Champagne and Lemon Drops: A Blueberry Springs Chick Lit Contemporary Romance (34 page)

Beth hesitated. "I was just popping by to
ask what happened to your car, but if it's not a good time..." She
hadn't talked to Katie since her failed wedding night. Beth had
expressed how angry she was with Oz for crashing and ruining her
wedding, as well as hinted at wondering why Oz had shown up in the
first place. Katie had been unusually reserved and simply stated
that it had been Nash who had ruined the wedding, not Oz. Either
way, she'd planted doubt in Beth's mind about Oz's intentions,
making it easy to blame Nash for hurting himself and ruining
everything. Especially when she'd suggested that maybe Oz had been
helping Mandy bring her shoes to the church and Nash had
overreacted to Oz's presence.

A torrent of body-shaking
anger consumed Beth just thinking about how stupid the men had
been. How stupid
she
had been. She could have prevented all of this by getting
closure and making certain that Oz knew to stay away.

Katie licked her lips and glanced over her
shoulder at the closed door. "Oz is here. You're welcome to come
in, but I thought I should mention it."

The apartment door swung open and before
Beth had a chance to beat a retreat, Will reached out and swept her
close with an arm. "Beth!" He pulled her into the apartment.

"I was just—I don't want to—I should—" Beth
stuttered, resisting Will. There was no way she was going to hang
out in the same room as Oz. Someone was going to get hurt and it
sure as hell wasn't going to be her.

Oz popped off the couch and flushed with
color, looking uncomfortable. One of Will's favorite video games
was paused on his television, coffee cups littering the table. A
handmade toy box sat in the middle of the space between her and the
sitting area, filling the room with the scent of fresh pine.

She stared at Oz, feeling as though someone
had poured a jug of ice water down her back. She turned in Will's
grip. "I've got to go."

Will held onto her arm, a serious look in
his eyes. "Please don't. Stay."

She turned back to Oz who was struggling to
get a grip on the large toy box. "No. I'll go. Beth probably wants
to talk to Katie."

"You have every right to visit your sister
and best friend," Beth said tightly. No way was he going to be the
better man. She was leaving. Besides, what had she been thinking
coming here? She couldn't vent to Katie—she'd take her brother's
side just like she had so many times before.

Will's grip remained steady and Beth glared
at him, mere feet from her escape.

"No." Oz ran a hand through his hair, his
eyes still cast down. "I'll leave."

"Before you go," Will said, coming to check
out the toy box, his hand still gripping Beth's arm, "tell us
what's up. Why did you bring this by?"

Beth glanced down at the box, its lid
bordered with carefully carved alphabet blocks. She had to admit,
its cuteness certainly did nothing to help quell her inner desire
to have kids. She took in Oz's appearance as he dropped lightly to
his knees, pulling a plastic bag from his pocket. There was the
familiar tuft of hair poking up at his crown from running his
fingers through it. The same broadness of his shoulders. The deep
warmth of his voice. How every word seemed carefully chosen when he
was feeling shy. But today, what had once been so familiar, felt
almost foreign.

It was surreal. It was as though their love
had been a dream. So vivid and real, yet intangible. And to know
she'd never be with him again. Blinking, she looked away.

Oz unwrapped the clinking bundle of metal
handles, lining them up on his palm. "Which handle would be
best?"

Katie poked at the variety, choosing an
ornate one for further inspection.

"You don't need a handle," Beth said,
drawing closer. She leaned over, admiring the craftsmanship in the
carving despite herself. Not only was he building magnificent
pieces, he was carving. The man had surprisingly artistic talent.
Despite what it had cost her, she was glad he was honing his
abilities and developing his raw talent.

Oz looked up at her—eye level and closer
than they'd been since Cynthia's wedding. His warm eyes rested on
hers and making it impossible to look away. She leaned back,
horrified that she'd been surreptitiously sucking in deep breaths
of his aftershave. She took several steps toward the door. "The lid
overhangs. You don't need a handle." She tried to say something
about Nash waiting for her at home and that she needed to go, but
she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

Will caught up with her. "No."

