do people assume I’m still in love with him?” I say under my breath. “Jax, that’s history.”

“Is it? Because you haven’t dated anyone since.”

“Could you say that a little louder? I don’t think the people in the backyard heard.” Turning to glare at my brother, I swirl my next shot in the glass. “He slept with my best friend after I apparently made him wait too long to have sex. Excuse me if I have some trust issues.”

He cringes, but before he can respond, Jenna interrupts my tirade to announce she has something special planned for us.

“So the birthday girl has to wear this candy necklace, and she needs your help, fellas, because she doesn’t get her roommates’ awesome birthday gift until y’all
eat her candy
.” Jenna giggles, and as the realization of what she wants me to do settles in, I decide I might need to strangle her with my bare hands. Jax looks at me and laughs as Jenna turns back to him. “The birthday boy, who some of you might know as a star soccer player from BC, has to get twenty-one kisses. Girls, if you give him a kiss, you’ll need to put one of these heart stickers on his shirt or it won’t count.”

My brother, eager to get started with the game, spots a pretty girl and wanders off. As I turn, Kade strolls toward me with a predatory look in his eyes.
Shit.
He’s going to ask me out again. When does this guy ever learn? His father owns half of the state, and he simply wants me as another acquisition.

“Clementine, you look breathtaking tonight,” he says as he runs his hand through my hair. “So infinitely fuckable.”

I glare at him as I swat his hand away.

“Save your breath, Kade. Haven’t we had this conversation before?” I start to walk away, but he grabs my arm so hard I think he’s going to leave a bruise.

“Go out with me. I promise I’ll rock your world. I’ve been dying to taste your
candy
all year.”

Where did he learn how to talk like this? Douchebags-R-Us?

“Sorry, but we have a problem.” I square myself up to him. I’m only five five so he towers over me, but I’d like to emphasize what I’m about to say. “Assholes aren’t my type. And in case you missed the memo, you qualify as an asshole.” With that I wrench my arm free and stalk off. God, that guy makes me want to take another shower.

As I head for the table of booze, I come face-to-face with Tall, Dark and Rugged, who has his hand in his pocket as he leans against the wall.

“I know you,” I say, reaching for the Absolut as I try to place him.

“Yes, you do.”
Oh, he has a sexy voice.
A small smile tugs on his lips, and I have to tear my eyes away from his mouth.

“So, can you refresh my memory? How exactly
do
I know you?”

“Darlin’, you’re gonna break my heart by not remembering me.”

Fighting the chill that runs down my arms when he calls me darling, I shrug, turning to my shot glass, which is my new best friend. He has the slightest Southern accent.
Why am I even thinking about his accent… and his mouth… and those full lips?
I shiver, wondering where my steely resolve to avoid good-looking men has gone.

Jenna scampers up to me and grins.

“Clem, this is Murphy, Ryan’s new guitarist. Murphy, this is my fabulous roommate, Clementine.”

Apparently satisfied with her introduction, Jenna disappears into the crowd as my eyes pass over Mr. Hottie. I’m using the excuse of trying to figure out how I know him, but the truth is I’m honestly intrigued by how handsome he is. Dark, wavy hair, perfect sun-kissed skin, breathtaking green eyes, broad shoulders.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
I find myself licking my lips.

After a moment, I shake my head. “That’s not your name.”

He holds out his hand.

“That would be Gavin Murphy. It’s lovely to formally meet you, Clementine.”

As I return the gesture, it comes to me.

“You’re an RA at Warren Towers.”

He grins, and it’s adorable. Dimples peek out, and I force myself not to stare. I’m starting to think that maybe coming out tonight wasn’t such a bad idea, but then he opens his mouth again.

“And you buy extra-large condoms.”

As the blood drains from my face, I yank back my hand. “What?”

He’s laughing, and I’m ten kinds of mortified. It takes me a second to place him.

“You were with that dickhead at CVS,” I croak.

He laughs. “I was actually just standing in line. I have no idea who he was except to say you have probably put him in therapy for having small junk.”

I don’t know if I’m feeling vulnerable because it’s my birthday and this is the most alcohol I’ve consumed in years, but the window of possibility I initially felt toward him instantly slams shut. I narrow my eyes at him and smirk.

“Well, spare yourself the effort because I doubt you’d make the cut either,” I say, downing my shot and walking off.
Asshole.

