I screamed again in pain and frustration.
Lola was at my side and nuzzled under my arm. I buried my face in her fur and breathed deep. I felt she was the only good left.
The sounds of Felix’s voice startled me, “There was only one and it’s been taken care of.” He dropped two small white rocks into Oliver’s hand. I wiped the tears away and realized they weren’t rocks, they were fangs. Good! At least someone had paid. But it didn’t make me feel any better and it wasn’t going to make Lilly come back. Nothing ever would…
“Should we call 911?” Carter asked. They all turned toward him and stared. “What? I’m new at this.”
Felix was on the phone then. He stepped outside with Hayden hanging onto his other hand.
At some point after a while I heard Oliver tell Felix, “I need to get her out of here.” I saw Felix hand him his keys and tell Oliver he’d get a ride back.
We all climbed into the car. I lay down across the middle seat and Lola lay out across the floor in front of me where I could hold onto her for comfort. Everyone else was in the same places as before except Oliver was driving and Felix was gone. Just like Lilly, except he was coming back. She wasn’t. Ever. I would never see her again. My last memory of her would haunt me for the rest of my life. Everything went black then.
Chapter 24 - A Surreal Nightmare
My eyes fluttered open and I was staring at the ceiling in Oliver’s room. I took a deep breath trying to ease my mind of the terrible dream, or rather, nightmare, I’d just had. I stretched, then sat up in the bed. Oliver was sitting backwards in the computer chair staring at me. A bit of déjà vu began to creep through me as I started to apologize for upsetting him the previous night. Just before the words left my mouth I glanced down at myself and I realized I was dressed, dirty and covered in…blood. My eyes shot up to his beautiful emerald ones and they looked so incredibly miserable. I shook my head just a little and breathed, “It wasn’t a dream?” My eyes were already filling with tears. He slowly shook his head in response. His eyes never left mine. I may have said something else, but I had no idea what it was. I grabbed at my chest. The tightness in it was agonizing. He was on the bed with me then, his arms wrapping tightly around me.
“I can’t breathe,” I choked out.
He brushed my hair back while whispering I’d be okay. I didn’t feel like I was going to be okay. Ever. She was gone. She’d died alone and afraid. I squeezed my eyes tight and then immediately opened them with a start. When I closed them I could see her too clearly. Lying in that pool of her own blood, cold and gone. I cried hard and Oliver scooted back against the wall pulling me with him and into his lap. I had my arms wrapped around one of his as I gasped for breath between sobs.
“Shhh,” he’d whisper as he tried comforting me. Rubbing my back stroking my hair.
I calmed a couple times only to throw myself back into a pit of despair when I thought of how I hadn’t even hugged her good-bye the last time I’d seen her. I hadn’t even told her I loved her. I just stormed off to be with…him. I started crying again. And after who knows how long, I felt I couldn’t cry anymore. Not then anyways.
My head was rested against Oliver’s chest. He held onto me while I hiccup-sobbed myself into a calm-ish state. “I have nothing left,” I whispered. I was hit with more guilt. That was selfish, I had my life and hers was gone. I felt the tears surfacing again.
Oliver hugged me a little tighter. “You still have me,” he whispered against the top of my head.
“She’s gone,” I said so quietly, I barely heard it myself.
He pulled me back into his lap so that he could see my face. I looked up into his teary eyes through my own. And through a choked voice he said, “You have me.” I don’t know why, but I cried even harder…
Chapter 25 - Stages of Grief
At some point I overheard Felix say something about the stages of grief. I didn’t hear what they were or how many there were but I’m pretty sure I covered a few of them over the first few days. I was a mixture of emotions and they were unpredictable. One minute I was sobbing, the next I was so angry I’d see Oliver cringe. I was riddled with guilt and had many moments where I felt like I just couldn’t go on another minute. At one point I had screamed at Oliver, “Had you taken me home that night I could’ve protected her.”
He calmly responded with, “You both would’ve died and I can’t live without you.”
“Neither of us would’ve died because you wouldn’t have left! You never let me out of your sight!” The last sentence held a hint of resentment and he’d obviously caught it. I think I’d upset him then because he walked away from me without a word. At the time, I welcomed the space but soon after, I felt even more guilty. He’d meant well. He always does…
Carter was my constant comfort. Well, he and Lola. Carter had been thrown into this situation and this world. He was no part of what had happened. He had his own problems caused by recent activities. These were not causes of our own. I needed someone to blame and, unfortunately, that someone was Oliver.
My biggest issues, before Oliver came along, were dealing with Ashton’s creepy ass. He seemed like a welcomed piece of cake compared to my recent dealings. Before Oliver I never worried about friends and the last of my family being drained to death. Or left to bleed out after someone had had their fill of them. I didn’t have a fear of massive misshapen dogs attacking my friends within an inch of their lives. I never worried that my aunt, alone in her home, would be killed because my boyfriend’s own brother wanted his vampire mate back. The same crazy ass vampire that had tried to end me herself on at least one occasion. My body filled with rage towards the man I loved as I pondered my life since he entered it.
“Laney,” Someone snapped their fingers in my face.
I looked up into Felix’s big gentle face and registered where I was. I was in the living room at Julz’s house. I was wrapped in my fleece and was sitting on the loveseat staring into the fire. Lola was beside me with her head in my lap.
Oh, Lola. She hadn’t left my side for more than a few minutes since we’d returned to the house. She was my other continuous comfort. Which was good because Oliver seemed to have issues with my attachment to Carter. An attachment that kept me feeling human.
Felix snapped his fingers in my face again and this time when I looked up at him I glared. It didn’t faze him.
