“What?” Axl asks, tilting his head as he looks me over.
“I’m just thinking about the future,” I say.
“Atlanta will give you a real chance,” Hadley says, sighing.
“I know you can’t go with us,” I say as I hand the dirty dishes off to Hadley, “but I wish you could.”
She presses her lips together as she runs a plate under the water. “Atlanta would be a better place to give birth.”
I turn to face her, unsure of what she’s getting at, but she isn’t looking up.
“You’re not thinking about going. Are you?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs as she continues rinsing plates. “The doctors here are clueless and they don’t have the technology to study this virus, let alone the knowledge. But the CDC has been studying it for months. Pretty much since this whole mess started. They’ve even managed to keep a baby alive. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I’m not sure if I’m willing to take that risk. I don’t think Jon will be either. Losing this baby will be as devastating for him as it would be for me.”
It seems too risky to me. There’s so much unknown between here and there.
I shake my head, but before I can respond, Jon walks into the kitchen behind us. “I have something for you, Axl.”
“What you got?” Axl asks.
His back is to me, so I can’t see his expression when Jon holds a knife up, but I do hear the little chuckle he lets out.
“Shit,” Axl says, taking the knife. “Thought I’d lost this back at the hot springs.”
I get a closer look at the knife, and right away I recognize the thing. It has a wood handle and a blade so long it could probably go all the way through a zombie’s skull. I’ve seen Axl slam that knife into a zombie’s head more times than I could count, and I know he’s missed it.
“You’ve had that this whole time?” I ask.
Jon nods. “I borrowed it the last day we were at the hot springs, and I’ve held onto it.”
“I’m glad,” Axl says, slapping Jon on the arm. “Angus gave it to me for my birthday. Back when we was kids. I’m pretty sure he stole it, but I didn’t give a shit. I love this knife.”
“I’m glad I hung onto it, then.”
“Me too,” Axl says, smiling.
He stares at the knife like he’s suddenly gotten back the only good part of his childhood. It’s cute.
Someone knocks on the door, and Hadley starts to dry her hands, but Jon puts his hand up to stop her. “I’ll get it.”
She shoots him a smile. “Thanks.”
“You two sure are different,” I say, turning to face her when Axl follows Jon out.
Hadley nods as she goes back to washing the dishes. “I reached a point where I knew I had to make a decision. Either give up or put everything I had into living this life. I knew Jon loved me, but I wasn’t sure if I could love anyone. It wasn’t him, it was me. I hated everything about myself.”
“Which is why you got rid of Hadley Lucas.”
“I would really like for you to start calling me Ginny,” she says, her eyes focused on the water. “I realize I’m not going to be able to get the rest of the group to understand, but I know you will. You know, better than anyone, what it was like in there, and you have to know why I can’t be that person anymore. Why I need to be Ginny Lewis now.”
“I do,” I say, putting my hand on her arm. “From here on out, you are Ginny to me. And I’ll talk to Axl too. I’ll make him understand.”
She swallows and shoots me a look that seems slightly terrified. “Let me talk to him. Okay?”
“Sure.” Maybe that’s a good idea. Things are definitely awkward between them, and it won’t hurt to have them get whatever this thing is out in the open. I want them to get along.
“Thanks,” she says, going back to washing.
“Ginny!” a feminine voice calls from the other room.
I turn just as a teenager walks into the kitchen. She’s cute, even if she does look totally out of place in this world. She has her red hair piled on top of her head and her make-up applied perfectly, and she’s so dressed up she looks like she’s on her way to a club. It doesn’t make any sense.
“You haven’t introduced me to your friends.” The girl smiles when our eyes meet, and her gaze moves over me in a way only a teenager’s can. Like she’s trying to size up the competition.
“This is Gretchen,” Ginny says, smiling at me. “Jon and I found her after we got separated from you. She’d been by herself for months.”
“Wow,” I say, turning to face the girl. “Tough kid. I’m Vivian.”
I hold my hand out, but Gretchen frowns. “Kid? I’m seventeen. I can’t be much younger than you.”
She crosses her arms, and her blue eyes narrow on my face, making my scalp prickle. It takes me back to high school. To girls who sneered at my holey gym shoes. Who whispered about trailer parks behind their hands. Who spread rumors about the slutty blonde named Vivian whose mom ran out on her and whose dad was always too drunk to care what the hell she did.
Shit. I thought I’d escaped that kind of stuff.
“Nice to meet you,” I say even though I have the sudden urge be as bitchy as she’s being. “Ginny and I have been through a lot, but I’m glad to find out she had someone else to lean on after we got split up.”
