Deaf (Senses Series Book 2) (5 page)

Chapter 6

Maxx

“And he just left?” Erin says, as baffled as I felt yesterday.

“Yeah.”

Her face contorts once more like it’s still not registering for her.

Honestly, is it registering for you? I mean, he came in, orgasmed my brains out, and then split. What the hell?

“Was it at least good?” The change in gears is welcomed.

I’ve got a headache from over thinking what happened with him.

I bite my bottom lip as I lean back in my office chair.

Good is an understatement. I swear I’m on the edge, about to come again just remembering it. How the fuck does he do that?

“It was…so hot!” My squeal gets a laugh from Erin who is sitting on Tony’s desk area with her legs crossed. Her brown skirt is lingering right above her knees, which is abnormal for her.

She usually has a rule ‘the shorter the better’. Hm. Maybe it’s laundry day.

“Yeah?”

“God yeah. When Logan gets all horned up, he gets total sex novel on me. Like pin you down and own you kind of thing. Total alpha male. Now I can honestly say that I get why girls are always hoping he’ll call.”

Erin’s face twists in slight disgust. “I didn’t wanna know that…”

“You asked!”

“I’m suddenly regretting it. Picturing Logan like that is like picturing Luke like that…” Her voice trails off before she gives an over dramatic shutter. “Pass.”

The two of us erupt in giggles right as the office door opens and Tony’s face appears. He has a cup of coffee gripped tightly in his hand and a worn out look on his face. However, the second he sees the two of us laughing he tries to put on a smile. “And what has you two ladies so giggly?”

Erin shuts her mouth as she tries to regain her composure. I simply shake my head. “Nothing.”

Tony slides off his shoulder bag, drops it near Erin’s feet, and flops down in his office chair across from me. “Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It’s girly.” I try to offer.

“I can handle girly.”

“It’s personal.” Erin winks at him.

With that, Tony backs off. “Ah. Must be about Unbreakable.” His face flashes something before he lifts his coffee cup back up.

Did you see that too? I know he took himself out of the running, but…I mean…you don’t think he still has feelings like that for me, right? They’ve gotta be gone by now.

After putting his cup down, he pulls the pencil from behind his ear to tap. “Speaking of, did he find you yesterday?”

Slightly confused, I nod. “Yeah. How’d you know he was looking for me?”

“He came by the office.”

My eyes dart over to Erin’s whose widen.

Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

“And?” Erin tries to lead the conversation into further detail.

“And he was looking for Maxx.”

“Tony.” The look on her face is a clear mixture of giddiness and anxiety. “Did you say something to him?”

The tapping slows down and he shuffles in his seat. “Like what?”

“Like something that would rattle him?” The conversation continues and I feel myself gripping the arms of my chair harder.

“Possibly.”

“What did you say?” Erin demands, her voice now a little louder than before.

“Guy stuff.”

Before Erin has a chance to jump down his throat, I intervene. “Did you tell him that you and I were dating?”

“Of course not.” The hurt look on his face immediately fills me with guilt.

I know Tony would never say that. How could I even ask?

“Did you imply something was going on between you two?” Erin further investigates.

“No,” he sternly states. This line of questioning is obviously annoying him.

Can’t blame him at this point.

“Look, unlike Unbreakable, I can clearly see how you feel about him. I wouldn’t lie and say there is something here when there isn’t.” His heartfelt words cause my body to sag.

Sheepishly I apologize, “Sorry, Tony.”

“It’s okay.” The tapping of his pencil begins again. “Anyway, from what I gathered, he’s already under the impression you and I have a thing going on.”

Erin asks, “What makes you say that?”

“By the way he told me to stay the fuck away from her.” The response causes me to glare as it hits me.

That’s what yesterday was about? Just another attempt to rid me of anything Tony? A sick way to just put a do not touch sign on me?

I feel my blood begin to boil.

I’m so tired of this! The only time he really comes for me sexually is AFTER he thinks Tony did! You’ve seen this all along haven’t you? Would it have killed you to give me a heads up?

Tony picks up on my mood shift instantly. “You okay, Max-a-roo?”

The nickname started after he’d tried to call me Maximus, and I’d had to admit that only Logan ‘I just want you so no one else can have you’ Kellar is the only one allowed to call me that. He came up with the name because Kangaroos are one of his favorite animals.

