Blinded by Grace: Book Five of the Cotillion Ball series (Crimson Romance) (17 page)

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Grace’s world was crumbling around her bit by bit. She had dared pull on a thread and her life began to unravel. Already once in her mere twenty years, her life had turned on its axis when her father died. In her mind, her world was divided into “Life with Father” and “Life after Father.” Now, it was threatening to break into fragments again, into “Life before the Proposal” and “Life after.” She didn’t care for the “after” part at all, but she had no one to blame but herself for her current predicament.

“How could I have been so stupid?” She whispered to herself as she punched her bed pillow. The feathers had no answer. “I’ve been playing with Halwyn’s emotions as if they were of no consequence. I’m an awful person.” Tears threatened, and she blinked rapidly, willing her eyes to stay dry. Crying was useless at this point. She crawled under the covers, still smelling the scent of Halwyn on her body, every place where he had touched her.

She could play the “if only” game forever and her situation would stay exactly the same. Because of Simon, she was placed in such close confines with Halwyn. Because of the closeness and his short-term memory loss, he was behaving as a smitten suitor would. And most of all, because of the circumstances, she was loving every second she was spending with him. She pounded her fist into her pillow and flipped over onto her back.

Despite Charlotte’s encouraging words, this situation was becoming more intolerable by the day. Allowing Halwyn to see her naked feet was bad enough. Allowing him to massage them and kiss her arch was tantamount to torture. She, in her dazed state of sensual bliss caused by his touch, had almost slid into bed with him. What had she been thinking?

Of course, if she had followed through on the course of action her chaotic mind had taken, and she had lain with Halwyn, she was certain, even with a broken leg, he would have taken advantage of the situation. Most men would not turn a blind eye to such wanton behavior. He admitted an attraction, a fascination even, with her breasts, and she wanted nothing more than to feel his hands on her bare bosom. She covered her breasts with her own hands and tried to imagine they were Halwyn’s. Immediately, dampness developed between her legs, and her body began to ache with need.

She massaged her breasts as she imagined Halwyn would do, and a small moan escaped from her lips. What would come next? Would he put his mouth on her breast? Cover her nipple and tug on her, teasing the nipple into a hard peak? Already, just the mere thought of him doing so made her nipples bud. She ran her hand over the engorged tips and groaned again. The ache between her legs became stronger. She controlled her mad impulse to leave her own bed and walk down the hall to Halwyn’s.

What would have come next was anyone’s guess, but the way her body reacted to his mere words led her to believe whatever was involved in the next step would be wonderful; magical. And Halwyn, the delightful, dutiful man he was, would make good on this marriage of convenience if she was at all compromised, even if she pulled away from the relationship.

But the desire to explore what came next was inhibited by his memory loss. She couldn’t believe he really was infatuated with her. He certainly had been a model of decorum prior to his accident. If she hadn’t initiated everything, from the proposal to their first kiss, they would have remained good friends forever, and her childhood crush on him would remain just a lovely dream.

Maybe his mother was right, and he would have gotten around to desiring her at some point during their year together, but she doubted it. Wasn’t true love an instantaneous thing? Such had been the case for both Heather and Jasmine, and fighting the inevitable had been pointless. And goodness, their older sister Ginger couldn’t control her love for Joseph, even when his true heritage was revealed. Halwyn hadn’t been immediately smitten with her. He’d had seven years to ask her to marry him, and he hadn’t yet gotten around to it. He was not her life partner. And even if she allowed him to take advantage of her, and he proposed, she would now have to turn him down. Her conscience would let her do nothing else. She didn’t want someone to marry her out of pity or a sense of duty. No, what she wanted was the kind of passion she had seen among her friends and their partners. And she must finally admit her true soul mate wasn’t Halwyn. There had to be someone else meant for her. Someone she had yet to meet. She had to put a stop to this treacherous path she and Halwyn were taking, even if her actions meant she would lose her fortune. It could be no worse than the loss of her heart to Halwyn.

