Beyond Control (22 page)

“Timing is everything,” he murmured, sitting back in his seat and turning the engine on.

“Isn’t it though?” I said, still breathless from his touch.

And this was only a kiss.

“I could really learn to love commuting on the ferry,” I teased as we pulled into a parking lot of a local diner on Bainbridge. It was housed in an old caboose and served up delicious meals. It had been a staple around the island before it was even in fashion to have ‘locally grown’ attached to menu items.

He flashed his sinfully delicious smile, and I knew he was thinking the same thing about the ferry ride over. He opened his door and grabbed his sunglasses off the dash before getting out of the Jeep.

I slid out of my seat and adjusted my shirt and smoothed down my hair, feeling like I’d just gotten away with something. As we walked toward the entrance, I saw the flower baskets dangling along the eaves, dripping with purple and white petunias and hot pink verbena. There was something about island weather—even though it was only a thirty-minute ferry ride from Seattle—that made the flowers around here so much larger and more colorful. It took work to get the flowers to overflow like this around Seattle. Over here, it seemed to just happen naturally.

The cafe was seat-yourself-dining, and we chose to sit in one of the window booths overlooking the herb garden at the end of the caboose. The diner was packed inside and out, and even the counter had several patrons.

“Only one more booth left,” I said. “I can’t believe this place is still as popular after all these years.”

“You’ve been here before?” Jason asked, arching a brow.

“Yeah. When I was a kid we’d come here,” I said, canvasing the familiar scene. All the booths were metallic red vinyl, the tables ivory with gold flecks, and metal splashguards lined the walls.

“Hey, Jason,” a waitress called from behind the counter. “Your usual?”

I looked over at the woman, who was dressed in a red, skimpy camisole and a white skirt, and eyed her carefully. She seemed about as perky as Kayla, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself twice, but I couldn’t quite gauge her intentions. She seemed nice enough… and old enough to be my mom.

“That’d be great, Renee,” he replied, smiling, catching my reaction.

“You don’t own this place too, do you?” I eyed him suspiciously as I waited for his response.

He started laughing and shook his head. “Nope and there’s no reason for Renee to be texting me so if she does, feel free to be suspicious.” He winked at me, and my belly warmed as I tried to kick him under the table, which only made him laugh harder.

“No espresso machines on the fritz?” I smiled, realizing how foolish I’d been. But then again, I hadn’t had the best of luck in that area. It was like my compass was all off, and I beelined right to the guys who were genetically wired to cheat, which still made me a little wary of Jason.

“So what’s your usual?” I asked.

“Blackberry tea,” he replied.

“Sounds delicious.” I glanced at the waitress and held up two fingers, and she grinned at me acknowledging the order.

“So it’s hard for me to imagine a guy who orders blackberry tea having much of a dark side,” I teased, leaning back in the booth.

“Well, let’s just say the blackberry tea is an insurance policy,” he replied. “I stopped drinking a few years back.”

“Oh shit. I’m so embarrassed,” I said, feeling the rush of heat roll up my cheeks.

“Why would you be?” he asked, shaking his head. “It’s not a big deal. I just realized I liked it more than it liked me.”

The waitress brought our blackberry teas out and asked if we’d like to place an order. After sticking my foot in my mouth, I hadn’t really concentrated on the menu.

“Let’s start with the Bruschetta. It’ll give Gabby some time to figure out what she’d like,” he told Renee and then returned his attention back to me.

I loved hearing the sound of my name rolling off his tongue. Talk about animalistic tendencies, but hearing it set off a type of primal sensation. Kind of like he was claiming something for me… Or maybe claiming me.

“Okay,” he sighed. “If we’re going to start opening up about things a little more…”

“Yeah?” I prompted, noticing his eyes darkening a shade.

“I actually lost someone I really cared about to a drunk driver,” he replied, his voice low. “That’s when I gave it up.”

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” An odd twinge of pain behind my breastbone turned into a dull ache as I watched his gaze fall away from mine.

“It all happened around the same time as our company took off, which is probably why I really checked out of it,” he said, his eyes locking on mine.

I wanted to ask who it was that he lost in the accident, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. With the emotion I saw collecting behind his eyes with every passing second, I realized I didn’t need to ask. I already knew. The tightening in my chest grew as I watched his expression change.

“Was she…”

“She was my fiancé,” he said softly, looking out the window. “We were actually high school sweethearts.”

It felt like someone stabbed me in the chest, and I didn’t even understand why. I looked around the diner feeling like the ears of the fellow diners were focused on our conversation, but I knew that wasn’t true.

Renee brought the bruschetta over and placed it on the table, and I shook my head, grimacing, as I held up the menu.

“Take your time, hun,” Renee replied, catching the look in Jason’s eyes. She looked back over at me and smiled. “I’ll give you two some time.”

“Thanks,” Jason told her, his eyes distant.

He propped his elbows on the table and let out a deep breath before continuing.

“I had no intention of bringing this up,” he said.

“Ever?” I asked.

“Not now, anyway,” he sighed.

“For the last several weeks it’s been the Gabby show, and I haven’t liked it one bit,” I replied, reaching over and placing my hand on his. “I’d like you to tell me about her.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Positive.” I nodded.

“We met in eleventh grade in an AP Chem class,” he said, smiling fondly. “She had this spark about her, even back then. We were pretty much inseparable through high school. She was the one constant in my life. Even as I’d get bounced around to different homes, she was my rock. When we graduated, she wanted to get married right away. She was headed to Arizona for college, and I had already signed up for the marines and she wanted that assurance. But I didn’t feel like I was man enough for her. Like I needed to accomplish more or something before...” He shook his head in disgust. “So I didn’t marry her, but she stood by my side the entire time I was deployed. When all of her friends were busy partying, she stayed in her dorm, studying. She wanted to be a Vet…” his voice trailed off and he took a sip of his tea.

I saw the strain in his eyes as he relived the moments he cherished with her, but I also saw the love pushing him through the memories. And I recognized that same look when we’d traded glances, and my heart beat a little quicker at the realization of what this all might mean.

“Anyway, when I got out of the service, Aaron and I had hit the ground running on the company we’d started. We were so busy with development, marketing, and just trying to get it off the ground that I was focusing solely on the business. And then she had gotten accepted into the Veterinary medicine program at WSU, which was incredible. It was like everything for us both was falling into place. She wanted to get married before entering the program.” I saw his fists tighten as he spoke, the white of the knuckles coming through. “I wanted to wait until we accepted one of the offers for the company. She had apparently had enough waiting and—”

“She left you?” my voice hoarse.

“Quite the opposite. She had secretly planned a trip to Hawaii where we were going to elope. She had packed all of our luggage and was on the way to pick me up from the office when it happened.” His eyes were blazing as he relived it.

I realized I was holding my breath as the horror of what he was telling me hit me.

“Oh, Jason. I’m so so sorry,” I whispered, letting my breath out slowly. His eyes were on mine, the hurt clearly visible as he continued.

“They said it happened instantly, but I don’t know if that’s ever really true.”

I nodded.

“So the last several years I basically threw myself into my shop. I had nothing else. Your brother helped me get through everything. If it hadn’t been for him, I don’t know where I’d be.”

“I never would’ve guessed you’d been through all that,” I replied. “You’ve seemed so playful and carefree.”

“That pretty much started the moment I spotted you in the limo,” he murmured, reaching for my hand across the table.

“What do you mean?” I asked, puzzled.

“I don’t know, actually. It doesn’t make sense. But I saw your smile through the glass and…” he replied, a small smile breaking on his lips. “I probably sound crazy jumping from one topic to the next, but I somehow feel they’re connected. Like it’s beyond my control, our control. If I had met you any other way, I don’t know that it would be our hearts controlling it.”

“How so?” I asked, my brow arching as I tried to understand.

“If I had met you through your brother, there’s no way I would’ve let myself fall for you. Although, I’m not sure I could have controlled it.”

“That night when I saw you on the bridge, I felt like my world stopped. And I’m not that type of person. I don’t let myself fantasize about a happy ending and prince charming and all that, especially based on someone who was as cocky and arrogant as you were,” I said softly, reaching for my iced tea.

I saw the earlier tension slowly start to fade as his expression relaxed, and I wondered if it what he was saying was true. Not make-believe, wishful thinking type stuff, but what if what was happening between us was truly beyond our control? Like someone above was stepping in for the two of us.

“There’s just something about you that seems so familiar and warm,” he continued.

“Warm?” I asked, thinking back to the many times I attempted to keep him at an arm’s length.

“Maybe warm’s the wrong word,” he laughed. “I’ll say comfortable.”

“Now I sound like an old pair of underwear,” I said, half-grinning. “But I know what you mean. I’ve tried to ignore it, actually.”

“I had given up on the idea of dating or looking for anyone else after her. I didn’t really feel I deserved it,” he sighed.

“You can’t blame yourself,” I whispered.

“I spent a solid couple of years doing just that,” he confessed. “But then I threw myself into building up the shop. I think that’s why it’s gotten to where it has.”

“Well… and you’re talented,” I said, noticing Renee watching us.

“Does Renee know about things?” I asked quietly.

He nodded. “Why?”

“Because I think she’s making sure everything is okay.”

“Is it?” he asked, his eyes searching mine for clues.

“More than you know. But I think the bruschetta is going to be more than enough for me tonight.”

“Right there with ya,” he said, leaning back against the booth. “This was definitely not where I saw the evening going,” he said, wiping his brow.

I looked up at him, my heart melting as I saw the vulnerability in his eyes that replaced the spark I was used to seeing. “Maybe if we see each other at our worst, it will make our best look even better.”

“We can hope,” he said, taking a bite of the bruschetta.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” I asked, feeling a pit in my stomach at the thought of leaving things on this note.

“I have a customer coming in to pick up a bike, but that’s all I’ve got lined up.”

“How about tomorrow we go for a ride, and you plan that special dinner you were taunting me with earlier?” I asked, smiling.

“I’d like that,” he said, grinning.

“Me too,” I replied, grabbing one of the mini breads that had the tomato mixture piled on top.

Renee came over and asked if we wanted to place an order, and Jason explained that the bruschetta was gonna be all for the night.

“You know one thing that could use improving here?” Jason asked.

“What’s that?”

“Their desserts. Maybe someday if you get your bakery, you could supply some of the restaurants around here.”

My cheeks flushed as my eyes darted around the diner. That would be a dream someday…

“You haven’t even had anything I’ve baked. How do you know if I’m any good?” I asked.

“Just a hunch,” he replied, a faint smile touching his lips as he dug in his wallet, leaving a twenty on the table.

“Thanks for this,” I said, climbing out of the booth. “It was nice.”

“Really?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

I nodded as he slipped his hand in mine, and we walked outside. The sun had completely given way to the nights sky and I was exhausted.

“Thanks for being there for me today,” I said, turning to him.

“Thanks for being there for me tonight,” he answered.

When we reached the Jeep, he opened the door and helped me in, his hand resting on my knee. “I feel like there’s still more to your story, though,” he said, before closing my door. My heart clenched and I closed my eyes. Now wasn’t the time to tell him. But soon, really soon.