Conquer the Flames (Langs Down) (22 page)

Ian reveled in the kiss and the feel of Thorne’s chest beneath his hands, but something was missing. It took him a moment to realize what it was, but then he saw Thorne’s hands still clasped behind his head. “There’s a lot I’m not ready for,” Ian said, “but I love the feel of your hands in my hair.”

“Since you asked,” Thorne said with a smile. He curled his hands around Ian’s head again, stroking that spot that made Ian moan, and Ian renewed the kiss, dipping his tongue into Thorne’s mouth this time. Thorne let him and sucked lightly in return.

Ian shivered and pulled back a bit, then rested his forehead against Thorne’s. His cock ached for attention, but he wasn’t ready for Thorne to take care of that for him, nor to take care of it himself where Thorne could see. He imagined Thorne must be in the same sorry state or worse, but he simply lay there and let Ian rest against him. Ian wanted to give some explanation for stopping, but he didn’t know where to begin. Thorne didn’t ask, though, simply rubbing his fingers over Ian’s scalp. The gesture reminded Ian of the way Sam would rub Hawk’s ears. The jackaroos teased Sam mercilessly for turning the kitten of a mostly feral barn cat into a pet, but Ian had listened to the way the little ball of fluff would purr at Sam’s attentions, and he thought he finally understood. He wished he could purr to let Thorne know how good the caress felt.

“I should let you sleep.”

“Only if you want to go,” Thorne said. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’re comfortable.”

Ian hated to admit they were reaching the limits of his expanded comfort zone, but Thorne deserved the truth. “I think I won’t be comfortable staying much longer, at least not like this.”

“Then sit up and we’ll read for a while if you aren’t ready for bed,” Thorne said. “I haven’t even made a dent in your bookshelf.”

Ian smiled and then had to smother a yawn. “It’s getting late, and tomorrow will be another early day.”

“Are there any not early days around here?” Thorne asked.

“Everyone gets a day off a week,” Ian said, “although not everyone takes it. It’s not like there’s much to do with a day off. Boorowa isn’t exactly next door. I go into town if I need something, but that’s once or twice a season, honestly.”

“So you don’t run into town to have a drink or let off steam?”

“I can have a drink here, and whoever has the supply run will pick up more for me if I run out, and I’m not exactly one to let off steam,” Ian replied. “I haven’t gone to town just to go to town since I decided to stay on the station permanently. Everything I need is right here.”

“Then I’d say that makes you a very lucky man,” Thorne said. “Would you want to come to Wagga Wagga with me? It would mean taking an extra day off, but from the sound of it, you’ve built up enough days to take an extra one.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Ian said “There’s work to be done, and if I leave, Caine and Macklin are shorthanded. That’s not fair to them or the people who have to take up my slack while I’m gone.”

“Haven’t you taken up their slack in the past?” Thorne asked.

“Probably, but it’s not like I keep track,” Ian protested.

“Do you want to come with me?” Thorne asked. “If missing work weren’t an issue, would you come help me get my stuff and meet Walker?”

“If work weren’t an issue,” Ian said. “But it is.”

“I know it is,” Thorne said, “but I’ve met your family. I thought maybe you’d like to meet the closest thing to family I have left. I know things are moving fast, but what we’re doing together doesn’t feel casual.”

It wasn’t, not for Ian.

“I’ll talk to Neil,” Ian said. “If he thinks they can cover for me for an extra day, I’ll go with you. If not, maybe we can go in the fall after we’re done with the shearing. There isn’t as much work once April rolls around.”

Thorne sat up and gave Ian another quick kiss. “Thank you. It means a lot that you’d even ask Neil about it.” He stretched his arm along the back of the couch, and Ian relaxed underneath it, pressing his cheek against Thorne’s side. Thorne leaned forward and snagged the books they’d been reading the night before and handed Ian his.

Ian took it and found the page he’d bookmarked. As he fell back into the story, he thought this might be the most comfortable he’d ever been in his own skin.

