Bound (Bound Trilogy) (29 page)

“Yes.”

“You seem comfortable with what you know about him so far, which is at least enough to make you ask these questions, so…” He spread his hands before him. “I don’t know why you’re so attached to him, but that’s between the two of you. As for me, my people are excellent judges of character, and we don’t second-guess our instincts.” Kel’s brown eyes grew distant. “I remember the last time I saw Aren before this. He was becoming so cold. Not cruel yet, but hard and empty. I was very surprised to see him yesterday, and you with him. He’s changed again. Not back to the person he was when he was younger, but he’s certainly not who I thought he’d become. I should tell you that I have no way of knowing whether this is permanent. You humans change like the tides. But for now, he’s someone I’m happy to call a friend. Good enough?”

I sighed, relieved. I hardly knew Kel, but I still trusted his judgment more than my own where Aren was concerned. “Yes, thank you.”

After breakfast, Kel asked if he could have a few minutes alone with Aren. “Of course,” I said. “I’m going to make a cup of heartleaf and lie down.”

Aren followed me to the kitchen. “Not too strong, though.” He looked like he was holding back laughter.

“I know.” I thought back to the evening before. I remembered what he’d told be about himself and his family, but what else? I didn’t recall much about going to bed, except…
Oh, no
. My face grew warm.

“Did I tell you you were pretty last night?” I whispered.

That damned smile again. “You did.”

“Oh.” I pinched bark into a cup—about a third of the amount I’d used the night before—and added the water. The strong dose had kept the pain away for longer than I was accustomed to, but I didn’t even want to think about what I’d tell him if I tried it again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I bet you’re fun when you’re drunk.”

I took my tea to the little bedroom and closed the door behind me. I drank it as it cooled, and fell asleep to the muffled, comforting sound of their voices.

#

I didn’t sleep long, and didn’t dream. I did wake thinking about Callum, though. That was over for me. No matter what happened, no matter what he knew about magic and whether I found a cure for my problem or not, I wasn’t going back.

But he didn’t know any of this. Was he still looking for me? I’d intended to send him a letter when we stopped in a town, but hadn’t had a chance to do it. I would have to find a way. I’d tell him I was safe, and tell him what I’d learned about magic. My parents and uncle Ches, too. I wasn’t going to be coming home any time soon, and I didn’t want them to worry any more than they had to.

Kel and Aren didn’t turn when the door opened. Kel was lounging with one leg up on the sofa. A large sheet of paper was rolled up on the table, next to my dragon scale. “An eagle, though?” Kel asked Aren. “Really? You couldn’t have gone with something aquatic? It’s so much more fun.”

“You might be a bit biased,” Aren said. “Being stuck underwater isn’t convenient for all of the traveling I have to do. It’s nothing personal.”

I leaned over the back of the sofa and whispered, “It’s totally personal.”

Kel narrowed his eyes at Aren. “I knew it.” He swung his leg down and patted the space next to him, and I sat. The seat of the sofa was high, and my feet barely touched the ground. I crossed them under me, instead.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“Not in the least,” Kel said. “We’ve just been catching up, making some plans. It’s been interesting. But I should head home soon.” He looked at Aren, then back to me. “I need to know whether you’re coming with me.”

“Whether we’re—” I began.

Aren shook his head. “Rowan, they can’t get involved in what’s happening with me. Taking you in is different. Severn never needs to know where you went, and he’ll find another sorcerer to use. It shouldn’t matter to him, as long as he gets me.”

“We’re happy to have you, Rowan,” Kel added. “We have trouble leaving a puzzle unsolved, and your binding could be an interesting challenge. I don’t know how much help we’ll be, but we’ll try. The elders are looking forward to meeting you. But I can’t bring Aren back with me.”

“How can you both be so calm about this?” I asked, and pushed myself to my feet again. I turned to Aren. “What are you going to do?”

“Get away from here before Severn knows I’ve been in contact with the merfolk. After that, I don’t know.” I looked harder into his eyes and saw that the calm was an act. I just couldn’t tell what was underneath.

