Courage (Mark of Nexus) (15 page)

“Nothing. It just needed said.” His hold disappeared entirely—a few seconds before he did. 

It didn’t seem fair.

Rena hadn’t spoken to me in two weeks, but she still managed to keep me awake every damn night. All of these anguished, gut-wrenching emotions would surge through my body, and I’d lie there—not knowing what to make of them.

She didn’t answer any of my calls. I’d left at least six messages and ended up regretting every one. It wasn’t like I knew what I’d say if she picked up. ‘Hey, what’s with the mixed signals?’

I tugged on a pair of track pants and looked down at the quad through my window. Things were slow for a Saturday morning. Only a few joggers and some book nerds en route to the library. Speaking of which, Aiden seemed pretty happy with the situation. That confirmed
that
suspicion.

Not that it changed things.

Rena had broken up with me for a reason. I shoved my keys into my pocket and looked around. She had misheard something and let that be the straw that broke the camel’s back. No fight. No speech. Just a few tears and a pink slip. Oh, right. It was for my own good. Now I was free to date some chick I’d only met a few times. Great.

I slipped on my watch, felt around under my bed for running shoes, and ended up pulling out a gray hoodie.
Shit
. That wasn’t what I needed to see right now. It was one of the oldest sweatshirts I owned, the one I kept lying around for whenever Rena came over. She always whined about it being cold, so it became her personal heater. She loved this thing.

A knot formed in my throat as I brought the material to my face. It still smelled like her, all flowery and innocent. The sleeves were rolled four or five times from when she’d worn it last. It seemed so long ago now.

My phone buzzed, and I threw the sweatshirt down to grab it. “Hello?” Crap. Wrong button. “Hello?” Anticipation shot my nerves with ice. I hadn’t even checked the caller ID.

“Hey,” Corynn’s weird accent piped through the line. “How’s you?”

Ugh.
“Not bad. What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out.”

Of course. She’d been bugging me to get out of the dorm since she’d heard the news and tracked down my number. I didn’t even want to know how she got it. Apparently, she felt guilty about the whole misunderstanding.

“Maybe grab a coffee or something,” she suggested.

“Sorry,” I said, trying to keep my voice from sounding lifeless. “I was just about to hit The Rec.”

“The Rec?” Her tone was incredulous, and I could pretty much guess what she was thinking.
‘Aren’t you strong enough?’

“I run.”

“Ohhh, okay,” she answered. “Well, I run sometimes. Mind if I come with?”

I blew out a sigh. “Knock yourself out.”

“Great! I’ll meet you there in about ten minutes, okay?”

I nodded at nothing. “All right. See you then.”

When I hung up, the weight was back. The one that slung itself across my shoulders and bogged me down whenever reality came into play. This was my life now. Solo. Empty.

I didn’t waste time getting there. The Rec was just up the hill from the quad, and I didn’t want to make Corynn wait. Granted, I probably should’ve, since she’d invited herself, but that wasn’t how I was raised. Grandma would kick my ass to Scion and back if she heard. And then she’d kick it just for saying ‘ass’—not that I’d be stupid enough to say it in front of her.

“Hey, you made it.” Corynn fell in step behind me as I opened the door.

“Mhm.”

“I’m glad.” She moved around me once we got inside, exhaustion circling her eyes. “So, do you do this a lot?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Whenever I can. It’s not like I can do much of anything else here, you know?”

She started stretching and made it a point to shove her spandex-clad butt in my face. “Well, I think it’s good. It’ll get your mind off things.”

“Mhm.” I did a few stretches of my own. The act wasn’t enticing, but I usually noticed a change in atmosphere during it. For half the semester, I’d been convinced Wilcox’s female population was in heat. Now, nothing.

“You ready to go?” she asked, bouncing from foot to foot.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

And with that, we took off. The track had six rubbery lanes, and on a good day, it felt wide open. Today was far from good.

We jogged around the corner, and I ramped up to put a little speed on. I wasn’t as fast as Cole, but I wasn’t slow by any means. If Corynn could keep up with me, hey, more power to her.

More power to her…

I blinked and shot her a look. She was blocking my empathy. I mean, I knew it was possible, but I’d hardly noticed the other two times we were together. I was too caught up in the strength thing.

Well, this was weird. Liberating and wrong at the same time. Sure, I enjoyed the silence, but I missed that constant feed of emotion. It kept me oriented to my surroundings. Now the world just felt…muted.

“You okay over there?” she huffed, trying to keep up.

“Yeah, sorry…” I slowed a bit and kept my pace steady. “I just got a little distracted.”