Sixteen

“
Y
OU
look happy,” Neil said when he cornered Ian in the paddock three days later.

The comment surprised Ian. He would never have said he was unhappy before Thorne arrived, but for the past two weeks, he’d been floating on air. “I guess I am,” Ian replied.

“Good. He seems to be settling in well.”

“A lot better than most of our new jackaroos do each spring,” Ian agreed. “We need to figure out his day off each week. He needs to go to Wagga Wagga to get his stuff from his friend’s place.”

“I gave him the same day off as you,” Neil said. “I do that for Chris and Jesse, and for Kyle and Linda. I figured you deserved the same courtesy, but Wagga Wagga isn’t a one-day trip.”

“No, I know it isn’t,” Ian said, “but at least if he starts with that day, he’ll only have to miss one day of work instead of two. He mentioned me going with him, but I was off work for a week and then on light duty for a week. I can’t take another day off again so soon.”

Neil snorted. “You do realize this is me you’re talking to, right? When was the last time, not counting when you were in the hospital, that you actually didn’t work for a day?”

Ian had to stop and think about it. “Maybe Christmas last year?”

“Exactly,” Neil said. “If we’re counting who owes days to who, the station owes you far more days than you’ve taken being sick—which doesn’t count—or that you’d take by going with him to Wagga Wagga. If you don’t want to go for some reason, that’s fine. I’ll be the bad guy and say you can’t have the extra day off, but that’s bullshit and everyone will know it.”

“I don’t know what I want to do,” Ian admitted after a moment. “Thorne’s right that he’s already met everyone important to me. The guy in Wagga Wagga is his best friend, pretty much the closest thing to family he has.”

“That’s a pretty big step, going home to meet the parents,” Neil said. “Are you ready for that?”

“That’s exactly the problem,” Ian replied. “I don’t know if I’m ready for it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for it.”

“It’s your call, of course, but I’d built up meeting Molly’s parents to be much worse than it actually was,” Neil said. “And this guy is his best friend, not his parents, who might actually stop him from doing something.”

“They were on the same team in the Commandos,” Ian said. “Thorne saved his life. I got the impression they were pretty close.”

“Close like you and I are close? Or close like Chris and Jesse are close?” Neil asked. Ian couldn’t quite hide the smirk at the thought that Neil referenced Chris and Jesse, not Sam and Jeremy.

“Close like you and I are,” Ian confirmed. “I don’t think Thorne told anyone he was gay while he was in the military.”

“Probably the safer choice,” Neil said. “Is he going to tell the guy now?”

“He said he was. That’s part of my concern. If there’s a scene, I don’t want to make it worse by being there,” Ian said.

“You might make it better by being there,” Neil said. “It’s harder to air dirty laundry when someone else is around.”

“If I’m there, he has to tell him,” Ian countered. “He can’t read the cues in the situation and decide to explain later. That isn’t fair either.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Neil said, “but he asked you to go with him.”

“You think I should go.”

“I think you shouldn’t refuse to go without a real reason other than just being nervous,” Neil amended. “He took a huge step in asking you to go with him. You shouldn’t dismiss that lightly.”

“I’m not dismissing it,” Ian said, “but it feels like a huge step to be taking with a man I’ve only known for a month.”

“Time moves differently around here,” Neil said. “You’ve spent far more hours with him than you would have if you lived in Melbourne, met someone there, and started dating. You’ve eaten together, worked together, hell, you bloody near died together. I don’t think you can use time as an excuse.”

“How long did it take you to know how you felt about Molly?” Ian asked. He’d known Neil was falling for her, but he hadn’t paid all that much attention at the time. Caine had just arrived on the station and everything had still felt unsettled, and Neil’s infatuation with the pretty jillaroo hadn’t seemed of much importance until Neil had announced their engagement.

“I knew almost immediately that she was the one I wanted,” Neil said, “but Michael had just died and everything was up in the air, so I didn’t say anything the first summer she worked here. When she came back the next year, though, I figured it was a sign, and I did everything I could to convince her to marry me.”