She’d tell Halwyn in the morning of her duplicity. Then, his fascination for her breasts and her feet would dissolve. The light of desire would fade from his eyes, and they’d be back to friends. If he could even stand the sight of her.

Even though Halwyn wasn’t used to inactivity, being forced to lie in bed while Grace took care of his every need was a lovely way to spend his days. This was the third day since he had been released from the hospital. He was now only taking the pain medicine once or twice during the day and at night, so his head was becoming clearer. He still only had vague memories of the past several weeks, but one thing was certain. He was getting married in a few weeks and he was going to stand up for the ceremony. The doctor had given him clearance to walk around and dropped off crutches yesterday. So he was determined to get up and start walking today, to get his muscle tone back.

Since he had been confined to his bed, he had been doing everything he could to get Grace to come closer to him. She was wary and maintained her distance, usually taking a seat beside the bed instead of sitting on the counterpane close to him, as he would have preferred. He might be reacting to the medicine, but his nightly dreams consisted of sweaty images of him and Grace together, nude and locked in a passionate embrace. Blurry images raced through his head of her beautifully shaped breasts nestled in the palms of his hands. Had he touched her breasts before? He couldn’t remember, and he couldn’t very well ask such an intimate question. Although he did mention yesterday, in a hazy fog, that he found her breasts fascinating. What insanity.

True, he had made up reasons for her to hover above him, fluffing the pillows behind his back, or adjusting the lighting so he could read. While she was working over him, he allowed his eyes to feast on those mounds of flesh, tantalizingly mere inches from his face. His breath hitched in his throat as he fantasized about how her breasts would feel in his hands. Yes, the medicine must be responsible for his reaction.

A noise in the hallway alerted him to the fact Grace was returning with a pot of tea. He moved the chamber pot to the side of the bed and his gaze darted to the doorway of the room. She’d only been gone for ten minutes or so, having removed the dirty water, his shaving mug, and straight edge razor from his morning ablutions, but he was eager to see her again. She hurried into the room with a teapot and cups balanced on a tray, which she placed on a small table. When she stood upright and turned to him with a smile on her face, Halwyn thought the sun had just broken through the clouds.

“The tea still needs a few minutes to steep, so may I adjust your pillows?”

“Yes, please. And if you could move the chamber pot to the hall, I’d be most appreciative.”

Grace’s face tinged with color, but she complied. Then she stood over him, rearranging the pillows behind his back and head. His gaze rested on her breasts and his head began to swim. He reached out for her arm, to steady himself.

She wasn’t expecting his grasp, and was thrown off balance. She squeaked at the sudden shift in her body as her feet came out from under her and she landed on top of him.

“Oof!” She gasped as she scrambled to sit up. “I’m sorry, Halwyn. Did I hurt you?”

Halwyn laughed. “I’m fine, not to worry.” He brushed an errant curl away from her face. She had lost a pin when she fell. His fingers moved from her hair to her chin. He leaned over and kissed her beautiful mouth. Then he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her for several more minutes. As their tongues intertwined, Halwyn became aware of another sound from her, but this time, instead of being a squeak of surprise, this was a low moan of desire. Much better, he thought as he deepened the kiss. His hands slid from her back downward and he encircled her hips. He wanted to go lower and cup her lovely, round bottom, but he forced his hands to stay put. Grace finally broke the kiss, and slid from his grasp.

She cleared her throat as she stood. “I think the tea should be ready by now.”

“I’ll have a cup then, but only if you join me. And then I want to try out those crutches the doctor dropped off last night.”

She cast him a worried glance as she poured the tea into the delicate china cups. “Are you certain you’re ready to walk? The doctor said you could try the crutches only when you quit taking your pain medicine, and you took some not long ago.”

“Grace, if I don’t get out of bed soon, I’m going to drive everyone in this house crazy. Already, Saffron has deserted me, since I can no longer play with her. She won’t even share a cup of tea with me, and has declared me ‘boring.’ I’d love to spend my days kissing you silly, but you keep jumping up and leaving my bedside. So the only thing left to do is for me to get up and start chasing you around.”

