Confessions After Dark (35 page)

Her heart squeezed inside her chest, and she felt sick to her stomach.
How could I let this happen? How can I love him this much?
Her eyes stung again, but she bit her lip hard, hoping the pain would stem the tears from falling.

“This place is yowza, Angel. Really nice. I guess psychology pays better than singing.”

“Thanks, but you guys should have a record deal. You’re more than good enough.”

“If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. Maybe if you were still fronting us, then, yeah.”

“You don’t need me. You’re all amazing.” She sniffed and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “Won’t Crystal be upset that you’re here?”

He reappeared with two wine glasses filled halfway with the deep garnet liquid. “She saw what went down with Alex. You and I are friends now.” The words sounded weird to Angel in light of the song and the scene Alex had witnessed.

“Really?” she asked hesitantly.

Kyle shrugged. “It’s what I’m left with. If I have to live with it, Crystal does, too.”

“Easier said than done,” Angel murmured, feeling suddenly sorry for the other woman. “See how well I’m handling Alex and Whitney.”

“That’s because that bitch wants him. You’re clearly over me; even Crystal could see that tonight.”

When Kyle handed her a glass and then sank down next to her again, her eyes fell to his left shoulder. The tattoo was glaring proof of their past relationship. She flushed, realizing Alex must have seen it. She touched the outline of it with her finger.

“This was so dumb.”

“It didn’t make a difference anyway,” he said quietly with a shrug. “I was such a dick.”

Angel leaned up on the arm of the couch and took a swallow of wine. “Shit happens. It’s in the past.”

“But, I’m sorry. Angel. I’m not sure if I’m sorrier for you or me.”

Angel’s expression softened and gentle fingers traced Kyle’s jaw.

“I’ve never seen you like this. Were you this hurt… when we, I mean, by me?”

Angel inhaled deeply, meeting his brown eyes with hers. “Sure, it hurt. I think most of it was that Crystal was so different and not like me at all. I thought you could do better and, honestly, I’m shocked you’re still with her. Really, Kyle, I want you to be happy, but Crystal is not the one for you.”

He shrugged. “I let
the one
get away. Hopefully, Alex is smarter than me.”

Angel’s chin jutted out. “Obviously not. He did the same thing; chose someone else.”

Kyle studied her face and watched as her chin began to tremble. “No, he didn’t. You don’t know he’s cheating.”

Angel closed her eyes and swallowed hard as visions of Alex making love to Whitney filled her mind. “God, I wish I could shut off my brain.”

“What is it about him? His money? His family or the company?”

She shook her head thoughtfully. “No. When I look at him, I don’t see any of that. It’s how he makes me feel. I’ve never felt so desperate or so…
beautiful
. It’s like when he’s with me, I’m a better version of myself. When he touches me, I come alive. Does that make sense?”

Kyle’s face fell slightly, but he nodded. Angel could see the regret in his eyes and knew her words pained him. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

“It doesn’t hurt that he’s loaded, though,” he muttered.

“He doesn’t buy me things because he knows I wouldn’t want it. His money doesn’t factor into it. He’s just…
Alex
. I’ve known all along he’d gut me. And I… let it happen. I have no one to blame but myself. He told me going in he didn’t fall in love.”

Angel laid her head on her folded arms that rested on the edge of the couch, and the two of them sat quietly, listening to music. It calmed her down, and eventually, her eyes started to droop.

“I probably should get going, Angel. Crystal is probably ready to kill me by now.” He touched her knee and shook it gently. She got up sleepily and walked with him to the door, rubbing her eyes and smearing her mascara and tears into a black mess. Her nasal passages were swollen from her tears, which made her voice sound funny.

Kyle was hugging her goodbye when someone banged the door loudly five times. Angel started in his arms with a gasp.

“What the hell? It’s three in the morning!” Kyle mumbled, turning to open the newly replaced door.

“No, Kyle. Don’t open it,” she whispered, her heart dropped like a stone. “Just be quiet.”

“Open up, Angel! I know that son-of-a-bitch is in there with you! Open the fucking door! Now!” Alex’s voice roared from the hall. More pounding followed. “
Angel
!”

Kyle’s eyebrows shot up as he watched Angel come forward slowly; he could see her trembling. Her hand reached out tentatively and touched the wood. She jumped again when Alex resumed the pounding.

