Dark Diary (31 page)

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly… deliberately… audibly…

And another breath, filling my lungs with the warm atmosphere around us and willing every cell in my body to relive the passion I had poured into my dreams each night—
longing only for Matthaya.

A BREATH POURED FROM MY
lips involuntarily; I felt the rise and fall of Kathera’s chest beneath my palm and gasped. I was overwhelmed—possessed by her thoughts and unable to resist the actions my body took.

I reacted to the intrusion of her thoughts and fought it for a moment—the control she gained over me—but then I stopped resisting. Why would I fight her? Why would I push her out when all I wanted was to let her in?

“Don’t think,” she said softly, her wonderfully smooth hands
cupping my face between them. “Just remember what it felt like.”

What
what
felt like?

Kathera’s lashes came up and the blue of her eyes glimmered with fiery highlights from the nearby candle.

“You loved once before,” she added. “Now remember how that
made you feel.”

I’d had a hard enough time “making up” a scenario for
Kathera when I had taken her, but recalling what it had
really
felt
like—recalling even the faintest impression of emotional love—seemed unlikely. I’d be naive to even try.

“I can’t.”

“
You can,” she said firmly, resituating herself so that she was sitting with her inner thighs pressed against the outsides of
mine and was close enough to press her nose to me when
she lowered her face. A whirlwind of thoughts rushed through
me, each one carefully tailored and embellished within Kathera’s subconscious.

A thumb migrated across my face to caress my lower lip. Her tilted face came close to mine and a cool breath teased my skin while her partly opened mouth remained a paper-thin distance away.

So close and yet we were barely touching…

“Breathe…” she whispered and followed the heated request with the pressing of a softly articulated kiss to my lips.

I did as I was told, taking in a slow breath through my nostrils as she instinctually did the same. My eyes became heavy with memories of my past and I closed them to keep the visions from escaping me.

A moment passed and our lips separated. I felt the
impassioned breath seep from me like a cold puff on a winter day
. She waited a moment, her fingers exploring the skin of my throat and neck, and then kissed me a second time.

“Breathe, Matthaya,” she said, repeating the request just
as softly and leading me with her own actions. This time, her
hands latched onto mine and slid up, massaging a trail along the delicate inside flesh of my wrists.

The pattern was familiar. It came back to me, in scattered bits and pieces, but the feeling was there, awakening from its
slumber. There was freshness and virility in it, pulling me
into her kiss and reminding me how it was supposed to feel—
how it once
had
felt.

Kathera’s mind was crystal clear and contented. Each breath she convinced me to breathe made the next come faster, easier, and with less premeditation.

The smooth, supple skin of her waist lured my hands to wrap around her sides and I followed the gentle curves of
her ribs up until her shirt bunched within my fingers. Her soft, fair skin felt right against my fingertips and the fine curves of her body beckoned for me to caress them as if she were mine.

Kathera worked to unbutton my shirt, slowly and meticulously,
spending every moment with her eyes set firmly on mine.

It was as if my still heart was now racing.

Was she willing me to feel this way?

It didn’t matter… not as long as my hands moved unconsciously along her sides. She separated the front of my shirt, leaning in to kiss the base of my neck as she folded my shirt down off my shoulders. The back of my head pressed against the headboard when she inched close enough for the
tiny fibers of her clothing to tickle my chest. Then, she tipped
her face down to kiss me again across my lips.

Though hesitant at first, I caught the edge of her shirt within my fingers and slid it up her sides again. This time, the gentle pressure I placed at her ribs persuaded her to lift her arms gracefully above her head while I tugged the remaining fabric over her face and placed it to the side of us.

Kathera lowered her arms and rested them at my waist.
It was quiet as she remained still before me. I traced the ridge of her bare shoulders with my hands and drew her in to lay
a selfless kiss at the center of her breastbone. Touching her naked skin was incredible and the subtle texture was perfection.

My fingernails trailed down the middle of her chest and she smiled—not the usual smile, but a small, daintily curving, beautiful and peaceful smile.

Kathera
wanted
me to touch her. She wanted me to put
all
of my reservations aside.

Her chest rose with another deep breath and her head fell
back, her eyes closed. The pale lines of her throat teased my senses, her silhouette captivating me.

