I hover next to him and pull enough energy to get his attention.
Are you okay?
That’s such a stupid question, because of course he’s not okay, but I don’t know how else to broach the subject of what happened this morning.
Rei looks out from under the pillow as soon as he hears the click of the keyboard. He makes a face. “I’m fine. I’m just … mad at myself. I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming.”
You were just trying to help Seth.
“Yeah, a lot of help I was. Now he’s in jail.”
They would have caught him anyway. This wasn’t your fault.
Because it’s
my
fault, of course.
I’m sorry. I should have gone ahead of you and checked to make sure there were no cops. I should have known they’d find your car.
What I
really
should have done was listen to Rei and stay in my body in the first place, but it’s too late for that.
Rei sits up slowly. He still hasn’t showered or even changed his clothes, and now there’s dried mud on his comforter.
“It’s not your fault, Anna, it’s my fault.”
Stop saying that! We just need to come up with a better plan since the sage didn’t work, and then I’ll be the only witness. I’ll testify he tried to save her when she slipped. They’ll drop the charges and we can all move on with our lives. Except for Taylor. She can just be dead.
“Yeah, well there’s our next dilemma. How’re you doing with that? Did you check up on her at all or did you just hang out with me in jail the whole time?”
I just hung out with you in jail the whole time.
“I know.” He sighs and brushes at the dirt on his comforter with his fingers. “So,” he clears his throat, “how’d you like jail?”
It sucked. I felt like a gerbil.
He looks up at me with an unexpected grin. “Was it my imagination or were those guys a little klutzy with their coffee?”
Extremely klutzy—they should learn to drink more responsibly.
“Yeah.” He sighs and lies back down.
Guess what Taylor got for me.
He lifts his head to read what I’ve typed. “What?” he asks suspiciously.
A bunch of piercings and a tattoo.
It’s like he’s been catapulted to a sitting position. “A …
tattoo?
You’re kidding me, right?”
Wrong. And it’s not even something good. It’s a portrait of Taylor. Is there a way to get rid of tattoos or will I just have to amputate my arm if I ever get my body back?
Rei groans and lies back down, the heels of both hands pressed against his forehead. “I’m
sorry
. I should have skipped that class! None of this would have happened!”
I float over and tug at his hands. When he finally uncovers his eyes and looks up at me, I shake my head at him.
It’s not your fault
.
I realize something else.
It’s not my fault, and it’s not Seth’s fault, either. It’s Taylor who is screwing everything up, and she’s got to go.
CHAPTER 24
Rei sits up and presses his thumb against that space between his eyes. “Okay, I’m going back online to see if I can figure out a Plan B. Can you just check on Seth and see if he made it back to Vermont?”
I track Seth easily to the Byers jail where he’s lying on a cot, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling. At least he’s had a shower, and his wrist is wrapped in clean gauze, but other than that, he has that empty look of someone who has given up hope.
What will he think when he learns that Anna Rogan is the only eyewitness? Will he notice the huge difference in my personality now that Taylor is in control of my body? He saw me in the woods, trying to warn them about the police … what must he think about that? Will he ever forgive me if I can’t get my body back and he goes to jail for a crime he didn’t commit?
Just out of earshot, two male police officers and the lady who answers the phones are sitting around a desk talking and drinking coffee. Okay, so she’s drinking iced coffee, and it looks very unappealingly watered down by melted ice cubes and milk. Yuck. I float over to a nearby filing cabinet because in the thirty or so seconds I’ve been here, I’ve heard Rei’s name mentioned, so I’m going to eavesdrop.
“… don’t think so. I know Yumi from the store, and she wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior. I think they were right to drop the charges.” This is coming from the woman. The other officers are the short, bald guy who came to Rei’s house before, and a guy with thinning hair the color of a cheese puff that’s been lost too long under the fridge.
