Authors: Sharlay
“Don’t touch me.”
“Paige, please...”
“You knew?”
“Yes, but I was going to tel-”
“When? When were you going to tell me? After I fell in love with you? Which I already have! After we got married, had kids? When, Taylor, when?”
“You’re in love with me?” He looks shocked.
“When?” I ask dismissing his last question.
“I was trying to find the right moment.”
“The right moment!” I shout, exasperated.
“I told you in the beginning that I wouldn’t lie to you, but that I wouldn’t tell you the whole truth either, not until I was ready. I never lied to you, Paige. I was just trying to find the right time to tell you.”
“What? To tell me that you nearly killed me and then left me lying in the road for dead?”
“That’s not how I wanted it to go...I just wish that I could explain it.” He looks tired. Broken.
“Then explain it to me.”
“I can’t...I can’t go back to that night...not yet.”
“You
can’t
go back?” I question in awe.
“I’m sorry.”
I take a step closer to him and stare in his eyes.
“This is the last chance for you to put things right. If you can’t do it tonight, there will not be another night, Taylor.”
“Don’t do this, Paige. Please...give me a chance.” The words momentarily distract me but I ignore them.
“Then tell me the truth.”
“I wish I could, you have no idea how much I wish I could.”
“Then just open your mouth and tell me! For once, just be honest. Cut the crap and the mystery, and just be real...”
“Paige, I know that it’s confusing, and I know that I haven’t earned your trust, but right now, I just need you to trust me...” His eyes are pleading with me.
“No, I trusted you and Rick already, and look at where that has gotten me. It’s now or never.”
“I can’t,” he looks heartbroken but I can’t go back now.
“Then we’re done here.” My own words pain me.
“Paige, don’t do this to us. Just give me a chance. I’ll explain, one day, but just let me-”
“No.”
“Paige...”
“Just leave. Please, just go.” I turn my back to him so that he won’t see my tears.
He steps in front of me. He stares for several seconds in silence before speaking. I want him to touch me, to make everything right, but I know that he can’t. “I know that you hate me right now, but I need you to know that everything was
real
with you.” He takes a step closer and plants the softest kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and try to ignore the tears and the feel of his lips against my skin. “Goodbye, Paige.” Then he disappears, leaving behind the broken pieces of my heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
PAIGE’S STORY
O
ne thing that I’ve noticed about life, is that it goes by pretty quickly. Sometimes, I just sit down and can’t believe that the end of the day has come, or that a week is over. It even baffles me how fast 365 days can fly by when you are just living your life. None of that applies when you are heartbroken. When your heart is broken, everything goes by very slowly. Seconds become minutes, minutes become hours and hours become days. That’s how I’ve felt for the past two weeks, anyway. Everything has gone by painfully slow.
Since the night that Taylor walked out of my apartment, life has been moving in slow motion. The only thing that seems to be moving faster is the amount of tears that I can produce. By far, I can put this down as the worst two weeks of my life. I can’t stop thinking about him, and the fact that I haven’t heard from him doesn’t exactly help the situation. I know that I told him to leave, but part of me thought that he may have gotten in contact or something. He hasn’t. I should know since I check my phone at least every five minutes. I could literally work for Apple as a phone tester based on the amount of times that I check if the silent button on my phone is turned up.
I’m miserable without him but I can’t shake the fact that he lied to me. I know that he says that he has never lied to me, only not told me the whole truth, but that’s as good as lying in my opinion. How can you meet someone and forget to say ‘oh yeah, I almost killed you a year ago’. It makes me wonder what he wanted from me. Maybe Rick was right and he was crazy. Perhaps this was some sick twisted game for him. It didn’t feel much like a game though, and my heart certainly wasn’t playing. Everything felt so real and now there’s nothing. No dreams, no Taylor...nothing. I feel empty. Jen and Liv keep trying to get me to come out and ‘meet new people’ but I’ve had my fill of people for the year. I don’t even understand myself...I find out that Taylor nearly killed me and yet I’m still in love with him. I know that I’m going to spend a lifetime comparing him to every man that I meet. What does that say about me?
Rick has been pretty much avoiding me. He seems angry most of the time, which is fine by me; I’m not ready to talk to him anyway. He obviously thinks that life with Taylor is going ahead just fine. If only he knew how wrong he truly was.
I’ve tried to put all of my energy and focus into my work. It works for the most part but it’s the evenings alone when I break down. I guess you can only pretend for so long.
A knock on my office door pulls me out of my thoughts.
“Come in,” I call out. I look up, expecting to see Rick’s face, but I am surprised when Jessica walks in.
“Hi, I hope that I’m not disturbing you.”
“No, take a seat. What can I help you with?”
She looks nervous. I sit up and pay more attention.
“Are you ok, Jessica?” I ask.
“Oh, yes, I’m fine. I just...I came to see if you were ok. I don’t mean to pry, but you just look so sad lately.”
“No, thank you, it’s actually really sweet of you to ask.”
She relaxes when she hears my words.
“So, are you ok?”
I’m too tired to lie.
“Honestly...I’m not great, but I’m trying.”
“Yes, Rick looks sad, too. I’m sorry that you guys are having problems.” If only you knew. I decide to leave out everything about Taylor and let her just think that this is about me and Rick.
“Sometimes two people are just not meant to be together, I guess.”
“So, you don’t think that there’s a chance that you two might get through this?” She looks genuinely sad.
“No. I think that Rick and I have had our season together and now it’s over.”
“Well, I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk or anything, then you can talk to me.” She places a piece of paper on my desk with her phone number on it. “I do say some pretty dumb things sometimes--apparently--but I’m a good listener,” she chuckles. I smile at her. She looks so innocent.
“I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you,” I say genuinely.
“That’s ok,” she smiles. “Right, I better get back to work.”
“Me too,” I smile.
“Ok, see you around.”
“Bye, Jessica.”
“Bye,” she grins before walking out.
I try to remember if there was ever a time that I was as happy as Jessica always looked. Maybe life hasn’t had its chance to knock her down yet. If it hasn’t, then I hope to God that it doesn’t. And if it has, I want the secret behind how she got back up and keeps smiling like that.
The day goes by slowly after Jessica leaves my office and I decide that I am sick and tired of life being like this. Taylor and I are done. Now it’s time to move on. He’s probably off living life, not even sparing me a thought, so why should I care about him. When I get in my car, I pull out my phone and connect it to the Bluetooth.
Jen picks up on the third ring.
“Hey, fancy a night out?” I ask immediately.
“I can’t.”
“What? You never turn down a night out, Jen. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just kind of made plans already.”
“You’re seeing bed boy again, aren’t you?” I laugh.
“His name is Liam, and yes.”
“This is interesting. Is Jenna finally showing an ounce of commitment?” I giggle.
“No, it’s just a bit of fun, that’s all.”
“You keep telling yourself that.”
“Shut up,” she groans, only making me laugh more. I’m glad that she is happy.
“Ok, I’m going to see if I can convince Liv to come out. Have fun and be careful.”
“Thanks.”
I cut the call and dial Liv.
I roll my eyes when I’m met with her voicemail.
“Oh, come on!” I shout to no one in particular then a light bulb goes off in my head. I search for the piece of paper that I threw into my purse earlier and hit dial on my phone after inserting the number.
“Hello,” her chirpy voice fills my car instantly and I fiddle with the volume.
“Hey, Jessica, it’s Paige.”
“Hey, Paige!”
“Look, I know that it’s short notice but do you fancy joining me for a drink or something tonight? I could really use the company and I need to get out of the house.”
“Yeah, sounds great.”
“Really?” I ask excitedly.
“Yeah, course, it’ll be fun.”
“Ok, well I’ll pick you up around seven then, is that ok?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect. I’ll text you my address now.”
“Great! And thanks.”
“No problem. See you at seven!” She beams before we say our goodbyes and cut the call. I head home at speed, ready to let go of all of the stresses of the past two weeks.
* * *
I purposely wear my hair down. I know that Taylor likes it up and I do not want to be reminded of him tonight. My dress is green, tight and stops just above my knees. I throw on a pair of tights since it’s a little chilly. Tonight I want to feel sexy and free. Free of Rick. Free of Taylor. Free of the drama. Although I’m not sure that my mind is going to follow those rules.
I read out Jessica’s address to the taxi driver and then send her a message, letting her know that I’m on my way. I’ve never met her outside of work before but after our little talk today, it felt like it’d be alright. I just want to have fun and she seems like a fun girl. I reapply some of my lip gloss before throwing the tube back inside of my purse. Just as I’m about to close my purse, my phone pings with a message from Liv.
Sorry I didn’t answer earlier, I had a lot going on. I’ll explain soon. Is everything ok?
I don’t want to make her feel guilty for not being around when I wanted her to come out so I just send a quick text to say that I was just calling to catch up and will speak to her tomorrow.
Jessica lives in an apartment building similar to mine and Rick’s...I mean...mine. She walks out in a red dress, equally as tight as mine but slightly shorter. Her usually wavy red hair is straight and she looks gorgeous.
“Wow, you look great!” I say as soon as she steps in the car.
“So do you,” she smiles excitedly.
Once she’s in, we pick a place to go and tell the cab driver. Then we settle back and just chat. I actually find out more about her tonight than I have in the three years that we’ve worked together. She lives with her roommate of two years, and pet cat, Minky. She doesn’t speak to her family anymore and split from her boyfriend seven months ago.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you’ve been dealt a pretty cruel card, why are you so happy all the time?”
She laughs at my question and answers without hesitation.
“Because I’m alive. Every time I go through something, I remind myself that I survived it, so I must still have a purpose. A reason to be here...I’m just on the road of discovery and it’s kind of exciting.”
“I like your philosophy,” I say smiling at her.
“It’s the only way to survive this world!” She chuckles.
When we pull up outside of the club, Jessica insists on paying the taxi fair, which includes a generous tip. She won’t take any money from me and so I finally get her to agree to me buying the first round of drinks. She reluctantly accepts the offer before we head to the back of the line outside the club. Thankfully, it feels a little warmer than it was earlier and the line is moving quickly. We chat along the way and before we know it we’ve reached the front. The bouncers flirt a little before letting us in which both of us find amusing. We step inside and get instantly soaked up by the atmosphere.
The music is playing loudly and the bass is vibrating through my entire body. I feel free. Lights are flashing and the dance floor only has a few people on it.
“Drink?” I mouth to Jessica.
She nods, and we make our way to the bar. We are standing next to a couple of guys, wearing suits. They look good and I try hard not to gawp. Jessica is standing closer to them and when one wraps his arm loosely around her waist and whispers in her ear she looks at me and giggles.
I try not to stare but I find it quite amusing.
“Looks like first rounds on him. What do you want?” She shouts over the music. I raise my eyebrows, I’m impressed.