Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1) (21 page)

"You sure you're alright?" he asked once he was free.

"Yes, fine."

"You've seemed off all week. The first few times we did this you never lost control."

"I know. I just ... I was trying to use that earth shaking button on the first move and when I missed I got frustrated."

"Is the problem with the Element?" he asked.

"No. It works alright," she said. "The problem is me. I forgot which one it was and hesitated. I'm having some trouble memorizing." She sighed. "My mind just isn't what it used to be."

"Why not?"

Deryn took a deep breath and shook her head. "No reason."

Bronson took several steps towards her. "Come on, Deryn. We've known each other for over three weeks now and I haven't told a soul about you. You trust me. I know you do. So don't you think it's time you told me where you've been all this time?"

Deryn cast her eyes to the floor. "I was in a horrible place, Bronson. Many horrible places. And the people who kept me there tortured me religiously. That's all you need to know."

Bronson stared at her straight-faced, trying hard not to show the pity he knew she hated. But it was impossible to hide it completely after a confession like that.

"Just answer one more thing for me," he said.

Deryn looked up and waited patiently.

"Ruby wasn't ... he was never involved in -"

"No, of course not," she said, cutting him off. "My mind's not that deluded. If he was then I definitely wouldn't be here."

"But I'm assuming his ... 'coworkers' ..." For lack of a better term.

"Ruby's not like them."

Bronson shrugged before looking down at the new brown boots she wore. "He gave you those, did he?"

Deryn followed his eyes and frowned. "I don't fucking know."

Bronson raised his eyebrows. He had never heard that sort of language come out of her mouth before.

She held up one foot and took a good look at the boot. "When I went to the closet earlier my old ones were gone and these were in their place. I guess that means he gave them to me," she scoffed.

Bronson's face twisted in curiosity. "Are you two in a fight or something?"

"No." Deryn crinkled her nose. "I mean, when aren't
we in a fight?"

"So you are then?"

"I don't know!" she shouted, throwing her arms up in frustration. "I haven't seen him in days. He comes home, goes straight to his room and then leaves! And he doesn't come back until the curfew's over, and then he just showers and leaves again! He doesn't even eat breakfast. I mean, he stopped fucking smoking, for god's sake!"

Deryn paused and took several deep breaths.

"It just seems odd, doesn't it? That three weeks ago he didn't even want to leave me alone for a night and now he's never here."

Ah. The reasons behind her recent animosity were slowly being revealed.

"Just because I have a way of defending myself now doesn't mean I'm any safer," she said, lifting the Element and giving it a shake. "Especially since I can barely fucking use it!"

"So he's avoiding you?" asked Bronson, fairly positive that he had figured out the real problem.

"I. Don't. Know!"

Bronson crossed his arms and eyed her curiously. "Deryn, you don't have feelings for Ruby, do you?"

"No! What do you think I am, a masochist?"

"I suppose not. Because that is what you would be, you know? No good could ever come from -"

"I
know
, Bronson. My mind may be damaged but I'm not an idiot. You have nothing to worry about," she said. "I have too much history with his family to ever look past it all." She sighed and gazed down at her Element. "Would you mind if I practiced a little more on you? I promise I won't lose control this time."

"Yes, of course. Just let me brace myself first," he said, spreading his legs apart and planting both feet firmly on the floor. "Okay, go."

Deryn raised her Element and pressed a button she had been tinkering with, for no other reason than to see if she remembered enough of her training to advance her weapon. She was quite pleased when Bronson fell back, laughing, feeling nothing more than some tickling. It may have been simple, but at least it was something.

~

Xander stood outside of a small store in the center of the Shopping District in Middle City. He stared dazedly at a robe on a mannequin in the display window. It was blue and fuzzy and completely practical in every way. Definitely not something he would encourage any woman to ever wear. But Deryn would love it. No matter how much he heated the apartment, she was still so damn cold all the time, and this seemed like the perfect solution.

He had just begun to take a step in the direction of the store's entrance when someone called his name. He stopped and turned, his face immediately dropping when he saw Finley running towards him.

"What are you doing here? Buying me a present?" she asked, leaning up to give him a kiss.

Xander made sure there was no response on his end. He knew going over to her place that one night was going to be a mistake, but he had done it anyway. Why he had done it he still didn't understand. He remembered spurting out some crap to Deryn about not wanting to be alone but, if that were true, he could have just stayed where he was. With her. She wouldn't have left him alone no matter how much of an ass he'd been.

In Xander's weak moment, he'd actually had the audacity to fondle a rape victim on his bathroom floor. One who had not touched another pair of lips willingly in over five years. Needless to say, he was more than a little embarrassed by the whole ordeal and had, perhaps, been avoiding her.

The avoidance was not all intentional, though. Finley had also been very persistent about wanting to come over to his apartment, probably in some attempt to reclaim possession over him, much like kissing him in public. So he had been going over to her place for the past few nights instead.
His
attempt to stop this from happening. The last thing he needed was for her to come knocking on his front door when he had a wanted criminal living in his guestroom.

"When have you ever known me to buy anyone gifts?"

"You bought me that bracelet for my birthday a while back."

"I was thirteen and trying to get my first tongue kiss. Worked well, from what I recall."

Finley smiled and leaned towards him again. Before she had a chance to make contact, Xander turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction, glancing sideways at the robe that would just have to wait.