“Then no.”

“Rowan,” Aren said, but I didn’t give him a chance to finish.

“No. I’m sorry, Kel, and I appreciate the offer more than I can say. I would love to meet your people, and having you solve my puzzle would change my life so much…”

“But you’re not coming.”

“No.”

Kel considered for a moment. “Have you thought that it might be easier for Aren on his own? Easier to hide, or to escape if there’s trouble?”

I hadn’t. “Is that true?” I asked Aren. “Because if you don’t want me around, just say you want me to go.”

“You should—”

“No, I don’t want to hear what you think I
should
do. If you don’t want me around, I want you to say it.”

Aren opened his mouth to speak, then closed it and looked away. “I can’t do this.” He stood and walked out the front door, letting it swing shut and latch behind him.

I wanted to run after him and ask what that meant. He didn’t want to hurt me? Or did he have feelings for me that were as confusing as mine for him?

I sank back onto the sofa and slumped against the cushions. “It’s only a matter of time before they find him, isn’t it?”

“Possibly.”

“And Severn will kill him when he does.”

“If Aren’s lucky. But there’s nothing you can do about that.” His words sounded callous, but there was sadness in Kel’s voice.

“So you’re just going to let it happen?”

Kel drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s not up to me. Nor should it be. Our elders make decisions that affect every one of us, and this is what they’ve decided is best.”

“I understand.”

“So you’ll come with me? I’ll take you to the Grotto, you’ll meet my people. We can do tests to see what’s happened to you, how strong your magic is. Figure out how to help you, maybe who can help you—”

“Thank you so much, but I can’t leave him.” I tried to smile. “Foolish, right?”

Kel returned a smile that was warmer and more genuine than mine. “Not at all, actually.”

I walked him to the door. “I really wish I could come. If the rest of your people are anything like you, I think I’d have liked them very much.”

“They’d have liked you, too.” He held out his arms, and I hugged him around his waist. We walked together to the dock, where Aren sat on a crate, looking out over the cold, gray lake. He gave Kel a questioning look, and Kel shook his head.

“Can I have a little longer to talk to her about this?” Aren asked.

“Maybe. I’ll come back tomorrow if I can, but I shouldn’t risk being seen.”

“Thank you.”

I turned to climb the path back to the house. I knew what Aren was going to say, and I wasn’t ready to hear it.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Rowan

A
ren closed the door harder coming in than he had going out. I was in the kitchen putting away dishes, trying again to make mindless work do my thinking for me.

“What are you doing?” he asked, nearly yelling as he stalked toward me. “You have to go.”

“Do I? I thought I had a choice in this.” I managed to keep my voice cool and level, but inside I was trembling. I couldn’t look at him.

“You do,” he said more quietly, but no less intensely. “But this might be your only chance to make this right. Even if they can’t fix this, they can keep you safe until they find someone who can.”

“Maybe.” I put down the plate I was holding and gripped the edge of the counter. “Do you want me to go? Tell me honestly.”

If I was mistaken in thinking that he might feel something for me, that would make my decision simple. I knew that going with Kel was the reasonable thing to do, but I wasn’t feeling particularly reasonable. He’d have to say it.

“Honestly?” He stood so close behind me that I felt him on my skin, though he didn’t touch me. “It doesn’t matter what I want. There’s nothing here for you. Nothing good, and no happy ending. You know what you should do.”

“I don’t think what I should do and what I want to do are the same thing.” I turned and nearly bumped into his chest. He’d taken off his sweater, and wore only a shirt that was thin enough that I could see the shape of his body behind it. His pulse beat hard at his throat.

He half-smiled, but his eyes were tired and unhappy. He reached out to touch my hair, then let his hand drop to his side. “Rowan, I think a lot of your problem is that you don’t know what you want.”

“Don’t I?” I followed him as he walked back to the sitting area.

“Not as far as I can tell. When I met you, you were having so much trouble making a decision about getting married that your cousin practically had to decide for you.”

