Big Easy Temptation (19 page)

She needed the man she loved to think she was the bad guy. Holland didn’t see another
way to make this work. If she told Dax the whole truth, he’d only fight harder and
bring his friends into this danger. No, she had to sacrifice their relationship to
save his life.

She thought for a moment, trying to figure a way out. Maybe she could tell him the
truth and that he needed to leave her, get on his boat and they could try again, more
quietly this time. He could leave her here and let her try to bring the mob down.

Yes, he would just quietly get on that boat and leave her. Not in a million years.
He would never leave her behind. He would go straight to the Navy and open another
investigation—this one into the threats against her.

They had no idea who the mob had on the inside. Of the cops. Of NCIS. Of the Navy.

The only way to save Dax was to hide the truth and get him on that damn boat.

Holland turned her back on Dax and wrapped her arms around herself. God, she’d love
to hold him one last time . . . but that wouldn’t convince him that she’d sold him
out.

Instead, she drew in a deep breath and forced herself to go cold as she turned to
face him.

In a few months, maybe a year, perhaps she could try to talk to him again. Perhaps
they could meet secretly and she could explain, but now there was no way except to
make him hate her.

“You heard what I said, Dax. I’ve spent the last several weeks investigating this
case. I’ve put my life on hold for it and I’ve come to one and only one conclusion.
Your dad raped that girl. I’ve seen the photos. In fact, I was the one who found them.”

The blood leeched from his face, leaving him pale. He chugged back another long drink
before looking up at her. “When did you find the photos? And where are they? I want
to see them.”

She shook her head. “I don’t have them anymore.”

She placed careful emphasis on the “anymore,” praying he would come to the proper
conclusions. She couldn’t handle a nasty, prolonged fight. At some point she would
break down because what she needed more than anything was for him to pull her into
his arms, to hold her close and promise everything would be all right. She needed
it more than anything and it was the one thing she might never have again. After today,
he might well hate her for the rest of their lives.

And she would love him forever.

His lips thinned to an angry line. “What are you saying, Holland?”

“I think you know. Who called you? Was it Zack himself?”

He shook his head. “Roman.”

Of course. Roman did Zack’s dirty work. Always had. “Did Roman tell you it was my
fault?”

“Of course he did. Though you should know it was Gus who found it.”

Holland’s knees nearly buckled. God, she hadn’t thought about the fact that she was
going to lose them all. Gus would never forgive her.
Sure, Gus seemed like a happy, fun party girl who guarded her friends and family like
a momma bear. But once she’d been branded guilty, Gus wouldn’t speak to her again,
wouldn’t call and force her to go to lunch or to parties. Holland knew damn well Gus
wouldn’t ever allow her to see Judith Spencer again.

God, she was going to miss them. But every single one of them would be alive. That’s
what mattered most.

“I should have guessed. She’s a smart cookie. I thought I could get away with it.”
She forced her voice to sound arctic cold. Inside, she desperately wanted to cry,
but she couldn’t give him a hint that she wasn’t anything but a mercenary bitch.

Dax stood, staring for a shocked moment. “I don’t understand. Tell me what you did.
Tell me in plain English.”

He wasn’t about to make this easy for her. He never did. She was going to have to
sell it. “When I realized you were completely wrong about your father, I had a decision
to make. I’m not going to ruin my career for you. I’m not about to be the idiot agent
who let some man drag her down. I’m smarter than that. Besides, any woman you end
up with is going to be a cipher, Dax. She won’t exist except as an appendage to you.
Same with any of your friends. Do you think I’ve forgotten how Joy was treated? She
was my best friend and when she died, all anyone could talk about was how her murder
affected Zack’s fucking campaign. No one cared that she was gone as long as he won
the damn election.”

Sometimes it was easiest to tinge the lie with a bit of truth. She really had felt
that way about Joy’s death. No one had celebrated her sweet friend’s life or really
even mourned her death. They’d simply talked about how her assassination had been
a mistake since they’d obviously wanted to kill the senator and wasn’t it a shame.
But hey, three days later, the senator had become the president. Then no one had given
a damn about Joy Hayes anymore.

Yes, she was still angry about that. She could use it.

Dax paled. “That is blatantly untrue. Something in Zack died when
Joy did. We all loved her. We all still grieve for her. Don’t pretend we didn’t care
about her.”

“It doesn’t matter.” It really wouldn’t. No one would care what she thought after
Dax believed the worst of her. “Whatever. The thing is, you can’t expect that I would
stay with you long-term. I explained this to you years ago. I’m not going to be tied
to someone with the paparazzi following him around for the rest of our lives. I don’t
want that lifestyle.”

Again, a little bit of truth. That possibility had always scared her.

“I’m more than a damn lifestyle, Holland. I’m a man. I thought you realized that.”

Now she had him. She’d hit him where it hurt and it was working. “Lately, I’ve been
thinking that the apple never falls far from the tree. You’re the son of a pedophile.
I tried . . . but I can’t get past that.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter, as if
her whole world wasn’t crumbling with every word. “Since I don’t think I can build
a future with that sort of man, I decided to get something out of it and make you
my paycheck.” She gave him a slightly apologetic glance. “I hope you understand. I
just don’t think I can love you.”

His face flooded with red. “What did you say to me?”

“You heard me.” She couldn’t say it again. It had hurt too much the first time. “I
sold those pictures because the public needs to know the truth about your father.
These stupid conspiracy theories need to be put to bed. Your father did everything
he was accused of. That includes his suicide.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I explained, Dax. Look, it’s been fun and I like you, but I can’t damage my career
so you can pursue some stupid fantasy that your daddy wasn’t a criminal. I would love
to spend more time with you in bed. You’re spectacular, but I don’t think you can
be more than that to me. Besides, if I go public as your girlfriend, no one will take
me seriously as an investigator anymore. I’ll be just another dumb bimbo, one who
quite frankly couldn’t do her job properly.”

“Meaning?” he bit out.

“I investigated. I found the truth. Let it go. This case is closed and it won’t be
opened again. Period.”

That was as baldly as she could put it. She wasn’t going to risk Dax’s life so he
could vindicate his father, because according to those photos, the admiral had been
guilty as sin.

“So you didn’t want to go public as my girlfriend? Oh, sweetheart, you don’t give
me enough credit. I’m so much stupider than that.” A nasty grin twisted his lips up.
He reached into his pocket and came back with a glittery engagement ring. Her heart
nearly stopped. “I wanted to be your husband. I meant to propose with my grandmother’s
ring, but obviously that’s never going to happen. I thought I could convince you to
come away with me tonight. I was going to get out of the Navy in six months and take
a job with Zack so we could be together all the time. I wanted to have children with
you, to raise a family and have a life with you. What a fucking fool I was.”

He’d planned to propose? The news battered her chest until it felt as if she’d implode.
She would have said yes in a heartbeat. Now that he’d revealed the future he sought
with her, so full of infinite possibilities, she knew what she hadn’t before. She
would have married him and never looked back. She’d always been afraid of her deep,
abiding feelings for Dax, but her fear was nothing in the face of his love.

Unfortunately, her sacrifice had to take precedence and none of that beautiful future
would ever come to pass. She couldn’t love him if he was dead, and Holland found she
was willing to do anything to ensure he was breathing tomorrow.

Once Dax had left her behind, she would very quietly try to figure out who these fuckers
were and find a way to take them down if it was the last thing she did. And she would
do it alone so she didn’t risk any life but her own. But she would have her revenge
on the men who had cost her the love of her life and their future together.

Now that she knew they were watching, she would be more careful and hey, the way she
felt right then, if they came after her, it wouldn’t fucking matter. In that moment,
she really didn’t care.

She sighed long and hard, as though the conversation bored her, trying to sound as
if she wasn’t dying inside. “Like I said, Dax. The sex was great but I don’t see sharing
more with you.”

“You said you love me.”