Bald Guy: “Yeah, well he
seemed
like a nice kid, but I gave him specific instructions to call us if he heard from the Murphy kid. What was he doing in New York unless he heard from him? He should have called us. The guys in New York found them coming out of the woods together, but everyone they talked to said the Ellis kid went looking for Murphy to talk him into turning himself in. Who knows? I think the kid got lucky they didn’t make that accessory charge stick.”
Cheese Puff: “Well, the Murphy kid’s arraignment is tomorrow morning. I don’t care what he pleads—he’s as good as convicted. All of the deceased’s girlfriends say he asked her to meet him at the waterfall.”
What??!!
Bald Guy: “See? Now the Ellis kid said Murphy’s phone was stolen and there was a note telling him to come get his phone at the falls. You don’t know who to trust! These kids lie so much they start to believe themselves.”
Cheese Puff: “Didn’t that little Rogan girl say she saw the whole thing.”
Bald Guy: “She said she was taking a walk, but she was too far away to hear what they said. She knew just what the girl was wearing, though, and she said she saw him rip her shirt open and drag her over to the edge and push her in. Did you see his wrist? She must have put up a damn good fight!”
Cheese Puff: “I was there when they found the body, poor kid. That Murphy kid’s an animal! You should’ve seen her shirt—all the buttons, gone! I don’t blame them for going with murder one.”
Dispatch Lady: “The kid just turned seventeen about a month ago, you know.”
Cheese Puff: “Doesn’t matter. They want to prosecute him as an adult.”
It’s right about this time when Dispatch Lady gets a very odd look on her face and looks straight at me.
Not through me.
At me.
I don’t care. I’ve been quiet long enough. It’s time to shake things up.
I drift down from the file cabinet and glide slowly and deliberately over to the desk where they are gathered, their mouths and eyes now shocked into little frozen circles. I make sure to give them enough time to see me really,
really
well, because if I’m going to do this, I may as well do it big. I type on Dispatch Lady’s keyboard and I make sure they all read the message.
Seth is innocent and Rei doesn’t lie. Look in Seth’s locker and you’ll find that note.
I can tell from their auras that these are not bad people; they are just misguided, uninformed people who see only what’s before their eyes. The Little Prince’s fennec fox warns us about people like these. The police think Taylor was murdered, so they feel obliged to catch a bad guy, and Seth is the easiest choice. They need to open their minds to the possibility that things are not always what they appear to be.
Look at me, people,
I want to say to them.
See that anything is possible.
I stare each person in the eye, and then I let myself fade slowly from sight.
When I get back to Rei’s bedroom, his computer is hibernating. Behind the closed door to his weight room, I hear him strumming his electric guitar. He’s not playing anything I can name, just random, melancholy chords that wrap around my heart and squeeze.
I jiggle the mouse and a screen pops up showing Rei’s last search. For a second, I think it says
exercise
, but then I realize it says
exorcism,
the exact word I’ve been avoiding, and I understand why Rei’s in there playing dirge metal music. I scroll through any links that don’t have to do with horror movies and read this …
oushikuso
. This is complete and total bull, and it’s not going to work. Maybe a crucifix and some holy water would scare off your run-of-the-mill demon, but it won’t faze Taylor Gleason.
Exorcism. I feel like we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel now. We’ve tried shoving her out, smoking her out, asking her nicely to leave. What else is left? And it’s not like I don’t already feel like my body is a fire hydrant, the way she’s marked her territory with tattoos and piercings.
We snickered at that first Google hit we found that suggested we convince her she’s dead and her loved ones are waiting for her on the other side. But what if the simplest way is the best? What if she has grandparents or a favorite aunt who passed? Surely there is someone over there she loves so much that she’d want to pass over. Tonight is the family viewing at the funeral home. It would be easy enough to head over there and see if I can figure out who’s missing from the family tree.
I leave Rei in his weight room and head over to the funeral home. Taylor’s second viewing for her Long Island extended family is in full swing when I get there. The place is packed with people again tonight, including what looks like business associates of her father. Okay, well, that plan fails—all four grandparents are present and accounted for, sitting on padded armchairs in the receiving line. Taylor isn’t here tonight, but judging by how she spent her day, she doesn’t
want
to be here with her extended family. Who am I fooling? She cares about herself more than anyone else, and I don’t know who she could possibly love enough to leave my body and cross over for.
