Formula, bottles, diapers, and wipes. Some clothes too if we can manage it. That’s it. Those are the essentials.
Axl and Joshua search the darkness with me, and in less than two minutes, we have what we need—they even have a couple cheesy onesies with silly sayings on them that I grab. Axl pulls a cheap Winnie the Pooh diaper bag off the shelf and rips the paper filler out, tossing it to the floor before stuffing our baby supplies into the bag. Joshua scoops up every bag of diapers he can carry and shoves them into a second bag. As an afterthought, I grab a pacifier and toss it on top of the other stuff.
“We’re good,” I say, patting Megan’s little butt as I look around. The store is so quiet we could hear a grain of rice drop. I can’t believe it was this easy. “Let’s get out of here.”
Axl once again leads the way, and behind me Joshua is breathing so fast I’m afraid he’s on the verge of a heart attack. Or hyperventilating at the very least.
“Shit,” he mutters, making Axl and me turn. “Water. We need water.”
He nods toward a couple jugs of water sitting by the register—almost like someone left them for us—and Axl scoops them up before moving on.
“What’s the plan?” Axl whispers when we’re almost to the door.
“We get in the truck and drive away. Out of town. At least a mile. Angus and Parvarti will catch up.”
“Don’t you think Angus should have stayed with the truck?” Joshua says.
Shit. I hadn’t even thought of that. I’m so used to Angus offering himself up like this, and I was so focused on keeping Megan safe that it didn’t occur to me this shouldn’t have been the plan. But what would have been the alternative? Parvarti going by herself? Axl going with her? Yes. That’s what should have happened. As much as I don’t like thinking about it.
“You’re right,” I say. “We shouldn’t have let him go.”
“He’ll be fine,” Axl snaps.
We make it back outside and hurry toward the truck, all three of us squeezing into the cab. Axl sets the jugs of water down, pushing them out of the way so his feet have access to the pedals, then he tosses the diaper bag at Joshua.
“Hang on,” Axl says as he slams the door shut.
I hold my breath, not relaxing even when the truck starts. Axl jerks the steering wheel around and does a U-turn, heading out of town. Once again the road is empty, but each building we pass shows signs of the people who live here. More mutilated bodies, and windows knocked out of every house we pass.
The Watchers
spray-painted on a building at least once every block. Whoever these people are, I don’t want to bump into them.
We make it out of town, but Axl doesn’t slow until we come to a mass of trees on the side of the road. Once we’re past them, he pulls into the grass and parks just out of sight. He throws the truck into park, and all three of us climb out, but we stick close together. The town is still visible in the distance, but we’re far enough away that I don’t feel exposed. Hopefully, Parv and Angus show up soon.
After a few minutes, Megan starts to fuss. It’s soft, but it reminds me that we now have the things we need to make her a little more comfortable. I can even get her dressed.
“Help me out here,” I say, trying to loosen the knot Parvarti tied around my waist.
Axl unties the knot, and I ease the baby out. Like magic, she instantly starts wailing. Handling her still makes me nervous—she’s so tiny—but I gently ease her onto the seat of the truck to get her changed anyway.
“Here,” Joshua says from behind me, holding out a few wipes.
I shoot him a grateful smile. “Thanks. Believe it or not, I’ve actually never done this. Have you?”
“A couple times when I was a student, but I can’t really say I’m good at it.”
“I guess we’ll have to learn.”
Megan wiggles and cries louder when I wipe her off, which makes getting the diaper on a challenge. Not only that, but the newborn diapers Joshua took from the pharmacy are huge on her. I have to fold the top over before I can secure it, and even then there’s such a big gap I’m sure it will leak. Somehow I manage to get the thing on, and by the time I’m done, Joshua has already made a bottle.
“It’s not sterile,” he says, holding it out.
“Nothing in this world is anymore.”
I scoop Megan up, and when I offer her the bottle, she immediately sucks the plastic nipple into her mouth, silencing her cries.
“See anything yet?” I ask Axl now that Megan is dry and quiet.
“Not yet.”
“They’ll be here soon,” I say. I don’t doubt it, either. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t see Angus being taken out. Especially not by zombies. Almost like his immunity has made him as invincible as he claims to be.
Axl nods and glances toward Megan. “She good?”
“Better now, and so am I. Not having anything to feed her had me worried.”
Axl runs his hand over her head, smoothing down the few dark hairs she has. “We’re gonna get her some place safe.”
“Yes,” I say firmly. “We are.”
“They’re coming!” Joshua calls.
Even though I know he’s talking about Parvarti and Angus, my heart starts racing. A side effect of living in a zombie-infested world. I narrow my eyes, trying to find Angus and Parv in the distance, and when they finally come into view, a huge smile breaks out across my face. Angus is jogging across the field with Parvarti at his side, and in his right hand is a gas can.