“Something on your mind?”

I almost snorted. “What isn’t?”

“Aww, it’ll get better,” she reassured me. “You two just have to sort this shit out. I mean, she obviously still cares about you.”

I came to an abrupt halt, and she sprinted ahead before she realized I’d stopped. “Why would you assume I was thinking about Rena?” I asked and demanded in the same breath. “And what makes you think she still cares about me?”

Her lips twitched like I’d just revealed the cards in my hand. “How do you think I got your number?”

“What?”

She leaned back against the railing and caught her breath. “You know she’s trying to be a martyr, right? Sacrificing herself for the greater good and all that.” She waved the notion away. “She thinks you’ll be happier if you can live some kind of ‘normal life’ with me. I told her you weren’t interested, but she wouldn’t hear it.”

Shit.
Was she serious? Rena had gotten a hold of her to set the two of us up? I gripped the railing and gritted my teeth. What kind of twisted masochist had she become in the past month? Or maybe I’d been right all along; maybe she was using this as an excuse. It wasn’t like she was answering my damn phone calls…

“She can’t pin this on me,” I muttered. “If she was sick of me, she could’ve said something sooner.” When I realized what I was doing, I jerked my hand back, but it didn’t matter. The metal rail was smooth and firm as ever.

Huh
.

“You think she really did want out?” Corynn perked up, curiosity written all over her features. “I thought the two of you were getting serious.”

“I thought so, too,” I admitted bitterly.

“Does that mean your ink will go away?” she asked, pointing to my arm. “I mean, will it fade or something?”

That was a good question. I had no idea. It wasn’t like we had any other Marks of Nexus to compare ours to. Other than the one in the journal…

Crap. I’d forgotten all about that thing. It was still under my bed where we’d left it three weeks ago. Probably wedged behind where the sweatshirt had been. Maybe it had something we could go off of. Surely my stoic ex-girlfriend would talk to me if it meant getting our little reminder off her arm.

My chest tightened. I had to stop doing that. I wasn’t mad at Rena—I couldn’t be. I was the idiot who had offered her an out.

Corynn stared at me, still waiting on an answer.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “I don’t know.”

She raised an eyebrow and took off, calling over her shoulder, “Right, well, maybe we better talk about something else.”

I followed after her with a sigh. “Like what?”

Her ponytail swished back and forth as she ran, matching her body’s seductive rhythm. Wait. Seductive? I shook my head and looked away.

“You going to that dance next Friday?” she asked. “I heard the proceeds are going to cluster research.”

With everything in my body, I tried to contain the rush of emotion that fought for release at that moment. Regret, pain, disappointment, and longing—nothing I wanted to display here. “I, uh, don’t know.”

She glanced back at me. “You were going to go with Rena, huh? That’s okay. It’s not like you have to have a date to go to a dance. This is uni, after all. We’re all adults here.”

“Y-Yeah,” I agreed, fighting the lump in my throat. Damn it. Why did Rena have to screw everything up? That was going to be our night. She’d set everything up so perfectly…

“Or we could go together,” Corynn suggested in a nonchalant tone, turning so her face was hidden. “Not like a date or anything. Just two friends crashing a human party.” She turned around to wink, and my face turned eighteen shades of red.

“Keep it down, would ya?” I scanned the area, grateful there weren’t many up at this hour. Did the girl not get the whole secret race thing?

She flashed a mischievous grin as we turned the corner. “Relax. I checked first. And you avoided my question, so I’m going to take the hint and assume it’s a no.”

“No,” I answered before I could think twice. “I mean, it wasn’t a ‘no’. I just…didn’t get a chance to think about it.”

Her ponytail did that swishing thing again. “Oh please. It’s not the prom. I’m not asking for a bloody corsage.”

I had to grin at that. She was right. “Fine.”

“Fine, you’ll go with me?” she asked as we wound our way back near the entrance.

“Yes,” I laughed. “Just stop harassing me.”

She turned around to run backwards. “You think this is harassment, Mr. Blake? I can show you harassment.”

“I bet you can.”

We both laughed until I felt a ripple of awareness course through my body. It was a chill up my spine, a whispered breath on my neck. When I finally turned around to look, my heart stopped before I did.

Rena froze mid-step with her gym bag slung over one shoulder and a look of horror on her beautiful face. Seconds—maybe minutes—passed by as we stood there, lost in a trance, before the dam finally broke. She covered her mouth, blinked away tears, and did exactly what she does best.

She ran away.

Huh uh.
I threw a quick glance at Corynn before bolting after Rena, heat tearing through my veins.
Not this time.