“Because I knew that I didn’t want—”

He spun to face me. “Then you should have gone and found what you
did
want. Instead you were going to try to convince yourself that whatever you were getting was good enough, even though you knew better.”

“You think it would have been easy for me to say no? To pack up and leave?” My muscles tensed as I stepped closer.

“No. But if you go now, if your magic can be unbound, you can do anything.
Anything
. But you don’t even know if you want that, do you? You’re still afraid of it.”

I hesitated for a moment. My anger left me, but my heart continued to pound as I looked into his eyes. I wanted him. Wanted him to kiss me, to touch me. I swallowed hard, though my mouth had gone dry. “You don’t think you can want something and still be afraid of it?”

He sighed. “No, you can. And you should. What you’re saying no to is better than you can imagine. This decision should be so easy. You have until tomorrow to decide what you—”

I stepped closer again. “I don’t need until tomorrow. I know what I want.” I grabbed the front of his shirt, pulled myself up onto my toes, and kissed him. Hard. He froze for just a second, and then his mouth moved against mine. He touched my face, wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me in. His response was better than anything I’d dreamed, or ever could have. My legs felt like they were melting away. I pulled back, and he sank to the couch, breathing hard. I kissed his forehead. “Can I have that?”

He just looked at me for seconds that seemed to stretch into hours. His gaze left mine and dropped to watch his hand move to my waist. “This is a terrible idea,” he murmured as he pulled me onto his lap. “Have you even thought about—”

“I don’t need to.” I pressed my lips to his again and wrapped my arms around his neck, and let my jaw relax as his did, opening slightly to let him in. Warmth flooded my body as he let me fall back onto the couch. His lips never left mine as he turned to lie over me. For a moment I was afraid—uncertain in spite of my bold actions, lost in my inexperience. But my desire washed away my fear as he ran his hand up my arm and over my throat, over the outside of my shirt.
This is what I’ve been waiting for.
I arched my back to push against him. His touch sent waves of pleasure through me that settled between my thighs, and I groaned and ground my hips against him.

He drew in a quick breath and grabbed my thigh to hold me still. I pulled his hand back up to my breast. He made me feel dizzier than I had after the strong heartleaf medicine, and I wanted more. So much more. I tried to pull his shirt over his head, but he pulled back, lifting himself to his forearms.

“We can’t do this. Not now.”

I ran my fingers through his hair, and in my frustration pulled harder than I meant to. “Why? I’m not going, either way.”

“And I don’t want you to. You can stay as long as you want, but…”

I shifted under him, and he took another sharp breath.

“But what? Do you have some moral objection?”
Because it’s pretty obvious that you want to
.

“No. Maybe I should, but I don’t. If we knew no one was looking for us, it would be different.”

I placed the palm of my hand against his chest to feel the solid contours of his muscles, then trailed my fingers over his stomach. He reached down and threaded his fingers through mine, then moved my hand away.

He leaned down to kiss my jaw just below my ear. “But they are looking for us,” he whispered, and pulled away again. “I have to at least try to stay aware of what’s happening outside of this house. Every time you’re close to me, my focus slips. You saw how easily Kel sneaked up on us this morning when you were touching my scar. I don’t ever want to say no to you. But we should think about whether this is really worth dying for.”

You tell me
, I thought. I wanted so badly to find out. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself.

“Rowan?”

“I’m thinking.”

He smiled and kissed me again, more gently than he had before. “I said I was going to keep you safe, and I’d like to spend a bit more time with you before—” The smile vanished, and he rolled off of me and sat up. “I can’t let them find you.”

I pulled a cushion over my face and screamed into it. “So what are we supposed to do? Just hang around here and I’ll try not to touch you, ever? That might kill me, anyway.”

“I don’t know. Let me think about it.” He stood and said something about finding a snowbank to lie down in, and walked out the front door.

Deep breaths
, I told myself. I rolled onto my stomach and laid there until my heart slowed and the fire in my skin cooled. When I stepped outside, Aren had changed and was soaring over the lake.
Probably the best thing for now
, I thought, and wished I could set aside my emotions so easily.