Change of Heart 05 - Forging the Future (16 page)

Logan, buried in my body, released deep inside, trembling before he collapsed over me, and in that moment, I could not tell the sound of my heartbeat from his.

As he dragged in air, strong arms wrapped around me, and I noted that they were those of a man.

“Jin,” he rasped, his mouth on the side of my neck, nuzzling, licking, kissing, and finally claiming my lips as I turned into him.

I understood there were no secrets between us, no unspoken words, no unshared desire. He knew me in every sense, in every way, and my soul was bare where he was concerned.

He kissed me breathless, boneless, when he eased from my still clasping channel with such tenderness, and I whimpered at the loss.

“You came back to me,” he husked, and I could tell he was overwhelmed.

We had to stay like that, tangled together on the floor of the shower until he could stop shaking and I could stop crying.

It took quite some time for both of us.

A
BOUT
TWO
hours after we’d arrived, when I was ready to talk to Logan about his plans, he was, of course, ready to eat. I was going to tell him no, but Ilia came bouncing into the room and climbed up into my mate’s lap and announced that a late dinner was ready. I nearly came unglued watching Logan gaze at his son and Ilia smile up at his father before leaning against Logan’s chest and tipping his head back. Basically, he was looking at Logan upside down, his hands on his father’s face, his little knobby elbows pointing out at me. There was so much love there. I could tell Ilia had been missing his father, missing the emotional closeness as much as he’d been longing for my physical presence. We were a family again, and Ilia was rolling around in it like catnip.

“Are we gonna eat?” he wanted to know.

“I need to speak to your father.”

He pouted, and Logan’s pleading gaze flicked to me. I had barely been able to ignore the wet hair still standing up in tufts, the golden stubble on his face, and the sexy grin as Logan watched me pace. He was far too alluring not to attack, but I had things to say. The issue was, now he had Ilia looking at me with his sweet little face…

I gave in. “Fine, let’s eat.”

Ilia was so pleased, and his whoop of joy before he launched himself at me made that more than obvious.

Downstairs, the dining room was full of people, and while Logan had to duck away for a moment to answer a phone call, I was able to see my family.

Eva was immediately there to hug and kiss me, and I told her how amazing the house smelled.

“I made all your favorites, Jin.”

I squeezed her again. “I’m really sorry you had to pick sides.”

“You said that earlier, and that’s not the case.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I didn’t pick anything. I didn’t choose sides. If Russ or Koren or Peter want to see me, they need only pop over. Logan would allow it, so would you, and I would love it.”

I was starting to understand. “But they won’t.”

“No, they won’t. And that’s their fault, not mine. Our door is open, they closed theirs. That’s their choice.”

She was right, of course, but—

“What?”

Her chuckle was funny, and I realized she could tell I was distracted.

“Is this table from the house?”

“You mean, is this my table that I brought with me when I was mated? Is this the table my father carved from one giant piece of redwood?”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean.”

“The answer is yes,” she said with a giggle. “It most certainly is.”

She left then to go into the kitchen, and I followed her and realized that while the layout and tile and wood were different, everything in the room was the same as the one we’d left up at the main house.

I wagged a finger around. “How did you do this?”

“Do what?”

“This is all your stuff.”

“And why wouldn’t it be?”

I studied her.

“I moved out, didn’t I?” Eva asked.

“I guess so.”

“You guess?”

“No, I—yes. You moved out.”

She nodded like I’d given a correct answer. “So therefore I had to bring my things with me.”

“Holy crap.”

“It’s not crap,” she scolded, trying not to laugh.

“No, that’s not—” I growled at her. “I just meant that, that’s a whole lotta crap.”

“Yes.” She beamed at me.

“You brought all your things.”

“Every pot and pan, every plaque from the wall, the table—as you saw—my silverware, barware, china, utensils, the good silver, my everyday plates, all my dish towels, pot holders—even the freakishly scary one Ilia made me for Mother’s Day last year—all of it came with me and will go wherever I do.”

I was stunned.

“After almost sixty years of marriage, I have quite a collection of both useable and decorative things. Not any of it was allowed to remain,” she announced. “Nothing.”

