Not wanting to intrude on Harry’s private grief, she waited a while. She had the pot of tea all ready on the tray, and a plate of biscuits for dunking. Now though, she poured the tea down the sink and slipped the biscuits back
into the box.
Going to the sitting room she took out a bottle of the finest brandy from the bottom cupboard, collected two glasses from her best cabinet and, armed with her cure for all ills, she made her way to the kitchen window. Harry, she could see, had come through a very bad time, and was only now appearing to be more in control of his emotions.
‘Ah! There y’are, Harry Boy,’ she slowed
her step, wisely allowing him time to recover. ‘When I couldn’t find you in the house, I thought you might be in the garden.’
‘Sorry, Kathleen, I should have told you where I’d be.’ Thankful for her timely intervention, he suspected she had seen him, and was grateful that she made no mention of it.
Falling heavily onto the bench, she gave out a cry. ‘Jaysus, Mary and Joseph! It strikes cold
to the nether regions, an’ no mistake!’
Harry grinned. ‘Here – swap places. I’ve warmed my seat up.’ He spied the bottle of brandy and the glasses. ‘So, what’s all this then?’
‘A party in a bottle,’ she laughed. ‘It’s September tomorrow, me laddie. The night air is a bit thin an’ we don’t want to end up with raging pneumonia, now do we, eh?’ She brandished the bottle. ‘This little beauty will
chase away the cold, while we sit and talk.’
Placing both glasses in his fist, she told him, ‘Hold the little divils still while I open this ’ere bottle.’
She twisted with all her might until suddenly the top was out and the brandy breathing. ‘Nothing better than a drop o’ the good stuff to warm the cockles,’ she promised, pouring out two good measures.
That done, she replaced the top and stood
the bottle on the ground beside her. ‘Bottoms up, Harry me boy!’ Raising her glass, she toasted, ‘Here’s to you and that darlin’ boy of yours – and brighter days ahead for us all.’
Harry drank to that. ‘To all of us! And you’re right,’ he recalled her earlier remark, ‘we
do
need to talk … if you’re not too tired, that is?’
‘I don’t mind if we sit out here all night,’ she replied. ‘It may be
a bit nippy, but the moon is lovely and we’ve got our friend the brandy.’ She settled back in her seat. ‘You and me need to clear the air … especially you, Harry Boy. A trouble shared is a trouble halved. Isn’t that what they say?’
For a time they sat together, two old friends, thrown closer together by life’s cruelties. They had always been easy in each other’s company, and though the two of
them had long been separated by time and distance, right now, seated together on that
familiar iron bench in that little garden, it was as though they had never been apart.
‘I missed you, Harry Boy.’ Kathleen did not look up. Instead she took a sip of her brandy. ‘For a long time I waited for you to get in touch, after the war ended, or maybe turn up at the door, but you never did. When the years
passed and there was no word, I didn’t know what to think. I had no idea where you were, or what you were doing after you were demobbed.’
Harry explained, ‘I just kept going. I didn’t know or care where I would end up.’ When Sara came on the scene, he was little more than a tramp. ‘You can’t imagine how often I wanted to get in touch, but I was too ashamed.’
‘Don’t fret about it,’ she chided.
‘You’re home now, you and little Tom.’ She glanced up at him, her voice charged with emotion. ‘Judy waited for you, every day she was at the window, hoping you’d come striding down the street.’
There was a moment of quiet, before Harry answered in a choked voice, ‘I never meant to hurt her. You know that, don’t you, Kathleen?’
‘I do, yes.’
‘I did love her … so very much.’
‘I know that too.’
‘Do you think I was wrong in leaving like that?’
After carefully considering his question, Kathleen answered in her usual forthright manner. ‘Yes, if truth be told, I
do
think you were wrong. But who could blame you? There you were, just a lad, when all’s said and done, and it must have seemed like you’d got the world on your shoulders. You weren’t ready or equipped to deal with what Judy told
you.’
Harry admitted it. ‘I was knocked for six. I had no idea how to deal with it.’
