‘I want him out NOW!’ Hands on hips, she was determined to make sure he put them both out on the pavement, with the door securely bolted behind them.
‘Listen to me, love, I’d rather you got out of the way. I’m not risking you getting involved in a skirmish. You know well enough what Phil can be like when he’s had a few. Now, go on, Pauline.
Do as I ask.’ He gave her a gentle push. ‘Away upstairs with you. I’ll not be far behind.’
Bristling with anger, Pauline made her way across the room, passing Phil Saunders and the girl on the way. ‘You no-good rubbish!’ She glared down at him. ‘You should be ashamed. You don’t deserve a wife like Judy.’
‘Who the devil d’you think you’re talking to?’ Phil struggled to his feet, then fell back
in the seat and was laughing out loud, one arm round the floozy and the other steadying himself on the chair. ‘Me and my friend here, we pay good money for our booze, and we don’t bother nobody. The thing is,’ he burped noisily, ‘we don’t want to be disturbed.’ He gave a lazy wink. ‘You know what I’m saying, don’t you, eh?’ He scowled. ‘So go on, bugger off and leave us to it, why don’t you?’
Before Pauline could reply, Alan was there to intervene. ‘You’d best go,’ he told Saunders. ‘And take your “friend” with you.’
‘Oh, dearie me!’ Hanging onto the woman, Saunders managed to stand up straight. ‘Want us out, do you?’
‘That’s the idea, yes.’
‘What if I said we’re not moving from here …’ he turned to grin at the girl ‘… not for a while anyway?’
‘I would not advise it.’
‘Well, we’re
not going, so what d’you intend doing about that, eh?’
Alan’s answer was to take hold of the woman’s arm and lead her to the door, with Saunders tugging at her, cursing and swearing, and threatening all manner of punishment. ‘You’ll not get away with it!’ he warned the older man. ‘You know what I’m capable of when I set my mind to it.’
‘Oh yes – I know what you’re capable of all right, especially
when it comes to beating up women. But you don’t know what
I’m
capable of. Up to now, I’ve been polite, but you wouldn’t want to push me too far!’
Handling the woman carefully, Alan prepared to usher her through the door. ‘You’d best make your way home,’ he instructed. ‘The pub’s shut and I’m about to lock up.’
‘She’s not going anywhere, and neither am I.’ Coming up behind him, Phil bumped Alan
aside, grabbed the girl and yanked her backwards. The two of them lost their balance and began rolling about the floor laughing hysterically. ‘Shut up, woman!’ Saunders gave her a playful slap. ‘Come on, get me up.’
Grabbing the pair of them by the scruff of the neck, Alan pushed them out on the pavement. ‘I should shift a bit smartish if I were you,’ he advised them, ‘before the police happen
along and lock you in the cells for a night.’
Addressing the girl, he gave her a piece of well-meant advice. ‘If you’ve got an ounce of common sense, you’ll stay well away from this fella. When he’s sober he’s nasty, and when he’s drunk, he’s even nastier than that.’
His meaning was clear. ‘It might be best if you didn’t hang around to find out.’
Some part of his message must have got through
her drink-sozzled brain, because she fought Saunders off and began to walk unsteadily down the street on her own.
When she was far enough away, Alan hoisted Phil Saunders by the collar and slammed him against the wall. ‘You’ve got a lovely young wife at home,’ he reminded Saunders. ‘She’s worth ten of that little tart. I don’t know how you got your claws into Judy, but if I was her, I wouldn’t
even let you through the door!’
Humiliated and angry, Saunders began blustering. ‘It’s none of your damned business. Judy is
my
woman and I’ll do as I please – have you got that?’
He then fell in a heap on the ground and lay there, burping and giggling, until suddenly his mood darkened. ‘That damned
Judy! I know what she’s up to all right, and I’m telling you now – if she ever crosses me, I’ll
snap her neck like a dry twig!’ He struggled to his feet, breathing heavily.
Alan snatched him by the shoulders and ground out: ‘You listen to me, sunshine.’ Shoving his face to within an inch of Saunders’s, he promised, ‘If I ever find out you’ve laid a finger on that girl, I swear to God, I’ll swing for you.’ When there came no response, he tightened his hold. ‘Did you hear what I said? Has
it got through that thick mist of booze and arrogance – has it? ANSWER ME, YOU HEAP O’ RUBBISH!’
