Cuts Run Deep (6 page)

Mine. She was mine. All mine.

I felt like a little kid with his favorite toy. You remember that, don’t you? When you’d have a friend over and you’d spend all day trying to hoard your favorite toy, making sure the other kid didn’t touch it. I know I wasn’t the only child who did it. Whether you admit it or not, you know you did.

Anyway, that’s how I felt now. I wanted to pick up Piper and hide her in my pocket so no one could ever touch her but me. Only Piper wasn’t a toy. She was a person. A wonderful, beautiful person.

I’d gone out with lots of girls. Girls other guys would’ve given their right arm to go out with. But none of them excited me like Piper. None of them had ever gotten under my skin like this. I wasn’t kidding when I said that she owned me. She totally did. And oddly enough, it didn’t bother me.

If only my friends and family were as excited about Piper as I was. The only person in my life who seemed remotely okay with it was Courtney. Then again, Court was always cool. I was pretty damn lucky to have her as a sister. We always had each other’s backs. Which was good, especially when Dad got in his moods. Neither one of us wanted to wake that beast, trust me. But that’s a story for another day. This entry is solely about Piper, and there’s no way I’m letting Dad take over. He’d taken over enough of my life already.

Mom and Dad disliked Piper from the moment they met her. Not that I was surprised. Dad barely tolerated me, and Mom was all about physical appearance. The fact that Piper wore dark makeup, lots of gaudy jewelry (according to Mom) and always had on black clothes was enough to turn Mom off. She never even tried to get to know Piper. She never even bothered to try to see the girl underneath. The girl who stole my heart.

My friends weren’t any better. When I told Tyler and Zach that Piper and I were together, their eyes got all wide. Then they were both like, “No, shit,” and “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” It was so damn annoying. I asked them what the hell their problem was, and they said that she wasn’t my usual type. When I asked them what my usual type was, they responded with “hot.”
Hot. Seriously
? Piper was way hotter than any girl I’d ever known.

Maybe not in the obvious way, but Tyler and Zach hadn’t kissed her and touched her. They hadn’t run their hands over her milky white skin, hadn’t pressed their mouths to her heart-shaped lips. And thank god for that. Just the thought of another guy touching or kissing Piper was enough to make me want to punch something. No guy would ever touch her again if I had my way. I planned to hold on to her forever.

I may only be seventeen, but I’ll be eighteen in a few months. I’m almost an adult. And there are people who marry their high school sweethearts. Not that I’m saying I’ll marry Piper, I’m just saying it’s not outside of the realm of possibility. I mean, look at Romeo and Juliet. They were young, but they knew they’d found the love of their lives. Why couldn’t Piper and I be the same?

Not like I cared what anyone thought of Piper and me anyway. No one else had to understand our relationship. It only mattered that we got it. And we did. I could tell Piper was just as into me as I was into her. And that made me happier than I’d ever been.

Every time I looked into her eyes I could see how she felt about me, and it hit me right in the heart, piercing me in a way nothing ever had before. It beat the hell out Tanya’s sultry looks or the cheerleaders’ seductive smiles. Piper didn’t need to pretend to be sexy. She just was.

It took all my willpower to keep my hands off her when we were together at school. Even more difficult during rehearsal. I would wait anxiously for the scenes where we could touch.

When her hands weren’t on me, I longed for them with desperation. That’s why we spent every afternoon at her house. Lucky for me her parents were never home, so we could spend the entire afternoon holed up in her room making out and exploring each other.

But as happy as it made me, I could tell that her parents’ absence bothered Piper. I tried to get her to open up about it, but she wouldn’t say much. When I pressed her about it I could see the walls going up around her. It killed me. I didn’t want anything to come between us, real or imaginary. It didn’t matter to me that the walls were invisible. I didn’t want them there. I wanted all of Piper. Every little piece.

So I backed off. But I made it my mission to find out what had happened between her and her parents. From the limited information she’d given me, I knew it had to do with her ex-boyfriend. But that was another subject she wasn’t forthcoming about.

However, I knew I had to find out. It was the only way to help her.

And that’s what I wanted to do. I would do anything for Piper.

Anything.

“So did you hear?” Tanya leaned in close, her floral perfume choking me. It was after school and she cornered Zach and me at our lockers. Frankly, I had been hoping to get the hell out of here as quickly as possible. I certainly didn’t want to run into Tanya and her big mouth. Usually I liked it since her big mouth came with her big boobs, but today I wasn’t interested in either. It had already been the longest day of my goddamn life. All I wanted was for this whole thing to blow over. Once it was behind me, I could finally breathe again. But it didn’t seem like it was ending anytime soon. And in the meantime, I would always feel like I was drowning. Like I was just below the surface of the water, clawing for it, while my lungs burned, begging for air. “Word is that Jackson was shot. Can you believe it? The bitch shot him. He should’ve listened to me.”

