Cockney: A Stepbrother Romance (51 page)

"Four."

"Hudson, shut up." My resolve crumbles completely and I slide my hands into his hair and kiss him fiercely, as if I'd fly away without my lips on his another second. He growls as his strong arms wrap tightly around me, his hands sliding over my skin and grabbing me as he pulls me tight against his skin. I moan into his mouth, feeling his cock throb hotly pressed between us. His hand slides around over my hip and down between my legs to stroke my clit, and I pull away from his kiss and gasp as I feel him slip his fingers inside of me. I rock against him, whimpering his name as the water cascades over our skin; over his scars and ink and over everything that's ever separated us. I drop my hands to his cock, shuttling my hand up and down his enormous hardness as he curls his fingers inside of me, stroking against that sweet spot. I'm so close as I feel him growl into my neck, and it's taking everything I have not to cry out loud and scream his name as he coaxes me closer and closer to that sweet edge.

He bites my earlobe between his teeth; "Come for me, Reagan. Come for me
right
now." When I do scream this time, I muffle it into his shoulder. My whole body shudders against him as my orgasm shatters through me, and I clutch him to me tightly, as if he might float away.

P A S T

It’s the pretending to care that gets old after a while. It’s exhausting really, pretending I’m interested in what they’re saying, or their opinions on the menu, or in
them
as people when really, I just don’t care. I’m going out with girls because I know I should, and I know it’s something I
need
to do to get my mind off of her, but it never helps. If anything, it just makes it worse.

A year later, and here I am out with some other redhead who only even vaguely looks like her, who’s chattering at me across the dinner table about - fuck, actually I have no idea. I’m dating because I know a man of my position
should
be dating cute women in skimpy dresses at fancy restaurants. I mean let’s face it, there’s already enough weird shit about me to make me stand out more than I ever want to; being that weird guy who
never
goes out or is
never seen
with a hot girl on his arm is just a reputation I don’t need if I’m trying to blend in.

When I drop her back off at her apartment, she looks at me like I’m completely nuts when I politely decline her invitation to come up for for coffee “and maybe a little cream and sugar”. Besides it being such an over-the-top line, I’m just not interested. I mean shit, the old me would’ve had her dress off halfway up the stairs; hell, the old me would’ve probably fucked her in the bathroom of that 5-star restaurant. But the new me feels pulled in too many directions, and is hounded by too many demons, and is
haunted
by the memory of the one perfect girl who no one is ever going to replace.

And as I roar away from the redhead’s apartment, I wonder just how in the hell I’m ever going to get Reagan Archer out of my fucking head.

P R E S E N T

We’re giggling like fucking teenager as we stumble out of the shower, barely toweled off and leaving wet footprints across the carpet. She pushes me back in this big stuffed chair by the window of her room, and before I know it, she’s kneeling at my feet. When her lips wrap around my cock, it’s fucking
miles
better than every single one of the multitude
of fantasies I’ve had of this exact moment. Her tongue slides across the underside of me as she begins to gently suck, and I’m just
done
. I’m gasping for breath with my hands running through her long red hair as she moans and swirls her tongue around me. When I warn her, she only moans louder and sucks me deeper, and I explode inside her mouth as I gasp out her name.

She giggles as she pulls away, wiping her mouth in this way that would look just plain slutty with literally any other girl in the world but her; on her it just looks incredible. She smiles shyly up at me as I try to form words though the fog in my head. Our eyes meet and then I’m pulling her up into my lap and kissing her neck and feeling her whimper softly into my ear. 

“You trying to kill me, Red?” I growl, nipping at her earlobe and loving the way it makes her gasp.

“No but I’m starting to see the appeal all those other girls found in you.”

She’s giggling, teasing me, and I groan as bring her lips to mine; “there
are
no other girls but you, you know that right?” She’s kissing me, and then as her hand drops to my lap she starts to giggle again

“Oh my
God
-“

“What?”

She laughs- the sound so fucking beautiful and musical; “Hudson-“ Her eyes are wide and her cheeks are blushing bright red as she nods at my cock, standing straight up between us; “You’re still, um-” She’s trails off, and I shrug, not being able to help but add in a smug smirk at the fact that I’m still hard. Reagan bites her lip; “Do you- um, do you have one?”

