Cuts Run Deep (10 page)

Piper finally made a friend at Red Blossom High. And I should’ve been happy for her, damn it. I knew I should be. I even pretended to be. But I wasn’t. Not one bit. Before you go thinking I’m a total asshole, it’s not because I don’t think she deserves to have a friend. And it isn’t because I’m such a selfish jerk that I want her all to myself.

No, the real reason I’m upset is because the friend she made is Shane Dawson. Yeah, that’s right. A guy. She made friends with a guy. And not just any guy. A guy that I had thought was a perfect match for her the first day we met. He had her same style, her same interests. Apparently that was why they bonded.

He’d been helping with the play lately. Not as an actor, but doing backstage stuff. And according to Piper, he started striking up conversations with her whenever he got the chance. I seriously had to stop myself from laughing out loud when she told me that. Of course the guy wanted to talk to her. She’s gorgeous. I was sure he’d had a major hard on for her since the first day of school. Piper’s oblivious to the effect she has on guys, but let me tell you, most of the idiots in our drama class have a thing for her. I can tell.

And the way I found out was kind of sucky. It wasn’t like she came up and told me. No, she wasn’t the one who told me at all. It was Tanya who blabbed the news. How that girl knows everything, I’ll never understand.

She came up to me at school last week looking like a cat who just ate a freaking canary. I was about to tell her to get lost when she threw out some quip about how I must be in a bad mood because Piper was hanging out with another guy. That perked my interest. At first I thought she was spreading a rumor. She was known to do that. Still, out of some morbid curiosity, I stayed to hear what she had to say. That’s when she told me that she’d seen Piper with Shane Dawson. I laughed at her and told her she was full of shit. Piper was always with me, after all. How would she even have time to hang out with another guy? And she’d never mentioned Shane to me.

But Tanya’s words stayed with me. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. So that afternoon at rehearsal I planned to confront Piper about it. When I went backstage to find her, she was sitting on a chair next to none other than Shane Dawson. They were talking, their heads bent together. His Mohawk was practically touching her head. I almost lost it. But I forced myself to stay composed, and told myself it was innocent. It had to be. I wasn’t sure I could handle it if it wasn’t.

Girls had cheated on me before. When Tanya and I dated she cheated on me numerous times. But I didn’t give a shit about Tanya. She was the kind of girl you used, not the kind of girl you fell in love with. But Piper was different. She was different than anyone I’d ever dated. And she’d gotten under my skin. She’d slithered her way into my heart, and I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing her.

So I walked up and said hi. The look on Piper’s face when she saw me caused my fears to crumble. Her lips curved upward and her eyes lit up. It was nothing like the way she was looking at Shane. Then she hopped off the chair and threw her arms around my neck, planting a kiss on my lips. I latched on to her, holding her close. That’s when she introduced me to her new friend, Shane. Of course I knew him already, but we’d never really talked before, so I shook his hand and played the cordial boyfriend. I even smiled and acted like I was okay with their newfound friendship.

Afterward I wanted to tell her to stay away from the guy, but I couldn’t do that. She had been opening up a lot more about what things were like with that piece of shit, Bentley. He was controlling to the point of drawing her away from all her friends. That’s why she didn’t have any to turn to after he hurt her.

I still can’t say the word. There’s no way I can push it from my throat, let it pass my lips. Even writing it in here would be too hard. Make it too real or something. Saying he hurt her sounds more benign. Almost like I can pretend it isn’t as bad as it is. It allows me to close it off, to stop my brain from picturing what it must have been like for her.

Anyway, I won’t be like him. I won’t tell Piper what to do.

No matter how much I hate her hanging out with Shane, I’ll keep my mouth shut.

Besides, I know she doesn’t like the guy. Not the way she likes me. She’s made that pretty clear. I just hope Shane gets the hint. Because while I respect Piper enough to stand back and allow this friendship to unfold, I have no feelings either way for Shane. So if he even thinks about hitting on Piper, he’ll have to deal with me.

And if that happens, it won’t be pretty.

I kept my head bent while my fingers played with a thread on my jeans. As the detective asked me questions, I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. He had dark eyes, intense and all-knowing. When I stared into them, I had the sensation that he could see right through me. That he could read me like a book. It was unnerving.