I threw my bag in the grass and bent forward to fight the beginnings of a dry heave. “Damn it,” I gasped. “If I cry one more fu—”

The glass door slammed opened so hard, it was a wonder it didn’t shatter. I didn’t even have to look up to see who it was. I knew he’d follow me. I knew he couldn’t leave well enough alone.

A worn-out pair of black shoes came into view, and slowly I let my gaze wander upward. Up the long length of his legs, past the swell in his shorts and the narrow set of his hips, over the tight, damp cotton sticking to every contour in his chest, beyond his broad shoulders and—damn it. I was already crying. Why the hell was I crying so much lately?

“No,” Wallace said under his breath. “You don’t get to do that.”

I looked up and met the storm in his eyes head-on. “What do you mean I don’t ‘get to do that’? I’m upset. Leave me alone.”

“And what reason would you have to be upset?” he spat. “You’re the one who broke up with me, remember?”

Did he really want to go there? “I beat you to the punch.”

He studied me so intensely, I couldn’t help but squirm. “You sure about that?”

“I heard you.”

“Yeah, but do you know what you heard? You didn’t even ask me about it.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and muscles tensed in his jaw. “So, you tell me, Rena. Which one of us wanted this?”

A tear spilled down my cheek, burning a fiery trail. Was he seriously this mad about it?

“Why are you crying?”

“What?”
Are you serious right now?

“Why. Are. You. Crying?”

I gestured back at The Rec. “I haven’t seen you for two weeks, and now you’re running around, laughing it up with another woman. You think that was easy to see?”

Wallace opened and shut his mouth a few times, walked in a circle, and then ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. Chaos. That was the only word to describe the emotions pouring into my body from his. Complete and utter chaos. “You said you wanted this. You wanted me to be with Corynn.”

“That didn’t mean I wanted to
see
it,” I shot back, wiping at tears with the side of my wrist. “Why are you being so mean?”

“You think this is mean?” His eyes widened in incredulity. “
This
is mean? You ripped my fucking heart out!”

“Well, I ripped mine out, too,” I yelled. The sobs overtook my body, and I shook, wrapping my arms around my waist. “You don’t understand.”

“Oh, I understand.” He swallowed and blinked a few times to rid himself of tears. “I understand you made me want to try. You made me think this stupid thing could work between us, and then you left without so much as an explanation.” His chin tilted upward, and he stared down at me with the eyes of a stranger. “I understand it, so you don’t
get
to cry.”

He could’ve punched me in the face, and it would’ve been less painful than the realization that I’d ruined him. I took this beautiful, gentle soul, and I ruined him. All I wanted was for him to be happy, and I didn’t even know if that was possible now. That trust we’d worked so hard to build these past few months was gone. Just…gone.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips, before bubbling into a full-blown madness. “God, things work out in the best freakin’ ways, don’t they?”

His brows drew together. “What?”

“This.” I gestured between us. “I’m just…I don’t know. I’m starting to think it wasn’t worth it.”

“Worth what?” he snapped. “Because I know you wouldn’t play with my emotions on a whim, so tell me. What would make this hell worth it to you?”

I shrank back from his accusing stare. “Y-You know…”

“Do I?”

Man, when did Wallace become so scary? “Your life…your happiness…”

“And since when do you get to decide the way I live my life or what makes me happy?” When I didn’t answer he lifted his brows. “Here’s a newsflash, Rena. You don’t. I’m a grown man. I don’t need you looking out for whatever hopes and dreams you think I should be carrying.”

A chilly breeze blew between us as he stared me down. “But that’s not the real issue here, is it?”

Sweat broke out over my hairline. “What do you mean?”

“You’re using this Corynn thing as an excuse. What was it really? An exit strategy? I thought you had more backbone than that.”

I jerked my chin back. “What?”

“What was the real reason, Rena? I have to know. It’s going to eat me up inside until I find out, so just tell me. I won’t get mad.”

My hands flew out to my sides. “That
was
the real reason!”

“Bull,” he yelled, straining the little veins in his neck. “You fight for everything. You and that stupid savior complex. You never back down, and I love that about you, but…” His blue eyes took on a new level of hurt as he backed away, panting. “You didn’t fight for us. You didn’t even try.”

As he turned to walk away, desperation possessed my body. We couldn’t end it here. Not like this. “Wait.” I grabbed his sleeve, but he didn’t seem to notice.

I trailed after him, still gripping the fabric of his shirt. “Wallace.”

There was no reaction as he glanced over his shoulder, defeat weighting his features. “What?”

