“But I did make it. And you couldn’t have known how bad it would be. Even I didn’t know for sure what would happen this time.” I look him straight in the eyes so he knows I am fine. We are fine. Everything is fine now.
“I should have listened to you,” Rei persists. “Yesterday when I kissed her, I thought I could knock her unconscious by pressing on her carotid artery, but it was taking too long and I was afraid she’d figure out what I was doing. I thought the peanut butter cups would be…”
“Shhh,” I hug him tightly. “It’s over, Rei; it all worked out. Don’t second-guess it.”
He hugs me back and his shaky sigh of relief seems to blow away the top layer of his sorrow. We sit like this for I don’t know how long, and all I can think is how good it feels to be touched again. His neck smells sweet and his breath warms my cheek. Every now and then, he rubs slow circles on my back or brushes his chin against my hair, as if he wants to make sure I’m really here.
Even before I was trapped outside my body, the only person who really touched me was Saya. My father never touched me unless it was to grab my arm and squeeze. My mom always seemed to have fresh lipstick on when she was leaving, so I didn’t even get a goodbye kiss from her most of the time. Rei limited himself mostly to those affectionate squeezes around the back of my neck.
But when Rei and I were much younger, we were all over each other the way kids are, totally unconcerned with boundaries. We used to wrestle, tickle each other mercilessly, use each other as a pillow or a footstool. Before Saya was born, Yumi used to give Rei back rubs to get him to sleep, so of course, we used to give each other back rubs, too. Rei taught me games: with our fingers we would draw treasure maps on each other’s backs with an X to mark the spot, or he’d draw giant concentric circles on my back that gradually got smaller and smaller until he would pretend to pull a string from the center of the circle and it would feel as though the very core was being pulled from my body. One day when we were about eleven, Yumi walked into Rei’s bedroom and found us both shirtless, me straddling Rei’s backside with a handful of lotion. To say she was not very happy is an understatement. The two of us got a long lecture about how we were getting older now and what constitutes appropriate behavior between young men and women, and that her Boswellian Body Butter was very expensive and not to be played with. After that, it was as though Yumi put a fence between us.
I realize now how much I’ve missed him, not just during the past week but for the past five years. Even though he was right next door, it felt like some part of me was missing. Rei is the yang to my yin, not my opposite, but a complimentary force that balances me out. Right now, I just want to align myself with him, to stretch out on the bed and pull him over me like a blanket. Right now, there is no other place I want to be.
But nothing lasts forever. Eventually Rei runs his hand up and down my bare calf, which I hope Taylor took the time to shave this morning. “Are you cold?” he asks, and he squeezes my bare foot. “You are—your feet are freezing! Didn’t they give you any socks?”
“Socks? What socks?” I say and hope he doesn’t see the plastic bag containing one pair of fuzzy but hideous gray no-skid socks I tossed on the vent underneath the window. I change the subject. “Want to help me take out the rest of these studs?”
“Sure. As soon as you get under the covers and warm up your feet. And yes, you do need socks. You don’t want to walk on the hospital floor with bare feet. Who knows what you’ll catch.”
What would I do without Rei to point out all the dangers I overlook? “I missed you,” I confess as I slide off his lap and under the blanket.
“I missed you, too. Did you get that tongue stud out?”
“Yes, that took forever with these stupid nails.” I wiggle my fingers.
“I bet. Let me see…” Rei tucks my hair behind my ear and gently pries the back off the first stud. “Well, at least she didn’t put gauges in.”
“No, but she pierced my belly button. I discovered that when I went to the bathroom.”
Rei grins. “Do you need me to get that out, too?”
“Um, no. Actually, I thought I’d leave that one in.”
Rei stops mid-earring. “Really?”
I grin at him. “Kidding.”
“Oh. Not that you couldn’t leave it. I mean…”
“Too late. It’s out.”
“Oh.” Rei pries the back off another earring. “So … not to get you worried or anything, but do you think Taylor’s still around somewhere?”
Okay, so everything is not fine. I don’t answer him right away because I’d like just a few more seconds of blissful denial, but Rei is right. I was a little too busy to notice, but I doubt the light appeared this time because I didn’t die and Taylor was already dead. She’s obviously still stuck in this dimension and she could be hovering in the corner of the room right this minute for all we know.
