Change of Heart 05 - Forging the Future (11 page)

A
S
WE
were boarding the plane, I realized I had not said good-bye to Wick or Dov, the akhen-aten’s men. When I mentioned the oversight to Logan after the plane took off, he explained that I would probably be seeing them again very soon, and so it hardly mattered.

“Why would I be seeing them?”

“That’s a long story,” he answered from his seat beside me in first class. I had the window and he was on the aisle, and while to anyone else it would have seemed like a simple seat assignment, I knew I would never be allowed to sit anywhere unprotected. He was my semel, and so put himself between me and everything. It was so ingrained in him, like when we’d walked through the airport and his arm had been around me, and how he made sure I was always between him and Yusuke or him and Artem and Andrian, and how anyone reaching for me, for any reason, was intercepted. I’d been alone for as long as I had any memory, and because of that, his care didn’t make me feel smothered, as I would have expected, but treasured.

“Tell me,” I pressed.

He rolled the back of his head against the seat as he turned to give me his attention. “We, as in you and me, have been giving Domin the runaround for about a year now.”

“Why were we hiding from Domin Thorne?”

He squinted at me.

“Logan?”

“We were fighting about this the night I lost you.”

I was startled. “What in the world would we ever fight about?”

He scoffed. “Are you kidding? We fight all the time.”

“We do?”

“Oh yeah.” He snorted out a laugh. “You don’t let me get away with anything. We go at it like cats and dogs all the time.”

“About what?”

He shrugged. “Mostly my decision not to let you go wherever you want, see whoever you want, and to tell Domin Thorne to go to hell.”

I couldn’t keep from smiling and took hold of his hand and leaned close. “Did I tell him to go to hell, or you?”

“You.”

“I see. So, he wanted something, you agreed, and I didn’t.”

“Precisely.”

“So do tell why we were hiding from the head of the werepanther world?”

He eased close so we were almost nose to nose, whispering, “He wants us in Sobek.”

“I don’t know where that is.”

Reaching up with his free hand, he cupped my cheek and ran his thumb across my lips. “Domin knows that Ilia is out of control. I don’t know how he knows. Someone in our home was feeding him information, but for the life of me, I haven’t been able to figure out who.”

I was listening but also loving how he was touching me.

“My first thought was Ivan or Markel. They were sylvan and sheseru to Domin when he had his first tribe, so that made sense.”

“Yes.”

“But Markel is married—mated—to my sister, and Ivan is mated to a man, and neither of those things would have been possible without you and me, so… I’ve moved on from that thought.”

“But someone is talking to him.”

“Yeah, someone is. He knew too much about what was going on, and because of that, the threats were escalating.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I say ‘threat,’ but what you have to hear is ‘request.’ Domin wants us with him, and basically, he’s gone from suggesting to insisting.”

“Okay.”

“He sent those same two guys, Wickham Morris and Dov Yadin, to see us at the beginning of last year, but I refused to let them on the property.”

“Why didn’t you let them in?”

“Because if they saw Ilia, they’d know that keeping him hidden up on our mountain used to be difficult and is now next to impossible.”

“It is?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“He’s powerful, Jin, and he can do more than just shift. He can shapeshift like you.”

“Like me?”

He twisted in his seat, and I was glad that Artem and Andrian were in front of us and Crane and Yusuke behind us so he could speak freely, albeit quietly, to me.

“You turned into a dragon once.”

I jolted, but he squeezed my hand, and just that much contact soothed me.

“I’ve seen you change into something like an enormous prehistoric lion, and a snake made of smoke. I’ve seen you fly off the side of a mountain, and shift so fast that you didn’t burn in a fire—you… Jin, you’re amazing.”

But I wasn’t anymore, and so I pulled away, turning to stare out the window.

“Hey.”

I continued to give the clouds all my attention.

“You think that if you don’t remember how to do that, that you’re not as valuable to me?”

I pivoted to face him. “No, I just wish I could remember being that powerful because I want to be an asset to you.”

