I wanted Tyler to want me again, but I needed it to be because he loved me and not because I was a safety blanket for him, although I didn’t mind in the slightest that I could be such a comfort to him in his time of need, while I also needed him so very much.
His sobbing had subsided to sniffles as he tried to return to normal breathing, but he hadn’t spoken to me since he’d whispered those words to me inside the viewing room. “I’m so sorry, Ty.” I spoke softly so as not to startle him.
“I just can’t believe she’s really gone.”
“I know. I didn’t want to believe it myself, but seeing her there just let reality settle in.” I ran my fingers through his short hair, stroking it in a way I knew would comfort him.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you this morning.” He sighed. “I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay, Tyler.” I lifted his chin up so I was looking directly into his eyes. “This is a hard and emotionally charged time for all of us. I’m sure you weren’t expecting me to show up and cause you more emotional turmoil, but I’m incredibly grateful to Austin for calling me so I could come say goodbye to Grammy. Seeing you again was just an incredible bonus.”
“There are so many things I want to ask you, so much that needs to be said, but I don’t want to ruin the moment. We’re going to fight when we have this talk, I just know it, and I don’t want to fight with you tonight.”
“I’m not going to fight with you, Tyler,” I assured him. “I’ll answer all of your questions honestly, but you have to believe that my answers are genuine. I have no reason to lie to you. I just want to work this out between us.”
Tyler sat there quietly for a moment, his head still on my shoulder. “Why did you leave me?” he finally asked softly, his entire body going rigid.
“It was the only way I could think of to save either one of us from hating each other eventually. You and I both know that what we had at the end wasn’t working anymore. The fights were happening three to four times a week, and it was getting to the point where I didn’t want to come home until bedtime because I never knew whether it was going to be a fight night or if we’d be keeping the peace. You aren’t stupid, Tyler. I know you saw it too.”
“We could have fought for us. Maybe we could’ve just taken a break and tried it again. I loved you, Alex, you were everything to me.” He released me from his grip and sat up on the bench, turning to face me.
“Honestly, Tyler, how many times had I threatened to leave before that night?” I could see him thinking about it, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to come up with a number because it had happened far too often. “The problem with just taking a break was that you meant everything in the world to me. I knew that if we took a break and I stayed in town, I would have been back at the house within a day because I have no willpower to stay away from you. That wouldn’t have solved anything and eventually we would have ended in a far more explosive manner, one that would’ve left us standing in the middle of the destruction with all of our battle wounds, hating each other and being forced to pick up the shattered pieces of ourselves and move on. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“So instead of fighting for us, you ran away and never talked to me again, leaving me to deal with all of the reminders of our love by myself. Was that supposed to keep me from hating you?” he asked. I could tell he was getting angry but he was trying not to let it show.
“As much as the thought of you moving on with your life made me completely and utterly sick, I thought that if you hated me or were mad enough at me, you’d try to find someone else to make you happy. That’s what you deserve, Tyler, someone who makes you happy and doesn’t fight with you all the time.” My heart tightened at the thought of someone else making him happy.
“I’m pretty sure what I deserve is the person I love most in this world to stick by me through the good and bad times, without tucking tail and running. I get to decide what’s best for me, not you.” He was raising his voice which meant the anger was trying to take over. It was classic Tyler. Whenever he was feeling sad or hurt, the anger would burst out of him and try to overshadow the conflicting emotion. He always felt remorseful after the incident though.
“It wasn’t all for you, Tyler. I did it for me too. I didn’t want to end up resenting you for all the pain and hurt we were both causing each other. I might not have gone about it in the right way, but I did it the only way I thought I could.”
“Do you know how long I stood in that window and waited for you to cool down and come back home? Hours, Alex. That’s the answer. I stood there like an idiot for hours waiting for you and you never came back!” And the shouting finally came. I wanted to yell back, but that wasn’t going to help the situation. Plus, I’d promised him I wasn’t going to fight with him, so I stayed calm and let him fight with me.
“I thought about coming home every second that I drove away, but instead I drove to my parents’ house and told them I was leaving town. I didn’t offer them any explanations either, except that you and I had broken up and I didn’t know where I was going to end up but that I’d call them. I filled up the car with gas and started driving aimlessly and eventually I wound up in Texas. That’s how that went down. I didn’t make a conscious decision to go to Texas, but once I got there, it seemed nice. I stayed in a hotel for a while until I found a job and eventually a place to live,” I explained to him.
Tyler was picking at the sleeve of his dress shirt. I knew that if he’d been wearing a t-shirt, he would have been messing with hem of it, a bad habit he’d always had when he was nervous.
“I have a question for you, Ty, and I want you to answer me honestly, okay?” He looked up quickly as if he were going to protest but then decided not to and just nodded.
“Were you truly happy at the end of our relationship?” I asked him. I needed to know the real answer.
He hesitated and then sighed. “I don’t know how to answer that, Alex. No, I wasn’t happy with the way things were but I wasn’t unhappy enough that I wanted you to leave me. I thought we could figure out a way to work it out, but it never crossed my mind to break up.”
“If you weren’t happy, then why didn’t you talk to me? What do you think the problem was between us?” I asked him seriously, hoping to get to the bottom of the situation.
“We were already fighting so much, Alex,” he replied, his head dropping to stare at his knees. “I didn’t want to hear you tell me it was over, or tell me you had someone else, or that you didn’t love me anymore. I just wanted to hold on to whatever was left of what we had. Now that I think about it, it probably wasn’t the best solution but I didn’t want to lose you. I guess it really didn’t matter because you got yourself lost when you left.”
“Tyler, look at me, please,” I requested of him and he complied. “I’m so sorry that you thought there might be someone else or that I didn’t love you anymore. That was never the case, and I’m really sorry I made you feel that way, but you have to know that the only reason I left was to save us, even if it was individually.” I leaned forward and kissed him, wanting to show him that I was sorry for hurting him and hoping he could sense how much I still loved him.
His lips were so soft and warm and he opened his mouth, welcoming me inside, and it was like coming home. There was no other feeling in the world that compared to kissing Tyler, and I didn’t ever want to stop. My heart began to race, as it always did, and I gripped his biceps, slowly sliding my hands up his arms and around his neck. Tyler groaned and thrust his tongue into my mouth.
With zero warning, he threw his leg over my lap and straddled me, his hands were magnetically drawn to my hair. He pulled my head back exactly where he wanted it. I loved it when he got all rough and demanding because he wanted me. I could feel the hard proof that he wanted me pressed against my leg, even through our clothing.
It was starting to get dark and the sun was setting, bathing us in an pinkish-orange glow which made the moment even more perfect. Until it wasn’t anymore…
Tyler
Oh, fuck!
Kissing Alex was going right back to the top of my favorite things to do list. There were only a few things that I liked better than kissing him and all of those required far less clothing. I felt like I was about to fucking come in my pants from kissing him like a teenage boy when…
“What in the hell is going on out here?” I heard a strange voice shout.
I practically jumped off Alex, thinking it was someone from the funeral home or some homophobic bigot who didn’t like seeing two men kissing. I wasn’t able to see who it was from where they stood in the shadows.
Alex’s head dropped back and he groaned. “What do you want, Donny?” he asked, slightly agitated.
Oh…
Just when things were starting to lighten up for me. BAM! Something (or someone) stopped it dead in its tracks again.
Donny walked out of the shadows and into the light, and from a purely aesthetic point of view, I could see why Alex was attracted to him. He was gorgeous with his shaggy blond hair and tan, toned body. His timing left something to be desired though.
“I’ve been waiting quite a while in a room full of people I don’t know, and then I get verbally attacked by Tyler’s friend in there. So I come looking for you, thinking you were consoling your grieving friend out here, only to find you two in a very compromising position. I’m thinking my night couldn’t get any worse.”
Verbally attacked by my friend? Fucking Andrew.
“Donny, I’m truly sorry if Andrew said anything inappropriate to you. He’s incredibly overprotective and has good intentions, but sometimes his delivery needs some work,” I told him. Deep down I knew that Donny wasn’t the bad guy here even if my brain was telling me to hate him.
Donny let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh, Andrew was definitely right there for support, but it was your friend Riley who was all up in my face in there. I really don’t need this kind of drama anymore. What I came out here to tell to Alex was that I’m going back to his parents’ house to pack then I’m going home. He can come with me or he can fly out later. His choice, but I’ll be gone by morning.”
Alex’s deep, resigned sigh let me know that there was something more to it than just that. I wasn’t sure what exactly was going on with them but I was sure it involved me somehow. I stood up and grabbed his hand. “Come on,” I urged Alex and then turned to Donny. “Will you please come back inside with us before you leave?”
Donny looked like he wanted to bolt out of there as fast as he could, but before he had a chance to turn and run, I grabbed his hand too and pulled them toward the back entrance. Once we got inside, I simply asked them to follow me as I walked purposefully toward the viewing room. Careful to avoid any sight of Grammy, I turned to the left as soon as we walked in the door and made my way to the back of the room over to where Riley was standing with Robyn and Andrew.
“Riley, can I talk to you out front, please?” I asked him nicely but with a force I was sure he wasn’t used to hearing from me.
“Um, okay, sure,” he agreed, eyeing me carefully while Donny and Alex stood behind me. Andrew moved to follow us outside and I cut him a look that told him no. “You stay here.”
Robyn put her hand on Andrew’s arm gently, to calm him down I presumed. He really didn’t like to be told what to do.
We left the room and made our way to the exit. Once outside, Donny stood dangerously close to Alex which made my heart race at their close proximity. It didn’t help my jealousy to know that he’d been the one who’d been there with Alex for the last two years that I wasn’t allowed to be, but I had a mission to complete, for Alex’s sake if nothing else.
Riley stood to the side, arms crossed and a pout forming on his face. I’m sure he’d figured out that I wasn’t happy with the situation. “Riley, I don’t know what you said to Donny in there, but I think you owe him an apology,” I stated.
Knowing how much Riley hated confrontation, the next words out of his mouth surprised me. “I don’t fucking owe anyone anything,” he spat at me.
“It’s okay, Tyler,” Donny told me. “I just want to get out of here and go home.”
“No, it’s not okay,” I replied to him. “Riley, what has gotten into you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
Riley huffed out a frustrated laugh and threw his hands in the air. “Don’t you see what’s happening here, Tyler? Alex waltzes back into town and you throw everything we had down the drain to run back to his arms. If that one,” he threw his head to the side to indicate he was talking about Donny, “had been able to keep Alex satisfied, he wouldn’t be here and things would be fine between us.”
Alex stepped between us then and pointed his finger in Riley’s chest angrily. “I don’t fucking know who you think you are, but you don’t know a damn thing about Donny. He’s one of the most amazing men I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. He’s sweet and caring and kind and has the biggest heart of anyone you could ever hope to know. I’ve been incredibly lucky to be a part of his life and he kept me satisfied just fine.” Alex smirked at Riley while that comment cracked my heart, and Riley took a slight step back. I could see his brave façade slipping and the anxiety was creeping in. “It’s not Donny’s fault that I couldn’t stay with him. He did absolutely nothing wrong. The problem was all with me because to be honest with you, I’m only half of the person I’m meant to be when Tyler isn’t with me. He’s the other half of my heart and soul and the only person in the world who can complete me so perfectly. So you better keep your mouth shut about Donny.”