He heard Finley's hurried footsteps behind him and then she was grabbing onto his arm, clinging to him like an annoying barnacle as he walked through the streets of the Shopping District.

There was no particular reason why Xander was here today, other than to keep his eye open for something he might want to potentially buy Deryn. Bronson had been right before. He hadn't made an effort to consider her needs or make her feel like a person again. One book just wasn't going to do it after everything she'd been through. He knew this, especially since she still held on to that chocolate bar he'd given her because she didn't want to have even less than she already did.

He had gotten her boots the day before when he had run across a pair that seemed potentially her, but he hadn't even had the chance to give them to her properly before having to go running off to Finley's. Seeing her face when receiving them would have been nice.

Xander frowned.

"What's wrong?" asked Finley.

"Nothing," he said, quickly pulling his face back to his signature scowl.

They were just passing the only bookstore that had actual physical books with pages when Xander caught sight of something familiar in the window. He stopped and looked at the copy of
Yesteryear
- a book on the history of the planet - sitting there, feeling more than a little surprised that it was out. The book had not been banned, like many others, but he was certain the president would not encourage anyone to read such material. He was very much devoted to the 'right now' in the planet's history, and certainly not the yesteryear. Still, Xander was not sure why it had made him stop.

"Yuck. That book always reminds me of Leon."

Xander turned to see Finley making a face as she stared at the same book. "Why?" he asked.

"Because she was in the same room as me at Eagle and read it almost every night,
and
during lunch. Soren took it away from her one day, saying if the president ever saw her reading it he would have her executed on the spot. Don't you remember?"

"No," he said honestly. Though something must have wedged in his mind. Why else would he have stopped?

"I guess the owner of this store didn't get the same warning." Finley paused. "Do you think if we put it on a giant mousetrap we could catch her?" She laughed.

"I don't fucking care," said Xander, walking away. He really wished Finley would leave him alone so he could go in there and buy that book.

The two of them had barely taken two steps when Xander noticed someone waving at him. He groaned as his father's friend Arron Von changed directions so he was heading straight for him, his daughter Lona smiling pleasantly on his arm. As always, she was picturesque in a fitted dress, her hair waving flawlessly as she tossed it over her shoulder. Her eyes glided ever-so-slightly to Finley's hold on Xander's arm - which only became tighter.

"Xander, my boy. It's been so long since I last saw you in the real world. How are you?"

"I am excellent, sir. And how are you and your lovely daughter on this pleasant afternoon?"

Xander looked at Lona and winked. She beamed at him. He felt Finley's nails dig into his skin and tried hard not to react.

"Oh, fine. We were just picking up a few things. Lona will be moving to Middle City soon."

"Will you?" asked Xander.

He tried to look intrigued, but it was really hard to obtain when he had that horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. There was only one reason a higher Guardian's child would ever leave Inner City. To offer their services to the president. Lona was a nice girl, barely eighteen. He very much doubted her soul would be able to take it. Even Finley had a hard time, and she was not pleasant at all.

"Yes, but I will not be officially moving here until the beginning of December. We've found my new apartment but my father wants to keep me at home for just a little bit longer." Lona looked at Arron and smiled dotingly.

"Well, you are my last little girl living at home."

There was a flash of sadness in Lona's eyes as she, undoubtedly, thought of her sister Odette. From what Xander understood, she had moved out shortly after turning eighteen and had rarely been heard from since. The rumor was that she was living somewhere in Outer City without a gasmask. He was pretty sure Finley kept in touch with her, since the two of them had been close, but, if she did, she didn't mention it now. Her focus still seemed to be on squeezing the life out of his arm.

"Perhaps when she's here, Xander, you will be kind enough to keep an eye on her for me. Maybe take her around, show her the ropes."

"I would be glad to." He really wouldn't. Xander was already taking care of one woman, and she was hard enough to handle.

"That would be wonderful," said Lona. "I'll make sure and contact you as soon as I'm settled." She glanced at Finley and smiled. "It looks like we are interrupting something. We won't burden you with our presence any longer. Father, perhaps it's time we head home. It looks like rain and I didn't bring a coat."

"Yes, dear,” said Arron. “Xander, I was really hoping I might trouble you with some questions before our Guardian meeting next week. Veli has been to see me recently, and he is greatly bothered by your lack of progress in the current investigation on the Leon girl."

Xander could not avoid an eye roll. Damn Deryn and her horribly addictive habits. "I'm sure he is. And, I suppose, he has some suggestions he would like you to pass on to me."

Arron smiled. "He simply does not understand why you haven't had your guards search every home for her. Clearly, the curfew has had no effect."

"I haven't done it because I don't believe she's here. But, if it will ease his troubled mind, I suppose I can waste everyone's time by doing just that. I'll have the president bring it up in our meeting. Anything to shut Veli up already."

Lona and Finley both laughed.

"Excellent. I will see you then. Come along, Lona."

"Goodbye, Xander," she said, completely ignoring Finley as her father pulled her away.

"Did you notice the way she looks at you?" asked Finley as soon as they were a fair enough distance away.

Of course he had. "No."

A clock chimed on a tower close by and Finley looked at it. "Crap. I was supposed to meet my dad ten minutes ago." She looked back at Xander. "Can I come over tonight? Maybe make you dinner."

"No."

She frowned. "Why not?"

"Why do you feel this incessant need to come over? What's wrong with your place?"