Beyond Broken (The Bay Boys #3) (52 page)

Heads would
fucking
roll if a doctor wasn’t in this room in the next few minutes.
 
With that thought, he turned out of the room.

FORTY-SIX

The pain was like nothing she’d ever experienced in her life.
 
Maddie hardly even noticed when the doctor entered the room, looking a little frazzled, a dark-eyed Caleb following right behind her, and she didn’t even care that Caleb probably behaved a little badly to get her in there.
 
She’d kiss him for it later.

“Okay, Ms. Ashby,” Dr. Taylor said, shooting a hesitant look at Caleb.
 
“Let’s see what’s going on here.”

Maddie endured the questions, the gentle probing of her abdomen and side, and the ultrasound by the doctor.
 
Her demeanor seemed to change rapidly as the tests continued, and once the blood work and urine samples returned, she said, “I’m afraid that it’s appendicitis, Ms. Ashby.
 
We’re going to have perform an appendectomy.”

Surgery
? she thought, dazed.

“Oh my God,” her mom murmured.

Caleb recovered faster.
 
“Are you serious?
 
She’s pregnant!
 
She can’t have surgery.”

“We’ll do a laparoscopy.
 
It’s less invasive with quicker recovery time,” Dr. Taylor explained, although she was still wary of Caleb.
 
“There are risks, of course, with any surgery but pregnant women have undergone this procedure many times and their babies are perfectly healthy, I assure you, Mr. Montgomery.”

Caleb was furious, Maddie could tell.
 
But he also recognized that it was a necessity.
 
Appendicitis…if she didn’t have this surgery, the organ could rupture.
 
She could
die
and so would the baby.

“W-when can we do it?” Maddie asked.

Dr. Taylor turned to her.
 
“Immediately.
 
If we wait too long, it will put both of you at risk.”

Maddie met Caleb’s eyes and she could see that he was
scared
.
 
They both were.

“Okay,” she said.
 
“L-let’s hurry.”

*
   
*
   
*

Caleb had stopped believing in God a long time ago—if he ever had in the first place—but it didn’t stop him from sending up a prayer because he figured it couldn’t hurt.
 
He was willing to try anything at this point.

They’d wheeled Maddie in for an emergency surgery a little over a half hour ago.
 
It was five in the morning, the waiting room was virtually empty and eerily quiet, except for the mounted TV that played news reels over and over again.
 
His footsteps echoed on the white tiled floor as he paced up and down the room.
 
He’d tried sitting, but the nervous energy welling up in him was unbearable and he needed an outlet.

Cindy watched him from the chair she’d claimed.
 
Dressed in her pajama bottoms and the sweatshirt that Caleb retrieved for her from his SUV, she looked a little fragile, but a lot like Maddie.
 
She’d spent the first half hour googling appendectomy procedures during pregnancy and whatever she found there seemed to comfort her slightly.
 
But the strained lines around her mouth and eyes betrayed her calmness.

“Everything will be fine, honey,” she told him, probably tired watching him pace.
 
He was probably making her anxious, but his heart felt like it’d beat out of his goddamn chest.
 
“You’ll see.”

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“Well, aren’t you the little optimist,” she teased and he recognized what she was doing.
 
She was trying to relax him, just a little.
 
And for a moment, it reminded him so much of Maddie that it stole his breath, because if this procedure took a turn for the worse, would he ever have the chance to experience her again?

It was hard to not let dark thoughts enter his mind, even though he knew that in all likelihood, the procedure would be a success.
 
Appendectomies were performed every day.
 
Her appendix hadn’t ruptured and she was getting the damn thing taken out at that very moment.

Still…he’d never felt more terrified.

Her phone beeped and she glanced down at it.
 
“Thomas is about ten minutes away.”

She’d called him shortly after the two of them were shown to the waiting room.
 
He’d been angry that Cindy hadn’t called him sooner, but she hadn’t wanted to worry him until they knew what they were dealing with.

Caleb sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
 
He’d sent a text to Peter, explaining the situation and that Brian would take him to school that morning.
 
He didn’t know how long he’d be there, but he wasn’t leaving Maddie’s side when she eventually came out of surgery.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cindy asked, after a brief pause.

He shot her a confused look.
 
“Talk about what?”

“About what happened between you two,” she answered, eyeing him.
 
“Maddie wouldn’t talk about it.
 
But a mother knows things and I picked up on what she wasn’t saying.”

Caleb couldn’t do this right now, not when he was worried out of his mind for Maddie.

That motherly sixth sense seemed to extend to him.
 
“Or we don’t have to.
 
But I do want to tell you something.”
 
That
got his attention.
 
“I just want to say that I was worried when Maddie first told us she was pregnant.
 
How could we not be?
 
She’d always been so focused, so driven on finishing school and starting her career, that getting pregnant was probably the last thing I ever expected from her.
 
She’s never even dated, as far as I could tell.
 
So, of course, I was a little alarmed and curious about who the father was.
 
And when Thomas told me about you, that you weren’t good for her, that you had a past, I tried not to cast judgments until I saw it for myself.
 
And I’m glad that I didn’t.”

So, Thomas
had
tried to sway her opinion of him.
 
Not that Caleb had expected anything less.

“Caleb, I know you care about her.”

“‘Care?’” Caleb repeated dumbly and then he gave an exhausted laugh.
 
“‘Care’ is completely,” he struggled to find the right word, “inadequate for what I feel for her.”

“Love, then,” Cindy said, waving her hand.
 
“Whatever you want to call it.
 
I’m just trying to say that I see it.
 
And I’m not worried anymore.
 