“What you get?” Axl calls when they’re closer.
“Little over a gallon, but that’s all. Couldn’t hang out there.” Angus comes to a stop in front of us, panting.
Axl takes the can from him and heads to the back of the truck, where the gas tank is already open and waiting. It only takes a couple seconds to pour the liquid in, illustrating just how little gas Angus and Parv were able to find. Hopefully, we can find more. And soon.
“Some serious shit went down,” Angus says, running his hand over his head. “We didn’t see nobody, but after the stuff we did see, I wasn’t ‘bout to hang ‘round.”
“How far do we have to go?” Parvarti asks.
“More than a hundred miles.” Axl tosses the now-empty can into the bed of the truck and lets out a deep sigh. “What we got here will get us another thirty miles or so, but then we’re gonna hafta find us some more gas.”
“Which way you thinkin’ ‘bout headin’?” Angus asks.
“Gotta figure that out,” Axl says, ripping the map out of the truck so he can spread it out.
The two men spend a few minutes looking over the map, studying the route we plan on taking to Atlanta, while Megan finishes her bottle. When she’s done, Parv shows me how to burp her, and then together we get the little thing back into the sling.
Once she’s secure, I say, “We’re ready.”
“Good,” Axl says, holding the passenger door open for me. “Let’s get outta here before somebody spots us.”
I pause long enough to kiss him before climbing back inside, patting Megan when she whimpers. Her little body squirms against mine, but she settles in when I press my hand against her back. Like she needs the assurance that I’m with her and I’ll keep her safe. The heaviness of the burden isn’t lost on me. The life of this baby is in my hands now, and I need to make sure we do everything in our power to keep her alive and well.
Axl, Joshua, and Parv climb into the back, and Angus starts the car, looking in the rearview mirror while he waits for them to get settled. When he pulls into the road, he says, “Don’t look so worried, Blondie. We’re gonna make it.”
“I don’t know how. If we can only find a gallon of gas here and there, it seems unlikely.”
“Ain’t you supposed to be the one who’s always lookin’ on the bright side?” he asks grinning my way.
“Sometimes I can’t help wondering if there is a bright side to all this.”
I pat Megan’s back when she sighs, and Angus’s grin grows wider.
“There is,” he says. “There is.”
I hope he’s right.
22
THIS TIME WHEN we run out of gas, we aren’t lucky enough to be close to a farmhouse or even a town. Or anything else, as far as I can tell. Which means it’s time to make some hard decisions.
“We’re on foot,” Axl says, dumping his pack out in the bed of the truck. “Least for a while. We gotta go through all this shit and figure out what we
need
and what can stay behind.”
“Why do we have so many damn diapers?” Angus mutters as he sifts through the supplies we got for the baby. Supplies that we might now have to leave behind.
“Because babies can go through seven to ten diapers a day when they’re newborn,” Joshua says.
“You’re shittin’ me.” Angus shakes his head and grabs two bags of newborn diapers. “Guess we gotta take these, then. If she starts cryin’, she’ll draw every zombie ‘round our way.”
“We need the formula too, and enough water to make bottles for her and keep us hydrated.” I bounce Megan as I look everything over. There’s so much. How can we carry all this and still have enough energy to keep going?
“We may have to pick water up as we go,” Joshua says. He shoves a couple packs of diapers in his own bag, along with a can of formula, making the thing almost full to capacity.
“I guess you’re right,” I mumble.
After we’re loaded down with supplies, we start walking. With more than sixty miles to go, we have days of this ahead of us unless we find another car, and I’m just not sure how long we’ll be able to keep at it. I think back over Axl’s calculations of sixteen miles a day and do the math in my head. Four days, maybe. It could be less if we push ourselves, but I’m not sure we can. Not with as worn out as we already are, and not with a newborn. She may sleep most of the time, but she still needs attention.
It’s May in Georgia, which means it’s already hot. The sun pounds down on us, totally unrelenting. Megan’s little body works as a heater against mine, and it doesn’t take long before both my clothes and the sling are soaked in sweat. The baby, too, seems restless, and I know it has to be from the heat. It makes our progress on the first day slow, and by the time we find a house to stop at for the night, I’m so exhausted I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to walk inside, let alone all day tomorrow.
“Parv and me’ll check it out,” Axl says. “The rest of you wait here.”
Joshua lets out a deep sigh and sinks to the ground, while Angus slumps against the side of the house.
“My whole body hurts,” I say, stopping at Angus’s side.
“Walkin’ in the sun is gonna kill us.” His face scrunches up and he looks around. “Gotta find us a car.”