Gretchen crosses her arms and sniffs, and I do everything in my power not to roll my eyes.
“How’s Mark?” Ginny asks, the corner of her mouth twitching in amusement. I’m glad she thinks it’s funny.
“Better,” the girl says. “I’ll be happy when he can go back to work, though. He’s driving me crazy. Expecting me to wait on him hand and foot. Like I’m a maid.”
Is this girl for real?
“He did get shot, Gretchen.” Ginny shakes her head.
“I’m going to go see what the guys are up to,” I say, inching my way toward the living room.
When Ginny doesn’t ask me to stay, I practically run from the room.
I find Axl and Jon on the couch, talking about everything we’ve seen since splitting up.
“It’s crazy that we found you after all this,” I say, sitting on the arm of the couch at Axl’s side.
Axl nods and pats my leg. “Not gonna lie. I didn’t think we would.”
“I had my doubts too,” Jon says.
“You gonna tell me what this place is really like?” Axl asks. “It ain’t perfect. There’s no way. Corinne is alright, but there’s something ‘bout Dax that gets under my skin.”
Jon exhales. He glances toward the kitchen, then leans closer to Axl. Probably doesn’t want the teen gossip queen to hear what he’s about to say. “We had a problem with Dax a couple months back. He challenged Corinne, but she stood up to him. The council backed her, but Dax hasn’t been happy about things since then. I don’t think he’ll do anything to risk the mission, but I’d keep my eye on him if I were you anyway. Just in case.”
“Great,” I say. “There’s nothing like being in the middle of zombie-infested country with a guy no one can count on.”
“We don’t need to count on him,” Axl says. “We got each other.”
“You’re right,” Jon says. “You don’t need Dax to be anything but a chauffer. You took care of each other before you found Hope Springs, and you can do it again.”
Jon’s right. That’s what we do. Take care of each other.
5
GINNY WON’T SIT still, and it’s making my head spin. We’re all crowded into her living room, and she acts like she’s trying to clean around us. Which is weird, because back in the shelter when we shared a condo, her room was a disaster.
“Are you cleaning?” Parv asks, watching as Ginny runs her hand across the mantel. She acts like someone is going to do a white glove inspection on the living room.
“I’m just checking things over,” she says. “I want to make sure the house is nice when the baby comes.”
“It’s fine. Sit down,” I tell her, waving toward an open chair.
“I can’t seem to relax lately,” Ginny says, shaking her head.
“You’re nesting,” I say.
“You mean like a bird?” Lila asks, her nose scrunching up.
“No. Like a woman who’s about to give birth.” I stand up and grab Ginny’s arm, forcing her over to the chair. “Now sit.”
Ginny relents, letting out a sigh when she’s finally off her feet. “I guess that’s what it is. I feel like nothing is ready and nothing is good enough. It’s driving me batty.”
“You’re a woman,” Angus says, grinning. “Don’t got too far to go for that.”
Ginny just rolls her eyes.
I go back to my space on the floor in front of Axl. My back is up against the couch, and he sits behind me. It reminds me of when I was a teenager. Back when I was dating my only nice ex-boyfriend and I used to go over to his house in the evenings to watch TV. We’d snuggle together on his living room floor, and he’d rub my back—trying to cop a feel whenever we were alone. Until his mom found out I was from the trailer park and decided I wasn’t good enough for her perfect son, that is.
“So what are we supposed to do all day?” Lila asks from where she and Al are lounging on Ginny’s couch. “Everyone here has jobs, but we’re getting ready to leave, so there doesn’t seem to be much of a point in us getting one. So we just hang out?”
“It’s kind of nice for a change,” Al says, grinning down at her.
“Borin’ as hell is what it is.” Angus grunts and shakes his head. “Should go out huntin’ or somethin’.”
“No way they’d let you do that,” Ginny says with a laugh. “You should see the way they treat me. Just because I’m pregnant with what might possibly be the first immune baby born here, they act like I can’t do anything.”
Angus snorts and grins her way. “Can you? With that belly of yours, I’d be afraid you’d fall over.”
Ginny sticks her tongue out.
“What does Jon do?” I ask, ignoring their little exchange. They can pick at each other better than anyone, and even though it’s nice to be around it again, I’m more interested in figuring this place out right now.
“Jon’s working on the crew that’s making the walls stronger,” Ginny says. “We got some details about what Atlanta did, so we’re following their lead. It’s going to take some heavy labor, but it should pay off.”
