Authors: Cynthia White
I smiled all the way back to my truck. Sixty minutes was more than enough time to handle my business and get back to Kitty’s bar. As bad as I wanted to be with her again
,
I would have moved mountains to make it happen. She could try and sneak all the tests by me she wanted to
-
I was planning on passing them all.
Chapter 15
The Hilton Hotel was only five minutes away from my bank. It was also an open public place with lots of witnesses. I knew this wwas knew thite dude was crooked
; u
nlike Jayla
,
I knew a scam when I heard one. There was no way his punk ass was taking me for fifty grand. I was only making an appearance to let him see that the mother of my cousin’s children had people looking out for her
-
people you didn’t want on your bad side.
“Mr. Ark.” I approached the small
,
pathetic little man as soon as I entered the lobby. “Let’s get down to business. I don’t have much time.”
When he stood up and attempted to shake my hand
,
I thought he had to be joking. We weren’t there for lunch
; t
his muthafucka crossed a line
,
and somebody had to push him back. Since my cousin was dead and gone
,
that somebody would have to be me.
“So do you enjoy strong armin’ all women
-
or is it just
B
lack women?” I asked him point blank as I sat down in the plush brown leather chair pointed diagonally towards his. “You got
a
li
’
l dick, don’t you
,
Kevin?”
“I don’t need this shit.” He jumped up out of his seat like his ass was on fire
- but
I grabbed his arm so hard
,
his skin began to turn red. If he thought he could just walk away from me
,
he was mistaken. Bullies can dish that shit out
,
but they’re rarely able to take it. He didn’t have a choice this time.
“Sit the fuck down ‘fore I
lay
yo bitch ass down.” My tone was just as firm as the grip I had on that coward’s arm. “I don’t give a fuck about all these people up in here. I’ll put a bullet in yo skull and be out the door ‘fore any of
‘
em even notice.”
He did as he was instructed and sat his ass back down.
O
nce I was sure he knew what type of nigga he was dealin
g
with
,
I let go of his scrawny little arm. I would kill for my fam. His life didn’t mean a damn thing to me
; e
nding it wouldn’t have caused me to lose one wink of sleep.
“I don’t ever wanna see you again. I don’t want anybody I know to see you again.
And i
f I find out you’ve done somethin’ stupid like callin’ the cops
,
I’ll find you
-
and I'll kill you
,
” I promised him, meaning every single word I spoke. “If I hear that you so much as waved to Jayla
,
I’ll kill you, yo wife Nancy, yo daughters Kelly and Blair
,
and yo ugly ass li
’
l dog Pepper.” I laid it all out and let him know that I
’
d done my homework. “You’re outta yo league
,
boy. Now get the fuck outta my face.”
He ran out of there like his life depended on it. Why weak niggas try to be hard baffled the shit out of me. Kevin Ark wasn’t an intimidating man. I would estimate his height at around five
-
foot
-
nine and his weight at barely one hundred and thirty pounds
;
I knew
chicks
bigger than that. I wasn
’
t impressed
,
an>
nor was I the least bit frightened.
I left the hotel and headed straight towards Kitty’s bar. When I got there
,
she was in the back going over some paperwork that would still be there the next day. She was about to get real busy real fast
- m
e and my dick were going to make sure of that.
A
s soon as I walked through the door
, s
he put her pen down
– and o
ur eyes locked. There wasn’t a doubt about it
:
I wanted her
,
and she wanted me. I stood there and watched her as she began to unbutton her blouse
, going
from button to button until there were no more left. Her breasts were magnificent. I couldn’t hold back any longer
;
I rushed to her and lifted her body out of the chair and on to the desk. The journey inside of her was thrilling. She made me feel like a new man. It was better than any drug. I would have done anything to make that feeling last for life, but it wasn’t meant to be
; s
ome people only come into your life for a season
– and t
hey’re usually the ones who make the biggest impact.
Chapter 16
We spent that entire night in Kitty’s office. The next morning
,
she told me the real reason she
’d
pulled away from me
:
s
he was sick. For the last four and a half years
,
she
’
d been battling
b
reast
c
ancer. It didn’t look good. I understood then why she didn’t tell me. Before I knew the truth
,
all I wanted to do was have sex with her
; o
nce I found out
,
I felt like I couldn’t even touch her. It wasn’t that I didn’t find her attractive anymore
; s
he would always be the sexiest thing I ever laid eyes on. I just couldn’t bring myself to cause her any more discomfort. She took one look at me and sensed the change
– and j
ust like that
,
it was over. Kitty wanted nothing else to do with me.