Twenty minutes later, I’m talking to my brother on the back porch when Harper grabs me. “I need to warn you. Jenna plans to do some karaoke before we go to the club.”

“Okay,” I say slowly. “Jenna can’t sing, so this should be fun.”

“She’s not the one who’s going to sing. She plans to make you take the stage.”

“Shit. I don’t think I’m drunk enough for that.”

Harper laughs as she looks around the back yard, which is littered with random partygoers. “You have a great voice, so pretend you’re in the shower, and imagine everyone is naked. I mean, except for your brother ‘cause that’s gross.”

Jax raises his eyebrows.

I laugh. “That
is
gross.”

“There is nothing gross about me being naked,” he says.

Harper rolls her eyes at my brother and then nudges me as she whispers, “Pretend like I didn’t tell you anything because Jenna has been working really hard to make all of this a surprise. I just didn’t want you to get overwhelmed.”

“Thanks. This should be memorable.”

Jenna must be psychic because she beelines it to us, grinning like a guilty cat.

“One more little thing up my sleeve, birthday girl!” She loops her arm through mine, dragging me back to the living room.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Gavin talking to his friends. A tall redhead is leaning against him, laughing provocatively. She whispers in his ear as she places her hands on his sternum, and something hot churns in my chest.

He seems so at ease and confident. I bet he’s the kind of guy who has it all planned out—his career, the perfect wife, a two-story Cape Cod and a Golden Retriever. He’ll probably end up with someone like that girl who’s all curvy and flirtatious and leggy.

When he tried to talk to me, I was my usual sweet, charming self. He made a joke, and I bit his head off.
Typical
.

Screw it. Why the fuck should I care who he talks to?

He looks up, and my eyes dart away.

“My girl Clem is going to kick off the karaoke,” Jenna yells, shaking me out of my haze as she shoves a microphone into my hand. “What do you want to sing?”

I shrug and tell her to pick.
You Know I’m No Good
by Amy Winehouse starts up. I grin. She knows me so well.

As I sing, I feel his eyes on me, and when I hit the chorus, I have a fleeting surge of bravery and look his way.

That’s right, Mr. Perfect. I’m talking to you. Because I’d never fit in your perfect little world.

I don’t know what I expected his reaction to be, but the corner of his mouth pulls up into a crooked grin just before I look away. Suddenly, I think I’m more nervous from that one little interaction than singing for a room full of people.

When I’m done, everyone is so quiet I can hear the clock on the wall, and I’m starting to wonder if I sounded like ass when everyone starts yelling and clapping.

Damn. Maybe I should do this more often.

B
eing jostled around does not feel
good. Not. At. All.

I remember leaving Ryan’s and heading to the club… and then dancing under the swirly lights… and doing more shots…

“She’s hammered. Shit.”

I hear people talking about me like I’m not standing here right in front of them. Okay, I’m leaning on someone, but it’s pretty close to standing.

Jenna is talking, but she sounds muffled. “… I was planning to go home with Ryan, and Harper already left for her boyfriend’s place. Crap. I didn’t think she’d get wasted. I’ve never seen her drink this much.”

“I can take her home,” a familiar male voice says.

“Really?” It’s quiet except for the ringing in my ears from the club. I’m jostled again, and then I hear the jingle of keys. “I’m trusting you not to violate my best friend or run off with her. She’d better not show up on a damn milk carton.”

“Don’t worry. Drunk girls aren’t my thing.”

The world shifts as my arm is lifted off one person’s shoulders. Then I’m in the air.

“You’re pretty light. Hold on, darlin’.”

* * *

H
e smells so good
. My nose is up against his neck, which is warm and smooth, and I want to snuggle.

“I never drink,” I murmur against his skin. When I open my eyes, I realize we’re in my living room, and I’m in Gavin’s arms.

“Yeah, I can tell. Clementine, which room is yours?”

I point in what I hope is the right direction. A door opens, and then he’s setting me down on the bed, and my arms are empty. The room tilts, and through my alcohol-induced fog, I realize I liked being held by him.

“Don’t go. I’m cold. You’re warm, and you smell good.”

He chuckles as his eyes pass over me. “You sure you want me here? You gave me a serious fuck-off vibe tonight.”

“I just do that. I’m broken.” I fall back into my bed. He reaches over and pulls off my shoes, and I curl up as he drapes a blanket over me. The room starts to spin.