The air left me, and I sagged forward like a deflated balloon. “They think Piper shot him?”

Tanya nodded. Her expression was solemn, but I could tell she was eating this up. She loved gossip. She loved being the one to know things. It was weird. You’d think she’d be more upset. She and Jackson had been pretty tight for years. Sure things had gotten a little strained once he got together with Piper, but I thought they were still somewhat close. But today she was acting as if someone she barely knew had died. Not as if one of her oldest friends did. 

“Where did you hear this?” I asked. Zach looked on wearing a pensive look.

“One of Courtney’s friends.”

God, I had forgotten about Courtney. Now I felt sick. This must be killing her. Courtney was a pretty cool younger sister. She didn’t annoy the hell out me when I went over to Jackson’s house. Not the way Zach’s sister did. And she and Jackson appeared close. Until today I’d never really thought about the effect one person’s death had. The ripple effect of it. How far it reached, the pain spreading.

Zach slapped me on the back, flashing an apologetic look to Tanya. “I’d love to stay and chat, but Ty and I have to take off. You gonna be okay?” Anyone with half a brain could tell Zach didn’t give a rat’s ass whether Tanya was okay or not. Even though they occasionally slept together, they seemed to barely tolerate each other the rest of the time. They were both users, that’s what drew them. But their connection was flimsy at best.

Tanya looked disappointed, like she’d hoped to stand around and share more gossip. I was grateful to Zach for giving me an excuse to leave.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbled, painting a sad expression on her face.

Damn, she should have taken drama class with Jackson. Shaking my head, I felt bad for Jackson. Did he have any real friends? I was starting to wonder.

“Great.” Zach guided me away from her. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see ya.” She frowned as we walked away.

I offered her a tight wave while Zach tugged on me. He walked swiftly out to the parking lot, and I rushed to keep up. My backpack thudded against my back as I walked. I had tons of homework tonight, so I had all my books with me. It made the backpack way too heavy. I was surprised I could shoulder the weight. And actually I wondered why I even bothered to bring home all my books. It’s not like I’d really get any homework done tonight. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus. Not with Jackson on my mind.

“This is perfect,” Zach said once we reached the parking lot. A car zipped by, music spilling out of the open car window.

“What’s perfect?” I didn’t know how anything could be perfect today.

“The cops aren’t even looking at anyone else,” Zach explained. “They’re focused on Piper. They might not even question us.” He glanced around, moved in closer to me and whispered, “And there certainly isn’t any reason for them to find out what we did.”

I swallowed hard. “You think?”

“I know. We’re home free, man.”

The smile on Zach’s face pissed me off. Anger rose in me. “You do know our best friend died, right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, his face growing serious. “And I’m torn up about it, believe me.”

I snorted. “I can tell.”

“I am.” Zach gritted his teeth, the vein in his head throbbing like it did when he was angry. In fact, it had been doing that the last time we saw Jackson alive. His face neared mine. “Look, you don’t get to judge my feelings. You have no idea what I’m going through. Understand?”

I knew better than to challenge Zach. Why had I done it in the first place? Slowly I nodded my head. “Sorry, man.”

He backed off, his gaze sweeping the parking lot. Then he touched my shoulder, a show of solidarity. Zach was all about the show. Come to think of it, he and Tanya were perfect for each other. “It’s fine. Let’s just put all of this behind us.”

I nodded, wishing it was that easy. Wishing I could really put all of it behind me. Every mistake, every sin, everything I’d done over the past two months. But I knew it didn’t work like that.

Life wasn’t written on a chalkboard. I couldn’t erase what I’d done.

Dad finally graced me with his presence late in the evening, but only because he was pissed. Frankly, I wished he’d stayed in the damn hallway. His ranting was not helping my headache. In fact, it was exacerbating it. If my head exploded into a million pieces it would have been a welcome distraction. Mom’s attempts at calming Dad down went undeterred. I didn’t even know why she bothered anymore. Once he got like this, there was no stopping him.

It was one of the things Jackson and I had in common – our dislike of our fathers. It cemented us. Gave us something to bond over. Shared pain is a strong thing. When Jackson and I first got together, he was always prodding me about my relationship with my parents, but I successfully evaded his questions. Opening up to people wasn’t something I was good at. And even though I liked Jackson a lot, I wasn’t sure it was smart to trust him with stuff so personal. So far our relationship had been mostly physical. We had this crazy physical attraction and need for each other. But it hadn’t gone much further than that, until the day I found out about his dad. I’d never seen him so vulnerable, so sad. And I no longer felt the need to keep my own pain inside anymore.

