Begin Again (15 page)

“Um, I can’t tonight.”

“Why?”

A knock on the door interrupted her response. Paulina was glad. Until a man carrying a big bouquet of purple and pink flowers walked in. “Paulina or Nia Pettrone?”

“I’m Paulina.”

“Happy Birthday.”

She sensed Adam stiffen behind her
.

“Thanks.”

The delivery man set the bouquet on the table and left after she tipped him
.

Adam crossed to the flowers and plucked
out the card. “Sorry I can’t be there for the big day. Enjoy the celebration, you two. Lukasz.”

He had no right to check the sender without her permission, but she ignored his action because she could tell from the expression on his face that he was hurt. “They’re from my brother.”

“Yes, I see that. What I wasn’t aware of is that today’s your birthday.”

“Nia’s, too,” she said stupidly
.

His usually warm gaze turned cold. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think of it.”

“What’s the celebration that Luke can’t be part of?”

“Just a small party with the family.”

Stepping back, he gave her a sharp nod. “I need to get to town for a meeting.”

“Okay. Thanks again for coming out here.”

Without responding, he strode to the door
.

Before he opened it, she
said, “Adam, wait.”

Still facing away from her, he halted. She came up to him and got between him and the door. “You can give me a birthday kiss.”

One of those sexy blond brows arched. “You just said not here.”

“I know. I can tell you’re upset about not knowing it was my birthday. I’m sorry, I should have thought of that and told you.”

He sighed and took her face between his hands.
Lowered his head and kissed her. Firmly. Seriously. Then he moved back. “I’ll see you soon, I hope. Let me know when you’re free.”

She wanted to leave with him. She wanted to be with him in the worst way, especially today, on her birthday. She leaned against the door and closed her eyes. After a moment, she opened them and saw Nia at the window, watching her.

Driving his
sport coupe, Adam picked up Paulina and headed out of town. She’d called him the day after her birthday and asked him out for the following Saturday. He’d been more hurt than annoyed at her keeping her birthday from him—and not asking him to the party?—and needed to see her. He’d planned a special day
.

He gestured to her yellow sundress and light sweater. “You look cute today.” He’d decided
to pretend there was no tension between them
.

“Thanks.”

They stopped an hour away from New York; she glanced at the sign. “The Tristan Gardens? I’ve never heard of this place.”

“It’s new. They’re planning to feature all kinds of displays among their trees, bushes and flowers.”

“You like flowers?”

“Uh-huh. But there’s more than that here today.”

She glanced around. “Why
isn’t anybody else around?”

“Because the exhibit doesn’t officially open until next week. I know the people here.”

Her gaze caught on lovely carved gates, which had to span ten feet. “Wow, that’s beautiful.” Over them, she could see a pavilion rise high into the air. “Adam, did you design this place?”

“Yes. Remember, I told you about it that first day we talked about a sculpture garden
in the back of the music hall.”

“No, I don’t remember that.”

“You won’t forget this.”

“What?”

“I’d rather show you.”

Picking up his phone, he punched in a number. “We’re here, Jay.” To her he said, “The owner’s coming to meet me.”

They didn’t have to wait long. The gates opened and inside was an older man dressed casually in shorts and a T-shirt. “Hey, Adam, nice to see
you again.”

“You, too.” He introduced Jay to Paulina.

“This the lady you want to impress?”

Smiling, he slid his arm around her. “Yep. How’s the installation going?”

“Just about finished. But it’s not cleaned up. You sure you don’t want to wait until next week when we’re open for viewers?”

“Nope. We’ll come back again, I’m sure.”

“Then have at it.”

“Adam, what
is
this
place?” she asked as the owner went back into the building
.

“Walk with me. Just a bit. You’ll see for yourself.”

They wended their way through an explosion of colors and greens. And in the midst of it was
The Burghers of Calais
.

She gasped. Stopped. Stared. Then faced him. “Is it real?”

“Inasmuch as any of Rodin’s work is. He considered his
real
art the bronze molds and plaster
casts that could manufacture his sculpture.”

