Authors: Sandra Sookoo
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“What do you mean?” Mark tucked a soggy lock of hair behind her ear in order to see her face. Tears mingled with the rain and dirt, but there was no mistake. She wasn't crying from her ordeal. The emotion racking her shoulders came from a much deeper place than a reaction from her dunk in the creek. “Alice, what's wrong?”
“I'm a complete and utter failure in romance and just plain living like a normal person.” She scrubbed a hand over a cheek, which wiped a streak of mud over her skin. “I'm better off sticking to plants. They either grow or they don't. They don't make me feel confused and excited and nervous at the same time.”
“I don't understand.”
“No matter what I do, you won't make a move.” She threw a hand into the air. “What, do I have cooties?”
“No, I⦔ His stomach tightened. With the mood she was in, there was no way she'd understand his reticence or his lack of bedroom experience.
Should I tell her about that now?
“Isn't it enough I've gotten this far? I'm trying to be polite and take it slow. I thought we'd both agreed on that.” He might not know a lot about how women worked, but he knew enough to recognize a break-up speech when it came around.
“Don't you see?” She raised her watery blue gaze to his. “
I'm
the problem.
I'm
the relationship killer.
I'm
the one who can't do anything right, who has to be drama and conflict all the time.
I'm
the one who can't go the distance with a guy without wanting to go too fast.”
What did she mean by that? Was it another one of her daffy tangents? Not knowing what else to do, he stood and pulled her up with him. “You're not a problem.” He didn't understand how to stop her pain or even fix what she thought was wrong because he would if he did.
“Oh no? Twice in your company I've fallen into a body of water. I've been chewed on by a llama. I've smeared myself with ketchup and had bird poop in my hair.” She pulled away, her chin trembling. “What kind of woman has all that happen to her?”
“Maybe the kind who has a natural affinity for doing stuff like that. It's not all bad.” He reached for her hand but she backed away. “It's kind of endearing.”
“Please. If you had the choice, you'd hang out with a woman who could actually carry on a conversation in the same topic and at least stay clean and dry.”
Mark sighed.
Why was talking to women â this woman â so hard?
“Don't you get it? I think you're great no matter what.” During his stint in the creek, he'd lost his hat, so he shoved a hand through his hair. He said the first thing that came to mind. “Come on. Let me take you home. You'll feel better after a hot shower.”
“And that's supposed to be my answer?”
“Well, I'm thinking I'd feel better after a shower, so you would too.” Did he not explain it right?
“Oh, brother.” She planted her hands on her hips and glared. “Plus, if you were so into me, how come none of this â the creek, the weather, any of it â bothers you? Don't you ever get mad?”
“Iâ” Of course he did, but this sort of stuff wasn't the type to lose his temper over.
“Why do you always have to be so easy going about everything? Don't you care that you're a bait guy and probably will be for the rest of your life?” Her eyes went round and brimmed with regret. She pressed a shaking hand to her lips.
Mark reeled. His chest tightened and ached as if she'd physically hit him. “I thought what I did for a living didn't matter.”
“Maybe it does. I don't know.” Alice shook her head. “I'm sorry for almost killing you. I'm sorry you had to dive in and rescue me.” Guilt haunted her eyes. “I'm sorry I ever showed up at your bait shop.”
“You don't mean that.”
Regret ruled her expression, but he didn't know if it was due to what she'd said or something else she kept back. “You and I aren't dating material. It's too confusing.” She headed back the way they'd come.
“Where are you going?” Short of tucking her under his arm and making her listen to reason, he couldn't very well stop her, no matter how much he'd been blindsided.
“Home. My flower shop. Somewhere. I don't know. I need to clear my head. This is all just too much right now.”
He followed after her. How could she have changed her mind so fast? “At least let me take you home. It's at least five miles to town, and you're exhausted. Whatever else you think I am, I'm a gentleman, and I won't let you walk all that way in such bad weather.” Not that any of it apparently mattered to her. She'd leveled him, brushed him aside as if he were dirt on her shoes, but his grandma would come after him with a wooden spoon if he left Alice alone far from home.
“Fine.” She faced him. “This doesn't mean anything. I just want the ride.”
“Trust me. I don't exactly feel like Mr. Romance right now.” Mark brushed past her, hoping his keys were still in his pocket. If not, it'd be a long, sullen walk in the rain for them both.
His big moment had come, yet he hadn't gotten the girl. In fact, from all accounts, saving her had only seemed to tick her off.