Angus hauls himself up off the couch. “We can help with that. No reason to just sit on our asses when there’s work to be done.”
“Speak for yourself,” Al says. “I plan on taking a nap, then maybe checking out the library. There’s a zombie book I read a few years back I was hoping they’d have.” Lila rolls her eyes, but the teen just grins. “It’s helped us out before. Plus, I’d love to find some kind of prepper or survival book. Just in case we get into trouble on the road.”
“Shit,” Axl says, getting to his feet and knocking me in the head in the process. “We been on the road before. Don’t need a book to tell us how to live.” I glare at him as I rub the sore spot on my scalp, but he isn’t looking my way. He probably didn’t even notice.
“There are all kinds of neat tricks you can learn from a book,” Al says.
Angus shakes his head. “Can’t learn nothin’ from a book that life ain’t gonna teach you.”
“How about performing surgery?” Joshua says, grinning up at Angus.
He just frowns.
“Where they workin’?” Axl asks Ginny.
“On the other side of town.” She focuses on Angus. Of course. “The west end of the fence.”
“Let’s head on out. See what they’re up to,” he says, nodding to his brother. “No reason we can’t get our hands dirty.”
Axl nods but turns to me. “You comin’?”
“Sure,” I say, taking his hand when he offers it to me. “Might as well get a look at the fence and see what they’re doing.”
Ginny hauls herself up too, grunting. “I’ll show you where they are. It’s going to earn me a few dirty looks, but I get tired of just sitting on my ass for hours.”
“Walkin’ ‘cross town ain’t gonna hurt you, Hollywood,” Angus says, throwing his arm over her shoulder as we head out.
Ginny looks up at him out of the corner of her eye. “Ease up on the nickname, okay? People around here know me as Ginny Lewis from Ohio. Not that other person. As far as I’m concerned, that’s how it should stay.”
“I ain’t gonna give away your secret,” Angus says, smiling down at her.
“Anyone else?” I ask, looking around the room.
“I’ll come,” Parv says.
“No,” Joshua says even though he gets to his feet. “I’m going to head over and check on Sophia. I may not be her doctor anymore, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make sure she’s doing okay.”
I don’t say what I’m really thinking: that he’s going so he can check on Anne more than Sophia. I can’t help wondering if Joshua hasn’t given up hope that Anne may change her mind and decide to come with us. She has time, and it’s not like I can’t understand her hesitation. Being out there isn’t fun, and the thought of doing it all over again does fill me with terror. But it isn’t like before. We have a plan. We have a destination, and we have protection. We won’t be on the road for weeks with no end in sight.
“Tell her we’ll stop by later to say hello,” I say, smiling as I turn to face the teens, who haven’t moved from the couch. “What about you two?”
“I was thinking of taking a nap.” Al grins and shoots Lila a wink.
“Real subtle,” she says, shoving him.
Al just laughs.
“Please,” Ginny says, rolling her eyes. “Not on my couch.”
“What’s wrong with napping on your couch?” Al flashes her a smile that doesn’t look the least bit innocent, and I swear Lila turns pink.
“Whatever,” Ginny says, turning toward the door. Al is still laughing when we head out, and Ginny is still shaking her head. “They aren’t going to listen.”
“Doubtful.” I slip my hand into Axl’s as we follow Ginny and Angus down the street.
We aren’t the only ones out, and if it weren’t for the fact that everyone we pass is armed, it might be possible to mistake this town for a normal city during normal times. People smile and wave, and we even pass two women pushing strollers and another walking a dog. I haven’t seen a dog since this whole thing started—unless you count the dead ones those assholes used to lure the zombies into our shelter. It’s crazy to think people still have pets.
It’s going to be tough saying goodbye to all this. Even after one day, I’ve gotten oddly attached to the normalcy surrounding this place, and we have no guarantees about Atlanta. They paint a pretty picture over the radio, but there’s no telling what things are really like out there.
“Is Dax on this crew with Jon?” I ask Ginny, suddenly thinking about heading out and how the trip will go. And wondering if we can trust this guy.
Angus glances back, grinning. “You like the attention, blondie?”
I roll my eyes. “No. I’m curious about the guy. He’s going to be leading the group that takes us across the country, and I want to know what we might be getting into. What do you think about him?”
Ginny frowns but doesn’t look back. “Dax has been trouble, but most people like him.”
“Not Corinne,” Axl points out.
“No. He challenged her for leadership, but a lot of people didn’t see it as a big deal since his main argument was that she isn’t an American.”
“But that’s not why he challenged her,” Parv says. “Is it?”