“You know Thorne and I can’t get married,” Ian said.

Neil rolled his eyes. “Not the point, drongo. There are a lot of things I don’t know, but if there’s one thing Caine and Sam have taught me, it’s that love isn’t defined by the gender of the person you care about. Sure, it sometimes still makes me uncomfortable if I think about it too much, but Sam loves Jeremy the same way I love Molly. If you get the chance to have that with Thorne, you need to grab it with both hands and not let go.”

“We should get to work,” Ian said. Neil was right, Ian was sure, but he needed time to think about it, and that couldn’t happen with Neil standing there looking at him expectantly.

Neil shook his head. “Get Titan and teach your blow-in how to ride. You’ll reap the benefits of it later.”

Ian’s cheeks flamed. The only benefit he’d reap of Thorne learning to ride was an extra jackaroo to help with the work, but Neil didn’t know that. Ian hadn’t ever told him, and he wasn’t going to tell him now. He grabbed Titan’s halter and fled, Neil’s teasing laughter following him all the way to the shearing shed where they kept the tack.

“
W
HAT
are you doing in my kitchen?”

Thorne looked up in surprise as Kami glared at him from across the room. “I came to get some water,” Thorne replied. “Ian’s been teaching me how to ride and it’s hot outside. He said I could get some water in here.”

“Out in the canteen,” Kami grumbled, “not in the kitchen where I’m working.”

Before Thorne could apologize and leave, Kami had slammed a cup of water down in front of him. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Kami said. “Sit down.”

Thorne almost balked at Kami’s tone of voice, but if he’d learned one thing while in the military, it was not to piss off the person responsible for dinner, so he sat and took a long drink of his water.

“You’re spending a lot of time with Ian during the day and sleeping with him at night.”

“Sleeping on his couch,” Thorne corrected.

That drew Kami up short for a minute, surprise crossing his face before being replaced by that glare again. “Something wrong with his bed?” Kami demanded.

“I wouldn’t know,” Thorne said. “I haven’t been invited into it, and I’m certainly not going there uninvited.”

“Good to hear,” Kami said. “He’s the one year-rounder whose story I don’t know, but I know he has one. I remember him when he first came, and he had all the signs of a wounded animal.”

“He hasn’t told me either,” Thorne admitted, “but he doesn’t need to. I can guess enough of it, and even if I couldn’t, I’m not the kind of man to force anyone into bed.”

“So what kind of man are you?” Kami demanded.

Thorne wasn’t sure how to answer that question, in part because he wasn’t sure what Kami wanted to know. “I’m a soldier,” he said slowly. “Retired, maybe, but it’s still who I am.”

Kami stared at him for so long that Thorne squirmed uncomfortably on his chair. “Not a soldier,” he said finally. “A warrior.”

“Same thing,” Thorne said.

“No, it’s not,” Kami insisted. “Anyone who joins the army is a soldier and when he leaves the army, that’s over. It’s a job, nothing more. You’re different. You were a soldier. You were in the army, but it’s deeper than that for you. It’s in your nature to fight for what’s important, to spend everything you have and are to protect those you love.”

“Hell of a lot of good it ever did me,” Thorne muttered.

“That only makes you a wounded warrior,” Kami replied. “It doesn’t change your heart.”

“I’m not wounded,” Thorne replied automatically.

“Not all wounds are physical,” Kami said. “You flinch when someone walks up behind you. You shy from unexpected touches or loud noises. Your body might be as strong as ever, but your heart is bruised.”

Thorne opened his mouth to deny it, but Kami cut him off. “Don’t say it,” Kami said. “Don’t lie to yourself. You don’t have to talk to me about it. You don’t even have to talk to Ian about it, but he doesn’t deserve to live with your lie.”

“So what do I do?” Thorne asked.

“Help each other heal,” Kami replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“How?” Thorne asked, because he’d do whatever it took to help Ian, but he didn’t really know where to start.