Choking Game (6 page)

NINE

Teenage Revenge
@TeenageRevenge
I wonder how often my shyness is mistaken for being stuck up because it happens a lot and I'm sorry about it

~I don't know. I think you're right. It does happen a lot. Is that why you think you can't fit in? Is your 'unable to fit in' something you put into your bad pile? Maybe you should hashtag it and see what comes up in the feed. How about this?~

Teenage Revenge
@TeenageRevenge
I wonder how often my shyness is mistaken for being stuck up because it happens a lot and I'm sorry about it #shy #lonely #arrogant #awkward

~Tell me the first word that comes to mind when you look in the mirror.~

"Alone."

~Okay. Do you like being alone?~

"Sometimes. Most of the time."

~You spend a lot of time alone. If you like it so much, then it's a good thing no one bothers you. No one stops you from being alone. Isn't that a good thing?~

"I guess."

~Well, put it in your good pile. Now, what's the next word that comes to mind?~

"Ugly."

~I beg to differ. You know as well as I do that you're not bad looking at all. There are plenty of kids in your school who got cheated in that department. You came out okay. I think you said ugly because you feel ugly on the inside, not on the outside.~

"What difference does it make? Ugly is ugly, inside or out, same thing."

~No, it's not. Let's assume you're ugly on the inside and okay looking on the outside. There's your balance. One goes in the bad pile, and one goes in the good pile.~

"Is this another one of your psychobabbles?"

~It's no psychobabble. I'm just showing you the pile you neglected to see. What's the third word?~

"Depressed."

~Now we're getting somewhere. I like it when you're honest.~

"I'm always honest."

~Is that a joke? Because I'm not laughing. Why do you think you're depressed?~

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be depressed."

~See, that's the thing. You don't even know your own self. You're looking at the mirror and everything you say is so vague. It's your lame excuse not to know who you are and what you want in this life.~

"Then tell me, if you're so damn smart, what do I want in this life?"

~The good pile to grow and balance the bad pile. You said so yourself.~

"That's really helpful."

~No. You don't understand. The good pile is already there, you just don't see it. You're so preoccupied with the bad one, you're blind toward the good. I already showed you, didn't I? Let's say you're depressed. Okay, I believe you. Is it because you don't play your music anymore?~

"Maybe."

~It's your decision. You can reverse it. At least you know your music, and you're sure good at it. That's a huge piece to throw into the good pile. Next. How about your folks? You're still mad at them?~

"Yeah."

~They argued with each other, not with you. It's not about you. That's a good thing. They love you, and they're trying their best. That's a great thing, don't you think?~

"Ehm..."

~Okay, school. Are you failing any subjects?~

"No, not really."

~You're not a genius, but you're not failing either. There are kids a lot closer to a failing grade then you've ever been. Good thing. How about friends? Do you have any?~

"No."

~Well, at least no friends no drama. Teenage friends are not what you'd consider a reliable resource.~

"Is that supposed to be a consolation?"

~At least you don't have the drama, that's a good thing. The fact that you have no friends is your fault. Don't blame others. You're the one who doesn't want to connect with anyone. You get what you give. Look in the mirror again. What word comes up?~

"Shy."

~I think that's your number one problem. You tweeted it yourself. You're too shy, and you come across as stuck up. You project the wrong image. Unless you see yourself for who you really are, others won't see it either. I could go on and on about this good pile. I can assure you it would be almost as high as the bad one. Granted, nothing can possibly balance Stanley's death, but you need to look inside you for what it meant and what it taught you. You’ve got a lot of work to do before you can seriously say you did all of your homework and found no reason to stay. Promise me you'll do it.~

"You think it's easy for people to look in the mirror and say all the stuff they don't want to hear?"

~Why wouldn't you want to hear the truth?~

"Because it upsets me."

~Why does it upset you? It's the truth.~

"I don't know."

~Of course you do. We went over this before. Truth hurts. Sometimes it shows the side of you that you are ashamed of. It prompts you to act; it changes you. You can't ignore it once you acknowledge it. This is not a question. This is the answer, it's all of the above. Check.~

TEN

Teenage Revenge
@TeenageRevenge
perks of being my friend: you'll be the only one

~If that's not desperation, I don't know what is.~

"So what? You wanted me to be truthful, didn't you?"