A smile hovered around Grace’s lips, which she tried to hide by taking a sip of tea. Halwyn itched to touch her mouth again, as he had just done a few minutes ago. Her lips were slightly swollen from his ministrations, and were even more tempting now.

“Are you telling me the only way to keep you in bed until the pain medicine wears off is to let you kiss me again?”

Halwyn grinned. “Yes, and as my nurse, I think your duty should be clear. You need to make certain I don’t injure myself by getting up too quickly.”

She returned to his bedside and sat next to him. “I would feel awful if you fell while on your crutches, so if this is the only way … ” She reached up and brushed the stray locks of his hair back from his forehead as she brought his face to hers and kissed him. His arms snaked around her again and he drew her close.

Her body was warm in his embrace, and he inhaled her lilac scent. She tasted of peppermint, from the tea. Perhaps when he did get up from bed, he’d lean on her while he got used to the crutches. And then he’d follow her around the floor, since he sensed she was not yet quite comfortable with their close contact. If the only way he could get near to her again was to walk on his crutches, he would do so gladly. Hell, he’d walk through a burning building to get to her, if that’s what he had to do.

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The tea was consumed, the sweetbreads were gone. Grace had indulged herself for a few minutes in his embrace, but she had stalled long enough. The only thing left to do was to hand Halwyn his crutches and help him up from the bed. His body was mending faster than she thought possible, but his mind continued to be fuzzy on the events of the past several weeks. He still thought, bless his heart, their relationship was a love match. If she allowed him to get up from the bed, she’d have no more excuse to kiss him. And she still wanted a reason. All their forced intimacy of the sick bed had done was to make her even more aware of how madly in love with him she was.

If she thought the sick room was a situation of forced intimacy, how would she survive a year of living under the same roof with him? Look but don’t touch? Could she do that? And at the end of the year, when she was an extremely wealthy woman and he divorced her, could she possibly find someone else to love? Someone who would not be opposed to having children with her? Which was what she truly longed for. With Halwyn. She had seen the way he interacted with Saffron, and the love radiating from him for his little sister was palpable. He’d be a wonderful father. And she selfishly wanted to be the only one to have his children.

She still thought it best to tell him they were not a couple before his memory resurfaced, but she was enjoying his kisses way too much. One more hour, one more day, was all she wanted. His mother thought Halwyn had been falling in love with her, and his memory loss was merely a way of getting him over the hump of admitting this new love to himself. But Grace wasn’t so certain. All she had was this current illusion. She was not being truthful with him, nor was she being truthful to herself. She wanted much more than one more day with him. What she wanted was to climb into bed with him every night for the rest of her life.

He was waiting, and she could hesitate no longer. She rose from her chair and took the crutches, which had been propped up at the end of the bed. She angled one on the side of the bed and turned to Halwyn.

“I’m not quite certain how to do this. Maybe I should get your mother, so we can have someone on each side of you.”

“I’ll be fine, Grace. I do still have one good leg. If you’ll just help me hoist the broken one over the side of the bed, I should be able to control things from there.”

She took hold of the leg confined in the cast and began to swivel the hard cast from the bed to the floor. “Let me know if I’m hurting you. Take your time. You’ve been off your feet for the better part of a week, so give yourself a minute for the blood to flow down.”

Sweat had broken out on Halwyn’s forehead as he sat on the edge of the bed and she reached for a dry cloth to dab the wet away. She brushed his thick blond hair back from his brow, and his gaze, through his spectacles, never left her face. Except for the moment when he lowered his eyes to linger on her breasts. She was embarrassed and excited at the same time, since he had revealed yesterday that the sight of her bosom aroused him. She stole a quick glance at his bedclothes to see if he was, in fact, correct. He was. Her eyes slid away from his erection as he took hold of her wrists and gazed up at her.

“I think all my hard work thus far deserves a reward, don’t you?”

She wiped the last of the sweat from his face. “What type of reward did you have in mind, sir?”

“How about another kiss?”

She smiled again and bent over to graze his lips. “My pleasure.”