Mom kept her hand on my leg, nodding every once in awhile as if to encourage me. It astounded me that she could give of herself right now. It seemed wrong that she was being strong for me. Especially because I didn’t feel like I could be strong for anyone. In fact, I sort of felt like I was unraveling, spilling out all over the couch like a loose bundle of yarn.

“Did you see Jackson that night?” The detective’s voice was low, gruff. I thought about how he fit the role perfectly.

I nodded.

“How did he seem?”

I bit my lip, wondering how honest I wanted to be. My mind flew back to the poem and our cryptic conversation. “Fine.”

“Did you talk to him?” He asked.

“Yes.” I dug my nail into my jeans, stamping upside down half-moons on the fabric.

“What did you talk about?” he prodded.

“Poetry,” I said. Mom’s hand stilled at my words, as if she was surprised.

“Poetry?” The cop raised a brow.

“Yes. He was reading a book of poetry that Piper gave him.” I figured I could tell them about the book he was reading, that way I could keep the poem he wrote to myself.

“Did he mention Piper to you?” The detective asked.

I shrugged. “Just said that Piper had finally gotten him interested in poetry.”

Mom snorted. Dad shook his head. I ignored them.

“Did he mention if they’d been in a fight?”

“No.” I shook my head.

“Do you know if he’d had a fight with anyone else? A disagreement or argument? Anything like that?”

I glanced up at the detective, his words stirring up a memory from a couple of weeks ago.

Mom and Dad were out to dinner, and Jackson was up in his room doing homework. I was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels on the television trying to find something to watch. Homework was what I should’ve been doing, but I was burnt out and needed a break. There was a knock on the door, and I assumed it was Piper. I knew it wasn’t one of my friends. They didn’t come over unannounced. But Piper and Jackson were attached at the hip. I was about ready to get up and answer it, when Jackson came bounding down the stairs. So I settled back on the couch and resumed my flipping.

God, how could we have hundreds of channels and nothing on?

Behind me I heard the door open. I was expecting to hear Piper’s voice, so when I heard Tanya’s I was surprised. Pivoting my head, I glanced back at Jackson who looked as stunned as I was. Clearly he wasn’t expecting her either. Thank god. That girl really got on my nerves. I hated when she and Jackson were dating. She was always over here being all giggly and annoying.

“What do you want, Tanya?” Jackson’s voice was gruff. He held on to the top of the doorframe with both hands, preventing Tanya from coming into the house. I was sure that pissed her off. Tanya hated to have her advances rebuffed. I smiled, picturing the look of disdain on her face. She was obscured by the door so I couldn’t see her. Then I turned back around and focused on the television. But since nothing was on, I found myself eavesdropping on Jackson and Tanya’s conversation. It was more interesting anyway.

“Wow. It’s great to see you too.” Her tone was sour.

“Cut the shit, Tanya. Just tell me what you want.”

“Why are you being so mean to me, Jackson?”

“C’mon. You know exactly why.”

“Is it because of Piper?” She said Piper’s name like it was an infectious disease. It was clear she was jealous of their relationship. “Man, that girl really has a hold on you, huh? I used to think you were like this cool, macho guy, but she’s turned you into a pussy.”

“Watch it.” Jackson’s voice boomed like a clap of thunder, and despite myself, I flinched.

“What? It’s true. Everyone can see it except for you. She’s totally isolated you. And you’ve given up all your friends for her. It’s not healthy.”

“Is that why you’re bullying her? Because I’ve gotta say, if that’s your way of trying to get me back it’s not working. In fact, it’s having the opposite effect. I’m kinda starting to hate you.”

“You don’t mean that.” Her voice was smaller, unsure. “We’ve been friends since we were kids. You barely know this girl.”

“I know enough.”

“Oh, my god. You love her,” Tanya spoke slowly as if in shock.

“Not that it’s any of your damn business.”

“That’s not what you were saying the other night.”

I froze at her statement. What did she mean by that?

“Shut up, Tanya,” Jackson whispered harshly.

“I’m only trying to help you. Do you know what she did to her ex-boyfriend?” Tanya asked. “The girl is a con artist.”