~Truthful, yes; desperate, no.~

"I'm not desperate. I am simply telling the truth. All I need right now is one real friend. Someone I can trust."

~Okay. Here, this will do.~

Teenage Revenge
@TeenageRevenge
perks of being my friend: you'll be the only one #friendship #realfriends #trust #honesty #follow

~Why do you need a friend if you're not planning to stick around, though?~

"To make sure a friend won't make a difference even if there is one in my good pile."

~Makes sense. Hey, look over there. That kid, he's wrapping a locker.~

"What's so interesting about it?"

~Don't you hear the other kids?~

"Why are you wrapping your own locker, dude?" Ethan said with a mean smirk on his face.

"It's not my locker," Luke said.

"Like hell it's not. Open it," Ethan said.

"It's not my locker," Luke said.

"Open it." Ethan stepped closer and snatched Luke's cell phone.

"Hey! Give me that!" Luke cried out.

"Open that locker or I'll drop your phone and smash it with my foot," Ethan said.

~Why is that mean dude talking like that? What is it to him if that kid's wrapping his own locker? Do something!~

"What do you want me to do?"

~Get that kid's phone or something.~

"I can't do that. That shithead is huge. No one can fight him."

~You can't just stand here and do nothing!~

"Your phone drops on the count of three. One, two..." Ethan said.

"Give me that!"

~What? Who is she? I've never seen this girl in our school. Where did she come from?~

"I've never seen her either. She appeared out of nowhere. I can't believe she walked over to Ethan and snatched Luke's phone out of his hand."

~Of course you've never seen her. If you did, I'd have seen her, too.~

"Everybody's staring at her. They all look stunned."

~Why would they be stunned?~

"Because she's stunning, duh! Tall, slim, dark hair almost to her waist and a face jerks like Ethan will be drooling over for weeks. I wonder who she is."

~We have to find out.~

"Here's your phone," the girl said to Luke and then she turned to Ethan. "Don't you have anything better to do than to bother people who obviously don't give a damn about you? Find yourself someone your own size if you wanna fight. Or maybe I'm wrong—you don't wanna fight because you're too scared to get your butt kicked." With that, the girl turned back to Luke. "Thanks for wrapping my locker. How did you know it was my birthday?"

"Had it in my reminders all along." Luke smiled and showed her the reminder in his cell phone.

"Wow! Luke wasn't lying. He must know the girl."

~He doesn't, and it IS his locker.~

"But she opened it."

~Sure she did. I bet the locker code was what Luke showed her on his reminder.~

"What are you all staring at? Don't you have a class to go to?" The girl turned away from the crowd and reached into the locker. Everyone dispersed.

~Stay here. Let's see what they'll do. See? The girl stepped aside and Luke took out his books. I told you it was his locker.~

"Why did he tape his own locker?"

~Who cares? Maybe he's as desperate as you are and tapes his own locker because no one else will do it for him.~

"Whatever. I need to be in math."

~You know what I'm thinking?~

"No and I don't care."

~Maybe it was Luke.~

"It was Luke
what?
"

~Maybe it was Luke who wrapped your locker. Remember? You came to school and someone gift wrapped your locker on your birthday. You took pictures but didn't know who it was.~

"I barely know him. He's in my first period and then in math. The last time Luke and I talked, Stanley was still alive. Even then we only talked like twice, maybe three times total."

~I still think Luke wrapped your locker. Ugh, math, I hate math.~

"You hate math! What about me? Mom insisted I'd be in accelerated math since the second grade and ever since then I've hated nothing more than this catching up game. I don't belong there with nerds like Leslie."

~What's wrong with Leslie? She's smart.~

"Exactly. And not just smart. She's condescending, competitive and obnoxiously right every single time she raises her hand. Sometimes I just want to grab her hand and yank it out of her shoulder socket."

~Ouch! That's harsh! Why would you wanna do that? She hasn't done anything to you.~

"Not yet, but I won't put it past her."

~You're kind of paranoid.~

"Maybe I have trust issues."