What did I do wrong?
Did he not have enough experience? Did he not say the right things? Was his rescue not brave enough to win her over?
Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm not the guy a woman wants to date once she gets to know me.
He kicked at a clump of weeds. It would serve Alice right if they were her precious flowers.
All of his vowing to be polite vanished. He wanted a say too. “For the record, baiting a hook is a lot easier than keeping you interested. I guess I'm not the flashy, sophisticated kind of guy you're attracted to.”
“What does that mean?” She wiped at the moisture on her face.
Still mentally licking his wounds, Mark figured he might as well confess everything. “The real reason you're ditching me is because you somehow found out I'm a virgin, right? You'd rather have a guy who won't have to ask for directions in bed.”
For one second, Alice's jaw hung slack. Wonder lurked in her eyes, then she shook her head. “It's not like guys ask for directions in anything they do.”
Great. Just perfect.
She'd chosen to joke about the biggest secret of his adult life. “Well, I guess I have my answer.”
He didn't care if she heard. It would already be a crappy ride back to town.
****
The second Mark stepped through his front door his grandma came into the living room from the kitchen. “Don't just stand there, boy. You're dripping on the carpet.”
“I don't care.” The only concession he made to her statement was to remove his hiking boots. After that, he stood in his spot, suddenly exhausted and lost.
“You better care. I'll make you shampoo the carpet, then you will.”
“Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood.” He yanked down the zipper of his windbreaker. “It's not been a good day.” Once he'd wrestled the garment off, he threw it on the floor then stomped on it. “Why can't it ever be me?”
“What is your problem, boy? I've seen porcupines less prickly than you.” Grandma shuffled across the floor, her house slippers scratching the carpet at each step. She grabbed his hand, her grip surprisingly strong for a woman her age, then she pulled him into the room and none too gently shoved him on the sofa. “I've got a potpie in the oven and laundry going plus zero time to listen to your sulking. Your brother's coming home tomorrow.”
“Oh, goody.”
“Don't be rude. Start talking.” She stared him down as she sank onto the sofa beside him.
Mark rubbed his eyes and finally looked at the older woman. “The florist is my problem. I think I want her for more than a friend, but after today, even that's going to be an issue.”
“What did you do?” A frown pulled at her thin lips. “It would have been a sure thing.”
“Why do you always assume it's me?” If his family didn't have faith in him, why should he? When Grandma said nothing, Mark rolled his eyes. “Fine. I went with her to dig up some sort of flower bulbs. She wanted to get frisky but the section of ground she stood on crumbled and she fell into Grady Creek. I dove in after her, rescued her, and all I got for my efforts was a bunch of lip and the âwe aren't compatible' speech. My big hero moment was wasted on her. End of story.” Told aloud and with a sarcastic slant, it sounded dorky and a tad pathetic.
Grandma cackled with laughter. “That's never the end of the story.”
“Well, it is in my book.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
He heaved a sigh that felt as if it came from the toes of his wet socks. “She said she doesn't like it that I've got no future past the bait shop.”
“Well, I can see her point. No seeming security means a no good future. Girls want to be taken care of. Best work on that.”
“Not you too!” Mark shot to his feet. “Look, I'm fighting with the llamas, trying to keep the farm running, contemplating a move, dealing with a girl who switches conversations on a dime, and you're luring men to the bait shop with exotic new products.” He shoved both hands through his hair. A glance into the dark TV set showed the wet ends stood at crazy angles all over his head.
“Not to mention you're a wee bit frustrated in the man-works department.”
“Grandma!” Heat rushed through his body, but he knew she was right. “Something's got to give!”
She snorted. “Yeah, your sanity. It's been a long time since I've seen you in such a state, boy. At least you've found something you're passionate about.”
Mark wheeled around to contemplate his relative. “What does that mean?”
“It means in recent years you've only gone through the motions of life, watching everyone else have their moment.” She shrugged. “Sounds to me like you're now skipping down the path to rainbows and unicorns.”
He glared. “Seriously?”
Grandma rose. She poked him in the chest. “Have you kissed her yet?”
“Please don't give me the talk.”
Would it be too much to ask that I can suddenly become a hermit who's hard of hearing?
“Good heavens, we're past that. Even I don't think you've done any hanky panky with this girl, and you're too old for that sort of talk besides.” She lifted a feathery, gray eyebrow. “When your brother started his dating life, I told him a man can find true love in twelve kisses. How many smackers have you laid on Alice?”