‘I’m not surprised. What Judy did was silly, plain wrong – and you were right to feel afraid and deceived. But she did it out of love for you, Harry Boy. Oh, don’t get me wrong! I’m not denying that she created a frightening situation, and that the two of youse desperately needed someone to turn to. Thankfully,
I was here for Judy, but you made it impossible for me to be there for you, and to tell you the truth, it took me a long time to forgive you for running off to enlist like that.’
When he made no comment, she went on, ‘You ought never to have gone away like that, in the depth of night, without telling a soul where you were going.’
She cast her mind back, to the way he and Judy had gone into the
garden to discuss their future, and how he came back into the house, pale as a sheet and without a word to say. She heard him pacing his room half the night. In the morning when she called to him, he was already gone.
‘Kathleen?’
‘Yes?’
‘Do you honestly think it might have been better if I’d stayed?’
The little woman shook her head. ‘No, I don’t think that,’ she told him. ‘In fact, to tell
you the truth, taking everything into consideration, I don’t believe you had much of a choice. I dare say you did the only thing you could … in the circumstances.’
Harry recalled the moment that Judy had delivered her shocking revelation. ‘Judy lied to me. Time and again, she deliberately deceived me. If she truly loved me, how could she do that?’
Even now, he could not believe that it had gone
so far. ‘Fourteen,’ he groaned. ‘
She was only fourteen!
Why did she let me go on believing she was sixteen! Didn’t she realise I could have been sent to prison?’
That night, when Judy had confided in her, the very same thought had entered Kathleen’s mind. ‘I can’t condone what Judy did,’ she conceded, ‘but she loved you, Harry. She was obviously carried away by her feelings for you, and then
it was too late to tell you she wasn’t old enough for a full relationship.’
‘If only she’d told me earlier, we could have put it all on a different footing. I loved her enough to wait until she was older. But she led me to believe that everything was all right and I, like a damned fool, swallowed every word she said.’ He shook his head. ‘It wasn’t just that she lied about her age,’ he confided.
‘That was bad enough, but the
other
thing …’ His guilt was tenfold. ‘I just couldn’t cope.’
Kathleen could see how deep it had gone with Harry, but from the anger and the hurt he was showing now, she was left in no doubt but that he still had feelings for Judy, every bit as much as he did back then.
‘She told me she had never loved anyone else, not in the way she loved you.’ Kathleen paused,
before going on in a softer voice, ‘Deep down you already know that, don’t you, Harry?’
Harry had told himself the very same over the years. ‘What really matters is that I should have stayed and faced it like a man. The truth is, I didn’t know what to do. Like a coward, I panicked and ran.’ Agitated, he got up to pace back and forth like a trapped animal. ‘You think that too, don’t you, Kathleen
– that I did a cowardly thing?’
Kathleen shook her head. ‘You’re wrong,’ she assured him. ‘You were a fine boy then, and you’re a fine man now. You were never a coward; you never could be, because it’s simply not in your make-up.’
‘So if it wasn’t cowardice, what was it that made me run? Why couldn’t I face it head on?’
‘Because the enormity of the situation was beyond you, that’s why.’
‘Did
she tell you everything?’
Kathleen confirmed it. ‘The following day, when Judy realised you were gone, she told me everything. I’ll admit, I was just as shocked as you – on both counts! Like you, I assumed that she was at least sixteen or seventeen. She certainly looked it. None of us had any reason to doubt her word.’ She recalled the moment when Judy admitted to having lied about her age.
Then came the
second
bombshell, which rocked Kathleen to her roots, and there was something else too. All the while Judy was telling her, about the fact that she was only fourteen, and that Harry had made her with child, there was something about Judy’s story that made Kathleen feel uneasy.
To this day, she suspected that Judy had deliberately hidden the real truth from her, and from Harry.
Like Harry, Kathleen had always loved and trusted Judy, but on that occasion she was made to ask herself: what did they really know about Judy? After all, the Roberts family had not been in the street long enough for folks to really get to know them.
Nevertheless, her affection for the girl had not wavered.
Remembering now, she smiled. ‘From the very first I thought Judy was special. She was
such a pretty, shy young thing who hardly had two words to say for herself. Of course, it was rumoured that her mother ruled the family with a rod of iron.’
Harry had heard that too. ‘Judy talked about her father a lot, but she hardly ever mentioned her mother. In fact, she hardly ever talked about her past, or where they’d come from. I got the impression that her mother kept her on a short string,
that she didn’t care for her to meet other people.’