“Stop it!” Jackson hollered. “Just stop it. I’m tired of everyone spreading these goddamn rumors about her. You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

I lowered down on the couch, startled by Jackson’s behavior. I’d never heard him so angry before. Jackson was usually calm and collected. But this conversation had unleashed a side of him I never knew existed. Gripping the remote, I held it tightly in my hand as if it would steady me.

“I swear to God, Tanya, if you guys don’t leave Piper alone you’re gonna be sorry. Understand?”

“Seriously, you need to take a chill pill.”

“Tanya.”

“Ouch. Let go of me.”

I craned my neck to see Jackson gripping Tanya by the upper arm. Apparently she’d made her way inside the house. Or he had yanked her in. The thought turned my stomach. His face was red, his teeth gritted.

“Tell me you’ll leave her alone.” He stuck his face right in hers.

“Fine.” She was trembling when he released her. “God, you’re crazy.” Smoothing down her hair, she spun around, and then disappeared again behind the open door. After she left, I swallowed hard and turned back around before Jackson could see me. Luckily he didn’t talk to me. Instead, he grabbed his keys and took off. I assumed he went to see Piper, but I never knew. We never talked about that night.

“Tanya Dillard,” I answered the detective. “They had an argument a couple of weeks ago.” I hoped telling him this wasn’t a mistake. But knowing how strongly Jackson felt about Piper, I knew that if he was here he’d do everything in his power to protect her. And the only way I knew to protect her right now was to cast suspicion on someone else.

He scribbled something down on a tiny pad of paper. “Do you know what the argument was about?”

“She had been bullying Piper.”

“Bullying her how?” The detective asked.

I shook my head. “I’m not sure. But all of Jackson’s friends were mean to her. They didn’t like her.”

“It was because they knew she wasn’t good for him,” Mom interjected. “They’ve been Jackson’s friends since they were kids. Then that girl came to town and he dropped all of them for her. They’re relationship wasn’t healthy. She’s the person you need to be interrogating. Not us.”

“Calm down.” Dad placed his hand on Mom’s arm. Her lips quivered. I looked away.

“I assure you, Mrs. Walsh, we’re investigating her. In fact, I have an appointment to talk with Piper and her lawyer this afternoon.”

“Her lawyer? Only guilty people need lawyers,” Mom muttered under her breath.

I bristled, her words making me uneasy. Was she right? Was Piper guilty? If so, then it was a mistake to protect her. Glancing at the stairs, the journal called to me from its hiding spot. It was so loud I feared the whole room could hear. If only Jackson could speak to me from the pages and tell me what to do right now. Perking my ears, I strained to hear his voice from beyond the grave, but only silence responded.

It was a stark reminder of the fact that I would never hear his voice again. At the realization, extreme sadness blanketed me, and I wondered if this feeling would ever go away. Would the pain ever end? I suspected it wouldn’t. Jackson’s absence would always be a part of my life now whether I liked it or not.

Tanya wasn’t in first period. Normally I couldn’t care less about her whereabouts, but today it concerned me. After what happened to Jackson, my senses were heightened. Any blip in the usual routine was suspicious to me. Besides, I was hoping she’d have more information to share with us. It seemed that she was a wealth of knowledge lately. Honestly, it wasn’t surprising. That chick was like the gossip queen at our school. That’s why I was relieved when I caught sight of her the minute I stepped into the cafeteria at lunch time.

“Great. Tanya’s here,” I said.

Zach turned to me, his brows furrowing. “Since when do you care about Tanya?” Then his eyes widened. “Oh, no, dude, please don’t tell me you two hooked up.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “No. I’ll leave that to you.”

A few kids pushed past us, bumping me in the back. Zach spread out his arms. “Hey, I’m not a toddler. I don’t mind sharing. It’s just that she’s super high maintenance. You’re better off staying clear of that one, trust me. If Jackson were here, he’d say the same thing.”

Sickened by his words, I rolled my eyes. “I’m not interested in Tanya. She just wasn’t here in second period, and I was worried.”

“Worried about what?” Zach halted in his tracks. Loud chattering swelled around us, bouncing off the walls and echoing off the ceiling. Sneakers squeaked on the floor, and the scent of disinfectant and pizza wafted under my nostrils. The gross combination of scents in this cafeteria had always turned my stomach, but it seemed worse today.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m on edge right now, okay?”

“Yeah, I can see that.” He clamped a hand on my shoulder. “And I’m tired of having to babysit your sorry ass. Pull your shit together.”