Heat rose up his neck and into his ears, from embarrassment of thinking of Alice, he couldn't say. “A handful I guess.”
Aw, man, what I wouldn't do to win her back.
“Then there's one thing to do.”
“What?” Only God knew what his grandma's harebrained scheme would be.
“Go after her. If that woman's got you this tied up in knots then she must be someone special. Go find out how much.” When the oven timer buzzed, Grandma made her way into the kitchen. “You want to be a hero? Then go after her and play the hero card again. This time, make sure she knows what you're going for.”
Yeah, that's the problem. She doesn't want what I've got. Even if I kiss her a hundred times, that's not going to change her mind.
She must have reached the timer because it stopped its harsh call. The oven door squeaked, then a casserole dish clunked onto an electric burner followed by the slam of the oven door. Grandma stood in the doorway. “Oh, and one more thing, boy. After all that yakking I'm sure you'll try and do, just kiss her. A girl can find out all she needs from a man if he kisses her right. You can work out everything else. I promise.”
“What if I do all of that, and she still doesn't want me?” Anxiety chewed up his stomach like a raccoon after a trash can lid.
“What if she doesn't? It's not the end of the world.” Grandma shrugged. “But you sure aren't gonna find out by dripping on the carpet, now go after your woman.”
“Fine, but if it doesn't work out, I'm moving in with you.”
And then my life will truly be over.
****
Alice only stepped out of the shower once all the hot water had run out. And that stinking Mark had been wrong. It hadn't made her feel any better. In fact, not having any more hot water made her feel even more like an emotional wreck. She bawled like she had when she'd been a little girl and had lost her Wee Wee Wets-Her-Pants doll at the park. Wrapped in her favorite fluffy, terrycloth robe, Alice cried yet another river of tears because this time, it was Mark she'd lost and not some stupid baby doll. Mark couldn't be replaced.
Did I make a mistake telling him I was done? Did I not try hard enough?
“Alice?” Her father's soft call blended with a light knock on the closed bathroom door. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” Hearing the concern in her dad's voice gave imparted a semblance of calm to her. She snatched a wad of tissues from the box on the vanity and then blew her. “Just ducky.”
“Um, you came home wet and looking like you'd had a mud wrestling match. Plus, you took a forty minute shower, which you never do, and you're crying â again, which you haven't done since Frank dumped you.” Silence reigned from the other side of the door. “I think you and I need to have a heart-to-heart talk.”
She couldn't argue. “Okay.”
I need him to tell me it will all be okay.
Alice wiped off a circle of steam from the mirror and checked her appearance. With a groan, she ran a comb through her hair, threw it into the sink, and then opened the bathroom door. “I've messed everything up, Dad.”
“Nah, stuff is rarely as bad as we think.” He wrapped an arm around her and gave her a hug. “I made you some hot chocolate.”
“Well, that always cheered me up before. Thanks.” She trailed him down the hall and into the comfy, dated kitchen. It still had the avocado-colored appliances and the hideous vinyl-covered seat cushions at the four-chaired table. She sank down on one of the chairs. Air whooshed from a crack in the pad. “My life's a big ball of confusion right now.”
“Oh yeah? Seems to me everything's coming up roses for you.” He set a mug of steaming hot chocolate in front of her. Six mini-marshmallows bobbed on the surface â the exact number she used to request in her childhood days.
She smiled and fished one of them out, sucking it off her finger once she did. “Maybe so. The shop is doing well. I might need to make my assistant full time soon.”
“And that Mark fellow? When he was over the other night, you two had the look of being a cozy couple. You had that special
something
two people share, that when someone else sees it, they just know it'll be all right.” Her dad slid into a chair across from her. “Is he the reason you're a basket case?”
“I'm not a basket case.” She snorted then took a sip of her hot chocolate to cover her confusion. “Well, maybe I am. That's what I can't figure out.”
“From what I can see, you're all hot and bothered every time you're around this guy. That has to mean something.”
Alice stifled a bout of hysterical laughter. Hot and bothered for a guy who'd admitted he'd never slept with a woman.
Is that even possible at his age?
“Maybe.” Whether it was in response to her dad or her own thoughts, she had no idea.
“You haven't been that way in a long time, and not even when you dated Frank.” His eyes were kind as he smiled. “I think you know that too.”
She refused to admit it to herself â at least not right now. Not until she could make sense of things. “But Dad, the guy sells bait for a living. He doesn't aspire to do anything else, except maybe teach folks how to fish.”