“You’re so quiet today.” I lie in Jackson’s lap, his hands playing in my hair. His fingers drew lazy circles on my scalp, the strands wrapping around his hand. I stared up at his chin, at the light dusting of dark stubble.

He turned his head, staring out my bedroom window. It was late in the fall so the air outside was cold and dark. Wind blew, brushing over my window pane. I shivered, and Jackson dropped one hand from my hair, rubbing it down my bare arm. I had been wearing a sweater over my tank top earlier, but had taken it off when I got home. Now goosebumps rose on my flesh. Reaching up, I took Jackson’s hand in mine, threading our fingers together. I loved Jackson’s hands. They were large and calloused like a real man’s. My dad’s fingers were slender and silky smooth, feminine looking. I knew it was because of his profession. He had to keep them nice, but it still bothered me. I guess I wanted a dad who had hands that looked like they wouldn’t mind getting dirty, hands that would fight for me. But that wasn’t the dad I’d ended up with. I’d learned that the hard way. But Jackson had the hands of someone who would protect me. And I desperately needed to believe that he would.

“Yeah, it was just kind of a shitty weekend.”

I hadn’t seen Jackson this weekend. He had a bunch of family commitments. Frankly it sucked, because Jackson was the only person in my life right now, so when he couldn’t see me I was alone.

“What happened?” I hedged, running my fingertips over the lines in his palm.

He shrugged, still looking out the window. I rolled over, my cheek rubbing his thigh.

His head bobbed down, his eyes meeting mine. He smiled. “Do you really want to know? Because I can’t talk, much less think, with you doing that.”

I bit my lip and pushed myself up to a seated position. “Point taken.”

“You have no idea how sexy you are, do you?” His hand came up to touch my face.

Lowering my head, I giggled, unsure of what to say. He moved his hand slightly until it cupped my face, holding my chin in his palm. Forcefully he guided my head up to look at him. Scooting forward on his knees, he leaned in and kissed me softly. I moaned beneath his lips, moving closer, wanting more. His hands rode up my sides, brushing up my waist. As the kiss deepened, I grabbed a fistful of the bottom of his shirt in my hands. Dragging it up, I pulled it up to his shoulders. Our lips disconnected long enough for Jackson to help me yank his shirt the rest of the way off. Then I tossed it on the bed. My lips found his again, my hands skating over the muscles of his chest. God, I loved his body. It was strong and muscular, perfect really. His mouth left mine as he peppered kisses down my neck. Panting, I threw my head back, exposing my neck. His lips dragged over my skin, causing a chill to skitter down my spine. When I brought my head back up, my gaze connected with his chest. His perfect taut chest with well-defined muscles. Then I froze, my breath hitching in my throat.

“Jackson?” I asked firmly, and he stiffened. “What’s that?” Reaching out, the pads of my fingers grazed a dark purple bruise on his shoulder.

“Oh.” He bent his head to look down at it. “Nothing. I just bumped into the wall.” He gave me a sheepish grin.

My stomach twisted. I glanced down at my left arm, at the bracelets lining it. I knew what flimsy excuses sounded like. I knew all about lies.

“C’mon, Jackson, don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.” His tone was defensive.

“Have you ever seen me without my bracelets on?” I asked him.

He narrowed his eyes, his brows furrowing. “No. Why?”

Taking a deep breath, I sat back on my bed. I had no idea why I was going to do this. I’d never shown anyone. But I knew Jackson was lying about the bruise. I knew he had secrets too. And I knew he wouldn’t share them with me unless I could show him that I understood.

With trembling fingers I unhooked the first bracelet. Then I discarded it on the bed. Once I had the first few off, I held up my naked wrist, showing it to Jackson. I didn’t need to look. Not at my skin or at Jackson’s face. I knew what both of them would look like.

“Shit,” Jackson spoke under his breath. “What happened?”

“I did it.” I stared hard at the bed, at my dark brown comforter.

“Why?”

I shook my head, still unable to look at him.

Jackson’s finger tucked under my chin. “Piper, tell me.”

I drew back from his hand. “When you tell me how you got your bruise.”

“Fine.” He blew out a breath. “I didn’t run into a wall. I ran into my dad’s fist.”

My head snapped up. “Your dad did this?”

He shrugged like it was no big deal. “He’s an asshole, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay.” Biting my lip, I moved closer to Jackson. Nimbly, I pressed my hand to the bruise. “But I get it. I know what it’s like having a jerk for a dad.”

Jackson’s muscles flexed beneath my palm. His hand covered mine. “Your dad doesn’t hit you, does he?” Darkness sparked in Jackson’s eyes. His reaction made me feel warm inside. I was right about him. He would protect me. He would fight for me.

I shook my head. “In order to hit me he’d have to actually be around me.” My gaze collided with Jackson’s. “Why did your dad do it?”