“Anna?”
“Yeah, I heard you. Even if she’s not here now, I’m sure she’ll show up at some point.” I tell him as he pulls the last earring out of my ear. Oh! It feels so good to scratch without all that hardware in there.
“Careful, you don’t want to make it bleed.” Rei takes both of my hands and sandwiches them between his. I try to wriggle my hands free, but he’s got me in one of his ninja finger locks. “So I know you sometimes pop out during dreams, but is there any way you can control that? I mean, what if she gets back into you?”
“Those are two very good questions. And I wish I had…”
My mom hurries in without knocking, twinkling with cheeriness. As soon as Rei stands up to greet her, I scratch my ear quick. My mom looks surprised to see the pile of earrings sitting on the tray.
“What are you doing?” she looks from me to Rei.
I have about four seconds to figure out how I’m going to spin this past week. The only logical thing that comes to mind is to just pretend I remember nothing after I fell off my desk chair.
“I’m trying to figure out why I’m in the hospital,” I blurt out. “The last thing I remember is falling off my desk chair and now I’m in the hospital with my ears all pierced. What happened?” Rei grins at me behind my mother’s back.
“Oh, honey,” she hurries over to the bed to hug me. “I missed you!” This revelation surprises me after all the fun my mom had at the mall with Taylor and everything they have in common. “I was so worried about you, sweetheart. You were not at all yourself. You don’t remember piercing your ears?”
“No.”
“Do you remember getting a tattoo?”
“Tattoo! When did I get a tattoo!” I don’t dare glance at Rei because I won’t be able to keep a straight face.
“Oh, baby,” my mom hesitates. “Do you remember hitting Daddy with a bottle?”
“I did
what?
Why would I do that? Is he okay?”
“Well,” her eyes fill with tears. “They ran some tests on him when they first brought him in, and it’s probably a good thing you … did what you did, honey, because they found out his liver is badly damaged. If he kept drinking at the rate he was going, the doctor says he might not have lived much longer.”
Oh. I might not be crazy about the guy, but I don’t wish him dead. “But he’ll be okay now?”
She sniffles. “Well, it’s strange. When they changed his bandage this morning, they noticed the gash on his head is healing much faster than they expected. They took more blood this morning, so we’ll have to wait for the results to come back to see if his liver counts show any improvement.”
I think of last night and the energy I shared with my father. This is the same energy I use to get rid of Rei’s headaches, but even though Rei claims I’m better than aspirin, it’s not something I can see or measure. Could I have had something to do with my father’s surprisingly fast healing? While my brain considers this possibility, my mouth goes on autopilot. “So when can he come home?”
“He’s got a long road ahead of him, honey. It will be a while before they let him come home, but when he does, we need to be supportive.”
I hate to suggest this, because the thought of a big kumbaya with my parents and a therapist just makes me cringe, but I think it’s time to admit my family has some serious issues to deal with. “Maybe we all should go in for some family counseling.”
“I think that’s a good idea, honey.”
* * *
At about six thirty, after Rei has all but played airplane with me to get me to eat my dinner, Yumi, Robert, and Saya show up. As soon as hellos are exchanged, my mom makes an excuse to go visit my father, but something was off in the way my mother and Yumi greeted each other. There’s some underlying tension there I can feel, but I can’t quite figure it out. I look at Rei, but he doesn’t seem to notice it.
Saya bounces on the bed and plays with the buttons that make the bed go up and down while Yumi and Robert murmur little sympathies about my allergic reaction. When she thinks I’m not looking, I notice Yumi looks at me suspiciously, which makes me wonder how much she knows, whether or not she saw Rei and Taylor kissing in the driveway. Eventually, Robert redirects Saya over to the box of rubber gloves attached to the wall. He shows her how to blow them up and release them so they make a loud obnoxious noise as they sail around the room … and out into the hallway. Saya, Robert, and I find this much more entertaining than Yumi, Rei, or the nurse who marches in and tells everyone that visiting hours are over, even though it’s only quarter to eight.
As the nurse hustles them out, Rei reaches over and tickles my bare foot. “Remember what I said about popping out.”