“Goddamn it! I said open this door right now!” The handle rattled as he shook it violently from the other side.

“Go away, Alex,” she said quietly, knowing she wouldn’t be strong enough to turn him away if she looked him in the face. “I can’t right now.”

“If he’s touched you, I will fucking rip him limb from limb! Now open the goddamned door!” He pounded one more time with such force that it made the walls shake.

“Just go away, Alex.” There was defeat in her voice as she leaned her forehead against the door as Kyle waited beside her silently. “What do you care if he touched me after what you’ve done tonight?”

Seconds ticked by, and Angel was scared of what was next… scared he’d walked away or what he’d say.

“Angel,” Alex’s tone was calmer but clearly strained. “We need to talk.”

She leaned her head on the door, eyes closed, fingers grazing the wood. “You said it all when you left with Whitney.”

The door banged loudly enough to shake the art on the walls and make Angel jump again. One single hit. “Uuugggghhh! We both know I can break this fucking door down, Angel! Now, let me in!”

“Angel, we have to open the door. Your neighbors will call the cops,” Kyle said as he pulled Angel behind him and then opened the door a crack.

“Don’t, Kyle!” She tried to stop him, but it was too late.

“Look, man…” he began and was then hurled backward into Angel, sending her slight form tumbling to the floor as Alex pushed forcefully through and into the room.

“You! Get out!” he yelled angrily at Kyle, pointing a finger at him, his eyes on fire. He was livid as he let a right hook fly that hit Kyle squarely in the jaw. The other man stumbled backward as pain shot through Alex’s hand. When Alex saw Angel on the floor, his expression changed and filled with worry as he moved toward her. Kyle’s hand closed over Alex’s shoulder and whirled him around, putting his hand up between them.

“She’s not in any condition to talk. Give her some time.”

Alex’s focus was totally on Angel as he turned back to her. He bent to help her up but she scrambled out of his reach.

“Get bored fucking Whitney? She’s not me, you bastard!” Angry tears fell on her cheeks, and Alex took it all in, despite the alcohol he’d consumed. She was a disaster. Broken and furious, her hair a wild mess, tears leaving make-up tracks down her face. “She’ll never be
me
!”

“I know, sweetheart…” He reached for her.

“No!”

Alex felt ill as Angel stumbled away as if his touch would burn her. When she reached the sanctity of her room the door slammed, leaving the two men where they stood. Alex started after her, but Kyle’s words stopped him.

“You fucked her up bad, man. She doesn’t need this right now.”

Alex’s fists clenched and the muscle in his jaw worked overtime. “Don’t tell me what she needs! I know her better than you will ever dream of. This doesn’t concern you.” His voice was quiet, but deadly.

“I’ve known her longer than you—”

Alex’s nostrils flared angrily and his chest heaved. “That’s irrelevant, trust me,” he shot back.

“Look, I still care about her.” Kyle could see the misery in Alex’s expression, and it stopped him from full-on assault. He put up both hands in front of him to silently ask Alex to calm down. “If I were you, I’d hope to hell I didn’t fuck that other bitch tonight. Take it from someone who knows. She forgives me now, but only because she doesn’t give a damn anymore. Having Angel not care is something you’ll never recover from.”

Alex paused and looked at the other man, his eyes narrowing before his anger faded. He nodded in understanding before striding down the hall to her room, thankful when he found it unlocked. His heart felt ready to explode, his throat was tight, his eyes on fire. He opened the door slowly. He had to make her understand.

“Baby?” The room was in darkness. “Angel?” He could hear her crying softly, but couldn’t see her.

“Please don’t call me that!” she begged, humiliated. She’d rather die than have him see her so broken. She cleared her throat and hardened her voice. “It feels like a lie. It’s over.”

“The fuck it is,” he said quietly.

“Well, sloppy seconds aren’t my style.” Her voice was hoarse and thick with her tears.

Alex walked to the other side of the room and found her huddled in the corner behind the bed, a dark ball of shadows.

Alex’s heart broke. “You say that to me when I find you in here alone with
him
?”

She slid up the wall until she was standing and folded her arms across her chest. “Fuck you! You made me watch you leave with her knowing I had to keep singing! Do you know how fucking hard that was?” He heard the pain; he could see it on her face as her brow crinkled and she closed her eyes.