Pfffft.
I go back to check on Rei. The music has morphed into a song I recognize, a U2 song I downloaded onto my iPod right after my father smacked me into the counter. I looped that song for weeks after, but Rei never called my overplaying foul, no matter how many times he shared my earbuds with me. He did mention once that it was a song about heroin addiction, but I pointed out that music is art, and art is subjective, which means it’s open to interpretation. To me, the song is really about dislocating from the problems in your life, and heroin is just a tool people use. Alcohol is a tool. Astral projection—that’s a tool, too. Rei sings along, and each word is smooth as honey, sharp as a stinger.
I toggle back to a blank screen and leave Rei a message on the computer:
Seth is back in Vermont—his arraignment is tomorrow. I’ll see you in the morning.
* * *
The Little Prince lived on a planet so small, he could watch a sunset whenever he wanted. I can watch the sunset whenever I want, too … from the Serengeti, the banks of the Seine, even from the rings of Saturn.
I contemplate where I should start my sunset marathon. It’s about 8:30 here in Vermont, so adjusting for the time difference, I can start in Belize, zip on down to the Galápagos Islands, and then make my way up the coast of Central America. I’ve kept a scrapbook of all the places I astrally project to because these are the places I want to physically travel to someday. How cool would it be to hike through the Andes, scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef, feel the cold stone steps of the
Basilique du Sacré Cœur
beneath me while I actually
eat
a chunk of that fragrant French bread I’ve been drooling over for so many years?
But what if I don’t get my body back? I have to accept the possibility that Taylor won’t come out and I will be stuck out here forever. Maybe I could be one of those bohemian spirits that haunt the cafés along the Champs-Élysées. Maybe I could go off to college with Rei and become one of those legendary campus ghosts. But eventually Rei is going to meet a girl and get married, and then what? How lonely would I be with no body, no voice, no friends or family? What would I do then? Could I summon the light again and just go off to wherever it takes me? I wander over to the willow outside Rei’s window, drawn in by its comforting blue aura. Rei has stopped playing his guitar and his lights are off. I hope he’s asleep, and I hope his dreams are happy. I don’t get the benefit of sleep in this dimension, but it’s peaceful here, just me and the willow, the stars and the moon. Somehow our vibrations blend together into something harmonious and hopeful.
Could I summon the light right now if I wanted to?
I want to.
The stars twinkle through the tangled foliage and I ask the universe to send the light to me. I try to think of good things, only good things, and it’s Rei who comes to mind most often. I think of how safe and connected I feel when I’m around him, how in all the years I’ve known him, he’s forgiven me for every stupid thing I’ve done. Even though Seth is in jail and my carelessness could be the one thing that keeps him there for life, Rei does not blame me. And that’s when it hits me, that Rei Ellis will probably never fall
in
love with me romantically, but I don’t believe anyone in my life truly
loves
me as much as he does. And even though I’m not a religious person, I recognize this is a blessing. Above me, it seems as though the stars are merging into one enormous beam of light that reaches down from above. The willow reverently parts its branches for the light to enter and I’m awestruck. I can do this! I can summon the light.
But now I feel like I’ve prank-called a divine power. Because I don’t want to go off into the light. Not yet, anyway.
I’m sorry
, I tell the light. I thank it for coming to me and to everyone else who wants and needs it, and it retracts graciously into itself and disappears, leaving me in the dark.
But I’ve had enough darkness this week. Enough darkness, enough sadness, enough
oushikuso
.
I set off in search of a sunrise.
CHAPTER 25
I don’t plan to discuss last night’s appearance at the police station with Rei. I should, I know, but if I do, I’ll have to break the news to him that they are planning to charge Seth with first-degree murder, as an adult. That won’t go over well at all.