Sixty years.

It was sad, and I had to turn away from her quickly because it was getting ridiculous how often I was crying.

“Jin,” she soothed, walking around to face me. “This was not your choice. If it was up to you, we’d all be in the main house as one big, happy family.”

It was true. That was all I wanted.

“But you have to realize that’s not what the others will allow.”

I knew that too.

“Peter really did try to understand your and Logan’s relationship, but in the end, it was just not in him to make peace with two men loving each other.”

I nodded.

“He never saw you as true-mates, and he never will,” she said as she took hold of my hands. “I, on the other hand, saw the love from the start. I never doubted your bond, how could I?”

I squinted hard as she smiled up at me with tears shining in her eyes.

“But now, sadly, I am being asked to say that a semel can only be mated with a female and that is the only choice for a tribe. And if I choose that stance, if I publicly support that position, I get to remain in my home on the land I’ve lived on for sixty years. I get to be a mother to Russ and a grandmother to his son and the rest of the children that he and his wife will have as well. I will still be Koren’s mother, will be there when he takes a female mate—as he has vowed to do—and most of all, I will remain at the side of my mate,” she said, taking a breath.

“That’s a lot,” I concluded.

“It is,” she agreed. “But to do that means that I have to say to everyone that I don’t think you and Logan are true-mates, and as such, Ilia is illegitimate.”

“Yes.”

“And my girl is pregnant, did you know that?”

I did. Now that my memory had returned,  Delphine had confided in me as soon as we got into the guesthouse, first after Markel.

“But even if she were not, even if I would not lose her and Markel… Jin… Ilia is my first grandchild,” she cried, her voice wobbling. “I fed him and rocked him, and I’m his babushka and I remember mine and how much I loved her and what she meant in my life. Do you understand? I could no more turn my back on him than I could on Logan or Delphine or you.”

I stood there staring at her as she cupped my face in her hands.

“The choice was forced on us, and I, for one, resent that, but I cannot, will not, rip apart my family because Russ or Peter say I must.”

I could only stand there, overwhelmed at the depth of her heart.

“If they don’t love me anymore, if who is semel is more important than family, I can’t fight that. I can only hope that someday, they’ll return to the fold.”

I sighed deeply. “I don’t know that they will.”

“Maybe not in my lifetime, but perhaps someday,” she sighed, giving me a smile. “In the meantime, wherever you and Logan go, all the rest of us will follow.”

She was purposely ignoring the fact that we all still had to get through Sunday, and with no miracle in sight, that she was going to lose Russ. There was no doubt in my mind that Logan could take Vincent—he’d done it once before in Mongolia—and while it would be hard with Russ and Sasha on him at the same time, none of them were semels. As much as Russ wanted to be one, he wasn’t
born
one, and that counted for quite a bit. Logan would tear through them all; it would just be what kind of injuries he’d sustain in the process. It was still dangerous, there was the loss of blood to consider, and I was still debating on whether I would simply shift and annihilate them all.

“Thank you,” I said sincerely, giving her a final hug before I went to search for my mate.

Walking back out into the dining room, I saw Logan sitting at one end of the table with Ilia to his left and a spot for me on the right. Eva moved up behind me and told me to take a seat.

She had made all her Russian delicacies, from pelmeni, the dumplings Ilia loved filled with minced meat, to shashlik, basically meat on skewers, to the rabbit stew she’d made the first time I ever met her. There was also lasagna, ham, a rice dish, au gratin potatoes, mashed potatoes, and the buttery monkey bread she made from scratch.

I could see Yusuke’s influence in the huge tossed salad she insisted on; Crane’s world-famous coleslaw was there, as well as green beans, a broccoli and cheese dish, and creamed corn. It all smelled amazing, but more than that, smelled like home.

Logan took my hand and kissed it when I sat down beside him, and once Eva said grace, all the food got passed around the table.

I watched Logan make Ilia’s plate for him, Yusuke and Crane do the same for their girls, and Delphine fuss over Markel. I tipped my head at him, and Markel leaned forward so I could hear him.

“I better suck the attention up now, right? Three more months and it’ll be all about the baby. She’s going to forget all about me.”