Everyone looked at him in surprise.

"No," he repeated, he
pulled Beth back into the room. "Katie and I are going for a walk."
He released Beth and took Katie's hand in his. He pointed at Oz.
"You need to talk to Beth." He turned to Beth. "And you need to
listen." He waggled his finger between them. "You two, talk.
Really
talk. Say it all.
This is your chance."

Neither Beth nor Oz moved. Sighing, Will
dropped Katie's hand and steered Oz to the couch. Beth crossed her
arms and swallowed hard, taking several small steps toward the
door. Will lightly grabbed her arm and pushed her over to Oz,
seating her next to him.

"Now," he said, standing over them like a
peeved parent, "I recommend you two start by talking about what
happened at the wedding."

He and Katie closed the door firmly behind
them.

Beth folded her hands in her lap and cast a
quick look at Oz. He was pale. The sound of his jiggling denim-clad
legs filled the room, making the couch vibrate. Instinctively, she
applied pressure to his moving leg. Oz spun to face her and for a
moment she thought he was going to sweep her into his arms and kiss
her.

"Beth," he said, his voice
rough as though he hadn't used it in days, "I know I've apologized
for our relationship and everything you've gone through..." He
gently took her hands into his large, warm ones. She pulled the
insides of her cheeks between her teeth and ignored the tightening
in her ribcage.
Don't cry.

He laid her hands on his
chest, pulling himself closer as she tried to lean away. His worn
flannel shirt was soft and warm under her fingers. It was
comforting, real, and achingly familiar. "I am so very sorry, Beth.
Really and truly, sorry." His warm brown eyes flecked with gold met
hers and she relaxed. She trusted this Oz. This was
him
.

"If you could only feel my
heart," he said. Which was odd, because she
could
feel it. It was beating a
million miles an hour, just like her own. "You would
know."

Oz hunched his shoulders and bowed his head,
dropping her hands. She searched his body for a sign of what she
was supposed to know.

"I am sorry for what happened last
Saturday," he said, his head still lowered. "For the pain I caused
you. It's unforgivable. I..."

She bit her lip, fighting the need to run.
She needed to let him say the words she needed to hear so they
could both move on. So she could marry Nash in peace.

He swallowed hard and
paused as if wrestling with himself. "I came by your wedding to
wish you luck. For closure. I convinced myself that you needed
closure, when
I
needed it."

Beth closed her flooded eyes. She would be
married right now if she had followed Cynthia's advice. Instead
she'd chickened out and by not making a decision she had made one
that screwed up everything.

Oz continued, "I didn't want to believe you
were in love with someone else. It's no surprise you got swept up
so quickly and by a guy with... well..." He struggled for
words—like it seemed everyone did when it came to complimenting
Nash and not his work.

"Yeah, I know," she said uncomfortably.
"He's actually a great guy."

Oz cleared his throat and brushed a tear
from her cheek, holding her face in his hand. "I never believed we
were done." He stared at her like he was memorizing every feature
and making her feel like he always did—as though she was seen. All
of her. Accepting all her flaws, fears, as well as everything good.
He continued softly, "I thought I would get you back. That you
would see everything I was doing, and know it was for you. For us."
He dropped his hand and drew in a slow breath.

Wait. Had he bumped his head falling off his
rocker? Beth held up a hand to stop him so she could think. He'd
kissed Mandy. How was that for her?

Oz continued, "It wasn't until you got
engaged and were planning your wedding that I realized you'd made
your decision and what I was doing no longer mattered." His voice
got quiet. "I went through a bad patch." He held up a hand to stop
Beth from speaking. "I know I told you to take a hike. I remember
that painfully well. I just needed space and it was so hard to
figure out what I should do. But still, later, a part of me hoped
that if I got myself together and you were watching, that you
would..." He sighed heavily. "Oh, I don't know." He moved away from
her. "I was dumb. I needed space to get my head on straight and
deal with the guilt about my dad, but I never thought it would take
me so long and that I'd lose you." He looked at her with soulful
eyes. "What a moron, huh? How long can a guy expect a girl to
wait?"