“I know.”

“There’s only ten of these in existence.”

“Wow.”

“Twenty years ago, there was a big Rodin show at Rockefeller Center.”

“I was only ten. Is this the same show?”

“Yes. It’s on floating loan from the Cantor Collection. Jay has connections.”

She sidled up to the statues. Still openmouthed, she stared at the sculpture
of the head citizens of Calais, who had been willing to sacrifice themselves to save the country. “Look at those ropes and chains. They seem real.”

After five minutes, he grasped her arm. “There’s more, honey.”

A few yards down, they came to
The Three Shades
. “Oh, Adam, look. This one’s known for Michelangelo’s influence. I can see the resemblances.”

“It stood at the top of the famous
Gates of Hell.”

“I know. I’d love to see the whole gate.”

Maybe someday,
Adam thought to himself.

Paulina’s reaction to the rest of the exhibit was the same. Awestruck. Absorbed. And happy
.

Until they reached the last sculpture. When Paulina saw
The Thinker,
she shocked the hell out of him and burst into tears.

Paulina let herself go with Adam that night as
she never had before. As if in slow motion, his every touch was intensified, made her burn and sizzle. His lips brushed her mouth, her breasts, her rib cage with the tenderness of a man who might not ever get the chance to do what he was doing again. The climax came, and it was like going over a waterfall, gently, easily, and it continued until she could barely move.

When he was inside her,
Adam was overcome with feeling. So overcome, he had to let the physical take over because he couldn’t tolerate the extreme emotion. Pleasure rushed through him, and he lost himself in her in a way he’d never, ever done before
.

Neither spoke afterward. They’d said more with their bodies than they’d intended to.

Later, Paulina did say, “I have to go.” Her voice was breathy.
They’d fallen asleep and awakened to make love again. “I need to be home when the kids get up.”

Next to her, holding her, he hugged her tighter. “I want you to stay. Always.”

She stiffened in his arms. “I know. It would be nice if we had more freedom than we do. I’m sorry. But I’m a mom first.”

Waiting a beat, he spoke. “I know that, Paulina. And it’s not what I meant, which I suspect
you
also know.”

Again, silence. Then she sat up and pulled the brown sheets to her chest. “Don’t spoil this, Adam.”

He linked his hands behind his head. “Spoil what?”

“What we have together. It’s been wonderful being with you these last two months. I’ve had so much fun. And today was the best.”

“You’ve had
fun
with me.” He could hear the ice in his tone.

“Of course. I have
to—” He reached out and crossed his arm over her lap,

effectively trapping her. Her eyes widened
.

“Don’t diminish what’s happened these last weeks, Paulina. Please.”

“I’m not.”

“We’ve gotten close.”

Her shoulders sagged. “I know, Adam. And I’ve accepted that. I’ve tried to show you that.”

Aw, shit. He sat up and faced her. “You have. And I think you know what I’m getting
at. But in case you don’t, it’s time to take this relationship to the next level.” Until he said the words, he hadn’t realized he’d never said them to a woman since his divorce.

Paulina sat staring at him. In her eyes, he saw conflict. Turmoil. Finally, she said, “Adam, I like you a lot. I love being with you. But there’s no
next level
for us. I thought you understood that.”

“Oh, I did.
Every time you refused to let me meet your kids, be a part of your birthday, have a meal at your house.”

Her brow furrowed. “And you’re hurt by all that.”

“I’m not sure what I’m feeling. No, that’s not true. What I know is that I want to be more a part of your life. In all aspects.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Of course it is. For some reason—our differences, I guess, you won’t give
us a chance.”

“I told you from the beginning that I don’t want anything serious with you!” Her words were crisp. Cold. “I told you that when we first started out. And you agreed.”

Time for a different tack. He was losing her. “I’ll concede to that. What if I’ve changed and want something serious with you now?”

Biting her lip, she ran a hand through her hair, messing it even more. Stupidly,
he noted the tangles he’d put in it. He’d like to brush it out himself. Jesus, what was happening to him?

