He held me closer and told me, “You won’t, Laney, you won’t.”
He held me as I cried myself into exhaustion and soon after, sleep.
Chapter 26 - Uncomfortable Details
A few days later, and another afternoon with Oliver gone, I actually felt somewhat normal. Like I could actually function, and it gave me time to regroup with Carter. I hadn’t paid any attention to what had happened with Julz, nor did I care, but she was gone. All I knew was that Oliver had made her leave.
Carter still hadn’t spoken to Kiera and I ragged on him for a bit about it. He tried to use that “She won’t understand,” crap with me again and I called bullshit on him, reminding him that she’d never had any issues with him. He had nothing to say in response to that.
He was improving and feeling much better and that was a bonus to the shitty puddle that was now my life. He said he had more energy in the evenings and that he was concerned about what was going to happen to himself. We talked more about his vampire line and he told me that since he had yet to show any signs, it was unlikely any of his vampire ancestry would ever surface. “So I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if I get all furry, turn blue or end up sparkling or some shit,” he told me, and that really made me laugh. It felt good.
After my visit with Carter, I went out into the kitchen (for the first time on my own) and requested ice cream. Felix was happy to hook me up with the frozen goodness.
As I slowly ate a small helping of Bubblegum ice cream, Felix and I had a long, painful, conversation about the funeral details. Just the word caused a lump in my throat but I somehow continued to eat my ice cream and keep it down. Felix had taken care of everything for me, including informing people we knew, and I felt a little of the ache around my heart disappear. But just a teeny tiny bit.
“Your aunt,” he began with an uncomfortable edge to his voice, “was a believer of God, so I have requested a follower to speak at her service.”
I glanced up from my bowl. “A believer of God,” took me by surprise in two ways. First, that he would know what my aunt believed in, and second, that she was a believer. Religion wasn’t something we really ever talked about. I remember asking once, when I was rather young, if she thought there was a God. She had turned the question around on me. Asking me what I thought. It’s a tough question to answer. Do you believe in something you’ve never seen, something that can be disproved just as easily as it can be proved? But then again, vampires are real, so who knows. She told me as I’d gotten older that both she and my mother had been raised going to church. That their parents were faithful people but as the girls got older they chose for themselves what paths they wanted to take. And they both chose lives away from the church. And in a surprising note, my aunt told me that at my father’s request, I was not to be exposed to any sort of organized religion.
I pondered the God thing for a moment. I could see why it was easier to think that there was a place souls went after they left their bodies. The thought of never seeing a loved one again, ever, made it more painful and I could understand why people believed in heaven. Then I thought who better to ask about such a thing than a “mythical” creature? “Felix,” I began. “Do you believe there is a God and Heaven?”
He set his notepad, with all the funeral notes on it, down onto the table and sighed heavily before responding. “I do not believe in religion. A higher being or beings? Maybe. If so, I have been around long enough to see that such a higher being, if it exists, has a very cruel way of going about things in this world. I believe that religion, not faith, kills and spreads hatred. In all the years I have been around, I have seen things that have made me lose all the faith I have ever had, and things that still make me question what’s really out there. I’m still baffled by the idea of one single God. To me, the idea of several deities makes more sense. But that could just be because of my age and where I come from. I imagine that all such beings have flaws and emotions just as we do and when something angers them, we see the force of that anger in a natural disaster or even death and war. But like most, I still have no idea.”
Well that didn’t answer crap. It only confused me more and brought up another question. “How long have you been here?”
“At the table? As long as you.” He winked at me before picking up his notepad and resuming the dreary funeral talk.
Oliver returned late that afternoon. “I had a better day,” I told him. He seemed somewhat unhappy and I asked him why.
“You make progress when I’m gone and revert back when I’m here,” he confessed.
I felt a pang of guilt at his words and did my best to reassure him. “That’s only because I hold it all in around the others. I don’t have to put up a strong front with you.” I ran my fingers across his cool cheek.
“I’m glad, but I’d like to see you smile too.”
“Then feed me ice cream.”
“What?”
“Pink Bubblegum ice cream,” I said with a little smile.
He smiled back, “I’ll be right back.” And with that he bounced off the bed and down the hall.
He returned with a scoop of pink goodness in a bowl with a spoon. “Is there a reason Felix has gallons of this stuff in the freezer?”
“It’s an Alexander thing,” I said as he handed me my treat. I was finally starting to feel like eating, at least a little. Maybe I’d move on from ice cream soon.
“Oh, is it?” He smirked at me.
In that moment I had a feeling like it would all be okay. I felt neutral, neither happy nor or sad, but like I would survive this.
“What’s it taste like?” He asked with a curious smile.
I offered him some and he shook his head with another smirk. I shrugged, “Your loss.” I did my best to hide my smile but he saw it and returned it with his own.
Chapter 27 - The Funeral
It was the morning of Lilly’s funeral and I was sitting on the edge of Oliver’s bed in a fitted black knee length dress with a black sweater over it. The dress had been borrowed from Zoey and the sweater was from Hayden’s closest and had pretty rhinestone buttons down the front. The house was full of people and I didn’t want to face any of them. I didn’t want to hear “I’m sorry for your loss” one more time but I knew it was what I would hear all day and I was just trying to find my bearings and prep myself.
Felix had picked Zoey up earlier that morning and brought her back to the house. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Laney.” Were the first words out of her mouth and that’s when it hit me, I would have to endure that sentence all day long.
Oliver came into the room and it was the first time I’d ever seen him in something other than jeans (or jammie bottoms…or his undies...