“Not you,” I say firmly. “We can’t let you out of our sight again. We were stupid the last time we stopped, and I’m not going to make the same mistake.”
“She’s right,” Joshua says from where he’s sitting.
“I’ll be fine,” Angus mutters.
I shake my head, but before I can argue, Axl sticks his head out the front door and waves us in. “We’re clear.”
It takes more effort than it should to drag myself inside, and based on the grunts from the men behind me, I’d guess I’m not the only one who’s struggling.
There’s very little about the house that stands out other than the fluffy, overstuffed couch. I drop onto it, keeping Megan close to my body as I fall, and it’s so soft I don’t even care that dust puffs up all around us.
“Oh my God, I could stay here for the rest of my life,” I say, throwing myself back against the cushions.
“Rest up,” Axl says. “Parv and me are gonna take a look ‘round town. See if we can find us a car for tomorrow. If we do, we’ll be there in no time.”
“Car,” I say with a snort. “I’d settle for a horse right now.”
“Ain’t a bad idea,” Axl mutters.
I crack one eye to see if he’s serious, but it’s too dark in the room to tell.
“You serious?” Angus asks for me.
“Doubt we’d find a horse, let alone five. Although it’d be nice.” He heads toward the door with Parvarti, calling over his shoulder, “We’ll be back in a bit.”
We murmur our goodbyes, too tired to do much else, and it isn’t until after they’ve left that I realize I should have hugged Axl or kissed him or told him that I love him. Something. Just in case.
Shit.
I shift so I can take the sling off my body, making Megan squirm.
“How far do you think we walked?” I ask as I change the baby’s diaper. A task that’s already gotten easier.
“Eight miles.” Angus throws himself into the chair across from me. “What you think, doc?”
“Seems like more, but that’s only because I’m exhausted. It was probably less.” Joshua lets out a deep sigh as he too sinks into a chair. “I’ll make her a bottle.”
“So we still have over fifty miles.”
I scoop Megan up, shaking my head. There was a time when fifty miles was nothing—less than an hour by car if you didn’t run into traffic. Now, though, it feels like an insurmountable distance.
“How are we going to manage it?” I ask.
Joshua freezes in the middle of mixing a bottle, and Angus purses his lips. We just sit there in silence while we think it over. All the obstacles out there, all the things that could go wrong. There are too many to count, and all of that with a baby to worry about.
“We’ll make it,” Angus says firmly.
Joshua nods and goes back to preparing the bottle while I bounce a fussy Megan. Her little face roots against my body, but of course I don’t have anything for her.
The doctor finishes making the bottle, and I sit back, holding it for Megan as she sucks the liquid down. When Joshua tells me to burp her, I do, then go back to feeding her, all the while my mind on other things. On Atlanta and how we’ll make it in one piece, on Axl and Parv and what they’re doing right now. On the zombies in this city and the men who could be lurking in the shadows. On a million other things that could happen.
Megan drifts off to sleep, the bottle still in her mouth. I pull it away and cradle her closer when she squirms. After a second, she settles back down, drifting off again. Angus isn’t far behind, and his gentle snores are oddly comforting after all these months together. Right now, the world seems so empty and forgotten that I’ll gladly cling to anything recognizable.
My eyelids grow heavy, but I can’t let myself sleep. Joshua, too, seems to be staying awake. Waiting for Axl and Parv to come back.
“They’ve been gone a long time,” I whisper, staring at the door.
“They’re looking for a car and gas,” Joshua says. “It’s going to take some time.”
“True.”
He yawns, and a second later, I copy him.
“Get some sleep,” I say, my own yawn only half over.
“You don’t want me to wait up with you?”
“It’s fine. No sense in all of us sitting here awake.”
Joshua nods, but his eyes are already shut. He doesn’t open them, and literally seconds later, he too is breathing heavily. It makes staying awake tough, especially with Megan weighing me down. She may be tiny, but her body is warm and comfortable against mine.
I get to my feet and pace, cradling Megan to my chest as I try not to worry about where Parvarti and Axl are or if they’re in trouble. It’s an impossible task, of course. These days, you worry about people every time they leave your sight.
The sky outside gets darker, and every few minutes I find myself looking out the front window. Even though the area is pretty clear, I catch sight of the occasional zombie in the distance. None too close to us, but close enough that it makes me even more uneasy over Parvarti and Axl’s absence.
More time passes, and I’m so focused on the street in front of the house, counting the zombies as they pass by, that when a knock echoes through the house I nearly jump out of my skin.
Joshua doesn’t stir, but Angus is on his feet a second after the sound. He doesn’t move, though, and neither do I. We stand in the middle of the living room, staring at each other while we wait for whatever it was to happen again. A few seconds pass, and a soft knock once again echoes through the house. This time, I can tell it’s coming from the back door. Angus arches his eyebrows at me as he pulls his knife.
