Authors: Cynthia White
Marco and Pee-Wee stayed around for another few hours. Once they were gone
,
I was left alone with a mess to clean up and all kinds of crazy thoughts running around in my head. The weed usually calmed me down, but in that moment it was having the opposite effect. I couldn't stop imagining Jasmine with Ren. I pictured his hands all over her body, the same body I held every night, the one I made love to every morning. Making love was another new one for me. I got pissed at myself for letting that bitch turn me out. She made me fall in love with her scandalous ass, but I couldn’t even be mad at her
;
I knew what she was when I started fucking with her. That was my bad
...t
he next time I
’
d know better.
Chapter 11
“Boss, wake
up.” Jasmine’s voice brought me out of my sleep. “Baby, go get in the bed ‘fore you get a crook in yo neck.”
I sat up on the couch and wiped the sleep from my heavy eyes. It was too late
:
I already had a crook in my neck
; i
t was stiff as a board
thanks to the beer and the pint of Hennessy I cracked opened while I was waiting for Jazz to bring her ass home.
“Where you been?” My voice didn’t even sound like mine
; i
t belonged to some other nigga, one that didn’t trust anybody
-
especially not a bitch.
“At my mom
’
s. We get along a whole lot betta now that we don’t live together.” She sat down on the couch right next to me. “Baby, guess what
?
”
“What?” I really didn’t want to play her game
,
but I wanted to keep her talking. That was her weakness
; s
he ran her mouth too damn much. Most chicks did. I knew that if I let her keep talking
,
she
’
d eventually talk herself into some trouble. All I had to do was sit back and listen.
“My mama got a job. She gonna be workin
’
in a bank as a teller.” She began to let her motor mouth run. “She starts Monday. She even started back goin’ to AA. I think she’s for real this time. I mean
,
even if
-”
“Where else you been?” I cut her off. I had to. Good for her moms and all
,
but at that moment I didn’t give a fuck. I wanted to know what she
wasn’t
telling me
; a
ll the other bullshit could wait.
“We went to the play
-
which was hilarious by the way
-
to The Steakhouse
,
and then we went back to her house for a while.” She smiled. “And just talked. I can't even remember the last time I saw her so happy. It was nice.”
She could put those dimples away
; t
hey weren’t working on me anymore. I knew she was guilty of something
I just didn’t know what.
“Jazz, just tell me where the fuck you really been
,
” I told her flat out. “Who you fuckin’?”
“What?” She kicked off her heels and rose to her feet. “What did you just ask me?”
“Jasmine, I swear to
G
od if I find out
-”
“Find out
what
?!”
s
he yelled so loud
,
I wanted to smack the taste out of her mouth. “You got something to ask me
,
then why don’t you just be a man and ask.”
To make shit fair
,
I rose to my feet as well. She wasn’t about to keep talking over me like I was a little kid. Fuck that shit. She wanted war
-
but little did she know
,
I
’
d been plotting my attack all night.
“You fuckin’ somebody else, Jazz?”
“Nigga, I can’t even believe you.” She squeezed out two tears for dramatic effect. “Are you serious?” Her hands reached out for me
,
but I pushed them away. “Malcolm, I’m carryin' yo child.”
She only called me Malcolm when she wanted something. Not this time. I was done being her sucker
; l
et the next nigga keep her in Fendi purses and Gucci heels.
“I think you should go back and stay with yo moms.” That was the last thing I said to her that entire night. My mind was fucked up. If we would have kept on arguing
,
I would have ended up hurting her ass. I never wanted to be the type of nigga that put his hands on a female
,
so I walked away. I went into my bedroom and slammed the door shut behind me.
I couldn’t sleep that night
;
Jasmine’s cries wouldn’t let me.
They
went on and on until finally around five that morning
they
just stopped
; s
he
’d
cried herself to sleep. I lay alone in my big bed, coming down off my high, wondering what the hell happened. I knew I fucked up. I didn’t have any proof Jazz was cheating on me, but I ran with it anyway. I let that nigga Ren get inside my head when I saw the way he looked at Jazz. I knew he wanted to fuck her
,
and I let that nigga turn me against her anyway. I had to apologize to my baby. As soon as she woke up
,
I was going to tell her I was sorry and beg her to forgive me. All I had to do was wait.
I got a call on my cell early that morning from Gina. She was with some cats from New York who were only in town for a couple days and wanted to party while they were here. They were talking about spending some major dollars
,
so I hurried up and got dressed. Jazz was still asleep when I passed her on the couch. My plan was to drive to the hotel
where
they were staying, make that money
,
then get back home before Jazz even knew I was gone. That was the plan
-
but as I was starting to learn
,
shit rarely works out how you plan it.