He slipped a hand around the back of my neck and leaned me into him, into his kiss. What started out gentle and warm quickly became urgent and bruising, a hungry assault. Every time he got near me, it was like all that would do was my total surrender, and right there on the plane, in my seat, I was ready to be taken.

He shoved me back, both of us panting, and my body buzzing with need. I shivered, watching his eyes narrow to golden slits of heat.

“You are never an ‘asset’ to me. You’re my mate, my other half. You don’t become important, you already are, the most—you’re all there is.”

I could see it etched in every line on his face, hear his words, and taste his hunger—I was
necessary
. There was no question of him wanting me, it was beyond that. Our souls were merged; there was no Logan without Jin, and if I had my memory, I’d know that. As I didn’t, I’d have to keep reminding myself until it became second nature.

“And you,” I husked, “Logan.”

His smile caught me off guard. “Come sit in my lap.”

My face heated, and I shoved against his shoulder after he lifted me over the console between us and settled me on his thighs. “Please don’t make this plane ride any harder than it already is.”

“Why are you having trouble?” he teased, tilting his head to kiss my temple and then dipping to my ear, sucking my lobe into his hot, wet mouth.

It wasn’t a gentle twinge of electricity but a bolt that arched my spine and made me whimper in the back of my throat.

“Jin?” he rumbled.

“I will attack you right here if you don’t stop.”

His laughter wasn’t
at
me; it was kinder, secretive, and private. “I would let you have me anywhere you want, Jin Church, but if you ride me on this plane, other people will see you naked, and that I cannot have.”

The man was so possessive, and I reveled in it. His warm gold gaze held me as I leaned in and gently notched our lips together. “You taste so good,” I murmured, and his smug grunt made me smile before I took a breath and laced my fingers with his. With how intimate our conversation was, it was a surprise when my eyes flicked to his and found them troubled, having darkened in pain.

“Logan, what’s wrong?”

“The night you stopped Ilia,” he began, his voice breaking, “I… I cursed you—I banished you from my sight and that’s my fault, my weakness, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

“Logan—”

“It was a test of loyalty and faith, and I failed you.”

“No.”

“Yes, I did. I turned on you so fast after years of devotion and love and I… Jin… it’s a horrific betrayal, and I’m guilty.”

His face crumpled, and I saw all the pain in his eyes.

“I should have believed in your heart beyond what I could see with my eyes. I knew better, and still I reacted and didn’t think.”

“You’re only a man,” I said softly, leaning in to kiss him. “You thought I’d killed your son. Logan, how many of us could rise above all that was happening and react as we should?”

“I’m the semel. I should always do what’s right.”

“That would elevate you to sainthood, Logan Church,” I teased gently, trying to jostle him out of his sadness. “You need to forgive yourself for this.”

He shook his head, not taking the bait. “If I was stronger, I’d tell you that if you want to take Ilia and leave me that I won’t stop you but—” His head snapped up, and his regard was fixed. “I can’t have that. You have to forgive me and stay at my side. I won’t… last alone. I can’t be without you again—it’s not in me to let you go.”

“No,” I agreed, lifting his hand, kissing the palm. “We’re supposed to be together, even without my memory, I know that. And it hurts you that I’m only speaking of the bond, but for now, until I remember, the bond will sustain us.”

“Yes,” he said in the barest whisper.

I coughed to clear the tears from my throat. “So after you exiled me, did I run?”

“Yes,” he choked out.

Again, we stared at each other.

“When did you realize he was alive?”

“Crane,” he whispered. “He had Ilia in his arms, and he was calling his name over and over, and then Ilia contorted in his lap and sat up.”

I smiled instantly, imagining a little panther cub in my beset’s arms.

Suddenly I felt a hand in my hair, and I realized that Crane had reached around the side of the seat and petted me.

Pressing his palm to my cheek, I took a breath.

“I would have gone after you, Jin,” Crane murmured, and I tilted my head sideways between the seats to meet his gaze. “But I knew you would have wanted me to stay with Ilia.”

“Of course.”

“But I wanted to follow you so badly, you have no idea.”

“You’ve been following me for years, right?”

“All my life,” he whispered.

I had to take a breath. “It was good you stayed with your own family.”