~Sometimes these conversations with you are very tiring.~

"So why are you still talking to me? I thought you'd get tired of this a long time ago."

~I'm talking to save my own self. I already said that a hundred times—you die, I die. You may not give a damn, but I sure as hell do!~

"What the—"

~Is this some kind of a coincidence?~

"You told me there is no such thing as a coincidence."

~So how do you explain this girl in your math class?~

"She took this class to be here with Luke."

~Yeah, right.~

"This is Angelica," Mr. Trabold announced in math. "She moved here from New York last week, and she'll be your classmate."

~Angelica. I like that name. It's unusual.~

"That name is almost as pretty as she is. I wonder if she's a nice person or another fake a-hole to add to a long list of people in this school."

~I have an inkling she may be the nice one. I mean the way she helped Luke before, a-holes don't do that.~

"We'll see. It could have been an act."

~It could have, but I bet it wasn't.~

"Did you see it?"

~Luke? Yeah, he smiled at her, and she smiled and nodded back.~

"She whispered something. Did you catch it?"

~I'm not sure but I think she said
you're welcome
.~

"I need to know now."

~Know what?~

"If Luke taped my locker!"

~Why don't you ask him?~

"Ask him? Just like that? What am I gonna say?
Hey, dude, did you wrap my locker?"

~Yeah, why not? Go ahead, it's the perfect time—he's so close. You guys are practically walking next to each other to the cafeteria. Go for it! Don't be such a wimp!~

"Hey, Luke!"

"Yeah?" Luke said.

"Uhm, I wanted to ask you, uhm, did you by any chance wrap my locker on my birthday?"

"I hope you don't mind," Luke said.

"You did? Uhm, no, of course, I don't mind."

"Good."

"Uhm, why did you do that?"

"Stanley wrapped your locker last year. I helped him hold the paper while he taped it. I happened to remember the date," Luke said.

"Uhm..."

~Can you say anything other than
uhm
?~

"I miss him so much."

~Don't say that to him and don't cry now! You'll make Luke cry too, and some jerk like Ethan will see you two and have a field day!~

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop missing him," Luke said.

~Oh, just shoot me! Help! Here she comes! Great! Angelica, help them!~

"What's up?" Angelica asked.

"Nothing."

~Is that all you can come up with? This awesome girl just asked you two to be her friends and you say
nothing?
~

"She didn't ask me to be her friend! That's ludicrous!"

~Of course she did!~

"Can I sit with you at lunch? I don't know anybody here, and you two seem like the only people I would even care to have a conversation with," Angelica said.

~See? I told you, haven't I?~

"You really think she wants to be our friend?"

~Stop asking me stupid questions and answer Angelica first!~

"Sure. That'd be great!"

~Sure. That'd be great! Can't you be more creative?~

"What do you want me to say? She's not asking for my biography."

~How about your name? Don't you have a name?~

"I don't like my name and you know it!"

~You have initials. If that's what you use instead of your name, you should tell her and stop being so rude!~

"I'm MJ and you already know Luke, I guess."

"Yeah, we met in the hallway. Right, Luke?"

"Uhm, yeah," Luke said. "Thanks."

~He's just as talkative as you are. No wonder you two ended up hanging on to Stanley like he was a lifeboat.~

"Don't mention it," Angelica said.

"Wait. You didn't know Luke when you came up to Ethan and took the cell phone?"

~She's awesome. I knew that.~

"No," Angelica said.

"Why did you do that? Why did you stand up to Ethan?" Luke asked.

"Nobody else was going to do it," Angelica shrugged.

~Nobody ever does anything, especially standing up to a jerk like Ethan!~

"Because everyone's too scared of him," Luke said.

"I wasn't," Angelica said.

"Why not?" Luke asked.

"What was he gonna do? Hit a girl? Even if he did, it's not like I haven't been hit before." Angelica made a face.

~Don't you feel like a weakling, MJ? You both are compared to this girl. And she didn't even know Luke. That's crazy.~

"Thanks again, Angelica," Luke said.

"Where do you sit?" Angelica said.

"Over there," Luke said.

~Come on! Say something. Are you mute?~

"What am I supposed to say? I can't just start a conversation like that."

~Like what? Like you say something and she answers? Seriously?~