“Okay.” I wriggled out from under his touch.

“I have enough to worry about without having to worry about you too.”

Without answering, I walk forward. This may have been easy for Zach, but it wasn’t for me. And he didn’t need to be such an ass about it. It was easy to overlook Zach’s irritating behavior when Jackson was around, but with him gone it was downright overwhelming. I wove my way around the tables scattered throughout the room until I reached our usual table. Our group had been sitting here since freshman year. It was Jackson who originally chose it. He was our unofficial leader. Always had been. It’s not like we ever told him he was. We just followed him; allowed him to lead us. Even Zach did for the most part.

But after he got together with Piper he started eating in the quad like one of the freaks. It was baffling to all of us. Why would he willingly choose to eat out there with the losers? Most people at this school would give anything to sit at our table, to be one of the popular, the chosen. I knew I never took it for granted. But Jackson didn’t even seem to care. He gave it all up and walked around with a damn smile on his face. As if one girl was worth giving up everything for. I didn’t get it. If I lost this group I had no idea what I’d do. I’d be devastated. If not for Jackson’s intervention in my life, I would be out there with the nerds in the quad. I knew I didn’t belong here. That’s why I planned to hold on to this group with everything I had.

Plunking down on the bench, I sat across from Tanya. “Where were you in second period?” I asked while pulling my lunch out of my backpack.

“Why? You missed me?” She smirked. Her friends giggled like it was the funniest shit ever.

“No,” I said, maybe a little too harshly.

Tanya froze, looking stricken. “God, you don’t have to be such an ass. You’re the one who asked where I was.”

Zach slid onto the bench next to me. “Ah, don’t get your panties in a bunch, Tanya. Not all of us possess your charm.”

Even I chuckled at this. Leave it to Zach to put her in her place. It was a wonder she still gave him the time of day with how he talked to her.

“Well, we know you don’t,” she bantered back. Then she turned to me. “Actually, I wasn’t in second period because I was being interrogated by a detective.”

“What?” Farrah’s eyes bugged out, reminding me of a frog. “The police questioned you?”

“Yep.” Tanya tossed a grape into her mouth, chewing it slowly.

I wanted to pinch her cheeks, to force the grape down. Why did she treat everything like it was a joke? This wasn’t some TV drama. She didn’t need to drag out the details in hopes of keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. This was real life. “What happened?”

“Apparently someone told the detective about the little argument I had with Jackson a couple of weeks ago, so they wanted to know about it.”

“You had an argument with Jackson? Where?” I sat forward, propping my elbows up on the slick surface of the table. It seemed we all had secrets when it came to Jackson.

“At his house.” She held her head up, appearing proud of this tidbit.

“What were you doing at his house?” Zach asked. “Shit, you weren’t sleeping with him again, were you?”

A slow smile spread across her face. “A lady never kisses and tells.”

“I don’t see a lady here, do you?” Zach glanced around, confused.

Tanya’s face fell. “Oh, shut up.” She tossed a grape, and it hit him in the face. I thought he might get angry, but he just shook his head and grinned. “You’re all assholes. All three of you.” That’s when I realized she was referring to Jackson as well.

“Better be careful, Dillard, or they might suspect you too. It sounds like Piper wasn’t the only girl with a motive,” Zach said.

Tanya’s face paled. “Yeah, right. I would never hurt Jackson. I’m not psycho like his girlfriend.” She shifted in her seat, adjusting her shirt. Not that it helped. Her boobs were still spilling out. Then again, if they were tucked safely inside, I wouldn’t recognize her. “That’s what I was trying to tell him that night at his house. I was warning him to stay away from her. But he didn’t want to hear it. He even threatened me.” She narrowed her eyes. “That girl had gotten her hooks in him good. He wasn’t even acting like himself. You should have seen him.”

“Is that what you told the detective?” I asked, gripping so tightly to the table that my knuckles whitened.

“Of course. I told him the whole story. He needs to know what kind of girl she is.”

My chest expanded a little. Perhaps they weren’t going to question me at all. Maybe they got all they needed from Tanya. When I glanced at Zach, I could tell he was thinking the same thing. Relief was written all over his face.

Breathing deeply, I prayed this would all be over soon.