Business Without the Bullsh*t: 49 Secrets and Shortcuts You Need to Know (7 page)

Some bosses can’t keep their temper, and yell at their employees. If your boss tries this management “technique,” you need to nip the situation in the bud. If you don’t, the behavior will recur and you’ll find yourself dreading every day at work.

When bosses yell at employees, some employees assume that this is normal, if unpleasant, boss behavior. It’s not. Regardless of the business situation, regardless of how tense the boss becomes, you have the right to be treated with civility and respect.

Bosses who vent anger and frustration on others in the workplace are being childish and self-indulgent. They are using other people as punching bags to calm their own fears and worries. Bullying is
abusive
.

For many people, the first response when confronted with an angry boss is to stare aghast and then try to get the boss to calm down by apologizing—even if there’s no good reason the employee should be apologizing.

Unfortunately, any attempt to placate somebody who is acting this way communicates that you consider the behavior acceptable and you’re willing to tolerate it. Instead, do the following:

Bullies, like dogs, can smell fear. And, like dogs, they tend to back off when the other dog snarls back. Do not yell because that will escalate the conflict. Instead, match the intensity in the other person’s face and eyes.

Think of it this way: what everybody (including your boss) wants is a connection—a sense that he or she is being heard. However, you can’t really connect with a boss if you’re wimping out. So glare back and prepare to put some steel in your voice.

State that you’re willing to help resolve the problem that’s got the bully upset, but that you won’t tolerate abuse. Don’t mince words. Make it clear that you expect everyone around you, including your boss, to behave toward you in a civilized manner.

Watch for the reaction. Nine times out of ten your boss will back down, because when reasonable people lose their tempers, they know that they’re behaving poorly and welcome the opportunity to recover their poise.

Sometimes, though, the bully will be so carried away by negative emotions that he or she won’t be able to stop. If so, state that you’ll be glad to discuss the matter once the bully is willing to treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Then leave the immediate area or, if you’re on the phone, hang up. By doing so you are not only preventing abuse, you’re teaching the
bully a lesson and saving the bully from further damaging his or her dignity.

If the bully does not back down and you are forced to walk away or hang up, you’ll undoubtedly be either upset or angry yourself. If at all possible, do not interact with the other people with whom you work, lest you say something you’ll regret.

Instead, go somewhere private and cope with your emotions in whatever way works for you. You may want to call a friend or family member to vent your frustration and get some moral support.

Once you’ve demanded, and gotten, civil behavior—then and only then—address whatever problem has made the person so upset. When you start the conversation with the (now hopefully calmer) boss, explain that you are committed to resolving the issue.

Be positive and be professional. Yes, it’s a shame that your boss lacks emotional strength and self-awareness, but the purpose of the conversation is to address a business issue, not to make the boss feel bad for acting like a jerk.

Now comes the difficult part. Ask yourself, “Was this a one-time event or is this something that happens all the time?” If the event was unusual, let it slide. People are human. Sometimes they lose it.

However, if this kind of crap is habitual, it’s time to activate your escape plan (see “Secret 22. How to Achieve Career Security”).

Your relationship with your coworkers is almost as important as your relationship with your boss. After all, you see them more often than your boss, you need them in order to get your own job done, and their day-to-day behavior is a huge part of your work experience.

Just as you must manage your relationship with your boss, you must also manage the relationships you have with your coworkers. You want them to help you become more successful while you do the same for them.

This part of the book helps you understand your coworkers better so you can work together to achieve mutual goals. It also helps you know what to do with coworkers who are not, well, all that helpful.

This part of the book is organized as follows: