Oh. My. God. He was really there.
After a couple too-short moments he let me go and I stepped back into the doorway again. “W-w-what are you doing here?” I asked stumbling over my words, still in complete disbelief at the sight in front of me.
“Austin called and told me about Grammy. I’m so sorry, Tyler. I know how close you two were,” he said gently.
Had I just heard that correctly?
“Wait… my brother called you?”
“Yeah, yesterday afternoon. We drove straight through to get here.”
“Well, I guess that sheds a little light on why he’s been acting so fucking peculiar around Riley and me since yesterday.” I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kill my brother for doing that or thank him for making the call. “So, I guess that explains why you’re in Lincoln, but it doesn’t explain why you’re standing on my porch right now.”
“I didn’t want to ambush you at the funeral home tomorrow night, Ty. I wanted you to know that I was here so that I didn’t cause you more stress than you’re already going through, and I doubted that calling you was going to do any good.” Alex shifted his weight from one foot to the other, leaning up against the door jamb.
“No, probably not.”
I sighed and rubbed my temples. For as long as I could remember, I’d made a wish while blowing out my birthday candles but none of those wishes ever came true, but when I’d said I didn’t wish to see Alex again, I was lying. That was totally my wish and with him standing in front of me, within reach for the first time in two years, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to hug him again or punch him in the face. And I wasn’t a violent person at all.
The next words out of his mouth blew me away and then pissed me off at the same time. “And to be completely honest with you, there was no way that I could wait one minute more to see you again, Tyler. I had no idea if you still lived here or not, but we’ve been in Lincoln for nearly twelve hours and it’s taken every ounce of willpower I have not to try to find you sooner. I’ve missed you so much.”
Wow, he missed me that much? That’s so sweet.
I started to smile at him before a thought hit me.
Wait a minute. Did he just say
we
? He said
we
, right?
“Did you say
we
?”
He looked unbelievably sheepish, which just irked me even more. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“So, what? Did you bring your boyfriend with you to go to my grandmother’s funeral? How incredibly classy, Alex.” Seriously, why did people have to be so fucking dumb, and by people, I meant Alex.
He stepped forward like he wanted to touch me but I moved out of his way. “He’s not my boyfriend, Tyler.”
His denial about the subject just pissed me off more. “I think it’s time for you to go, Alex. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with this right now,” I told him.
“I’m sorry if you aren’t happy about that Tyler, but I just found out about Grammy yesterday and dropped everything to be here. He came with me for support because I had no one else to be there, he’s my best friend,” Alex explained to me.
I started to feel a bit sorry for being rude to him but, because I have the worst luck ever, two arms slid around my waist from behind and I felt Riley’s bare chest press warmly against my naked back. He made me shiver when he rested his chin on my shoulder so I could feel his breath on my neck. “What’s taking so long, babe? I’m exhausted,” he purred seductively.
I looked up at Alex, who seemed to be immediately seething in anger at seeing Riley wrapped around me. I couldn’t say I blamed him. If I’d seen anyone half as gorgeous as Riley wrapped around him, no matter what the circumstances were, I’d probably have gone out of my mind with anger and jealousy. Alex was glaring at Riley who seemed to be completely oblivious to the amount of tension in the air.
“And who is this?” Alex’s voice boomed loudly and deeply, something that happened when he got really mad. “Are you seriously giving me shit about bringing my best friend with me when you’ve got someone here hanging all over you?”
It startled Riley, who immediately shrank behind me in fear and began wheezing out short, fast breaths. I was sure he didn’t want to have an anxiety attack in front of a stranger, especially when he found out who that stranger was.
“It’s okay, Ri,” I assured him, wrapping my arm around him comfortingly and ignoring Alex’s question. “Just breathe, hun. There’s nothing to be scared of here because Alex was just leaving, weren’t you Alex?”
Alex looked puzzled at Riley’s reaction, but then again, I still had no idea why Riley reacted the way he did to things except that I was sure something bad had happened to him back in Kansas. “Uh, yeah, I guess I am,” Alex conceded. He wasn’t a bad guy and he could see his presence was upsetting Riley in a way that wasn’t normal. “Can we talk later, Tyler? Alone, please? I have so much that needs to be said.”
I looked at Riley, who was trying to calm down but still breathing abnormally, and I was torn, but in the end, the greedy, selfish side of me won out and I agreed. “Tomorrow night, after the viewing, we can find somewhere and talk, but you need to go now. I’ve got to take care of him.”
Alex reached out and took my hand briefly, squeezing it gently and it was ridiculous how that one little touch erupted a thousand butterflies in my stomach. “I’m sorry for scaring him,” he told me then turned to leave.
I ushered Riley into the house and sat him down on the couch. He was still in a sort of daze so I ran to the kitchen for a bottle of water and hurried back to him. He was more coherent when I sat down next to him and watched as he drank the water greedily. “What happened to you in Kansas?” I asked him finally. I’d wanted to ask for a while but felt as though he’d tell me when he felt comfortable enough.
“Nothing,” he said softly.
“That’s not nothing,” I countered gently, not wanting to agitate him.
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” his voiced raised to a warning level so I dropped it and just stayed next to him quietly for a while.
Pretty soon he broke the silent awkwardness. “So, that was Alex, huh?”
“Yup.”
“What did he want?”
“To see me, I guess. My brother called him about Grammy because he used to be pretty close to her so he came back for the funeral. I didn’t know he was coming.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Ready for that nap? I’m tired.”
He sounded defeated and I hated to hear that, so I let him lead me upstairs and into bed. He fell asleep quickly but my mind wouldn’t stop so I just lay there thinking. Mostly about Alex and what he could possibly have to say to me after two years. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it but figured that I would find out the next day.
Oh, joy.
Alex
Well that escalated quickly, didn’t it?
And wasn’t that just a kick to the damn heart to see someone else’s arms wrapped around the man I loved more than anything in the world? God, why did life have to be so screwed up? I hadn’t even realized that I had used the word “we” but Tyler sure picked up on it fast and used it as an excuse to get rid of me.
How dare he get all pissed off that I brought a friend with me for support when he was clearly about to sleep with a half-naked Riley?
FUCK!
I got into my car and just drove around aimlessly for a while. I really didn’t want to leave things like that with him. I needed to explain the whole situation with Donny so he didn’t think that I was being a scumbag, because I wasn’t. The whole thing was just so fucking complicated.
Let me tell you this, though, it was just as hard to walk away from him this second time as it was the first time. As I drove I tried to remember what exactly had made me think that leaving him was the right thing to do but I kept coming up blank.
Fucking christ!
I’d made the worst mistake of my life and I had to fix it.
So the question was, should I turn around and go back right to his house and demand to speak to him or go back to my mom’s and wait for the next night like he had asked me? My heart was insisting that I turn around and go all caveman on him until he listened because one more minute away from him might kill me, but my head rationalized that he would probably end up more pissed off if I came back right away, so I turned around and forced myself to drive back to my parents’ house.
Donny was sitting in the kitchen with my mother when I got back. “How’d things go?” Mama asked as soon as I walked in.
“Not as well as I had hoped.” I sat down at the table next to Donny and lay my head on my arms. “Maybe coming back was a bad idea.”
Mama walked over and smacked me on the back of the head with a wooden spoon.
Ouch!
“Don’t you dare go giving up now, Alex. This is something you wanted badly enough that you drove all the way up here to chase, so pursue it and if nothing else, at least you’ll know.”
I groaned loudly. “I know. It’s just so frustrating.”
“I’m sure it is, but you’ve got until the end of the week to see it through. Just don’t go home without knowing or you’ll end up regretting it for the rest of your life.” My mama was so damn smart. Why did I ever think leaving my family was a good idea?
“You should listen to your mother, Alex; she’s a wise one.” That remark came from my father who had just entered the room. Great, let’s just make my misery a family event.
“I know that, Daddy; she really is.”
Donny got up and left the kitchen with a huff, which meant he was pissed and that I needed to get up and chase him down.
I pushed my chair away from the table. “Let him go, sweetie,” my mother cautioned. “I’m sure listening to us talk about tracking down your ex-boyfriend is hard for him and he needs some space to cool off. He’ll come around but it’ll take some time. Remember, he’s nursing a broken heart, too.”
The front door slammed shut and it made me cringe. My first instinct was to chase him and try to make it better, but maybe pushing my presence on him was only making things worse. He came with me to be a good friend, so I needed to do the same and respect his space.
It wasn’t until two hours later that he returned from wherever he’d gone. He came in and politely said hello to my parents and Ashton and then proceeded upstairs without so much as a word to me. I decided that I was going to talk to him but I wasn’t going to apologize anymore. I’d definitely done enough of that.
When I walked into my room, he was curled up in a ball on his side on my bed facing away from the door.
“Hey,” I greeted him cautiously.
“Leave me alone, Alex.” He was crying. I could tell even though he was trying to hide it.
“No, tell me what’s going on.”
“I’d really rather not talk about it with
you
,” he retorted angrily.
“Look, I’m sure this is all difficult for you and I’ve apologized about a hundred times for all the hurt I’ve caused you, but you came here with me knowing that I was going to see Tyler again and knowing what my feelings are for him. It really shouldn’t be a surprise anymore,” I told him. “I’m your best friend and I’ll leave if you really want me to, but I’m always here for you to talk to me, even if it’s about me, okay?”
“I know, but I just want to be alone.”
“Well, then text me if you decide you want me to come back up; otherwise, I’ll sleep downstairs on the couch tonight.”
He didn’t acknowledge my final statement so I turned and left. I grabbed the keys to my car, hollered my goodbye to my parents and took off out the door. The anxiety I felt over not being able to see Tyler while being so close to him was overwhelming and it was making me crazy. I couldn’t stand it any longer and I had to see him again. I really didn’t care if it was less than four hours since the last time I’d laid eyes on him.
I pulled up outside of what used to be our home and his car was not in the driveway but neither was Riley’s so I took that to mean he wasn’t home. Extreme disappointment flooded my veins but I made a decision and exited the car anyway. I checked my phone to see it was about five-thirty.
I walked over to the stone steps that led to the porch. I was going to see him again before I went home and that was final. It didn’t matter to me how long I had to wait, I just hoped the neighbors wouldn’t think I was a creeper and call the cops on me.
So I sat down and waited.
And waited.
I scanned both ends of the streets every few minutes and my heart raced with anticipation every time I heard the hum of a motor vehicle approaching, and disappointment flooded back with every car that kept on going. I may have obsessively checked the time on my phone also but the minutes were ticking by so slowly. It felt like a sort of penance for all the hurt I’d caused the people I loved.
And so I waited some more.
The sun set over the trees and the street lights came on one by one as the day faded into night. It was fall in the Midwest so it didn’t get dark until around eight o’clock. I was starting to fear that he wasn’t coming home for the night, which led to horrifying visions in my head of Tyler tangled up with that boy in intimate positions that only I should have ever seen him in. It made me furious and I had no one to blame but myself.
I was startled out of the torturous visions in my head by headlights blinding me as they pulled into the driveway.