Business Without the Bullsh*t: 49 Secrets and Shortcuts You Need to Know (15 page)

Praising good performance is easy because everyone likes to receive compliments. But what do you do when a kick in the butt is more appropriate than a pat on the back? Here’s how to do this effectively:

Criticism is best given in real time or immediately after the fact. If you wait until problems fester, you only end up making those problems worse, because the other person becomes accustomed to the problematic behavior.

For example, suppose an employee shows up in an outfit that’s inappropriate for your workplace. If you let the matter slide, there’s a good chance the employee will dress similarly in the future and be all the more embarrassed when you finally object.

Because your goal is to change a behavior, it’s counterproductive to bring up and discuss the personality issues that you might believe lie behind the behavior. When you attempt to address personality issues, you’re making a direct assault on the other person’s self-image, thereby guaranteeing a defensive reaction. Example:

Criticism of behavior is easier for people to accept and act on when it’s accompanied by some praise. You do not do this to sugarcoat the criticism but to recognize that the other person had good intentions, regardless of the behavior.

So start with some praise and then segue to the behavior you want changed using the conjunction
and
rather than the more commonly used conjunction
but
.

“You’re a big contributor to our success
but
you’re exploding in anger when people question your ideas.”

“You’re a big contributor to our success
and
you’re exploding in anger when people question your ideas.”

Note that the use of
but
turns the praise into a backhanded insult while the use of
and
tends to reinforce the compliment.

Now that you’ve surfaced the behavior you want changed, you want to get the employee involved in, and committed to, changing that behavior. That’s possible only if you know the deeper roots of the behavior you want changed.

When you listen to somebody and acknowledge what he or she has to say, you learn about the world from that person’s point of view, which helps you better analyze how to help an employee change his or her behavior. Example:

Resolve any differences between your perception of the situation and the employee’s perception of the situation. Gain agreement on the area where there is a gap between the employee’s performance and what’s required.

Ideally the employee will come up with a plan to address the behavior. If not, or if the solution seems insufficient, provide your perspective on how to address the problem. Decide together what needs to be done in order to change the behavior. Example: