Part of her wanted to try to make things
right with Daisy, to convince her to stay and find out what she’d
needed to talk about. When she thought of what to say, though, she
just felt exhausted. She thought of her conversations with Iris,
who had never been able to define her sexuality and who had
apparently not taken Emmy seriously at all. Emmy couldn’t do any of
that anymore.
“Yeah,” she muttered, agreeing to let Daisy
go. “Have a good rest of your break.”
She turned the music on again and stared
after Daisy as she stumbled out of the art studio. Everything was
wrong. Emmy gave in to temptation and dashed her project to the
floor, but the sound of it shattering wasn’t as satisfying as she
had hoped. It seemed small and pathetic beside the sensation Iris
had left in her chest.
* * * *
Riva waited for Benton a few blocks from her
house. Her relationship with Daisy had proven convenient, because
she’d been able to tell her mother she was going to a party with
her popular new friend. Making excuses to see Benton would have
been a lot harder before Riva and Daisy had started hanging
out.
She tugged nervously at her dress. She hadn’t
wanted to put on anything that would make her mother lecture her
about boys and alcohol, but she also hadn’t wanted to deal with any
more disappointment from Benton. Riva’s skirt reached her knee, but
she hoped her mother hadn’t noticed how filmy the fabric was and
that Benton wouldn’t complain about the nice-girl floral print.
An engine roared and she jerked upright, but
it was just another car she didn’t recognize. Riva checked her
cell. Benton was fifteen minutes late, but he’d texted on the way
down to say he was having lunch in Orlando. He should have made it
to town by now. Unless he’d gotten in an accident?
Her guts turned to ice. She flipped through
her messages. The other person she hadn’t heard from recently was
Daisy. Obviously, Jo was Daisy’s BFF, so they were probably busy
today, but Riva had sort of hoped that most recent beach trip would
lead to another invitation somewhere. They’d been getting along
really well, and there was something about spending time with Daisy
that was hard for Riva to explain. She felt cared about and
listened to in a way she hadn’t with anyone else, not even Casey.
It was sort of the way she’d always wanted to feel around
Benton.
That last thought made Riva’s throat tighten
a little. There was something in it that made her uncomfortable.
Before she had a chance to spin it out, though, Benton’s familiar
silver Scion eased over to the curb beside her and the
passenger-side window rolled down.
“Hey there, hot girl. Want to go for a
ride?”
Riva grinned at the cheesy pickup line and
got in the car. She noticed Benton’s gaze on her thigh when her
skirt rode up, and she felt vastly reassured. He did think she was
hot. He did still want her.
“Hey.” She grinned at him.
He looked even better than she remembered,
his bright red hair contrasting with pale skin and green eyes. His
eyebrows, almost white, disappeared against his face and emphasized
the manly shape of his forehead and cheeks. He smelled like coconut
and lime, a sugary-seeming concoction that Riva knew could
intoxicate her completely. He’d filled out around his neck, but the
newfound bulk had also settled over his arms, which looked more
muscular than she recalled. She hoped he’d been spending time at
the gym to get ready for his visit with her. She liked to think he
cared for her enough to worry about whether she would be impressed
by him.
Riva reached over the gearshift and poured
herself into his lap as much as possible. She kissed him the way
he’d taught her to kiss, holding her tongue back and letting him
take the lead, even though she wanted to show him how much she’d
missed him all these months.
“I have a surprise for you,” Benton said
against her mouth.
“Is it you?” Riva didn’t need gifts. It felt
so good to be in his arms again, to let her doubts melt away as she
touched him.
He steered her gently back to her seat.
“We’ll go back to my room for a while after we have dinner. There’s
time, right? Your mom’s not expecting you back too soon?”
“Yeah, there’s time,” Riva said. She wished
she could have arranged to spend the night, but if she’d pretended
she had a sleepover at Daisy’s house, her mother would have wanted
to call Daisy’s parents and check in with them.
“Great. Look under your seat.”
Riva leaned forward and searched. Her hand
closed around a velvety box, and her throat squeezed almost
entirely shut. “What is that?”
“Pick it up and see.”
Her heart pounded. She loved Benton, but she
actually found herself hoping this
wasn’t
an engagement ring
or anything of the sort. Riva didn’t know what this said about her
or her relationship, but she just didn’t feel ready for any kind of
big commitment. She was only a sophomore in high school! The adult
reality of receiving jewelry as a present, even if it was only
intended as a special gift, felt overwhelming.
Riva dragged herself upright, the box
clutched in one hand. Benton’s engine revved as he sped down the
wide-open street, driving much faster than people typically did in
this town.
“Well? Are you going to open it?”
“You know you didn’t have to do anything
fancy for me.”
“That’s what being in a relationship is
about, though. Doing great things for each other even when we don’t
have to.”
Discomfort flickered through Riva’s body.
Benton’s voice sounded pointed, as though he was teaching her a
lesson rather than giving her a gift. She bit the inside of her
cheek and opened the box.
Nestled on a bed of velvet was a thin gold
chain adorned with a pendant of three diamond-encrusted gold rings,
interlocked.
“It’s beautiful,” Riva said honestly, even
though she was afraid of the expense of it. A part of her didn’t
want to put it on. She couldn’t help thinking about what her mother
would say if she saw it. Riva would definitely have to hide this
necklace, and knowing that made her feel guilty about keeping her
continued relationship with Benton a secret.
“You should put it on,” Benton said.
Riva automatically obeyed, undoing the clasp
and wrapping the chain around her throat. The metal was
surprisingly chilly in the hot Florida night.
“Do you like it?”
She tapped the pendant uncertainly, then
pressed it until the ridge of diamonds made an impression in her
fingertip. “Yes…but maybe it’s too much, Benton.”
“No way. Because I know you’ve got a surprise
for me, too, right? A special one that you know I’ve been hoping
for?”
Riva coughed as her stomach heaved. The
significance of the three interlocking rings suddenly became clear
to her, and they burned into her chest. She’d never felt so trapped
or so inadequate. He’d already bought this expensive thing,
trusting that she’d accomplish what he’d asked her to. A small
voice within protested that she’d tried to explain she couldn’t go
through with this and didn’t want to try, and he hadn’t listened,
but mostly she felt bad about letting him down.
“You set that thing up for us, right? When do
I meet the girl?”
Benton’s green eyes had always seemed
attractive to her, but now they were cold and frightening. Riva
cringed, fighting back welling tears.
“Um…”
“You sounded so confident the last time we
talked on the phone,” Benton said. “I was so proud of you and so
sure you’d overcome your fears.”
She couldn’t help staring. He had to know she
hadn’t set anything up. That twitch at the corners of his lips had
to mean he understood what was really going on. Still, here he was,
talking as if he was sure she’d made plans with a girl—even when
she’d already told him she didn’t know any girls to ask.
Her boyfriend was playing some sort of game
with her. Riva flashed to things that had been said by Daisy,
Terrell, and her mom. She’d told Daisy that Benton wasn’t
pressuring her, he was making her a better person, but what if this
was coercion after all? Was it weird to feel like the necklace was
more of a threat than a gift? An expensive way of telling her that
she owed him?
Riva opened her mouth slowly. She ought to
blast him. Daisy would. If she were here, she wouldn’t be afraid to
get angry. She’d tell Benton he should be happy to be with her, and
that she shouldn’t have to make out with a girl in front of him for
his trip to Florida to be worth it.
Of course, maybe if Riva looked like Daisy,
those things would be true. She was painfully aware of her friend’s
gorgeousness. As if it hadn’t been obvious enough in school, the
beach trips had brought that fact to Riva’s attention even more. It
had been hard not to stare at her muscled abs and the way her
bikini hugged her hips at just the right place to emphasize her
curves while seeming casual. Riva’s hair was weird and in between
the texture of her mother’s and her father’s. Products intended for
white hair messed it up, but she felt self-conscious whenever she
shopped in the ethnic needs aisle for stuff designed for black
hair. Daisy’s hair, on the other hand, was all long, thick,
luxurious curls.
Then there was the way she smiled. Her teeth
were so white, and the curve of her lips so confident and elegant.
She seemed way too self-possessed to be a teenager, and she was
generous and fun to be with. If Riva was more like Daisy in
general, she wouldn’t put up with nonsense from Benton, but she
also probably wouldn’t need to.
“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you? You
really did set something up.”
Benton sounded surprised, but not as
surprised as Riva felt. Her admiration of Daisy wasn’t about
wanting to make out with her, so how had Benton read that on her
face? Sure, he had a one-track mind, but Riva felt caught out by
what he’d said, as if there was a grain of truth to it.
Her boyfriend gave a gleeful laugh. “You’re
blushing! I told you, baby, this isn’t about you sharing me. This
is me sharing you. I can see you’ve got a real thing for her.”
Riva swallowed and ducked her head, feeling
far too exposed. She wished she could hide her face from him. She
didn’t like him reading things into her expression that she hadn’t
known were in her mind in the first place. She really, really liked
Daisy, sure, but that didn’t have to mean she liked her the way
Benton thought she did.
Did it?
Guiltily, she remembered how
she wished Benton cared about her the way Daisy seemed to. Was that
a romantic feeling for Daisy? Or was it just a desire for Benton to
treat her better?
She shot a wary glance in his direction. Five
minutes ago, she’d been freaked out about the possibility of
disappointing him. Now, he’d gotten her all confused, making her
notice things in her interactions with Daisy that she’d never seen
before. Riva’s chest seized. She didn’t know what to make of any of
it. She wasn’t even sure if these were her own thoughts. What if
there
wasn’t
anything between her and Daisy, and Benton’s
wishful thinking was just making it seem like there was?
“Tell me something about her, will you? She’s
cute, right? She’s got to be cute, or you wouldn’t be smiling like
that.”
God. Was she smiling, too?
Riva wanted
to put a bag over her face as a bid for a little privacy. Also, she
didn’t like the tone of Benton’s voice. He was crowing like Daisy
was a neat toy, not a person.
“She’s not cute,” Riva said, her voice tight
and grouchy. “She’s beautiful.”
“Oh.” He frowned for just a moment, then
grinned even wider. “Is it weird that I’m sort of jealous? I mean,
I’m happy you picked someone you like, but I guess I wasn’t
expecting you to, you know, act like you
like
her.” He
shrugged and started whistling to himself.
Riva’s cheeks heated even further. Now she’d
made it sound like she
had
worked something out with Daisy,
all because she’d gotten weirdly defensive about the way she’d been
thinking about her.
That
was going to come back to bite her.
Either she’d have to get Benton to accept that she wasn’t going to
make out with a girl after all—when he was so obviously thrilled by
the idea that she would—or she had a very uncomfortable
conversation with Daisy ahead of her.
“This isn’t what you think,” Riva tried. She
could explain this, maybe admit to him that she hadn’t actually set
anything up. Maybe she could promise to talk to Daisy, though—and
what did it mean that her heart began to pound at that thought? Was
it fear? Or something else, like excitement?
“Oh, it’s cool,” Benton said. “I know you’re
not a dyke. It’s not like you’d ever leave me for some chick.”
Irrational anger flared within Riva. Daisy
wasn’t
some chick
. Benton needed to watch himself. She was
planning out ways of explaining what Daisy was like when she
realized he’d taken what she’d said in entirely the wrong way.
Again. Riva took a deep breath. Her fingers flew to the pendant
with the three interlocking circles. She had a simple thing to say,
but how in the world would she get it to come out of her mouth?
Before she could answer the question, Benton
pulled the car over suddenly. “I can’t keep driving right now,” he
whispered urgently, dragging her to him. He pressed kisses to the
side of her face. “You’re too great. You’re too wonderful. I love
you so much.”
Riva closed her eyes. Worry lingered in the
back of her mind that something wasn’t right about the affection he
was expressing, that it was fake in some way, but his lips felt too
good for her to listen to her inner concerns. “I love you, too,”
Riva breathed.
“I know. I know. I can tell. You’ve proven
it.”