Ginny shakes her head. “No. He wants to be in charge. Jon isn’t crazy about Dax either, and Jim, Jon’s partner from clearing the streets, can’t stand the guy. There was also an incident when they went out to Duncan to find survivors. It was right after we learned people could be immune, and we were looking for someone who might be the key to all this. It must have occurred to Dax that we wouldn’t know whether or not people were immune unless they were bitten, because he let one of the men they picked up get attacked.”
I stop walking. “What?”
Ginny stops too, and she turns to face me. “Jon and Jim were there, not me. They don’t know anything for sure, but that’s how it seemed.”
“So you’re tellin’ me this asshole let a guy get bit on the off chance he might be immune?” Angus narrows his eyes on Ginny. “And this is the guy who’s supposed to get us ‘cross the country?”
“It’s not like he’s going to endanger your life,” Ginny points out. “He is really dedicated to getting an immune person to Atlanta.”
Axl shakes his head. “Don’t mean he’s gonna be watchin’ the rest of our backs. If anything, it puts us at risk. I bet you my right nut he’d be willin’ to push any one of us in front of a horde if it meant savin’ Angus.”
“And his own ass,” Ginny says. “He also ran out on a few of his guys when someone opened fire.”
“Shit,” Angus mutters. “Sounds like a real winner.”
“Jon didn’t say anything ‘bout this the other night,” Axl says, shaking his head.
“Maybe it was because Gretchen was in the house?” I want to give Jon the benefit of the doubt, but I have to admit I’m not thrilled that Jon didn’t tell us.
“He wouldn’t want to bring it up in front of her,” Ginny says. “Her boyfriend, Mark, was shot that day. Even if he swears that isn’t how it went down, Mark is one of the guys Dax ran out on.”
“This keeps getting better and better,” Parv says, trading looks with Angus.
“Shit,” Angus says.
He pulls out a pack out cigarettes and passes one to Parv, who takes it despite the dirty look Ginny shoots her way. The two light up, and she takes a step back, still scowling.
“Why did Corinne put this guy in charge?” I ask, unconcerned about the cigarettes even if Ginny is pregnant. We’ve got way more important things to worry about right now. “Is she trying to get rid of him just so she can make her own life easier?”
Ginny shrugs but says, “It wouldn’t surprise me. She’s been more and more tense with him around, and I know she’s worried he’s going to stage some kind of coup or something.”
“Fuckin’ great.” Angus takes a long drag off his cigarette, then turns and heads down the street. Parv walks by his side, and the two exhale at the same time, twin streams of smoke floating into the air above them.
Ginny, Axl, and I start walking, and she shoots me a look. “When did she start smoking?”
“After we left the hot springs. I don’t even notice it anymore.”
“She’s trying to kill herself,” Ginny mutters.
“No,” I say. “I’m pretty sure if she wanted to do that, she would have done it by now.”
Axl glances at Ginny, then jogs to catch up with his brother while I stay at my friend’s side. They haven’t talked yet, but I hope they manage it soon. I’m tired of this awkwardness. So much so that I have the urge to ask her what happened between them. Only there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to know. Not really.
“You think this is a good idea?” I ask instead. “Putting our lives in this guy’s hands?”
Ginny swallows, and I have a feeling she was sure I was about to ask and that she’s relieved I didn’t. “He won’t be the only one out there, and it isn’t like you can’t take care of yourselves.”
“We can take care of ourselves,” I say, not feeling the least bit confident about Dax but knowing we will be able to handle whatever comes along. Assuming he doesn’t get in our way.
We walk in silence, and after five minutes, the fence comes into view. It isn’t very high right now—ten feet at the most—but they’re in the process of using a crane to pile old cars up around it. Making it stronger and higher. Thicker, even. It’s a good plan, but something about it sends a shiver shooting straight through me.
I stop walking when it hits me.
“What’s wrong?” Ginny asks, stopping too.
“Don’t you see it?” I whisper, staring at the wall of cars. “Doesn’t this remind you of the hospital?”
She shakes her head twice, then freezes. All the color drains from her face, and I know, like me, that she remembers that day. The day we spent looking for medical supplies in Vegas. We went to the hospital and got separated from the same two men with us right now. Ginny—no, Hadley—and I found our way to the ER, only it was cleaned out and a barrier had been built around the fence. Cars were stacked on top of each other. They’d made it a trap. How they did it and why has never really been something I could wrap my brain around, but it doesn’t matter. Not when just thinking about it makes the world around me spin.
“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to escape that day,” Ginny says.
I nod, but I can’t find words. That makes two of us.