‘All right! All right! I won’t hurt her,’ came the sulky answer. Then he turned maudlin. ‘I love her, don’t you know that?’
‘You don’t love her,’ Alan said scornfully. He was aware of Judy’s story; not all of it, but enough to realise that she was as lonely and frightened as any young woman could
be. ‘You wouldn’t know
how
to love anybody. You
control
her, that’s what you do. You use and defile her, then you demand her love and loyalty in return. You don’t even
know
her. You’ll only ever be satisfied if you bring her down to your own level, but you’ll never be able to do that, because for all her suffering and loneliness, she’s a cut above you, and always will be.’
Astonished to see tears
in the other man’s eyes, he lowered his voice. ‘Let her go, Saunders!’ he urged. ‘You’re no good to her. Acting like this, you’re no good to her. The way you are now, you’re no good to anybody!’ Then, hardening his heart again, he thrust him aside. ‘Now get out of my sight. But remember what I said – Judy is a good friend to me and mine, and we’ll be watching. So you just think on that.’
‘Get
off me!’ When the older man released him, Phil remained where he was, propped unsteadily against the wall, shoulders sagged and a look of defeat on his sorry face.
In his fogged mind, he did love Judy, but not with tenderness or joy. It was a spiteful love – of dictatorship, and unfounded suspicions. Deep down, he knew his wife had no feelings for him, and it drove him crazy.
Truth was, Phil
Saunders had never known Judy’s love; not the kind that spoke from the heart or shone in a woman’s eyes when she looked at you. So he went on punishing her, because she could never give him what he craved – that elusive ‘forever love’ that comes only once in a lifetime.
Deep down, he knew it wasn’t her fault, because how could she give him that kind of love, when she had already given it to someone
else; a boy of eighteen. A boy she had deceived when she was only a kid herself.
In all these years, she had never forgiven herself for what she had done; and Phil had never forgiven her for choosing another over him.
When he too was on the brink of manhood, Saunders had witnessed at first-hand the magic that was Judy and Harry. The memories were deeply ingrained, he could see them in his mind’s
eye even now, the way they laughed together and looked at each other, the way they held hands as though they could never let go.
It was because of these memories that he knew in his heart, that however much he wanted it, Judy could never be his.
Yet he continued to chase the dream, until very slowly, the love he felt for her was turning into a frenzy of resentment darkening into hatred.
At number 16 Jackson Street in the backwaters of Bedford town, Judy lay in bed, her eyes closed – but she was not asleep, never asleep; especially not on a Friday when Phil was late home from work.
Every sound outside the house made her nervous, so nervous that she had to get out of her bed and go downstairs. When the wall clock in the hallway rang out the first hour of a new day, she almost leaped
out of her skin.
Shivering, she grabbed a jacket from the coat stand and, throwing it about her shoulders, she crossed into the tiny kitchen. ‘One o’clock in the morning, and he’s still out there, drinking and carrying on,’ she said out loud, ‘working himself up to fever pitch for when he gets home.’
It wasn’t the cold that made her shiver.
It was fear
.
Unable to settle and reluctant to go
back to bed, Judy prepared herself a cup of cocoa. She carried it to the table and there she sat, her eyes darting to the door at every sound. ‘I should leave him,’ she muttered. ‘I should go away and never come back.’ But where would she go, and how would she manage?
Maybe she could find work, but what kind of work? And if her last attempt was anything to go by, how long would she be able to
hold it down before they sacked her for being useless? Her nerves were shattered. She couldn’t focus on anything for more than a
few minutes at a time, and she was incredibly uncomfortable around people.
She was constantly afraid. Afraid of being in a crowd, afraid when people approached her, and panic-stricken when she felt cornered.
So what chance did she have in the big wide world? She had
no money except what he gave her, and that was pitifully little. ‘I’ll ask Pauline to help me,’ she told herself. ‘She’ll get me my confidence back again. I’ll talk to her – yes, that’s it. She’ll help me, I know she will. When I took that factory work last time, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t strong enough, but I’m stronger now. I can do it, I’m sure I can.’
Her sense of excitement wavered when she
remembered. ‘Phil would never let me do it.’ She recalled the rows and upsets she had endured each time she mentioned going out to work. ‘It was because of him that I lost my job in the laundry that time,’ she recalled.
She had been so happy in that little job with the other girls, but then he had humiliated her. ‘He wouldn’t stay away, wouldn’t let me be. So they had to sack me. It wasn’t their
fault.’