“People need bait, and the world needs guys to sell it. Plus, fish is a healthy alternative to beef. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.” He patted her hand. “Does his seeming lack of ambition bother you or is it his job? You've never been concerned about stuff like this before.”
“I know. I guess it hasn't really mattered all that much before.”
“And why's that, kiddo?” Her dad's eyes sparkled in the kitchen fluorescents.
She sighed. “Because with Mark, I started thinking about the future, and it scared me that he doesn't have a plan. If he can't support himself, how will he be able to support a wife or even a family not that things have progressed that far. You always told me to make a plan, have a plan, do what I can and don't depend on anyone else.”
“Right, and I meant in terms of having a savings account and a good job, just in case getting married wasn't something that would happen early in your life.”
“Well, I used my savings on the shop. When sales get better, I'll build it back up, but can I take a chance on a guy who's all over the place in his own life?”
“Only you can answer that question. There's more to life than financial security.”
An unexpected laugh escaped her throat. “Oh, that's rich. You saying that? The world must be ready to end. The bad thing? I babbled about not being sure he was good enough.”
“Well, that couldn't have been good. Us men have big egos. Beating up on that is like cutting us off at the knees.”
“Just great.” Alice took another sip of her chocolate. It warmed her throat and put her in mind of the days when she still had her mom with her. “I miss Mom.”
She could have told me what to do in this situation or just understood how I'm feeling from a woman's perspective.
“I do too. Some days more than others.” Her dad squeezed her hand. “But I'm glad you brought her up.”
“Why?” She held her parent's gaze. A mix of joy and sadness lurked in his blue eyes â eyes she'd gotten in the genetic pool.
“It's true I'm a big fan of planning, of making certain nothing will leap up and surprise me.” His Adam's apple bobbed with a hard swallow. “Two things I didn't plan with your mom. One was you and look how that turned out.”
She gave him a watery smile and nodded.
“The other thing was, I didn't plan on Mom's cancer. That kinda smacked me upside the head like a train.”
Alice's chest tightened for him. “I know. It wasn't fair.”
He nodded. “It wasn't, and it made me realize you can't plan for everything. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches. Life's important moments sometimes get in the way.”
“What's your point, Dad? I'm too worn out to think clearly.”
“My point is don't fight the happiness because you're afraid of what the future
might
hold. Nothing good ever came from being afraid. I know this from experience.” He patted her hand again then scrambled to his feet, turning away. “Your mom and I were afraid those last months. Afraid of what would happen when all along we could have enjoyed her last time on earth and each other instead of worrying.”
“Oh, Dad⦔ She shot out of her chair and went to stand behind him, a hand on his shaking shoulder.
“I can't get that time back. Don't make my mistake, Alice. Be happy no matter what else you think you're facing. Sometimes, you don't get a second chance. Find your joy, always.”
“My case and yours are hardly the sameâ” A loud banging on the front screen door interrupted the rest of her speech. “Who in the world could that be?”
“Alice! Open up. I'm not leaving until we work things out!”
“Mark?” Her dad guffawed. He slapped a thigh. “That's rich. You can't beat coincidence or God's plan, can you?”
“I can't see him in this robe.” Flutters filled her stomach while trembles played down her spine. Despite the ugly things she'd said to him, Mark had come after her.
“Well, Daffy, go change your clothes. I'll let Mark in.” He continued to chuckle while he left the kitchen.
She'd never gotten dressed so fast in her whole life. As her heart pounded, she pulled on a worn pair of jeans over her panties and then zipped up a fleece hoodie over her bra. There just wasn't enough time to find a clean t-shirt. By the time she pelted into the living room, Mark paced over the rag rug and her dad was nowhere to be found.
“Where did Dad go?” She would have risked a glance, but she couldn't take her gaze off Mark. He hadn't showered, hadn't changed clothes since his impromptu swim in the creek. Did it mean he didn't care or had he been in such a rush to come here, he'd refused to take the time?
“He said he'd forgotten about a TV show he just had to watch. Went to his room without much in the way of conversation.” Mark's shrug pulled his damp sweatshirt across his chest.
Alice chewed her bottom lip.
It's too bad he didn't take his shirt off when he dove into the creek.
She shook her head, determined to clear her thoughts. “Right.”
“This is better. I don't want an audience.”
“Um, for what?” She tried to swallow, but her throat was so dry, it didn't help. A guy who wasn't interested in a woman didn't just drop by to shoot the breeze, especially after the woman in question had acted so badly.