Beth struggled to put the pieces together.
All this time he was working to figure himself out and get her
back? "Why did you kiss Mandy?"

He rubbed a hand over his face and leaned
back. "You and Nash..." he said quietly. "I wanted you to feel the
pain I was feeling. I hoped that if I kissed Mandy you'd see that
you still loved me and would wait."

"But I..." Beth's stomach plummeted. Was he
kidding? They'd been playing the same game against each other? She
felt dizzy with the swirl of unwanted, confusing thoughts spinning
through her. "You didn't want me. I dated Nash to make you
feel..."

It was too late, too late, too late.

"I realized Mandy had known what I needed
all those years ago. For a stretch I thought maybe she was the
right girl—with her knowing I needed to get out of accounting, and
all. But she's not. We never had that same click you and I had.
That something, you know?"

Pushing his hands up and down the thighs of
his jeans, his voice lowered as though he was speaking to himself.
"I don't deserve a second chance. It's not fair or right. I ruined
your wedding to a decent man without problems."

Beth couldn't help but snort. If there was
one thing she'd learned in this whole ordeal was that nobody was
perfect and everyone had problems.

She took in his hopeful, questioning
expression. "Wait." Chest tight, she watched, unblinking, as Oz's
face turned red. She whispered, "Are you asking me something?"

"I caused you pain. The things I've done
aren't easily forgivable. But I still love you."

Beth tried to keep herself together. All she
wanted was closure. Not complications and heartache. She only had
to make it through this and then she could leave and figure out all
these awful thoughts spinning out of control within her.

"But at the same time..." Oz said
quietly.

"You have hope?" she asked
as she stood. She couldn't believe he'd wanted her back all this
time and
still
let
her go off with someone else and let her believe he didn't want
her. Why?
Why?

"You're asking me to put Nash on hold. My
fiancé—the man I live with—and try things out with you again? How
is that supposed to work, Oz? Do you hear what you are asking?"

"Pretty ballsy, huh?" Oz tilted his head to
look up at her, his brown eyes brimming with emotion. She turned
her back and moved to stare out the window.

"Why now?" she asked, still facing the
window. "When over the past year you've done nothing but push me
away? How do I know you won't do it again? That this isn't just a
reaction."

Oz drew in a long breath, his leg resuming
its jiggling. "I only broke up with you because I thought it was
what was best. So you could have a life."

"You'd have to be really fucking serious,"
she said. She couldn't believe she was providing him with hope. It
would be so had for them to trust each other.

"I've never wanted anything more."

She crossed her arms, feeling nauseous. If
she met his eyes she would never stop considering his words and the
branch he was extending.

All she had to do was turn and let things
work themselves out.

But for once in her life, she couldn't.

She had to get away from everything and
everyone. She needed space to think. To figure out what was the
best for her.

"You'd have to still want
kids. You'd have to want a family and not feel like it was too
much." She looked over her shoulder and he gave a slight nod. "It
would have to be a sure thing, Oz. No messing around. No leaving me
hanging. No shutting me out. You'd have to tell me
every
thing. Trust
me."

He nodded again, swallowing hard.

"And I'd have to be crazy," she replied
softly, looking into Oz's deep brown eyes, her head shaking.
"Really, really crazy."

Chapter 21

Beth stuffed items into her bag haphazardly,
her mind on everything but what she was packing. Time away with
Nash would be good. A distraction. A way to reconnect. She wouldn't
think ahead. She'd just keep moving forward. She jammed her nightie
into the bag along with her e-reader.

How could Oz ask her back? And how could she
even consider it? Why did she ask clarifying questions? It should
have been clear cut. Instead of doing what was right, she asked
questions, gave him hope, and then fled. Bolted. Ran. Escaped.