Well, that just ruined any chance I might have to sleep tonight. The doctor admitted me for a night of observation, but what if Taylor spends more time watching me than the nurses? If I slip out during a dream and Taylor gets back into me, not only will she testify against Seth, but I’m sure she’ll blame Rei for her allergic reaction. I can’t let that happen. Fortunately, it’s easy to stay awake in this strange bed with all the quiet beeps and dings I hear coming from the hall, and every few hours, a perky nurse comes in to stick a thermometer in my mouth.
* * *
By the time my mom and Rei take me home the next morning, the swelling in my face has gone down almost completely. I cannot wait to get these acrylic nails off, but first I want to change my clothes because my mom brought me one of Taylor’s shirts and those stupid red thong underwear to wear home from the hospital.
Inside my closet and my dresser drawers, all I can find is Taylor’s stuff.
“Mom!” I holler. “Where are all my clothes?” Especially my normal underwear and my favorite hiking boots that cost me six weeks’ worth of pay.
“You packed them up in trash bags and told me to get rid of them,” my mom calls back from the linen closet where she’s looking for nail polish remover with acetone in it.
“No, no, no! Please tell me you didn’t throw them out!”
“They’re still in the garage.”
“Yes!”
Rei squeezes the back of my neck. “I’ll get them,” he offers.
While he’s doing that, I use my arm to sweep all of Taylor’s makeup off my dresser and into the trash. Her expensive iPod Touch is sitting there, too, along with a bunch of her jewelry, and I wonder what I’m going to do with that now. Oh, crap! And where’s that box of condoms? I need to get rid of those before my mom finds them!
“Here you go,” Rei plunks two bulging plastic trash bags on the floor.
“Bless you!” I rip open a bag and hug an armful of my clothes, even though they smell like garage.
After I’ve changed into white cotton bikini underwear, jeans, a T-shirt, and one of Rei’s hand-me-down hoodies, Rei and I sit at the kitchen table while I soak my fingers in a bowl filled with nail polish remover. I want to talk to Rei about Seth and what I’ll tell the district attorney, because as far as I know, I still have to testify, but my mom parks herself at the table with us, so we limit the conversation to how much acetone stinks and the headaches we are both getting from it.
“So, Rei,” my mom says in the same aspartame voice she uses when she’s trying to sell someone a house with a radon mitigation system, “your mom and I were talking and she’s a little concerned that you and Anna might be … dating.”
I would scrape his chin up off the table, except both my hands are busy right now.
“Not that
I
have a problem with you two dating because
I’ve
always thought you two would make a cute couple,” she points out.
“Mom!”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d remember or not, honey, so I thought I’d bring it up.”
“
Mom!
”
“Because Rei, your mom saw you two kissing in the driveway the other…”
“
MOM!
” How do I make this woman stop talking? “Don’t worry about it! We’re not dating.”
“Anna, honey, Yumi is just concerned about Rei’s hectic schedule and she wants to make sure he’s not distracted while he’s applying to colleges. I’m sure you understand that.”
I turn to Rei. “Am I distracting you?”
“No.”
“Okay, then. Let’s declaw me and go for a walk.”
It’s a sunny, warm day and everything is green. I love green. It’s my favorite color.
“How’s your head?” I ask as we walk down the path between our houses toward the woods.
“It’s fine.”
“Still hurts, huh?”
“A little,” he admits.
“Okay, let’s see if I can still do this.” I close my eyes and stand very still, pulling energy from around me. The trees seem happy to share with me; I tap into the sunlight and I discover I can still access the good stuff from space. It’s not as easy to absorb it with this wall of flesh around me, but soon, I feel it tingling all over. I concentrate the tingle to my fingers. With both hands, I reach up and feel around Rei’s face for his temples. I feel him smile under my fingertips.
I purge a little at a time, until he says, “You did it.”
I open my eyes. “Is your headache gone?”
“Gone. I’m telling you, Anna. We have to tell my mom you figured this out.”
“I don’t want to think about your mom right now,” I start walking again. “Where shall we go?”
“Where else?” Rei asks. “The falls.”
The falls is the last place I want to go right now, and I think Rei knows that, but Rei is a face your fears kind of guy, and he’s right. I can’t start avoiding the falls just because of what happened. I can’t let Taylor have that kind of power over me.