Convergence (69 page)

thirty-eight

By the time I reached my room, I was almost sorry I'd insisted on leaving Valiant for a while. Being with him had been wonderful, so unexpectedly filled with . . .
fun.
I still found it hard to believe that such a thing was possible, to
enjoy
being in the company of a man. Even the boys I'd known at school had been more hungry than humorous, more intent on conquest than on comfortable exchange. But Valiant was so marvelous, so unique. . . . I just about danced inside my sitting room, closed the door to the hall,
then
did dance around a little. I'd never before felt the way I did right now, and the experience was pure delight. It made me
want
to dance, and sing, and fly—!

I stopped short in the middle of the room when I banged into something, but couldn't see what the something might have been. That part of the room was empty of everything but carpeting, but I hadn't imagined brushing against something. So I put out a hand and felt around, and sure enough a moment of groping at last put my fingers on the thing.

Whatever it was.
I blinked over the fact that it was invisible,
then
used two hands to explore its dimensions. Again it took a moment to make sense of what I felt, and then I was more confused than ever. Unless I was mistaken, the thing felt like a swing, the kind of net garden swing I'd used only once as a child, at the house of one of my father's business associates. The associate's children were allowed to use the swing anytime they pleased, but my sisters and I weren't permitted any activity which might damage us or leave a scar. . . .

At first I tried to imagine how an invisible swing could have gotten into my sitting room, but then the answer became obvious. Rion had supplied it by solidifying air, and it didn't matter whether he'd done it on his own or Valiant had asked him to do it. I now had what fit my mood perfectly, and no one was there to say I couldn't use it.

I moved around carefully until I was able to lower myself into the swing, muffling giggles over the thought of a net swing without any netting. But the thing was comfortable and felt really solid, so I held to its sides and began to swing. Pushing against the floor with my feet let me swing for quite a number of minutes before I had to push again, so I was able to let my mind drift off into pleasant memories.

Like the way Valiant had told me about his family, not to brag but to share the idea of what a real family was like. His mother had an odd sense of humor and enjoyed occasionally teasing her sons, which usually made them laugh. His father was a big man with a very strict sense of honor, but he'd always shared that sense with his sons rather than imposing it on them. They all loved each other very much, and I was finally able to understand why Valiant hadn't wanted to be parted from them.

I'd told him very little about me in comparison, but he hadn't pressed for details he seemed to know I didn't care to discuss. Instead he'd called me Tamakins, insisting that the awful nickname suited me perfectly. I'd tried to retaliate with Valsi-Walsi, but the sound of that had been so ridiculous I hadn't been able to say it without laughing. At first he'd pretended to cringe at the name, but it wasn't long before he couldn't keep from laughing either.

And then, not long before we'd come in, he'd put a finger under my chin to raise my face, and then he'd kissed me. It had been such a gentle kiss, and such a short one, but my lips still tingled with the feel of it. I'd expected him to ask for more, dreading what would happen when I was forced to refuse, but he never did. He simply kissed me gently for a moment too quickly over, and then we'd resumed strolling. With my hand held firmly to his arm, just as he'd insisted. . . .

I thought about all that for a timeless time, then stopped thinking and just let the sensation of pleasant memories wash over me. Things had been fairly pleasant when I was a small child, but since then there'd been nothing to compare with what was really a simple walk in a garden. And I'd agreed to think about doing it again, later, after dinner.
In the dark rather than the light, with paper lanterns brightening only certain portions of the path. . . .

I expected the idea of that to make me blush, but all it did was
cause
me to laugh and swing higher. Everyone kept insisting that associations between men and women were supposed to be pleasant, and I suddenly found myself ready to investigate the claim personally.
Or almost ready.
There were still so many ugly memories that needed more burying first____

I swung long and high, but after a while I remembered that I was supposed to be getting ready for dinner. I could have stayed in the skirt and blouse if I'd wanted to, the way most of the men had stayed in their uniform trousers and shirts. But instead I found myself leaving the swing and hurrying to my wardrobe, to pull out the best dress I had. I wanted to look really marvelous for Valiant, to make him glad he'd asked me to walk with him again. I could see his platinum hair and pale-blue-eyed handsomeness clearly in my mind's eye, and couldn't wait until I saw them again right in front of me.

The dress of melon silk trimmed with lots of white lace took a short while to get
into,
and that after washing some in the basin.
Once dressed I ran the brush through my hair quickly, then hurried out of the suite.
I was certain I would be very late, and only hoped Valiant hadn't decided to wait for me before going in himself. Walking in late is bad enough; walking in late with a man beside me . . . I'd probably never live long enough to stop blushing.

Happily, Valiant hadn't waited, and I was surprised to see that I wasn't the last to get there. Two other chairs remained empty at the table, and as soon as I was seated I found out why. I was in the midst of exchanging a smile with Valiant, who had returned to his original seat, when Warla appeared to stop beside me on the right.

"Please excuse the intrusion, ladies and gentlemen, but I've been instructed to tell you something," she began in her usual, hesitant way. "This afternoon some people came, and they packed up Dom Drowd's and Dama Lant's belongings and took them away. They . . . said to tell you not to expect those two back, even if they manage to qualify before week's end. If they do they'll be put in another residence, and if they don't they'll be . . . released to return to their ordinary lives. That means dinner will be served immediately."

She curtsied and left then, and a moment later the servants began to bring out our meal. No one said a word until the servants were gone again, and then Jowi sighed.