Nine months later
,
she was dead.
Kitty’s funeral was like a glass of ice water in the face
: i
t woke me up. I reminded myself how short life could be. Not even a year before
,
I was drinking Cristal with the beautiful woman now lying completely still in a casket. I felt like a punk for walking away from her. Somebody should have been with her. Somebody should have been holding her hand. I sat in that church and thought long and hard about my life. I wasn’t the man I wanted to be
;
I was nowhere close.
I was fucked up for a long ass time. Days came and went without me talking to another human being
;
I didn’t feel like frontin’. Life
had
dealt me a fucked up hand, but I never once felt sorry for myself
; instead,
I dealt with blow after blow like the ghetto trained niggas to d
o
. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even fall to my knees and ask
G
od why. I just acceptedn>.ust acc the shit and kept going. All the people I lost along the way became nightmares that I pretended not to remember in the morning.
But Kitty’s death was different. She wasn’t a drug dealer or a prostitute
; s
he was a good person whose only bad habit was having a few too many glasses of champagne. That was her big bad sin. She was perfect in every other way. If life didn’t play fair with a woman like her
,
then who the hell was I to expect anything more
?
Chapter 17
21
st
S
treet looked the same way it did almost ten years ago. Dilapidated buildings stood gutted on the inside with gang tags and R
.
I
.
P
.
memorials covering their exteriors. My first apartment was
even
still standin
g
. Back then
,
I thought I was livin
g
the life
, but
I
’
d come a long way
:
I went from The Cochran to the block and from the block to an expensive home
on
two acres of land.
There was a li
’
l nigga sittin
g
in front of the old apartment I use
d
to call home. He looked to be about thirteen or fourteen years-old
, and t
he expression on his face was cold and emotionless. I could relate
; y
ou had to be tough to survive in the hood. Kindness was mistaken for weakness
-
and weakness could get you killed. You had to be a soldier, watching your back at all times and trustin
g
no one. Your best friend could turn on you in an instant. Even your girl could decide to trade you in for a nigga with more. Money, cars, clothes
,
and bling determined your worth as a human being. If you had no money
,
you got no respect.
I wanted to tell that li
’
l nigga it would get better, but lies wouldn’t do him any good. The truth would catch up to him sooner or later
– and j
udgin
g
by the look on his face
,
it already had.
“What’s up
,
Boss?” An unfamiliar female voice begged for m
y
attention. “What you doin’ on the block?”
“I know you?”
I questioned her identity. “This a bad time to be playin’ games with a nigga.”
“It’s me
,
”
s
he
said with a
smile
,
as if that was goin
g
to jog my memory. “Mercedes.”
Gina’s youngest sister was all grown up. She looked a lot like her big sister
-
the old Gina, not the crackhead Gina. Their faces
only slightly
favored each other
,
but their bodies were eerily identical. I caught myself wondering if Mercedes could fuck likean>ld fuck Gina
; i
t was hard to shake the thought with her wearin
g
those skin
-
tight jeans. Her ass was beggin
g
for some attention
, and a
nigga like me was more than happy to oblige.
“What you been up to
,
girl?” I asked as if I really gave a damn. “You still in school?”
“I’m startin
’
St. Louis U in the fall.”
“That’s something to be proud of.”
“Thank
you
,
”
s
he giggled. The girl was just as gullible as Gina was at her age
; a
ll a nigga had to do was toss a compliment her way
-
and he was in. I wasn’t sure what her plans were for that evening, but they were about to change.
“I can’t wait to move in the dorms. I need to put some distance between me and my family.”
“That bad?” I continued to pretend that I was interested in her family drama.
“I know you heard Gina’s cracked out now?”
“Yeah, I know.” I was guilty of supplying her with some of that crack. My fucked up logic forced me to believe that her getting it from me was better than her suckin
g
some
stranger’s dick for it.
“She gave birth to three beautiful kids
,
and she’s not a mother to any of them
,
” Mercedes went in on her sister again. “I don’t know what happened to her. When she was with you
,
she was a completely different person. She used to take such good care of herself.”
“Don’t none of us stay the same. We all change
;
s
ome of us for the better
,
and some for
the
worse.”
Gina wasn’t my favorite person on earth, but I wasn’t about to stand there and badmouth her. Life had already taken enough from her.