Time and again she had tried to break free, and each time he had ruined it for her. It was like a game to him – a nasty, spiteful cat and mouse game. At first, she had tried to fight him. In the end though, he always won.
‘I don’t love him. I never have, never will,’ she whispered. ‘So why do I stay with him?’ Once upon a time she had been strong. But he had drained all her strength
away, until she just didn’t care any more.
Halfway down the street, Saunders was embroiled in a row with the taxi driver, who was glad to be rid of this particular fare. ‘Pay me what you owe me,’ he warned Saunders, ‘or I’ll go to the police!’
The man had never encountered a more miserable passenger. ‘I should charge you a damned sight more,’ he complained, ‘for all the earache and aggravation
I’ve had to put up with, let alone having to stop twice and let you out to be sick.’
Sorting out the money, Saunders threw it at him. ‘It’s me who should be calling the police!’ he grumbled. ‘The fare you charge is out-and-out robbery!’
But before he could start another argument, the taxi driver swung his cab round in the street and raced off. Winding down his window, he yelled down the street,
‘Bloody drunks! Lunatic! Next time I see you looking for a cab, I’ll be off in the other direction.’
‘Good!’ Saunders waved his fist as the taxi sped away. ‘You robbing swine! If I never see you again, it’ll be too soon!’
One minute he was cursing and threatening, and the next he was roaring with laughter; loud, raucous laughter that actually unbalanced him and sent him careering against the
front door. ‘Where’s that damned key?’ he slurred.
He fumbled about until he found it, but then he was having difficulty fitting it into the lock. His voice echoed down the street. ‘JUDY! LET ME IN, YOU DOZY BUGGER! JUDY! GET OUT HERE, WILL YOU, WOMAN!’
Judy made no move. Instead she remained seated at the table, cowering, her stomach churning as she waited for the inevitable.
It wasn’t long
before the door was flung open and he was inside. The sound of his voice sent cold shivers down her spine. ‘Judy, where are you?’ He began laughing, a soft, evil sound that she knew so well. Sometimes she really thought he was out of his mind. ‘Come here, my pretty.’ He chuckled. ‘Your husband has need of you.’
As he stumbled down the passageway, Judy felt herself shrinking into the chair, and
when he burst through the door, she wished she could be anywhere but there.
‘Oh, look! There’s my dear little mouse.’ Putting his fingers across his face he made the image of a mouse twitching its whiskers. ‘Little mouse,’ he sniggered. ‘Frightened, pretty little mouse.’
Judy looked away. ‘I’m not playing your games,’ she told him, pretending to drink her cocoa.
‘Ooo, so little mouse is not
playing, eh?’ giggling childishly he swaggered towards her. ‘You’d best be nice to me.’ Drawing out a chair, he sat so close to her, she could hardly bear it.
‘So tell me, little mouse, what are you doing down here? Why aren’t you in bed?’
‘I couldn’t sleep.’
‘Oh, and why was that?’
She shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t know, but I’m feeling sleepy now, so I’ll get back up—’
‘We’ll go when
I’m
ready!’ As she stood to leave, he gripped her arm so tightly he made her cry out. ‘
I said … sit!
’ Putting force on her arm, he made her sit down. ‘Now then, I want to know what you’ve been up to.’
Assuming he’d found out about the man who thought she was a beggar, Judy was frantic. Taking a deep breath, she tried to
explain. ‘The man made a mistake, that’s all. He thought I was begging, but
I was only asking the time.’
‘What!’ He spun her round to face him. ‘
Who
thought you were begging? What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Nothing.’ Realising he didn’t know, Judy tried desperately to cover it up. ‘It was nothing – a mistake, that’s all. I was just there and he made a mistake.’
‘Who?’ Taking hold of her by the shoulders he shook her hard, until she cried out for him to stop.
Then, throwing her aside as if she was nothing, he sneered, ‘That says it all, doesn’t it, eh? Phil Saunders’ wife …
begging in the street
!’
The laughter stopped. ‘Who else saw you, eh? Who else saw you asking for money in the streets? Damn you! I make sure you want for nothing, and that’s how you repay me. Bitch!’
Bringing his fist up, he caught her hard across the face and sent her reeling
backwards. ‘I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!’ The trickle of blood from her temple seemed to enrage him. ‘ANSWER ME! WHO ELSE SAW YOU BEGGING?’