"I won't pretend I liked them, but this upsets me," she said softly, apparently speaking the thoughts of most of us. "Some of us were told everyone has until week's end to qualify, but for some reason I don't believe it. Unless I'm mistaken, they have no more than two days left."

"If that," Valiant agreed, looking as serious as everyone else. "I'd put my money on tomorrow bein' their last real chance, with the day after used to . . . clean up the leftovers. If the testin' people actually waited till week's end, half of those left would stay in their residences, already havin' given up."

"You're probably right," Lorand agreed as well from my left, a dark shadow heavy in his expression. "First they'll take care of the leftovers, and then—what? When will it get to be our turn?"

"Probably not until we fail in the competitions," Rion said, sounding more distant than he usually did. "But first we have to fail, which I, personally, have no intentions of doing. Success will bring more than gold, so we'd all do well to concentrate on nothing else."

Jowi and Pagin Holter nodded in abstraction, but Valiant and Lorand looked as uncertain as I felt. I fully intended to do my absolute best, of course, but the ghost of what-if-that's-not-good-enough?
continued
to haunt me. I had no idea what the competitions would consist of, but that damned uncertainty I was cursed with kept whispering doubts and fears.

The meal was a very silent one, with each of us wrapped mostly in our thoughts. Once I looked up and happened to meet Valiant's gaze, and he tried to smile at me reassuringly. I tried to return his smile in the same way, but neither one of us succeeded. But we did try, and that in
itself
made me feel a bit better.

When everyone had finished eating, we moved our silent group out into the front hall. Pagin Holter disappeared the way he usually did, followed this time by Rion. I thought it strange that he would walk off so abruptly, but then Valiant came over to me and everyone else was forgotten.

"I hope you've been thinkin' about that stroll I suggested earlier," he said with a slightly better smile. "After that announcement, we need it more than ever."

I returned his smile and was about to answer, when a knock came at the door. One of the servants was there to see if we wanted anything—or possibly to listen in on our conversations—and he went to the door and opened it. Standing just outside was my father, the person I least wanted to see in the entire world.

"Well, good evening, my dear," he said, coming inside only a single step before stopping to smile at me. "I thought you would all be finished with dinner by this time, and I'm pleased to see I was right."

"What do you want?" I asked, fighting to keep my trembling from showing. "I thought I told you not to come back. I won't be sold again, and especially not to that— that—"

"Actually, child, I'm here to look after my daughter's best interests," he interrupted smoothly.
"That—gentleman— beside you announced to all of us that you and he were engaged, but I'm afraid that may not be true.
If what I suspect is so, the man has betrayed you by not mentioning that he's already engaged to another woman entirely."

I barely had time to remember that Valiant
had
said we were promised to each other on my parents' last visit, when my father abruptly stepped aside. Behind him was a very beautiful woman with thick auburn hair and dark, sultry eyes, and when she saw Valiant she smiled dazzlingly and hurried inside.

"Valiant, my love, how wonderful that I've actually found you!" she exclaimed, rushing into his arms. "Daddy was terribly disappointed that I didn't insist you marry me before you left, and so he sent me here with enough gold to arrange everythin' now. He and Momma are only a few days behind me, so they'll certainly be here for the ceremony."

"By a happy coincidence, the young lady's father and I are business associates," my father purred while I stood there with my mind clanging in shook. "She came to me asking for assistance in finding her intended, and you may imagine my surprise when her description seemed to match the young man involved with my daughter. You really must—"

"Get out," I interrupted his gloating in a choked
voice,
hating him more than I'd ever thought was possible. "Get out of my house and don't you dare come back!"

I turned and ran for the stairs then, shaking off the hand Valiant tried to put on my arm despite the woman crawling all over him. He undoubtedly had a perfectly reasonable explanation why he'd neglected to mention that he was promised to another woman, but I didn't want to hear it. He'd managed to hurt me more than Gimmis had ever accomplished, and I was on the verge of losing control of myself. If I'd stayed there even a moment longer, flames would have leaped out to consume everyone in reach.

But when I reached my bedchamber with two doors closed firmly behind me, the only, thing that came was tears. I sat on the floor in my beautiful silk and lace dress, sobbing hopelessly, wishing I were dead. For a very short while I'd let myself believe there really was such a thing as pleasure, but it was a lie. The world and life contained nothing but pain, and I'd never let myself forget that again. Or ever let anyone come close. Not
ever.
. . not again . . . not when it hurt so much to be wrong. . . .

Valiant tried to call out Tamrissa's name to stop her, to tell her it wasn't true, but Mirra chose that moment to throw her arms around his neck and smother the words with a kiss. She hung on like a leech with the strength of a pit bull, and by the time Valiant had freed himself, Tamrissa was gone.

"Why, Val, darlin', whatever is makin' you treat me in so ungentlemanly a way?" Mirra pouted after catching her balance. She'd nearly fallen from the shove he'd given her, and he thought it was a shame that she hadn't. "I know you're glad to see me, darlin', just as glad as I am to see you. Why don't we go to your room to . . . discuss the wed-din'. . . ."

She grinned at that and tried to close with him again, but Valiant put a hand on her chest and shoved again. This time she stumbled back into the man who'd brought her, hopefully crushing his foot at the very least.

"My daddy taught me to be a gentleman with ladies,
which
means you don't qualify, Mirra," he growled over her screech of outrage. "You know well enough that we weren't engaged, just talkin' about it, and even that ended before I left. Now, I believe I heard the lady of this house order the slimy cur who brought you to leave, and I want you gone along with him."