“Why do you think you’re broken?”

I like his voice. It’s so, so sexy.

“Because I have pieces missing.”

“Where’d they go?”

That’s easy. “To BC.”

He laughs again and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “They ate all the candy off your necklace,” he says softly.

“That was gross. One guy licked me. Asshole.”

He’s quiet, and then I hear him groan. “Clem, don’t tell me about guys licking your neck.” It’s funny that he would care. I just met him.

“You didn’t have any candy.”

“I wanted some.”

“Really?” I’m so tired, I can’t help but yawn.

“Yeah.”

After a few heartbeats, I realize what I want to tell him. “You know, they weren’t for me.” He’s quiet. He probably hasn’t a clue what I’m talking about. “The condoms were for the fishbowl.”

“The fishbowl?”

I want to explain how we have a communal fishbowl of condoms, and Jenna was having a penis emergency, but the words don’t come. All I can do is shiver.

“I’m cold and the spinning won’t stop,” I say. There’s silence again, and I wonder if he’s left, this beautiful man I watched all night, pretending to ignore. But the mattress sinks as he scoots into my narrow bed behind me, pressing his muscular body against my back. He reaches around my waist, and I relax into his warmth and close my eyes.

“I’m sorry I was an ass earlier,” he whispers into my ear.

“What do you mean?” He’s right here, but it’s like we’re talking in a dream. Maybe I’m asleep, and I’m dreaming, and for once in my life I can say what I feel.

“The condoms. I knew they weren’t for you. Every guy on campus knows you don’t date. I was, uh, trying to be funny. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

I don’t know why, but I giggle. “No, I have one gear. It’s bitch mode.”

“I’ve never heard that before.”

“That I’m a bitch?”

“No, your giggle. I like it.”

The spinning starts to subside. In the darkness, Gavin’s deep breaths are hypnotizing, and the rhythm steadies me.

“I remember you too.” His mouth is still against my ear, and the heat from his breath makes me shiver again.

“From Warren Towers?”

“No.” He fits against me, his broad shoulders pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around mine. This is nice. “Proseminar in Literature, freshman year.”

I’m still really buzzed, so it takes a while to jog my memory. “That was a long time ago and that class was huge. How do you remember me?”

He laughs, and his body moves against me. “You probably don’t realize this, but you’re hard to forget.”

My heart flutters and my breathing hitches, and I hope he doesn’t notice, but based on his small laugh, I’m guessing he does.

“Clem, don’t worry. You had a lot to drink tonight. You probably won’t remember this conversation tomorrow.”

I somehow doubt that. But the spinning starts again.

“Gavin?”

“Yeah.”

“If I do, if I do forget, will you remind me?”

The only answer I get is his arm pulling me closer to him.

* * *

W
hen I wake up
, my bed is empty, and a pang of disappointment hits me before a wave of nausea. I scramble out to the bathroom, ducking my head into the bowl just in time.

My head is pounding, and I want to crawl back into bed, but the thought of that disgusting guy at the club licking my neck last night makes me want to bathe with Lysol. I opt instead to take a shower, but I can’t find shit in my room because half of my stuff is still in boxes, so I end up with a towel and a black pair of boy shorts, which will have to do until my hangover subsides long enough to sift through my things.

The shower is painful. Although it feels good to get clean, I think I might hurl again. I lean against the shower wall, shaking and weak, and let the hot water pelt me until the nausea subsides.

Did I imagine Gavin staying with me last night?

Fighting the urge to freak out, I take deep breaths. All the details I know about Gavin tumble around in my head. He’s a great musician and an RA. He helps all those clueless freshmen through their first year in college. He spoons. He smells fucking amazing.

I roll my eyes at myself.

I shouldn’t let myself think about him. I can’t get shattered like that again.

Stepping out of the shower, I pull on my undies and dry my long hair before I wrap the towel around my chest. I wipe off the condensation and stare at my reflection. I look like shit. My eyes are bloodshot, and my skin looks sallow. I take a minute to remove the makeup that’s turned me into a raccoon before I open the door to go back to my room.

Suddenly, I’m tripping over something hard. I wince at the sharp pain in my foot. That’s when I look up to see three guys sitting on the couch, staring at me, in time for my towel to fall. But I’m frozen, my heart pounding in my chest as my head acknowledges that I’m okay. Just half naked.