“This time?”

I nodded, feeling sick at the realization that this wasn’t a one-time thing.

“Same as all the other times. I’m not what he wants in a son. He thinks he can berate me until I do what he wants me to. He’s not like this with my sister.”

“Does your mom know?”

“It’s not like he beats me. This time we were playing a game of football at the family barbecue on Saturday. He said he was just trying to tackle me, but I know better. He had been riding my ass all day, saying how disappointed he was in me for being in the play and everything. Grandma had mentioned Romeo and Juliet at dinner, and I could see the embarrassment on his face. When Dad’s embarrassed, I always know I’m going to get it later.”

“Oh, Jackson.” I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry.”

His arms came around me, holding me tight. It was the closest I’d felt to him. “Now tell me about your scars.”

I rested my cheek against his chest. “Last year before we moved here, I sort of tried to kill myself.”

“What? Why?” Jackson’s loud voice startled me.

I sat up, staring at his surprised expression.  “I was just going through a tough time. I didn’t know how to keep going. It’s why we moved here.”

Jackson studied me, no doubt thinking of all the rumors. There was more to the story, and some of the rumors touched on the truth. But I hoped he didn’t ask me about it right now. I hoped he’d let it go. I’d already shared more than I wanted. “God, Piper.” He reached for me, his hands grappling with my face, running down my neck and across my collarbone. “I’m so glad it didn’t work. I’m so glad you’re still here.” The look on his face broke me. Moisture gathered in my eyes. He meant what he was saying, I could tell. His palms ran down the length of my arms, his hands grasping both of mine when he reached the bottom. “Is that why you connect with Juliet so well? Because you understand that feeling of not wanting to live anymore?”

“Sort of, I guess.” I smiled, wiping my eye. “But not really. I mean, I didn’t try to off myself because of my love for some guy. I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t understand the intensity of that emotion.”

“I’ve never been in love before either,” Jackson said, his eyes catching mine. “I used to think it was weird that I’d never fallen in love, but I don’t anymore.”

“You don’t?”

“No.” He tugged me toward him. “I know now that I was waiting for the right person, and I hadn’t met her yet.”

“You hadn’t? Or you haven’t?”

“I hadn’t.” His arms circled my waist, and he buried his head in my neck. “Don’t ever hurt yourself again, Piper. Promise me.”

“I promise, Jackson.”

“Damn it, Piper, are you even listening?” Dad’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.

I glared at him, irritated with him for taking me away from Jackson. God, I could only see him in my memories now. How dare he take that from me.

“She’s not feeling well, Jack.” Mom fluttered nervously by his side, her forehead a mess of squiggly lines. “Maybe we could talk about this later.”

“No, we can’t talk about it later.” Dad walked toward my bed, his shoes clicking on the linoleum. When he reached me, he ran a hand over his salt and pepper hair. I was never surprised that Dad’s patients adored him. He had the whole sweet doctor look down with his gentle features and light eyes. Too bad whenever I saw him he looked like he’d just sucked on a sour lemon. “Our daughter is a prime suspect in a murder. We have to discuss this now.”

This got my attention. “What?”

“Ah, now you’re listening. Super.” Dad shook his head in frustration.

Desperately, I glanced at Mom. “What’s he talking about? Do they think I killed Jackson?” My heart pounded in my chest.

“Of course they do,” Dad’s voice was like a roar of thunder in the room. I flinched. “What did you expect? It was my gun that was used and your fingerprints were all over the damn thing.”

The room spun, and I struggled to catch my breath. “Your gun? My fingerprints?” None of it made any sense. I squinted, trying to remember.
Why couldn’t I remember, damn it
. Surely I’d remember shooting Jackson.
No.
There’s no way. I’d never kill him. I loved him. God, I loved him more than anyone in the world. I wouldn’t hurt him. Then again, things were weird that night. They’d been weird ever since….No, I wouldn’t go there. It wasn’t possible. I grabbed my head in my hands, wishing for the millionth time that this was all a nightmare. If only I could wake up and everything would go back to how it was a few days ago.

Mom rushed to my side. “It’s okay, honey.”

“It’s not okay, Darla. Stop placating her. That’s how she got into this mess. I’ve always told you that you baby her too much.”

Mom stepped back like she’d been slapped. “That’s not true.”

Dad waved away her words like she was insignificant. “A detective is coming back to question you tomorrow, Piper. I hired an attorney. Mr. Roth. He’ll be here with you. The detective can’t talk to you without him present, so don’t answer any questions until he gets here. Understand?”

I nodded, fear snaking around my heart and squeezing hard.
Oh god, what’s going to happen to me?
Clasping my hands together, I thought of Jackson. Of how he always protected me. If only he were here now. But he wasn’t.

Who was going to help me now that he was gone?