Normally a thought like that would cause my cheeks to flush but not today
). For the first time I saw him in a suit, a black suit with a grey button up shirt and a dark green tie. “You look nice,” I told him as he came to collect me to head for the service. “Thanks. You look beautiful, as always.” I forced a smile as he took my hands and gently pulled me off the bed. I trailed after him down the hall where I found Felix dressed just as handsomely as Oliver, but in blue tones, and I wondered where on earth they found a suit to fit a man like that. Zoey was dressed in a lovely flowing black dress that hit at her ankles and she had a loosely crocheted shawl draped over her shoulders. Carter had borrowed clothes from Oliver and the slacks and button up shirt were rather baggy on his thin frame. But he still looked nice even if his attempt to make his hair look decent had failed.
I was stunned to find Isaac and Hayden dressed and ready to join us. “You didn’t even know her,” I said to them in my surprise. “True,” Hayden began, “but we know you.” She hugged me tight and Isaac rubbed my arm with a sympathetic smile. My thoughts were all about how the only time they had ever seen my aunt, she’d been dead in a pool of her own blood. And that’s how they’d always picture her. It was their only memory of her. It was all I saw when I thought of her now too. I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from crying.
Lilly’s memorial service was held outside in the city cemetery. The cemetery was old and filled with trees. Lots of trees and Felix had told me that Lilly’s plot was near a large magnolia tree.
It was a beautiful cool fall morning as I slid out of the passenger side of Oliver’s SUV. The leaves were a mixture of colors and a few were spread across the cemetery floor. A cool breeze brushed across me and I hugged myself for warmth. Oliver rounded the front of the car and wrapped an arm around my waist then guided me up the steps of the cemetery and through the old arched iron gates. I felt an uneasy chill run through me as I stepped onto the path that led to my aunt’s plot. I hadn’t been in a cemetery. I’d never had a reason. I held onto the knot that was forming in my throat and tried not to break down. No part of me wanted to do this. I wanted to close my eyes and when I opened them, I wanted it all to be over and only a faint memory. But that wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t that lucky.
I hadn’t been focusing on anything but my feet and the path directly in front of me. Oliver slowed me and gestured to our right. I looked up and saw that Felix had outdone himself. Wreaths of flowers in all varieties were set up and spread around the site. Three rows of chairs were set up to face the center of it all. And in the center three picture frames, which I recognized from my aunt’s, had been set atop the casket. I held onto that lump in my throat with all my might as I unsteadily stepped onto the grass in heels I wasn’t used to wearing and got closer to see the photos. Tears stung at my eyes as I stared at three separate pictures of me and Lilly throughout the years. A recent snapshot of us together caused a tear to streak down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and took a step back. The pictures sat on top of a pale, shimmering blue coffin that was raised over an open hole. The hole my aunt would soon reside in. The lump grew even larger, making it really hard to swallow.
My aunt is in a box.
A weird sound escaped me and Oliver immediately wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his chest. I would never see her again or listen to her tease me about my being too busy for her. I would never get another “I love you Laney Jo” or a hug that made me feel so loved.
“I love you,” he whispered as he stroked my back.
I composed myself as best I could and stood beside Oliver as others began to arrive. Felix, in his dark sunglasses and tailored suit, directed people to their seats once they’d said their “I’m sorry for your loss” to me or just given me that pitying smile. Not a single word or look gave me comfort. It only made the hurt worse. Kiera arrived with her parents which was both nice and painful. She still had both of her parents and she was showing them off while I was putting the last parental figure I had left into the ground. I had to give myself a mental shake. This was in no way her doing and why wouldn’t they come with her? They knew my aunt. They were here to pay their respects as well. My selfish thoughts only made me feel worse. Once the seats were filled, Oliver guided me once again, but this time it was to take my seat as the final moment of my aunt’s existence would be acknowledged. He placed his arm around the back of my chair and I sank into him as a friendly-looking older woman stepped to the front of the coffin and began to speak. “Thank you all for coming.” I was sitting in a seat on the end and Felix took a place beside me. He stood with his hands clasped in front of him and his dark sunglasses in place. He looked like he was my bodyguard. Everyone fell completely silent and from the corner of my eye I saw Felix nod to the woman and she opened the bible she held in her hand and continued.
I blocked out every word she said. I’d closed my eyes and rested my head against Oliver as she began speaking. I played every happy moment of my aunt I could think of in my mind. I thought of our lazy weekends together, our nightly dinners while I was growing up, all the talks we would have over anything that didn’t involve me and the opposite sex. I thought of how she used to push me for hours out on the swing in the front of our home, I thought of the songs she’d sing to me when I was little and how she taught me everything from riding a bike to driving a car. But she didn’t teach me how to deal with this. How to deal with the pain of never seeing her again. Tears streaked my face and my breath hitched as I let the pain of all I’d never have again set in.
Once it was over and I had dried my eyes on my crumpled tissue we stood and began saying goodbye to those who were leaving. More people had arrived during the service. They had been standing in the back, behind the rows of chairs. I didn’t recognize some of the people who had come but there was one that definitely stood out. Ashton. He started walking towards me as I made eye contact with him. I felt Oliver stiffen beside me as Ashton came in for a hug that took me by surprise. When he released the hug that I’d been too shocked to return he took my free hand and said, “I’m terribly sorry for your loss.” Even in my mental anguish I had the urge to roll my eyes at him. Instead, I quietly responded with the generic, “Thank you,” I’d used all day. He avoided looking at Oliver the entire time, smiled at me in that “I pity you” way and then he walked away. I felt Oliver relax against my side and his grip on my hand loosened up some, as did mine.