“You’ll always be my family too. Don’t ever doubt that.”

I nodded quickly, unable to speak.

“Ilia won’t shift back to human.” Logan huffed, he too, having trouble getting his voice to work. “He’s stuck until someone stronger than him forces him to, and that’s not me anymore.”

It was my turn to cup his face in my hands.

“I’m not a semel right now,” Logan continued. “I’m just angry and hurt, and somewhere in all this time, I’ve gone from loving my son to resenting him as well. Because it turns out that I’m not whole without you, and I don’t know how to do and be what I’m made for without you.”

“I think resent is the wrong word,” I offered because just hearing him say Ilia’s name I knew it was. “You don’t love your son any less; it’s just that seeing him reminded you that I wasn’t there.”

“I blamed him. It’s irrational but I did.”

“But how much of that did he really see?”

He thought a moment. “He saw sadness, felt some distance between us, but no more,” he answered solemnly, staring deeply into my eyes. “I love my son.”

“I know.”

“He was snuggled up beside me every night.”

The picture of that in my mind blurred my vision for a moment before I leaned toward him, burrowing against his chest. He clutched me in his arms and took a settling breath.

“Let’s just stay like this for the rest of the ride, all right?”

I closed my eyes and nuzzled under his jaw. “Yeah, this is good.”

L
OGAN
FELL
asleep, and as I studied him, I noted that dark circles lay under the long lashes gold against his cheeks. He hadn’t been sleeping and, of course, now I understood why.

He thought I’d killed his child and had, in a rage, driven me away only to find out his child was alive but unable to transform back to human without me. It was like everything he’d done, every choice he’d made, had been wrong.

I got up, and when I stopped next to her, Yusuke moved to sit with Logan while I flopped down next to my beset.

“I get why we’re friends,” I blurted out.

“Oh yeah?” He tipped his head at me. “How come?”

“You’re crazy about me.”

His smirk was really something.

“Did we ever… were we ever… more?”

He leaned forward and took hold of my shoulder. “People thought so, even our fathers did, but it was never like that. We’re too close for that.”

I wanted to hear more.

“My whole life, there’s been you,” he revealed, grinning crazily. “I remember us being in like first grade or something, and we were coloring, and you’d look up and I’d pass you the crayon you wanted. And people were blown away. They didn’t understand how we were so synched up from the very beginning. But I never questioned it.”

Leaning back in the seat, I watched him, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the impish curl of his lip, and how he arched his eyebrow to make a point.

“Women were to have sex with, but I loved you.”

“Until?”

He shrugged. “Until you were thrown out of our tribe when you shifted the first time, and everyone realized you were a reah.”

I was confused. “I thought being a reah was a good thing.”

“Not when that means that you’ll be gay.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Your father couldn’t have that, and mine, he was the sheseru, and he couldn’t have it either.”

“But I thought all sheserus protected reahs.”

“And maybe he would have, given time, but all he saw was you being a reah, being gay, and me being your best friend, and that was it. He was in a rage.”

“Did you resent me?”

“For what?”

“Because of me you were thrown out of your tribe, right?”

“You were my tribe, Jin. As soon as we knew you were a reah, everything made sense. I was born to be your beset. I was supposed to be with you always.”

How strong his voice was, the total belief in the words, told me how sure he was, and that warmed my heart. His love was absolute, and I hoped I deserved all his faith.

“That’s why it was so weird when Domin Thorne made me his maahes. I mean, it was good that I had the opportunity, but it wasn’t right. Not really.”

“You—” I was stunned. “You’re the maahes of Domin Thorne’s tribe?”

“No, not anymore,” he said, flashing me another heart-stopping grin. “But I was for a short time. The thing was, like Logan always says, the only two people in the world you actually listen to are him and me. Without me there… you have trouble.”

“How terrible for you,” I sighed. “You have a life, a family, and still you have to babysit me. I’m so sorry that—”

“Shut up,” he ordered, thumping me in the abdomen with the back of his hand. “We’re family. It’s not a chore. You were there when my daughters were born, you and Logan are their godparents, and my mate, the maahen of your tribe, loves you like a brother.”