“That’s…that’s not what happened.” I hurt so badly inside, I couldn’t stand it. My soul sought his with a magnetism that fluxed in heavy waves between us, drawing me closer and closer. If I gave in and fell against him, would he catch me?

No.

There was no use going down that path. I’d made my bed; it was time to lie in it. “I’m sorry.”

He just stared at me.

“I never meant to hurt you. You have no idea how much I valued our friendship—our relationship—but it wasn’t right, Wallace. You have no idea how guilty it made me feel.” The confession came out in a rush before I could stop it. “I want you to know what life could be like, if you just…let it happen.”

“Funny”—he shrugged me off and turned to leave—”I could say the same thing.”

I stood there, paralyzed as he opened the door. He was already gone. I’d lost him for real this time.

The finality of the situation sank into my shoulders as I reached down to grab my bag. Was he right? Had I given up on us without a fight? I rooted around inside one of my pockets until I found a tissue and blew my nose. I thought I was doing the right thing…

But then again, maybe the 'right thing' doesn't exist.

I wandered back to my room in a daze. Wallace had never been so aggressive toward me, and it didn’t take a supernatural bond to feel his pain. It radiated from his eyes, and I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like I could say, ‘Hey, sorry I got all hormonal on you. I’m an insecure jerk. Can we just pretend it never happened?’

Yeah, that’d go over well…

I unlocked the door and stepped inside, unsurprised to find Aiden and Gabby watching TV. My bag got thrown in the corner, and my shoes were kicked under the bed. “Do you people ever leave?”

Gabby flicked me off. “Bite me. It’s the end of the semester.”

“Yeah,” Aiden piped up. “We’ve got exams coming up.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Exams you’re studying for by watching…” I squinted at the screen and cringed. “
Dumb and Dumber
?”

Of course. It had to be one of Wallace’s favorite movies. He’d seen the film so many times, he laughed before the funny parts.

“You bet. How was punching stuff?” Gabby asked, pushing herself up. “D’you work out that sexual frustration?”

Ah, yes. The one constant in my life.

I flopped down on my desk chair. “No, but I did have a fight with Wallace in front of The Rec. That was fun. Oh, and it was right after I saw him playing around with Corynn on the track. Great day, really.”

“The new girl?” Gabby leaned in, her eyes wide as saucers. I’d only told her the barebones of the association. Corynn was an intern where Maverick worked, and she was studying here for the summer. Having her pop up in a story like this probably seemed like major dish.

“Yeah.”

“You think he’s going to take her to the dance?”

Stab. “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it.”

“You’re still going, aren’t you?” Aiden spoke up this time, having pried himself away from the movie. “It’s less than two weeks away.”

Oh, that’d be fun. Going to the dance I set up in honor of my ex-boyfriend. “Uh, no.”

“What?” Gabby popped up like a corpse in one of those prank caskets. “Girl, we did not parade around the mall for three hours so you could stick that dress in your closet. You are going to that dance, even if I have to take you myself.”

“Aren’t you going with Maverick?” I asked, crinkling my nose at the mere mention of the traitor.

“Not anymore. He’s got to work.” She collapsed onto her mattress with a sigh. “Jinxy’s filling in.”

“And that’s not weird?” Jinx and Maverick were roommates a couple of months back. I was pretty sure that broke the Bro Code, or the Geneva Convention, or…something.

She turned her head to blink at me. “Why would it be weird?”

“Never mind.”

“You, uh…” Aiden cleared his throat, drawing my attention. “Need someone to take you, Rena?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, because I’m a girl who needs a man to take her places.” I turned to Gabby for backup, but she was glaring daggers at me.
Shit.
Was that supposed to be a hint?

Aiden wiped his palms on my comforter and sat up a little straighter. “Well, I thought maybe I could take you.”

I looked from him to Gabby, and then back to him. “Oh. Uh…sure?”

He brightened. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Why not?” It wasn’t like I could really back out on the whole thing, anyway. I’d planted the idea in the sorority president’s head. It’d be bad form if I didn’t show up.

“Awesome,” he cheered, giving a fist pump. “You won’t regret it, Rena. We’re gonna have a blast.”

“No doubt there.” I laughed, but it hurt inside.

I still loved Wallace. This dance meant something special to him, and if I were honest, it meant something to me, too. I’d spent months dreaming about sharing that night together. How would I react if I saw him there with another girl?

Even worse, how would he react if he saw me there with another guy? Not that Aiden was threat material, but still. Would this cement things between us?

Bleh.
I was starting to think the last month of this semester had been nothing but a string of mistakes on my part, and we still had two weeks to go. Couldn't I just crawl under the covers and hide until summer break?