“I’m fine.” I try to keep my voice steady as I yank my bag off the floor. “You cool for the day?” Tony nods. “Good. I’ll see you for Fight Night tomorrow then.”

“Remember to come in early. Both of you.” Tony’s reminder causes Erin to tilt her head in irritation. Quickly he adds, “Remember, Frank wants new employee pictures on the website. He wants them regularly updated.”

“I think he’s just doing that so he has new photos of me to add to his spank safe.” Erin’s joke gets lost on me but receives deep laughter from Tony.

It’s not that I don’t get the joke. It’s that nothing is funny right now. And there’s only one thing on my mind at the moment. You guessed it! How many different ways can I chew Logan out?

When Erin’s smiling face meets my frown, she quickly removes her keys and sighs. “Looks like the fun, much like Elvis, has left the building…” Erin gives Tony a small wave before she squeezes past me.

“Hey Max-a-roo,” he calls out stopping me right on the other side of the door.

“Yeah?”

“Text me if you need anything, okay?”

Unable to say many more words I nod. “Yeah.”

I follow Erin out to the parking lot and get into her car without saying another word.

I cannot believe him! Has he
ever
touched me because he
wanted
to, not just because someone else wanted me? Hell, the first time he ever even looked at me like that was after a crowd full of people were drooling over me!

“You wanna share with the class what’s going through that head of yours?” Erin speaks carefully pushing her sunglasses up onto her hair.

“No.”

“Maxx—”

“Goddamn it, Erin, I said no!” I snap before she shuts her mouth.

“Fine.” She backs off as she stops behind a bright red BMW. “I need to stop at the grocery store. Is that okay? Or would you like me to take you home so you can finish stewing in your own outrage that’s going to pop out like an unedited Jerry Springer special?”

My head rolls over to her. “The grocery store is fine.”

Erin pulls her sunglasses back over her eyes as the car in front of us accelerates, a victorious smile on her face.

Besides joining the list of things that piss me off, what did she win? Actually, this trip to the grocery store is perfect. It will allow me enough time to pick every. Single. Word. I am going to spew at Logan when I see him next. And you better fucking believe I’m coming at him with everything I’ve got. You think Erin’s wrath is something to cower from? Wait until you experience mine.

***

Hours later, Erin is dancing around the kitchen to salsa music while rolling tortillas for enchiladas. With graduation just days away, her stress is laid out for display in our kitchen. Two nights ago it was lasagna made from scratch. Last night it was something she discovered on the Food Network that involved three different kinds of nuts.

I didn’t eat more than a couple bites. The whole Logan thing has really been screwing with me.

Thankfully, enchiladas are something I know for a fact I’ll enjoy. If I even make it to the actual eating.

The sound of the front door opening causes my face to pop up from the stool at the far end of the bar. Tension tightens in every muscle I have as I try to remind myself that I’m going to need oxygen to stay conscious in order to have this fight.

And yeah. I mean fight. Not argument. Not a come to Jesus talk. But an all out bare knuckled boxing match. Well verbally.

“Whatever you say Kellar,” Luke says rounding the corner heading straight for the kitchen to greet his sister.

Upon seeing me, Logan’s face brightens.

Damn it. Please remind me to stay strong!

“Maximus…” The name and his tone cause an immediate shift in me.

I shut my eyes and focus. We have to have this fight.

When they spring open I shake my head. “Fuck you, Logan Kellar.”

Okay, not my best start.

“Wow, the greetings in this house really are going downhill,” he remarks, leaning his ass against the back of the couch and keeping his distance.

“What’s going on?” Luke tries to whisper.

“War zone. If I were you I would stay in the kitchen, which I have dubbed Switzerland, with me,” Erin informs him.

Logan strokes his chin. “Are you mad at me?”

“Should I be doing an Irish jig in excitement to see you after your little hump and dump number yesterday?”

Luke’s voice cuts in, “Did she really just say hump and dump?”

Erin sighs. “I think she did.”

Logan clears his throat. “I don’t wanna do this now.”

“Tough shit.”

His eyes widen at me as he stands all the way up. “Watson.”

“No.” Judging by the way his blue eyes protrude, my response is not what he was expecting. “No fucking way, Logan. Not this time.” I slide off the stool but don’t move any closer. “This time you’re gonna talk.”

He swallows and glances at our friends in the kitchen before continuing. “Can we at least do it in private.”

“No.”

“And why the fuck not?”

“Because then we don’t get to watch!” Erin calls out while chopping the vegetables slowly.