I know you two will get over whatever you’re going through and that you’ll make her happy.
 
I feel it.”

Her words made him still.
 
She’d said it so easily, so inconsequentially.

Love, then
.

He’d thought it time and time again—that love was just a word—but had he ever truly explained it to Maddie?
 
He’d fully intended to a couple weeks ago, when he told her about his abuse, but perhaps, he’d never verbalized it.
 
Had he?

Caleb closed his eyes and sank back down into a chair.

He wasn’t any good at this.
 
And Maddie was the one paying for it.

“How do you know I’ll be able to make her happy?” he asked, staring down at the tile.

He remembered her words in the car, asking him what would happen if she eventually fell in love with someone else down the road.
 
And he’d been hit so
fucking
hard with loss and jealousy and hurt, like he was already grieving for that day.
 
Because in the back of his mind, he figured that eventually, that could become true.
 
Caleb had never seen himself as being able to give her what she needed in the long run because he knew that she deserved better than him, that she’d want someone better when she realized that.

But what if all she ever really wanted was him?
 
What if he
was
good for her?
 
What if he’d been too trapped by his own demons that he couldn’t see that until now?

“Because you look at her the same way my husband used to look at me,” Cindy said, a sad smile crossing her lips.
 
“And I know that there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for her.
 
Love is a scary thing, isn’t it?
 
It makes you realize that you’d endure anything for another person, that you care about someone so much that it worries you until you’re sick, because you realize that your heart is outside of your body and that you can’t protect it anymore.
 
You feel that way about her.
 
And you’ll feel that way about your daughter when she comes into this world.
 
It’s the nature of the beast.”

Caleb didn’t say anything.
 
When he raised his hand to wipe it down his jaw, it was shaking.
 
And he prayed and prayed that Maddie would be okay, because they had a lot to talk about…and Caleb had a lot to tell her.

“I can see why my daughter loves you, Caleb.
 
You’re a good man.”

Thomas chose that moment to appear and after Cindy recounted everything that the doctor said and Maddie’s older brother calmed down enough to take a seat, Caleb could still sense that there was tension between the two of them.
 
There might always be tension between them, but Caleb hoped that one day, they would reach a good place.

Another hour came and passed.
 
By the time the doctor who’d been operating on Maddie finally appeared, Caleb felt like he’d aged five years in five hours.

“How is she?” he asked, all three of them standing from their seats.

Caleb felt pure relief when the doctor said, “She’s fine and so is the baby.
 
Everything went perfectly.
 
You’ll be able to see her soon.”

And Caleb wondered if, perhaps, there was a higher power after all.

When one of the nurses finally allowed them to visit her, she was awake, although a little groggy, since anesthesia had been necessary, despite the lighter dose.
 
She’d be monitored throughout the day, but could be released later that night if the doctor signed off on it.
 
When Dr. Taylor said it was a quicker recovery time, she hadn’t been kidding.

The moment he saw her, a burst of emotion fizzled in his chest and he could finally relax after the hours of uncertainty and fear he’d just experienced.

They’d been sitting with her in the recovery room for a few hours when Cindy said, “Thomas, let’s go find the cafeteria.
 
I’m starving.”
 
She squeezed Caleb’s hand.
 
“We’ll be back in a little while.”

Sixth sense, indeed.

Maddie was more awake now.
 
He pulled his chair closer to the bed and she rested her cheek on the pillow so she could look at him.
 
Threading their fingers together, being mindful of the IV still in her arm, he brought her hand to his lips.

“You don’t look so good,” she murmured, teasing.

His lips twitched.
 
“Neither do you, princess.”

“I just had surgery.
 
What’s your excuse?”

“Going through hell and back,” he deadpanned.

She sobered and was quiet for a moment.
 
“I’m just glad everything is fine.”

He kissed her palm.
 
“I don’t know what I would’ve done, Maddie, if things turned out differently.”

“The baby wasn’t harmed, Caleb,” she soothed, brow furrowing.

Shaking his head, he murmured, “Not the baby.
 
You
.
 
You have to know that I would’ve always chosen
you
, if given the choice.”

Maddie’s lips parted when she digested what he was saying.
 
She looked at her hand, clasped in his own, and then met his eyes again.

His chest tightened and he took a deep breath, needing to tell her.

Everything.

“In the waiting room…I—I realized that I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.”
 
The words hung in the air, heavy yet beautiful.
 
“I realized that I was punishing you for my own insecurities and that it was never a question of what I felt for you, even though that’s what I led you to believe.”

“Caleb…” she whispered.

“I can never be whole for you, Maddie,” he admitted, licking his dry lips.
 
“Not with everything that happened in the past.”

“I don’t need you to be whole, Caleb,” she said.
 
“I just want you to be there.
 
With me.”

This woman was a marvel.
 
She gave him more than he deserved.

“When you told me that you loved me,” he started, “I said that love means nothing and that I didn’t care.”
 
How could I have been so callous, so cold?
he wondered, squeezing his eyes shut briefly in remorse, before he sought her eyes,
needing
that connection.
 
“What I should’ve told you was that love is a word, Maddie, and what I feel for you goes beyond a simple word.”

Her breath hitched and she stilled, like she was afraid to move and shatter the moment, and he smiled.

“There’s really no word for what I feel for you, but I suppose the word ‘love’ will have to do, although it pales in comparison,” he murmured.
 
“Maddie, I
love
you.
 
You…you were right.
 
I was just too afraid to admit it, but I’m not anymore.
 
And I want to say that I’m sorry.
 
I’m sorry for too many things that I will spend the rest of my life making up to you, if you’ll give me another chance.”