Even with only the candlelight illuminating her, I saw pink flushes of color accenting her skin. I traced a path up her sides, taking in each rise and fall of flesh and bone with adoration and respect. She was soft and natural, petite, and exquisite. The fine curves of her breasts enhanced her thin frame. I tenderly explored their shape, my palms cradling the delicate weight as if my hands had been precisely suited to caress her.

She reached both arms around my shoulders and brought
me as close as she could until my cheek was near her heart. Her nails combed through my hair and feeling her nakedness completely against me made a plume of passion dance through my soul.

I thought I had lost everything when I had changed, but the simple magic that was pure love at work had me mesmerized. Just being held in her arms and knowing she and I were eternally one, granted me the illusion of a quickened pulse.

I needed her, always, and she needed me.

I wanted her forever.

Kathera…

Her embrace loosened and she smiled at me again, kissing me once more before moving over to my side. There, she
walked a pair of fingers across my shoulder and sighed. I took
a deliberate breath myself and returned a loving grin when I exhaled.

I felt happy.

I felt…
whole
.

Kathera took a pillow from the other side of the bed and fluffed it between her hands in a swift clapping motion. I scooted myself down and waited for her to place it behind me. My body lowered, my head sunk into the downy pillow,
and one of my arms stretched straight out to the side to invite
her in.

She reacted instantly, crawling closer and resting her head on my arm. And when she pressed her chest up against my side, nestled herself into me, and rolled her fingers up across my collarbone, I was provoked to take another breath. This one, much deeper and fuller than the previous one.

At the same time, I had a revelation.

Even if I couldn’t express it the way I once had, I was still very
much in love and we
truly did
have all the time in the world.

THE WATER PRESSED
against me, pushing and pulling. I was being tugged in every direction at the same time and could do nothing to resist. Words wouldn’t form. My hands were numb, too weak to reach out to him.

It was killing me…

I leapt from my sleep with a cry of fear and my gaze darted across
the shadowy walls of the room. My fingers pressed into something cold and firm—it was him. His eyes were wide from the
horrible terror of my scream and his arms remained open as I had pulled myself from them
in my fright. He was still with me and, God, I was thankful for it.

“Kathera?” There was a quiver in his voice.

He knew what had happened. He could feel the darkness of the hellish
nightmare still radiating from my mind.

I cupped my hands around my forearms and held
myself tightly. Matthaya came up behind and wrapped his arms around
mine, pulling me into his embrace. I felt the tip of
his nose against the back of my head as he held me close and
massaged his fingers along my arms.

“I love you, Kathera,” he said again, his voice as sincere
as ever, while his arms tightened their hold on me. “I’m sorry
you have to go through this—that you have to face this hell… because of me. We’ll make it stop.” Anger and guilt filled
him, but his love for me kept him in check. “I’ll make it stop
.” The unusually husky pitch of his voice made his determination clear. It wasn’t like him to let his feelings show, though I noticed that he had loosened up quite a bit since yesterday.

“It’s not your fault,” I said with a shake of my head, my
gaze settling on nothing. “It was never your fault, Matthaya.”
All I could think about was the dream and how deep and real it had become. Splashes of fractured memories and visions had filled my nights before, but the vividness of this one had me trembling to the bone. It was even darker than the others and the struggle felt so real. For a moment in my sleep, I had felt as though I would die again if I did not wake soon enough. The brutality of it had rattled even Matthaya’s steel nerves.

“Kathera?” He brushed my hair to the side and over my shoulder and kissed me on the back of my neck. “Do you think…” He paused halfway through his thought.

“Yes?” I turned my face toward his. I felt so weak and drained from the nightmare that my limbs were heavy beneath me and I rested my weight against him.

“Maybe… going back to your drawings would help take your mind off things?”

It was such a simple suggestion. Drawing had always distracted
me from the bad things in life. There was no telling if it would still have the same effect, but it was worth a try.

“Maybe,” I replied with a nod. “Maybe.”

I had to be inspired to draw, however, and with all the terrible pain whirling around inside, I would be asking a lot of myself.

“
It’s worth trying, Kathera,” he whispered, his fingers pressing into my forearms. He kissed my shoulder. “
Anything
is worth trying.”

“Agh!” I shoved my palms against the table and I pushed it
hard
. It tipped over with a loud thud and the box of pens scattered across the floor. A few rolled one way and the rest
another, a rainbow of shattered inspiration escaping my wrath
in every direction.

I heard a light clacking of footsteps as he came jogging into the library.