“Pretty sure Switzerland is neutral
and
silent, Sis.” Luke wraps an arm around her as she shrugs.

“Because if we try this in private it’s gonna lead to me crumbling at those puppy dog looks you give me or letting you continue to get away with this bullshit.”

“What bullshit?”

“This ‘I only want you when someone else does’ bullshit.”

That shuts Logan’s mouth.

And now he’s cornered.

“What was yesterday about, Logan?”

He shrugs.

Finding myself more pissed off with each breath, I inch slightly forward. “Don’t fucking shrug. Tell me the truth, Logan! What was yesterday about?” When he doesn’t answer I push the subject again. “What. Was. It. About?”

Nervously he scratches the back of his neck. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, did you push me up against my dresser because you were interested in tapping some ass? Or did you push me up against that dresser because you just didn’t want Tony to tap it?”

Fine. No. It wasn’t my most well said sentence but, you know what, now’s not the time to split hairs over my exact words. Honestly? Everything I had planned has kinda flown out the window.

When he doesn’t answer right away, I feel the tiny censor I had left break. “You. Fucking. Asshole!”

“Maxx—”

“That’s what all this has been about from the start, hasn’t it? Every time you fool around with me it’s not because you’re interested in me or have feelings for me! It’s because you have some sick, twisted childish mentality about not sharing your play things!”

His eyes lower to a glare. “You’re not a play thing.”

“Clearly I am!” My voice echoes in the house as I realize that everyone is as still as can be. “I’m nothing more than some stupid toy that you only play with so the other boys in the schoolyard can’t.”

Logan runs his fingers through his hair. “That’s not true—”

“That is fucking true.” My exhale pushes me back to lean against the barstool. “And you know what Logan…I’m done.”

In an uneasy voice he asks, “What do you mean you’re done?”

“I mean…” My voice weakens as does my body. “I’m done, Logan. I’m done with this sick Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde experiment. I’m done chasing you like some lovesick groupie who will never be anything more to you than something to sit on your shelf so no one else can have it. I’m done with this. You need to choose, Kellar.”

His tongue moistens his lips, but he doesn’t say anything.

“You need to make a choice. You either go balls to the wall, all cards on the table, commitment fear noose around your neck, and be in this with me, and I mean really be in this with me, Logan. Or…”

Meekly he asks, “Or what?”

Is it wrong that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to give the other half? That he would just swoop me up in his arms and choose me. Yeah, you’re right. Not wrong. Stupid. So very stupid.

“Or you need to back the fuck off and give me space. And I don’t mean temporary kind of space, Logan. I mean we need to redefine our friendship. No more blurred lines.”

It’s okay if you started singing it. I did too.

“No more slumber parties. No more snuggles. No more boyfriend girlfriend bullshit moments like we’ve always had. Is it gonna be hard? Yeah. Is it gonna suck? Fuck yeah. But let me be the first to say—” My body finally moves closer to him. “Learning to live like
that
beats having to live like
this
every day. The choice is yours, Logan.”

My body pushes past him and he tries again, “But Maxx—”

“Don’t,” I manage to say, tears sticking to the inside of my throat. “Don’t say anything until you are a hundred percent sure.”

And he doesn’t. He seals his lips and tilts his face to look down at his feet as I slowly start my ascent up the stairs.

“What about tradition?” His voice stops me three steps up.

After everything I just said,
that’s
what he’s worried about? Him. His happiness. His routine. Why am I surprised? Why am I ever surprised that he chooses him over me? At least I can prep myself for the rejection that’s bound to be coming. I just hope this time it sticks.

“Fuck tradition, Logan.” His eyes rise to meet mine and, for a moment, I think I see some other emotion behind those cold deep blues.

“And dinner?” Erin speaks up as the oven goes off indicating it’s finally preheated.

My face turns to her. “Not hungry.” I turn around and continue on my path to my room.

And I’m really not. In fact, I’m so sick to my stomach I feel like I’m gonna hurl. Or spend the entire night hurling. Hurling like I’ve got the world’s worst case of food poisoning, which would be better than this poison. The poison of the truth. The poison of the fact that I’m about to lose my best friend and it’s all my fault. I pushed him into this. I made myself available like some part-time slut. I played his stupid game knowing it was gonna end in a catastrophe. And the worst part is, if I had to go back and do this all over again, I don’t know that I would do anything differently. How pathetic is that?