“You need to eat.” And with that he took my arm and pulled me off the couch. I trudged behind him as he gently pulled me to the table and sat me in a chair facing the kitchen. I slouched in my seat with my blanket around me and watched as he busied himself making me something I would most likely not eat.
Carter and Isaac soon came through the front door. Carter quickly slid into a seat across from me and held his hand out on the table for me to place mine into. I stared at his hand for a long moment and then, with a great effort, I flopped mine into his. He squeezed it and placed his other hand on top of them.
“It’s good to see you out of bed,” he said with a sympathetic smile. I had refused to leave the bedroom for the first few days and the only reason I was out here now was because as soon as Oliver left–for work he had said–Felix scooped me out of bed and dumped me onto the couch. Against my wishes of course. He tried to get me to eat once he’d taken me into the living room, but it wasn’t happening. My stomach didn’t want to hold anything down. The only plus about any of this was that when your body goes into shock, your period stops. Woopty freakin’ do!
A bowl was placed in front of me. I look down and surprisingly, I smiled. Just a tiny hint of a smile. In the bowl was a heaping scoop of pink bubble gum ice cream. I looked up at Felix with tears in my eyes and said thank you. He hugged me against his thigh and rubbed my back.
“It’ll be okay, Delaney. You’ll be okay.” I took a deep breath to steady myself before he let go.
He offered Carter and Isaac scoops and they both happily accepted. Hayden joined us soon after and we all sat around the table having bubble gum ice cream. Okay, they ate and laughed and blew shoddy bubbles with the sugary gum. I took only a couple small bites hoping it would stay down, which it did. And I enjoyed the moment. A moment that made me feel content and comfortable, minus that ache around my heart. The comforting feeling was familiar, like when Oliver and Julz had both been gone and we all just hung out and enjoyed each other.
Of course, like all good things, this one would come to an end. And it did. Oliver came through the door soon after the others were finishing their ice cream and his protective nature over me made the room clear out, fast, of all but Felix.
“Why is she out here? And why are you feeding her ice cream?” He demanded and I found myself wanting to slap him.
He looked at me then, with his brow scrunched together like he was confused.
I pushed my chair away from the table and my barely touched ice cream and excused myself to the bathroom.
I cried while I was in there. I hated the way I felt. I wanted more than anything to rewind time and protect my aunt from the harm that had found her. I wanted to love Oliver unconditionally again. I wanted to not be filled with so much anger.
Oliver was waiting outside the bathroom, leaning against the hallway wall. The wall that had been recently patched. He took my hand and led me back to his room.
I stood in the middle of the room as he closed the door after Lola then sat on the bed looking up at me. He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. He was wearing jeans and that black hoodie with the hint of a dark green Tee peeking out behind the zipper. I could barely bring myself to look at him, though. I was so angry. I’d lost everything to be locked in this room with him day after day. I plopped down miserably beside him. My side touching his only triggered more resentment.
“Why are you so angry with me?”
I didn’t respond.
“Is it because I had to work? It couldn’t be avoided, Laney.”
I still didn’t respond. My head just hung off my neck, my chin almost touching my chest.
“We should be able to go back to the apartment soon. I thought that would cheer you up.”
I lifted my head and inhaled deeply. I was about to say something unforgivable when there was a knock on the door. Felix poked his head in and Oliver made a low protective rumble deep in his chest. Abruptly, his scent got stronger.
Felix’s eyes narrowed on Oliver’s as he swung the door open. “I need a word with Delaney,” he said.
With a frustrated sound Oliver bounced off the bed and shouldered Felix as he passed him in the door. Felix stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He sat beside me on the bed. It creaked and dipped from his weight, causing me to lean towards him. He took one of my hands and quietly said, “Trauma can distort your mind and your view of things. It can cause you to place blame on those who don’t deserve it,” he shot me a quick glance. “It can mess with your rational side and take over your illogical side.” I looked at him then and his eyes narrowed on mine. “He is as much to blame for this as I am, Delaney. He didn’t do this nor did he have anything to do with it. He loves you more than he has ever loved anyone in his life and you are killing him by treating him this way.” I felt the tears start to surface again. Felix let go of my hand and stood. He was facing me when I looked up at him. “This may be harsh, but it needs to be said. Be kind to him, before you lose him too.” That pierced my heart. I’d been rude to Lilly the last time I’d seen her and I was pushing Oliver away now too. Felix left the room right after he’d said that and Oliver returned only moments later.
Even after what Felix had said, a small part of me still blamed him. But I did what was right and smiled at him. It was a weak attempt but it still had the right effect. This wasn’t his fault and deep down I knew it. How could he have known anything like this would happen?
He sat against the wall and I rested my head in his lap and we watched TV. Lola stretched out beside me with her head on his knee.
I grew tired. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw it all again. Her glossed over eyes, her paling skin, the puncture marks covering exposed surfaces of her body, and the blood…
I woke up screaming that night. Lola let out a warning bark and Oliver was beside me instantly. The others were in the doorway only moments later. I began sobbing in Oliver’s arm and heard the door click shut.
“What happened?” he asked, and I told him. “It was so realistic and vivid. I was at” I swallowed hard. It was difficult to say her name. “Lilly’s. I was coming down the stairs and Julz and Oscar were there. They were crouched over her body and had removed her head.” My eyes were filled with tears. “I screamed and her head started talking to me but her voice wasn’t hers, it was yours. Julz was holding her head up by the hair and it just kept repeating “You’re next,” over and over again. Then the head turned into yours and that’s when I woke up screaming.” An uncontrollable hiccup-sob escaped me. “I can’t lose you too.”