Business Without the Bullsh*t: 49 Secrets and Shortcuts You Need to Know (16 page)

It takes time for people to change their behavior because old habits die hard. Unless the other person is very motivated to do something different, it’s likely that he or she will slip back into the problematic behavior.

Continue to reinforce the new behaviors by monitoring performance and providing additional coaching as necessary. Don’t give up until the person you’re coaching has achieved his or her potential.

In an ideal world, employees would spend more time solving problems than grousing about them. But the real world, unfortunately, contains many people who would rather complain than take action.

Complainers make it more difficult for everyone to get their jobs done. They not only waste their own time in complaining, but they eat up your time whenever you get stuck listening to their grievances. Here’s how to handle them:

If a known complainer (and you know who they are) comes into your work area and indicates that he or she wants to talk, do
not
interrupt what you’re doing in order to have the conversation.

Instead, explain that you do want to hear what the person has to say, but that you can’t give the matter the attention it deserves while your mind is on your current task. Schedule a specific time in the not-too-distant future.

There are several advantages to this:

When the scheduled time rolls around, there’ll be a chance the complainer has been distracted by something else, in which case,
problem solved
. But if not, go to Step 2.

Start the scheduled conversation with this question: “As we discuss this, do you want me to suggest solutions or do you just need to vent for a while?” This question is essential for three reasons:

Regardless of whether the complainer claims to want a solution, once he or she begins complaining, resist the urge to provide a solution (at least for now). Remember,
complainers above all need to feel that they’re being heard
.

Even if the complaints seem ridiculous and pointless, do not roll your eyes, fidget, or check your e-mail. Instead, nod your head and say things like “I hear you,” or “That must be really tough.”

In most cases the complainer will peter out in five minutes or less, as long as you don’t add fuel to the fire by prematurely suggesting a solution. When the complainer falls silent, ask questions that address how he or she feels:

These questions help the complainer start visualizing a way to solve the problem, rather than merely complain about it.

Getting the entire problem onto the table usually helps the complainer see what he or she needs to do to address it, even if it’s just something as simple as sucking it up and moving on.

Most complainers already know what they need to do to address the problem—but can’t motivate themselves to take action until they’ve moaned about it for a while. So sometimes complainers will say, “I don’t know what to do.”

If this happens, respond with, “Well, if you did know what to do, what would that be?” This restatement of the question can often short-circuit self-induced helplessness.

If the complainer has an idea, listen quietly as before. If the complainer remains stuck on “I don’t know what do to,” say something like, “I can tell you’re really frustrated.” Then move to the next step.

Once the complainer has vented and wound down, ask, “Did it help to get that off your chest?” Whether the answer is yes, no, or maybe is irrelevant. This question is intended only to establish that you’ve listened to the complaint.

Because you listened to the complaint, the complainer now
owes
you. That’s both good and appropriate, because listening to complainers is hard work. Now ask the all-important question: “Do you want my perspective on the situation?”

If the answer is no, let the matter drop, feeling secure that, by listening, you’ve done what you could to help the complainer get back on track. If the answer is yes, move to the next step.

Start by saying something like this: “I’m going to give you my opinion on how you should address this problem. After I do, I’m willing to answer questions about how you might implement it, but that’s all.”

Provide your best advice, incorporating (when practical) whatever suggestions the employee surfaced in Step 4. Phrase the advice from your own point of view. Say something like, “If I were in your situation, I might…”

Then ask, “Any questions?” If the complainer starts explaining why your advice won’t work (aka “Yeah, but…”), hold up your hands, palm outward, and say, “That’s my best advice.” End the meeting.

If the complainer responds with implementation questions, answer them to the best of your ability. And congratulations, because you’ve turned a complainer into a problem-solver.

Note that by following these steps you’ve shown not only respect for the complainer (or ex-complainer, as the case may be), but also that you’re not willing to participate in a whining session.