Fuck
. Of
course
I don’t. The old me had them stuffed into every pocket I owned, but of the course the second the new me needs one more than a dying man needs water in the desert, I’m without. She sees the hesitation on my face and smirks as she reaches for her purse on the table next to us; rummaging around before coming out with a little foil packet in her hand and an adorable pink glow to her cheeks. I raise my eyebrows teasingly and she rolls her eyes; “You should probably check and make sure it isn’t expired.”

She’s grinning at me as our eyes meet, and I feel
so
fucking close to this girl without even being inside her that it practically knocks the wind out of me. I’m not used to feeling this emotionally exposed with someone; this naked. In fact, even with all the women before, I’m fairy certain in that moment that I’ve
never
felt quite like this before; the sobering epiphany hits me that
this
is what making love feels like. She looks at me, so innocently, and so full of need that I’m suddenly terrified of shattering everything that she with the burden of what I carry.

“Reagan, you know we don’t have to do thi-”

“Hudson will you shut up and fuck me already?” She leans down and kisses me, sucking my lip between her teeth, and that pushes me right over the edge.

I tear open the packet and roll the condom down over my length before my hands are grabbing her ass and moving her up to my tip as she squeals. And then I’m feeling her slide down on to me, and it’s like heaven and I could die right here. She’s like warm silk around me as we move together like the movement of an ocean; rocking together like a tide upon a shore. I’m gentle at first, but the way she starts to dig her fingernails into my shoulders and the way she bounces up and down my length making these sexy as hell little cooing sounds has me grabbing her harder and pumping my hips to meet hers. She grinding against me and whimpering as my hands grab the soft skin of her ass hard enough to leave marks as I start to fuck her hard. I can feel her tightening around me, her muscles clutching at me and her mouth hanging open as I kiss her and then slide my lips to ear; “Come for me, Reagan; fucking come for me
right
now.” I muffle her screams with my mouth this time as she goes to pieces around me, and it’s more than I can take. I see stars as I roar my release into her kiss and explode inside of her.

When we’ve caught our escaping breaths and racing hearts and moved to the bed, I’m curled up next to her. And for the first time in maybe ever, I’m not counting down the seconds until I can leave.

She yawns into my chest as she snuggles against me, worming her way deeper into my arms; “We shouldn’t fall asleep like this” she says sleepily.

I nod, feeling my own eyelids weighing heavily down; “Definitely not.”

I can feel her lips smiling against my skin; “But Hudson, would it really be so bad if…”

I’m waiting for a full five seconds for her to finish her sentence until I grin as I hear the soft rhythmic breathing of her sleep. Before I can even convince myself to stop, I’m holding her tightly against my body as I let sleep take me under, and for the first since longer than I can honestly remember, I don’t dream at all.

And it’s
wonderful.

P A S T

I quietly hang up the phone and stare at the wall of my apartment for a second before I let the air out in a slow stream. The empty, sort of
blank
feeling inside is weird, especially since I know I
should
be feeling something much more right now. When your friend calls to tell you that your boyfriend’s been cheating on you, there’s a certain way you’re
supposed
to feel and react.

Except, I just don’t.

And a lot of that might be because there wasn’t exactly a whole lot there
anyways
with Chet. He was more like a companion, and kind of an annoying one at that than any sort of
romantic
role. Movies are full of dramatic encounters and fiery kisses and unbridled
passion
, and I know that’s all Hollywood bullshit, but I also know that I’ve
seen
that sort of passion. I’ve felt it, if only once and if only for one brief kiss, but that one kiss with
him
is better and more memorable than anything I’ve known since.

So, no, I’m not
mad
that Chet’s apparently been fucking one of his interns, I’m just sort of
sad,
I guess.

I open my phone, and almost like second nature, I’m scrolling down through my contacts until I see Hudson’s number there on my screen. It’s right where it’s been for over a year now, sitting there in front of my face with my thumb hanging half an inch above it but never actually touching it and actually going through with calling him. I don’t even know what the hell I’d
say
to him at this point, even though for a while I was so mad I even
wrote down
all the poisonous vitriol I wanted to hurl at him. But now- now it just seems like a faded and sad dream.