“Goddamned right, I did!” he railed. “I wanted you to suffer like you’ve made me suffer! You’re dragging me through hell!”

“How? By forcing you to be honest? Did you have files on all of your women? Investigations of us all?”

“Yes! So what?” Alex barely hesitated. He sighed and ran a hand over the lower half of his face. “It means nothing.”

“From what I saw, you had every day of my life documented,” she spat out.

“That’s what I did! I found out about women before I got involved. Think about it! I have my family and business to protect. But with you… none of it mattered.”

“Right. I guess I imagined that file in your drawer next to my panties,” she said sarcastically. “I bet it bored the shit out of you.”

“I didn’t read it, Angel!” he yelled at her. “After I met you, I put it in that drawer and haven’t touched it since.”

“Why should I believe you? You lied about Mark Swanson, too. You had me tailed without telling me!”

“
I lied
about that bastard?
You
lied to
me
! You didn’t tell me the whole story and wouldn’t let me protect you! If you were honest with me in the beginning, I could have been, too. What the fuck was I supposed to do?”

“Nothing! You were supposed to do
nothing
!”

“Like hell! I’d go back and kill that motherfucker if I could get away with it!”

“It wasn’t your problem until we agreed on the plan!”

Alex laughed, sarcasm dripping. “Everything to do with you is my problem, Angel!”

“I can take care of myself! I don’t need you!”

Her words hurt and he visibly recoiled, but then turned and railed at her. “And we see how well that went, right? Stop trying to change what this is about! You’re killing me—maybe both of us—and, for
what
? What does this prove?” He moved closer, and she turned her head, unable to bear the pain in the green depths, trying to block out the voice that filled all of her fantasies, afraid to believe anything he said. “It was a stupid file. It means nothing!” Alex insisted again.

His hand closed around her arm above her elbow and pulled her closer, his other arm going around her waist, dragging her roughly into his arms. Angel resisted, pushing roughly against his chest in protest, but he had her against a wall, and she was trapped by his body.

“It means I can’t trust you!”

“No, it doesn’t! It means I’m not used to trusting
anyone
. I had it compiled before we’d even met.
Are you trying to convince me you don’t need me? Fine. But,
talk
to me. Yes, I fucked up, but don’t push me away.” His lips rested against her forehead as he spoke, and he breathed in her scent, fingers kneading the soft flesh of her arm. As always, the need to touch her overwhelmed him.

“I need distance. I can’t function like this, Alex! Please. I can’t think straight when you touch me.” She didn’t have the strength to push him away but willed herself to maintain control and not melt into him.

“No. Just once, I can’t give you what you ask. I can’t breathe when you’re in front of me and I can’t touch you. All night, I was suffocating.”

“Then tell me you didn’t fuck her,” she commanded miserably. The other woman’s perfume was a sickening assault on her nostrils, and she wanted to vomit, her heart plummeting to the pit of her stomach. She already knew the answer.

Alex froze. He had to come clean and he knew it. How would she ever trust him if he didn’t tell her the truth? From here on in, he would tell her absolutely everything, even if it meant he’d lose her. His eyes closed and he prepared himself, turning his face into her hair as he inhaled deeply. The wetness of her tears smeared across his cheek.

“I didn’t fuck her, Angel.”

“But you touched her.”

He steeled himself and pushed on. “Yes, but…”

Instantly, Angel’s voice caught on a sob and her arms shoved at him violently. “Uuuuuhhhhhggg! Don’t touch me after her! Don’t!” She cried hard, her body shaking with her sorrow as she fought to push him away. Alex’s heart dropped.

Her reaction only made his arms close around her more tightly as she kicked and clawed, angry tears streaming down her face as she beat at his chest; anguish threatening to choke her. The palm of her hand connected in a sharp slap that stung his cheek. “Don’t touch me!” she cried brokenly.

“Angel! For Christ’s sake!” Fire ignited across his face.

“No! Nooooooo! Arrahhhhhh!” Her scream pierced his ears, and her struggles caused him to fall with her onto the bed. “How could you? I fucking hate you!” she cried and cried, her heart breaking, fighting against his steel arms and hard chest with all she had, yet sucking in his scent with each gasp. “Don’t ever touch me again! I can’t bear to have you touch me!”