‘She always found a way to be with you though,’ Kathleen reminded him. She made a wide gesture with her hands. ‘Oh, and didn’t she love this little garden! The very first time you brought her home, you spent the whole evening, talking and laughing and making plans, here on this very bench.’
Harry recalled every magical minute of it. ‘Like you
say, Kathleen,
she really was very special.’ His manner darkened. ‘And when she needed me most, I let her down.’
‘Maybe you did, but if Judy had not lied to you about her age, the whole sorry matter would never have happened.’ She called him to sit down beside her again, then announced: ‘I’m the one who should be sorry.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Because neither of you found it in your heart to
trust me. If you’d come to me, I might have been able to find a solution.’
‘What solution, Kathleen?’ Harry was on his feet again. ‘I loved Judy more than I can say. I thought she loved me too, but how could she, if she was prepared to let me go on believing she was old enough to have a full relationship? She knew I could have been taken away by the authorities, and still she went on lying to
me.’
He sat beside her. ‘She was fourteen,’ he groaned again. ‘Can you imagine how I felt when she told me that, and then, as if that wasn’t enough to contend with, she told me she was pregnant with my child!’
Even after all this time, he could still feel the horror of that night. ‘She said if her mother found out, she would kill us both! I know I should have reacted differently, but all I could
think of was to get away. Oh, it wasn’t all about her parents, or the police. It was about Judy being so young, and the child.’
‘She told me that you gave her the money to pay for an illegal abortion.’
Harry was deeply ashamed. ‘I didn’t know what else to do, and she insisted it was for the best. But she was wrong. We both were.’
He walked to the window where he stood silent for a while. ‘Believe
me, Kathleen.’ He turned to address her. ‘I swear I would give anything to turn the clock back.’
‘Sure, don’t I know that already?’ She had seen the regret in his face and in his voice whenever he mentioned Judy’s name. ‘It’s all in the past now. What’s done is done and can’t be undone. You went on to make a new life and so did Judy. Don’t punish yourself, Harry Boy. You need to remember, you
were not alone in making the situation. So, please, listen to me.’
She tugged at his sleeve. ‘If you don’t let the bad memories go, son, they could well destroy you.’
He gave a harsh laugh. ‘You could be right.’
‘Don’t forget, you have the boy to think of. Moreover, from what I’ve learned of Sara, she would not want you to torment yourself this way, would she, eh?’
‘No.’ Harry was brought
up sharp by Kathleen’s wise words. ‘Sara would not want that.’
‘It seems you found a good woman in her. Tell me, Harry. What was she really like?’
The memory of Sara was bittersweet for Harry. ‘She was wonderful. Understanding … forgiving. If you’d known her, you would have loved her.’
Until now, Harry had not realised how much he needed to talk about Sara. ‘When I saw the relationship was
getting serious, I told her all about Judy. I was afraid of losing her, but knew I had to take that chance.’
‘So – did you tell her everything – about the bairn, and how Judy lied about her age?’
‘I did, yes. After what happened with Judy, I was determined from the start that there would be no secrets between me and Sara.’
‘Sure, that’s as good a way as any to start a relationship.’ Kathleen
fully approved.
‘I told her how Judy’s family was new into the street and that no one knew much about them. I described how we were drawn to each other from the first moment we met, the day she dropped all her shopping right in front of me. I explained how we naturally drifted into a serious relationship, and that it never occurred to me to ask about Judy’s age, especially when she had the look
and manner of a much older girl.’
He could picture Judy in his mind so clearly. ‘I told her how sincere and lovely Judy was, and how for some reason known only to herself, she let me believe she was older than her years.’
‘You did right to tell Sara.’ Kathleen had no doubts on that score. ‘As for Judy, we were all fooled with regards to her age. I mean, she never went to school, at least not
as far as we knew. So, it was natural to assume that she had left all that behind her. Anyway, lots of people left school at fourteen.’
‘But I should have known,’ Harry groaned. ‘Somehow, I should have known.’ He recalled one particular thing that had bothered him at the time, but Judy had explained it away, and he had had no reason to doubt her explanation.