She shrugged. “I love what you do to me. I love how you make me feel in bed. It doesn’t
go any further than that. A long time ago, I told you I knew the kiss would be amazing
and I would still walk away. This time I’m walking away with a whole lot of money.”

“How much would you have gotten if the publishing deal had gone through?”

“Enough to set me up for life comfortably. Enough to ensure I don’t have to marry
someone like you for money.”

It was a calculated play. If he thought about it for two seconds, he would see the
obvious flaws in her logic. She wouldn’t marry him but she would betray him for money?
Marrying him would bring her so much more money and position, but she was counting
on the fact that he wouldn’t see past her betrayal and the emotion of the moment.
After all, it had happened to him before. It had happened to all of his friends before.
They were American royalty. They’d been betrayed for money and fame, and wanted for
everything but the men they were.

Brave. Loyal. Wild and true. Most women couldn’t see past the facades to their hearts.

Why do I love Zack? I don’t know. It’s funny, but once I saw him with his friends,
I knew he was the kind of man I could build a life with. He’s real. They all are.
Look past the glamour. Look to their hearts. You’ll find what I did, Holland. You’ll
find a family.

She missed Joy. The loss of her friend still made Holland actually ache. If Joy had
been here, she would have called the woman, asked for advice, listened. Joy had been
the sister she’d never had.

And she’d been a member of a family Holland never would be part of, because she’d
made her choice. Dax would live. One day in the future she would look at the paper
or the web and see that he was marrying someone he loved and she would be happy for
him. She
would know that ripping her own heart out had been worth all the terrible pain.

Dax stood so still she wasn’t certain he would move again. “I don’t believe you.”

He had to believe her. Everything—including his life—depended on it. “Then you’re
a fool. I don’t love you. I won’t ever marry you. Go away, Dax. I’m over it. Do you
understand?”

Her whole body trembled. She felt weak. Tears pressed against her eyes, stinging.
She blinked them away and forced herself to stand strong.

“Yeah, I think I do. And you know what? I won’t ever forgive you. Not for a second.
You’re not the woman who’s had to be strong for others and hid her heart to protect
herself. I’d convinced myself that you needed love and coaxing. But you’re just a
cold bitch, aren’t you?”

She wanted to throw herself at Dax, vow that her heart was his. She was so in love
with him. “No, I’m a smart bitch.”

“Well, at least we agree that you’re a bitch.” He shoved the ring back in his pocket
and strode toward the door, fury sharpening his every move. She could practically
feel his volcanic rage. “Don’t call me again. Don’t call my sister or my mother. I’ll
make sure they know exactly what you are.”

He slammed the door and her world felt like it had disintegrated under her feet. She
felt as if her life was over.

She crashed to her knees and lowered her face to her hands. The tears fell like rain.

*   *   *

D
ax scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d been wrong. So fucking wrong. Wrong about everything.

“Another?” The bartender frowned like that wasn’t the best idea in the world.

The bartender hadn’t gotten his soul ripped from his body and pissed on by the woman
he loved. “Yes. Make it a double.”

The bartender took a deep breath and then poured the bourbon. His friends preferred
Scotch, but Dax liked the nasty shit. He liked the burn. It shouldn’t be easy and
smooth. Liquor should hurt.

What was he doing? What had he been doing? He’d kicked up a hornet’s nest and it had
bitten him. He felt an actual ache in his bones.

He took a long drink and ignored his trilling cell phone. It would be his sister or
one of his friends calling to make sure he was all right.

He wasn’t fucking all right. He would never be all right again.

As he’d been sitting here he’d had to ask himself the question he’d been avoiding
for a long time. He’d been so sure that he could find justice for his dad. At first
he’d intended to clear his father’s name. Now, according to Roman—and his own mother—his
father really had been involved with other women. There were pictures of him hurting
a girl. And because he’d gone to Holland, they’d almost gotten out and ruined Gus’s
career and his mother’s life all over again.

Had he known his father at all? He sure as hell hadn’t known Holland.