When she looked directly at him, he saw the answer he didn’t want in her eyes. And her words were going to cut like a scalpel. “We’re too different, Adam. If I ever get serious with anyone, he’ll have to be more like Donnie.”

It had been three days since that awful night at Adam’s, and Paulina felt battered inside.

She’d taken to running in the evenings, which she hated, but the only way she could sleep was to exhaust herself physically. Tonight, she’d waited until everyone was in bed, then crept outside and headed for the nearby park, which was lit up until midnight. She blanked
her mind by counting her steps. One, two…eighteen…fifty-six. Her foot caught on something and she pitched forward, landing face first in the cool grass. Rolling over on her back, she stared up at the stars
.

Are you embarrassed we did this out here?
he’d asked.

No, I like making love outside.

You did this
before
?

Sure. Haven’t you?

Never.

Damn it all. She didn’t need to
think about that first night they’d made love. It was equally hard to recall the last time they were together, their last exchange after she’d made what she saw now as a hurtful statement…

We’re too different, Adam. If I ever get serious with anyone, he’ll have to be more like Donnie.

The thoughtless remark had silenced him, but the expression on his face spoke volumes.

She’d reached
for his hand, but he shrugged her off, slid from the bed and slipped on pants.
Get out of my bed, Paulina, and out of my life…

And she had.

But since then, she’d been absolutely miserable
.

“It’ll go away,” she told herself. But would it?

Slowly, she got to her feet. And found she was unable to stand up straight. Her ankle hurt like hell. It took twenty minutes to limp her way home
in the cool, hostile darkness.

Donuta was in the kitchen brewing herbal tea when her daughter came through the door. She’d ignored what was happening with Paulina for two nights. But no more. “Sit down,
kochanie
.”

Paulina tried to make her way to the table without Donuta noticing her limp. It was a fool’s errand
.

“How did you hurt yourself?”

“I tripped over a branch
and fell. At least I was in the grass.”

Without saying more, Donuta went to the refrigerator and took out a cold pack. She stopped at the sink to get paper towels. When Paulina’s leg was propped up with the ice wrapped around it, Donuta patted the child’s face with a wet one. “Ouch.”

“You have scrapes on your cheek and forehead.”

“Great.”

After cleaning them and adding ointment
from the first-aid kit she kept in the cupboard, Donuta sat down and took Paulina’s hand. It was swollen. “Speak to me,
corka
. What has happened?”

The pain in her lovely eyes was familiar. Donuta had seen it before. She knew this one wouldn’t lie to her. “Adam wants more from the relationship than I do. He doesn’t want to see me again because of it.”

“If he feels so strongly, it probably
hurts to be in your presence.”

Paulina’s eyes closed. “I don’t want him to hurt. I want things the way they were.”

“That appears to be impossible now.”

“
Matka
, I can’t change what I feel.”

“Do you know what you feel?”

“Of course I do. We’re from two different worlds. Someday, down the road, I might want to get serious about a guy, but for Christ’s sake, I just started dating.”

“Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Sorry. We’re just too different,
Matka
.”

“And you have no common ground?”

“Not in the important things. Can you see me at one of those fancy galas drinking beer from a bottle? I’d shame him.”

“The shame is on you. To be embarrassed about your background.”

“I’m not. I would embarrass
him
, that’s all.”

“Hmm. I do not embarrass Gerald.
Then Adam is more of a shallow man?”

Paulina didn’t say anything, but her brows furrowed. “No, of course not. He’s successful but is kind to others. He’s got a deep bond with his father. And he’s on the board of charities.”

“Qualities and interests you obviously don’t share.”

“No need to be sarcastic,
Matka
.”

“I do not know what you need, Paulina. Or want. And you apparently do
not, either.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I miss Donnie. I didn’t want to be dating, looking for a man at this point in my life.”

Though it hurt Donuta to do this, she had to be firm now. “You have to do those things. Donnie’s gone. You must live your life with what fate has given you.”