“To fight for you.” He gestured to the sofa. “Sit.”
Alice sat as her knees gave way from the authority in his voice. “Okay. Now what?” She'd never seen him so grim. The lines around his eyes crinkled, not with amusement or laughter, but of stress. Even his mouth was tight.
“I'm taking a page from my brother's book in not wasting words.” He rubbed his chin, and the scratch of his stubble captured her attention. “Here's the thing.”
She stared at him, her breath stalled, her heart beat off the charts, her palms sweating. “Yes?”
“Take a chance on me, Alice.” Mark sat on the coffee table regardless of the newspapers and magazines scattered over the top. “I may not be your ideal guy or have the flashy job or a bank account full of money, or have skill in the bedroom, but I'm worth a second look.”
“I'm sorry about what I said. I'mâ”
“Let me finish.” Emotion lit his eyes from deep within. He held her gaze. “Yeah, dating might be rocky at times. Things might get messy. We owe it to ourselves to explore what's between us.” He grabbed one of her hands. “I don't know about you but what I feel when I'm with you is completely different than what I've experienced with any other woman.”
Her stomach trembled. Was he serious? “What do you feel for me?” She had to know.
A tiny smile pulled at his lips. “I want to know everything about you. I think about you when I'm not with you. I know I can't wait to see you again.”
“Me too.” The silence in the room swallowed her whisper, heightened only by the ticking of the clock on the wall.
“Well, that's a start.” He stood and pulled her up with him. “We'll have fun. We'll laugh and share a sense of humor, and when that wears out, we can talk about worms or whatever else you decide to change the topic to.”
Tears crowded her throat. When she attempted to tug her hand from his, he tightened his grip. “My conversational rabbit holes don't bother you? They annoy some people.”
“No. It's one of your quirks. It's weird and wonderful. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her middle knuckle. “Bottom line: I am who I am, and I'm happy with that. I might not be the bait guy all my life but if I am, that's okay.” The tendons in his neck worked as he swallowed heavily. “If you're not happy with it, this will never work regardless of how I feel about you.”
Why did he have to be so cute while summing their relationship up so nicely? She brushed a tear from her cheek. “Okay.”
“Okay? What does that mean? I don't want any misunderstandings this time.” Wariness crept into his expression. “I'm not good trying to figure out woman-talk. Just tell me.”
She couldn't help her smile. “It means okay. I want to see where dating you will lead.” Alice stared up into his face, so dear with lots of potential. “I spoke out of line earlier, and said all of that out of fear. Do whatever makes you happy in life. I'll be fine with that, and I'll support you in it.”
Hope lit his expression. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” Unable to stay parted, she threw her arms around his shoulders. A thrill careened down her spine when he responded with an embrace of his own and held her close to the hard lines of his body. Butterflies tickled her insides. “Every time I'm with you, when you kiss me, talk to me, laugh with me, I feel like flying. I want to dance and sing and act even dorkier than I usually do, but I need you to go the distance with me.”
“Good news. I don't want you to be less dorky.”
She burrowed her face in his chest. He smelled of the creek, the outside and man â everything she'd always associate with him. “Thanks for wanting to start over. I was afraid. I've never not planned for anything.”
Mark pulled her a bit away from him. He tipped her face with a finger beneath her chin and met her gaze. “I think the not knowing will be part of the fun.”
“I do too, and Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“Don't worry about your lack of experience. It doesn't even matter because you'll be your own person in that way too. You'll have your own style.” When she smiled, her mouth trembled. “Does that make sense?”
“It does, and it takes a load off my mind, let me tell you.” A faint flush rose up his neck.
“Good.” She stared at his lips.
For heaven's sake, when will he kiss me?
“I'm promising you I'll try and enjoy the journey if you'll promise you'll try mapping portions of it out every now and again.” After all, there had to be a compromise or two in a relationship.
“Deal.” He brushed his lips against hers. The kiss wasn't nearly as long or satisfying as she hoped, but it started tiny fires over her skin and threw them through her blood stream.
Alice sighed while a glimmering insight hit her. He wasn't as experienced in the physical side of relationships as he wanted everyone to believe, but he'd been honest enough with her to tell her the truth even though the risk was huge. Warmth spread through her body and heightened her awareness of him.
How fun. I've never taught a guy how to kiss â or do anything else â before.
Yet there was more to that heat than giving him pointers. He hadn't been around a lot. That meant he'd be faithful and true.