“Axl?” I whisper.
“Guess we’ll see,” Angus replies as he heads into the kitchen to check it out. “Stay back.”
I do as I’m told because I’m holding the baby, but once again I realize as soon as Angus is out of sight that I shouldn’t be letting him take risks like this. He’s the one we’re supposed to be keeping safe.
It’s a hard thing to get used to.
“Joshua,” I hiss, giving his leg a nudge.
The doctor bolts up just as a third knock echoes through the room. “What?”
“Take the baby or go help Angus or something!” I hiss.
Joshua hurries toward the kitchen, pulling his knife. I’m not sure how much help he’s going to be since he isn’t totally awake, though.
I hold my breath and tiptoe closer when I hear the doorknob jiggle. Angus opens the door, his knife ready, and I let out a sigh of relief when Parvarti and Axl hurry inside.
“Shut the door,” Axl hisses. “The area’s crawlin’ with the dead.”
Angus shuts the door and bolts it as Parvarti and Axl head into the living room. They’re panting, and I can tell they probably had a hell of a time getting back, which makes me even more annoyed that I didn’t think to kiss him goodbye.
“You okay?” I ask.
Axl nods and gives me a quick kiss, almost like he’s reading my mind. “Fine. No gas that we could find, but we got a plan.”
“What’s that?” Angus asks, jerking the curtains shut so he can turn a flashlight on.
“Found us a bike shop,” Axl says, grinning. “There’s more than enough for everybody.”
“Bike?” Angus purses his lips and narrows his eyes on his brother. “Like a motorcycle?”
“No,” Parvarti says. “Bicycles.”
Joshua laughs and drops into a chair. “You have to be kidding.”
“You know how long it’s been since I rode a bike?” Angus shakes his head.
“They say you never forget,” I point out.
“That ain’t reassurin’.” Angus glares my way. “It’ll be hell if we run into a horde.”
“It would be worse on foot,” Parvarti says. “And this way we wouldn’t have to worry about breaking down or running out of gas.”
Joshua just laughs again.
“You got ‘nother idea?” Axl asks. “If you do, now’s the time.”
“No,” Joshua says. “Nothing. I guess this is as good of an idea as any, but it still sounds like a death sentence.”
“What doesn’t these days?” I ask.
“Fine.” Angus sinks into the couch. “Where’s the place and what’s the plan?”
“That might be the problem.” Parvarti looks at Axl, who swipes his hand through his hair.
“Shit,” Angus says, shaking his head. “What’s standin’ in the way?”
Parv holds his gaze. “A hell of a lot of zombies. We’re going to need a distraction.”
We all sit in silence for a few seconds, each of us absorbing the news. It should be routine by now, only it never feels that way. It always feels like a new obstacle, because we’re always in a different place when it happens. With a different set of circumstances.
“How many?” Angus asks.
“Less than the farmhouse.” Axl throws himself into a chair.
The rest of us follow his lead. No point in standing when we need to get some rest. Even if we do come up with a plan, we won’t go until we’ve gotten some sleep.
“Don’t suppose anybody else wants to lead them off?” Angus asks, looking around.
Parvarti’s gaze moves to me, and I shake my head.
“No,” she says firmly.
“We’ll figure out a way to distract them,” Joshua says. “We’ve done it in the past. What’s worked?”
Axl’s eyes are focused on the ceiling like he’s thinking it through. “Back when we was leavin’ the Monte Carlo, we cut one of the bastards open. Used the insides as a kinda camouflage.”
“You did what?” Joshua says.
“You heard me,” Axl replies, but there’s no annoyance in his voice. “Was messy, but it worked.”
“We can’t do that,” I say. “We have Megan now. Zombie guts or not, if she starts crying she will give us away.”
Axl purses his lips and nods.
“Good point,” Angus mutters. “We gotta find somethin’ that’ll make an even bigger racket than she can. Somethin’ them dead bastards won’t be able to ignore.”
“We’ve used car alarms,” I say. “Of course, at this point—and in this town—finding a car with an alarm is going to be tough.”
“Can’t tiptoe ‘round the place lookin’ for one,” Axl says, sitting up. “That’s for damn sure.”
“Gotta blow something up,” Angus mutters. “Did it more than once in Vegas, and it always worked. Could be our only shot.”
“Can we burn a house down?” Parv asks.
“That ain’t gonna be enough noise. No. We’re gonna hafta cause an explosion. It’d get the attention of every damn zombie in this town and keep their attention long ‘nough for us to pedal our asses outta here.” Angus nods slowly. “Yeah. That’s what we gotta do.”