It took me damn near an hour to drive ow ur to dto the hotel
,
which was all the way out by the fucking airport. When I finally got there
,
they were acting all nervous and shit
,
so I got the hell out of there
;
I knew a setup when I smelled one. That dirty hoe Gina was probably trying to pay me back for what went down between the two of us, but I wasn’t takin
g
the fall for that shit. I pushed my jacket back just enough so that every eye in th
e
room could see the handle of my 9mm peeking out from my waistband. Nobody moved but me. I backed up slowly until I was out the door
, and
I kept moving the same way down the hall until I got to the elevators. I knew muthafuckas would try to take me out as long as I was in the game, but I wasn’t about to make it easy for them.
As soon as I pulled up in front of the apartment
,
I got a bad feeling. I pulled out my gun and began to prepare myself for the worst. When I got to the front door
,
I put my key in
-
but it was already unlocked. I tried to ease it open quietly. If someone was inside
,
I wanted to catch them off guard
; t
hat was the only way for me to get the upper hand. The door wouldn’t move. I placed my shoulder up against it and pushed it gently. As soon as I got it open
,
I saw her
:
Jasmine was on the floor
,
lying in a puddle of her own blood.
I fell to my knees. “Baby, what happened? Who the fuck did this to you?” I asked, trying desperately to wake her, but
I got
no response. “Come on
,
Jazz
,
wake up.” I put my head on her chest and listened for her heartbeat
; s
he was out cold, but she was still alive. I looked down at her panties around her ankles and knew what time it was
: t
here was blood everywhere
; s
he
’
d been raped.
I went clean off on the 911 dispatcher for asking me way too many stupid questions when my baby could have been dying. It didn’t take long for the ambulance to arrive. I sat in the back with Jazz and held her hand the entire ride. Once we got to the hospital
,
they rushed her into the ER, but they wouldn’t let me come. I had to sit in the waiting room all alone for two hours with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. I was starting to think the worst when the doctor
finally
came out and told
me I
could see Jasmine.
“Who did this to you?” I asked as soon as I laid eyes on her swollen, bruised and battered face. I couldn’t ever remember being that angry in my life. Somebody had to pay
;
I didn’t care who it was. Whoever beat and raped my pregnant girlfriend was about to experience pain like they never had before.
“It was Ren.” Jazz managed to choke out those three words. “Ren raped me, Malcolm.”
To say I was shocked would have been the understatement of the century. I knew something wasn't right with the nigga
-
but I never in a million years thought he would do something so vicious. We were supposed to be boys
; t
hat nigga was supposed to be my family.
“I lost the baby
,
” Jasmine whimpered in
between cries. “They said there was nothin’ they could do.”
She was a mess, both inside and out. Her right eye was purple from blows delivered by his massive fists
, and h
er left one was completely swollen shut. My eyes traveled down to the red handprint he left around her neck
;
I pictured that nigga choking her
,
and I wanted him dead. You don’t do that to a woman that’s loved and not lose your life
- n
ot on my block.
I spent the entire day and night searching for Ren. Word on the streets was that he
’
d skipped town. If only I would have been smart enough to realize that nigga was gamming me to get at my girl. Not only did he rape her
,
he caused her to lose our baby. I
’
d never be able to forgive myself for not trusting Jasmine
– and i
n my heart
,
I knew she
’
d never be able to forgive me either.
When I made it back to the hospital
,
Jasmine’s mother and her new boyfriend were there. They all froze when I walked in the room. I was surprised to see Jazz up and out of bed, but it was a good surprise. Her bruises looked even worse than they did when I saw her earlier.
She didn’t look happy to see me
; n
one of them did. I knew what time it was. I also knew that the only person I had to blame was myself.
“I wish you could
have
just trusted me
,
” Jasmine
said, beginning
to cry. “Why couldn’t you trust me?”
Her tears ripped my heart in two. She deserved an answer to her question
,
but I didn’t have one. I should have trusted her
; s
he never gave me any reason not to. I kept her at arm’s length the same way I did everyone else
-
and look where that got us. Everything that was special about us became common. We weren’t the exception anymore
; w
e were just another statistic.
When Jasmine walked out that door
,
I knew it was really was over. I couldn’t change what happened to her. I couldn’t even make it better. All I could do was respect her decision and try my best not to make things harder on her than they already were. Jazz was my first love
, and l
osing her was like losing a piece of myself. I felt like I didn’t have a future anymore. The one I wanted so bad, the one with my girl and our baby
,
was gone. I didn’t care if it took my entire life
,
I was going to track Ren down and make sure tha
t
mine was the last face he ever saw
...
I wasn’t a killer
-
but that nigga pushed me.