I growl. “Who the hell put a fucking skateboard in front of a door? Are you trying to kill someone?” They’re still staring at me as I grab my towel and throw it over my shoulder. Storming off back to my room, I yell, “What? It’s not like you’ve never seen boobs before. Get over it.”

I slam my door, escalating the pounding in my head.

It’s almost noon. Good God, I can’t believe I have to go to work today. What was I thinking? Shuffling boxes around my small room, I finally find some clothes, so I grab jeans and a t-shirt.

I hear Ryan through the walls. “Baby, don’t get mad, but we saw Clem naked.”

“She wasn’t naked,” another voice says. “Well, not entirely.”

Who was out there?
Ryan, Kade, and… Gavin.
Fuck.

A few minutes later, someone taps on my bedroom door.

“Clem, honey, it’s me. Can I come in?” Jenna asks, her Southern drawl lengthening around the vowels. The door creeks open, and she pokes her head in. I’m half dressed as she surveys the mess of boxes and steps closer. “Are you okay?”

I press my palm to my forehead. “Sorry I flashed your boyfriend.”

She laughs softly, shutting the door behind her. “That’s okay. I’m sure you fulfilled one of his fantasies just now.” Jenna is so used to the groupies at his shows, nothing fazes her anymore. The only thing she cares about is that he goes home with her. “Can I get you some Advil or something?”

I nod, choking on what I want to say.

“Did, uh, did Gavin stay here last night?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“Yeah, honey. But he swears he was a gentleman. I think he saw more when you walked out of the bathroom a minute ago than he did all night.” She’s laughing, and my head pounds harder, which I’m guessing is because I’m blushing a deep shade of red. “He’s been really sweet. He carried you two blocks last night and tucked you in bed, and this morning he brought you some breakfast.”

My heart constricts. She must see the look on my face.

“Hey,” she says, reaching over and hugging me, “don’t make this something it isn’t. He’s a great guy, and he must like you, but I don’t think he’s going to stalk you or anything crazy.”

“That’s not it.” The sound of blood beats wildly in my ears.

“Can I give you some advice?” Her face is full of concern. “Don’t blow him off. I know you’re afraid to get close to anyone, but I think he’s a catch, and good golly, he’s pretty. He couldn’t take his eyes off you all evening even though you were giving him your famous cold shoulder.”

I press my face into my hand. “I was such a bitch to him last night. Why he’d want to have anything to do with me is—”

“How can you say that? You’re a gorgeous woman and a brilliant writer. Don’t be so down on yourself. Look, get dressed, and come out and have breakfast with us. I swear the guys won’t give you shit about seeing you naked.”

Jenna looks like she’s ready to go out there and threaten their lives if they turn her into a liar. I crack a smile.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to thank you for the party. You outdid yourself. Did Jax get home okay?”

She smirks. “Yeah, some model in a cherry-red Mustang picked him up from the club. I think a photo of it got posted on a gossip website.”

I roll my eyes. “Sounds like my brother.”

Ten minutes later, when I walk into the living room, everyone stops talking. I planned to be social and eat with my friends, but I can’t. My heart is pounding, and I’m breaking out into a cold sweat. My hands tremble at my side, from the alcohol or nerves, I’m not sure which.

“I have to go to work,” is all I can muster before Ryan jumps off the couch and grabs me in a giant bear hug.

“Sorry my stuff tripped you, and you flashed us your goodies, but damn, girl, you’re hot. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

I lean back and look him in the eye. “Are you always such a pig?”

“Why, yes, yes, I am.” He grins, placing a small peck on my cheek. “And why the fuck am I just now learning that you sing? Jesus Christ, you have some pipes.”

“Thanks. That’s nice of you to say. And thank you for the party. I had a really good time.”

“Watching those guys fall over themselves to eat food off your body was more than worth it. How many asked you out?”

I shrug. Who counts that kind of shit?

“Please tell me you have at least a dozen dates now.” He grabs my shoulders and starts to shake me, which makes me groan. Does he have any idea what he’s doing to my hangover?

“C’mon, Ryan, you know me better than that.” I glance over at Gavin.

“You didn’t give out your number?” Ryan asks incredulously. I shake my head. “To anyone?”

“Why would I do a thing like that?” I say, grabbing my jacket. My heart is pounding. I need to get out of here. Now.

As I reach the door, I hear footsteps behind me.

“Wait up, Clem,” Gavin says. “I’ll walk you out.”