Crumbling Walls (Jack and Emily #1) (33 page)

Chapter 27

Emily was up and dressed with the sun. She finished the last of her weekend homework and had already put the final touches on her project for art class. Her growling stomach sent her downstairs and the makeshift breakfast she made only fueled her restlessness.

She could hear Tim moving in his room and, not in the mood for people, she went outside quietly and found Jack sitting on the back patio, “Hey. What’re you doing out here?”

“I’ve been out here since the sun came up. Didn’t sleep much last night.”

Sitting next to him, she wrapped her arms around her pulled up knees, “Do you know what you’re gonna say to your dad?”

Shaking his head, “Not a clue. How do you tell your dad that you’re failing out of school, you’ve been lying for months and oh, by the way, even though you didn’t mean it, you feel this tremendously horrible weight of having killed someone?”

“Just like that.” Leaning towards him, she bumped his shoulder, “Everything’s gonna be fine, remember?”

Turning his head, he kissed her ear and whispered, “Will you stay with me?”

“Of course.” 

With that, they sat in quiet until a voice drifted over from the open doorwall, “Jack?”

Without looking in his direction, “Yeah, Dad?”

“Ready to talk?”

Nodding, he finally met his dad's gaze, “Is out here okay?”

Elizabeth was there with him, “Let me just warn the kids to keep the door shut.”

Will came out, but kept silent, waiting for Elizabeth before saying anything. Jack, in those few moments, turned to Emily, “Regardless of what me and my stupid brain have been acting like these last few months, I'd do it all over again. Don't ever forget that.”

Her heart ached for him as she kissed first the tip of his nose, then his chin, finally landing on his lower lip for just a second, “You saved me. I will most definitely never forget that.”

Both his parents and Emily kept quiet, listening intently and nodding occasionally, taking Jack's confessions in stride … until, “And yesterday, I think I had a panic attack at Dex's house. Actually, I've been having smaller ones for a while, but yesterday's scared the hell out of both of us and Dex made me promise to tell you about them.”

Will and Elizabeth exchanged a look that no one could have missed and Emily, who hadn't known either, “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I figured I could get through them and eventually they would stop, but that last one,” shaking his head and feeling his throat constrict at the thought, he took a few deep breaths, “I think I'm gonna need some help with that.”

Emily squeezed his hand in hers and Will scooted forward in his chair, elbows on knees, “I had attacks like that for years, from when I met your mom up until about the time Dave was born.”

It was Jack's turn to look surprised, “Seriously? How did you get through them? Why did they stop?”

“Slow down.” Will sent a small smile his way, “Your mom used to make me tell her the contents of the refrigerator, shelf by shelf, to get my mind off my fears.” Nudging his wife with his shoulder, “And it was tough going there for a while, but your mom finally figured out why I was having them.”

Jack mirrored his father, elbows on knees, “What was it?”

“I feared that one day I'd end up beating her or any of you kids senseless, like my father did. Deep down, I knew I'd never do that, but deep down understanding sometimes doesn't win over sheer and completely absurd panic. My fears would get the better of me, usually when I was annoyed with one of you guys or if your mom and I had a fight, and, to put it bluntly, all hell would break loose.”

“So I'm gonna have to wait ten years before I can not feel like I'm having a heart attack? 'Cause that's not comforting … not at all.”

This time it was Elizabeth who leaned forward, putting her hand lightly on her son's knee, “Before, neither your dad nor I had decent insurance, but we do now. So, no, you will not have to suffer for the next ten years. We'll find you someone to talk to and go from there, all right?”

Jack nodded, then, involuntary tears flooded his eyes, dropping down his cheeks and off his chin before he could swipe them away, “I'm sorry.” His voice cracked, “I didn't mean to let it get this far.”

Tears in her own eyes, Elizabeth stood, then crouched in front of her son, gesturing him to lean forward for a hug, “We all let things go too far from time to time.” By now, she was talking into the top of his head, “But now, we can help you and, honey, that's the most important thing in the world.”

Once Elizabeth let him go, squeezing him tightly before sitting back down beside her husband, Will asked, “Is there anything else? Anything at all?”

Already exhausted from his confession, Jack shook his head, “Not that I can think of at the moment.” Rubbing the last of his tears away, “But who knows what the hell will pop up next.” Simultaneously shaking his head and making a 'blarhhh' sound, “For right now, though, I'm hungry.”

“Aren't you always?” Elizabeth stood up first, pulling Will up beside her, “We'll talk more later, okay, but I think you've had enough for now and the boys are probably destroying my kitchen as we speak trying to make the tallest stack of pancakes or seeing how high the flames can get when you light the batter of fire.”

Will smiled, “I'd bet at least a foot.”

“We'll be in in a minute.” Jack watched them return to the house before he shifted his gaze to Emily, “What's wrong?”

Coming out of her cloudy look, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what's wrong? You're suddenly too quiet, even for you.” His stomach tightened, “Are you mad I didn't tell you about my panicking?”

Pulling him forward by the collar of his shirt, she rested her forehead against his, “I'm not mad. I'm just completely confused why you love me enough to not be mad at me for causing this mess in the first place.”

He gave her an honest-to-God, Jack-bright grin, “I am so totally keeping you forever.”

▪▪▪

After breakfast, Jack carried one last pancake taco with him as he made his way out to the furthest hammock, Emily in hand. Sharing it with her as they walked, he finished the last bite just as they reached their destination, “So, feel like relaxing in the hammock?”

Feeling like she hadn't slept for a week, she nodded, “Yes, please.”

“Good 'cause I'm gonna fall down in about 15 seconds.” Helping her in, he wrapped his arms around her, snuggling her under his chin, “Wake me tomorrow.”

They heard the screen door open and, within seconds, the yard was filled with the four younger boys racing around, happy for warm weather, soccer balls and paper airplanes. They seemed to keep it down to a dull roar, however, and with a last kiss to Jack's cheek, both slept.

Tim wandered out soon after the other boys, eating the last pancake as he sat down on the picnic table, sketch pad in hand, determined to kill at least an hour or two before having to go to graduation rehearsal later on. It didn't take long before the back gate opened and he grinned, knowing it was Sarah coming through.

Settling herself beside him, she looked from the drawing to the hammock and back to the drawing, “Will you ever love me the way Jack loves her?”

Digging in his pocket, he pulled out something and handed it to her, “I think this about covers it.”

Returning to the drawing, he watched out of the corner of his eye as the look of confusion turned to amazement, “What is this?”

“It’s my acceptance letter to Randolph. I decided it might be a good idea if I stayed around here to go to school. And, you know, it’ll be easier to ask you to marry me eventually if I’m only a few miles from you as opposed to several thousand.”

The surprised look on her face was priceless, “You … you want to marry me?”

Still drawing as if nothing had changed between them in the last eight seconds, “Figured I might as well, seeing how I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. One should never fight fate.”

Her hand turned his face away from the paper, “Well, I’ll be sure to answer my phone that day.”

“But will you answer my question?”

As she leaned in to kiss him, “This should about cover it.”

▪▪▪

Hanging up the phone, Elizabeth turned towards Will, grinning, “They’ll be here in time for Tim’s graduation party.”

He hugged her tightly from behind, “So, do we tell them everything now or do we wait?”

Elizabeth looked out the window at the backyard full of her children, all seven of them. “We’ve had enough chaos for one day. We’ll wait until tomorrow to raise some hell.” Still smiling, “Do you think they’ll be okay?”

Resting his chin on her shoulder as he followed her gaze, “I think they’ll be just fine.”

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