I nodded my agreement.

Once the food was all served, with water for the kids and wine for the adults, everyone was interested in hearing about Logan’s plan.

He hadn’t been listening, instead talking to Ilia, so when he realized we were all focused on him, he smiled sheepishly.

“Hi,” he teased.

Yusuke’s glower was terrifying.

Logan’s eyebrows lifted, and he grinned again as he glanced around the table. “My plan is to win on Saturday.”

“Sunday,” I snarled.

“Sunday,” he corrected, leaning sideways to kiss my jaw.

“It’s not funny, and I am not amused,” I said icily.

He cleared his throat before standing. “Listen, before the night we lost Jin, I had been contemplating a move for some time.”

All the adults at the table were riveted.

“For a while now, Domin has been concerned about my and Jin’s progeny.”

If he had said Ilia’s name, used “child,” “son,” “little one,” or even “offspring,” our short person would have known that his father was talking about him. But “progeny” Ilia had never heard, because who talked like that in day-to-day conversation? The only reason he knew the word “offspring” was because he’d heard it when we watched those
Planet Earth
specials on the Discovery Channel. He was smart enough at five to know that offspring of Jin and Logan would have meant him. As it was, he ignored his father and ate, just like Yusuke and Crane’s daughters did.

“Domin believes that the best place for us—for all of us—is Sobek. As I’m already one of the seven laws—one of the members of his council—he thinks the transition for me to become semel of his tribe, the tribe of Rahotep, would be seamless. He firmly believes that his tribe would prefer to have a semel devoted only to them, who is accessible and not traveling the world as Domin now finds it necessary to do.”

I was shaking my head and not even realizing I was doing it until Logan crossed his arms and shot me a look.

“Jin?”

“What?”

“Speak.”

“No,” I said flatly.

“No, you won’t speak, or no to my plan?”

“No to your plan,” I snapped.

“And why not?”

“This tribe, the tribe of Mafdet, is your birthright, Logan, and you are the best semel they could ever hope to have! You don’t just leave them to Russ or Koren or your father because Domin wants you to.”

“That’s not why and you know it,” he said, adamant. “I need to keep you and Ilia safe. If what happened here had happened there, in Sobek, there would have been nowhere for you to run to.”

“Logan—”

“The tribe of Rahotep has always been ruled by the semel-aten before Domin took the name of akhen-aten, and so there is inherent distance already in that dynamic.”

“And that’s what you want? You want to be separated from your tribe?”

“I already am to a certain degree,” he stated, gesturing at Yusuke.

I gave her my attention.

“Jin, you have been forbidden from attending public gatherings for years,” she reminded me. “Even before I came, that was the mandate. There are not enough of us here to protect you from all the members of your tribe if any of them simply wanting to touch you turned ugly.”

“Yes, but—”

“So already,” Crane chimed in, “you have the separation between the tribe and the mate of the semel. That has been going on for years, as Yusuke said, so people feel they don’t know you anymore.”

“I—”

“Just finish your meal,” Logan ordered us all. “When we’re done, we’ll adjourn to the living room and talk.”

I wanted to talk it out then, but Logan was right, it was going to get loud, and I didn’t want to scare the kids with the volume.

The rest of dinner was amazing. Between the food, the company, and then the dessert and coffee, I was sated inside and out. Even washing dishes in the kitchen while Logan and Crane got the kids settled upstairs was like a balm to the soul. I was home, and that was the part I needed Logan to comprehend.

“It’s not the place that’s home,” Yusuke said like she was reading my mind. “It’s the people. Believe me, I know.”

Years ago, her entire world had been taken from her in an instant. Her semel, her first mate, had scourged her, taken her eye, and cast her out because she had not killed Logan during a challenge when she had the chance—she had instead rushed to his side and saved his life. Of course, her semel, Narae Hiroshi, had thought he could have taken care of himself, thus the maiming he had inflicted afterward, but Yusuke was a very smart woman, and even in the midst of a fight to the death, she had been logical. She’d weighed what she knew of his fighting skills against the number of attackers and had made the decision to assist him. He, in a rage of bloodlust, had tried to kill her.