And De Fun Don't Done (37 page)

‘Well, if it isn't the emu man from down under.' It was Terri, the boozy little Texan girl he'd met when he was in there before with the late Captain Rats.

‘Hello, good-looking,' smiled Les. ‘How are you tonight?'

Calling Terri good-looking was definitely giving her a giant rap; she looked just as dumpy as before, her face just as shiny and her blue shorts just as baggy.

‘I'm just fine,' she replied, before slopping down some more beer. ‘So what brings you here tonight?'

‘The moon, the music and beautiful girls like you,' smiled Norton, raising the last of his drink.

Terri knew Les had to be joking; the music maybe. Then again, she accepted Norton's statement and smiled back without saying anything.

Norton downed his highball and was about to turn to the bar. ‘I'm going to have another drink. Can I get you something?'

‘Sure. I'll have a Millers Draught.'

‘One “Genuine Millers Draught” coming right up.'

Les only had to turn around and in a couple of minutes he had a beer for Terri and the same again for himself. Terri mumbled thanks then swallowed about a third of her plastic mug of beer in one go. Although she was sort of alright, and probably just a battler doing her best, Les didn't particularly wish to be in Terri's company. But it was someone to talk to while he looked around and listened to the music. So Les chatted away to her over their drinks about absolutely nothing that remotely interested him, except that she agreed it certainly had been hot during the day and the storm was bad. Finally she said, ‘Say, why don't you come over and have a drink with my friends over there?'

Norton looked towards where Terri had nodded her head. It was the three English blokes he'd noticed when he was there before. They were talking to three of the same pretty-looking girls that were there before as well in their shorts and the T-shirts with the funny-looking parrot wearing sunglasses on the front. The girls looked as if they'd just arrived; a waitress was standing next to their group and one of the English blokes had just paid her for some drinks which he was handing around.

‘Yeah, righto,' said Les, figuring Terri wanted to drag him over to show she could get herself a bloke. At least
over there he could politely get rid of her and they looked like much more interesting company. ‘Why not?' He downed one drink and holding the other followed her over. The team were all nattering and drinking away but stopped as they approached.

‘Hey, everybody. This is my buddy from Australia, Les.'

Norton smiled a little self-consciously and raised his glass. ‘Hello. How's things?' Several smiles and muted greetings rippled around the table.

‘From Australia, old boy?' smiled one of the three blokes. He had dark hair and a fullish sort of face, wearing jeans and a black vest over his white U2 T-shirt. Up closer he didn't sound so English. ‘You're not a union man by any chance are you?'

‘Yeah,' answered Les. ‘I used to play union at school.'

‘Same as us, old chap. Which school?'

‘Dirranbandi Boys' Grammar. I played breakaway.'

‘Splendid,' beamed the bloke in the vest. ‘I played for Eton. These two oafs played for Cambridge.'

‘Go — Cambridge,' said one his friends.

‘Did you get to see the world cup this year?' asked Les. ‘Certainly did,' acknowledged Vest. ‘Your chaps went rather well.'

‘Yes, you could say that,' winked Norton. ‘Waderyer- wannabe. A walla-wallaby.'

‘Anything but a froggy,' said the same friend.

‘Agreed,' nodded Les.

The waitress reappeared and Les noticed the boys didn't mind a drink; they'd just about demolished the previous round. ‘Can I buy you fellahs a drink?'

‘Okay, old chap,' replied Vest. ‘That would be absolutely splendid.'

‘What about you, girls?'

‘Sure,' smiled one. ‘Thanks.'

Les made a gesture towards the waitress and they ordered everything from draught beer to Pina Coladas to a Corona for Les this time as well as a margarita. The drinks arrived promptly, Les paid the waitress, giving her
a ten dollar tip: which didn't go unnoticed. Norton's shout seemed to break the ice and from then on a jolly time was had by all.

The bloke in the vest was Marlow, his two mates with brown and sandy hair dressed pretty much the same were Vaughn and Teague. They had a lot of style about them and their handshakes were warm. The three girls were Duena, Roxy and Moya and looked almost identical. Blondish brown hair, wide eyes set in pixie faces on whippy little bodies and up closer they looked even more attractive in their shorts and T-shirts. Duena was about two inches taller then the others. Les judged them to be in their early twenties and the blokes all around thirty going on sixteen: a bit like himself. Norton told them the same lie he'd told Lori number one; he owned a bar back in Australia with his brother and he was on a holiday in America looking for ideas to take back home. This went over quite well. It turned out the boys weren't actually English, they were Irish, but had all been educated in England. They were marine engineers and all worked in London for the same firm, which was owned by Teague's father. They too were on a kind of working holiday selling hovercrafts to the yanks and were going back the following Monday. Les said he still had two weeks or so to go. The three girls worked round the corner as waitresses, as did Terri. Les tipped the owner would have the three little spunks working on the tables to get the male punters in, which was how they'd all met. Terri's date was too big and her attitude not quite up to it to get the blokes in so she'd stay out in the kitchen. The girls all liked Norton's accent as well as the others' and Norton liked theirs. They all enjoyed each other's company and the drinks went down just as enjoyably.

It appeared to be catch and kill your own with the three spunks, nobody seemed to be with anyone in particular. But they all seemed to be getting around to it and the English blokes were there first so Les didn't try to monster his way in. As it was, Norton was quite happy just to find someone to have a laugh and a drink with, and with
this team he'd hit the jackpot; the lads certainly liked a laugh and they loved a drink. So did the girls; although for some reason Moya seemed a little more reserved than the others. Norton bought another round of drinks. The boys were obviously well heeled and weren't going to be outdone so they reciprocated in kind. The waitress who'd zeroed in on them just kept going backwards and forwards to the bar, either with their empties or to bring more back, and as they got progressively drunker she made herself a small fortune on the night. So they drank up, they sang, they all finished up on the dancefloor at different times and it was one of the funniest nights Les had ever had. It was that good he was wishing it would never end, especially when one of the waitresses told him he was a good dancer. Unfortunately it did end; at twelve o'clock.

The band had stopped, the lights were turned up and they were finishing their last round of drinks while the punters started drifting out into the night. Norton was in a great mood and so were the others, even Terri. They were laughing about nothing in particular when Marlow spoke.

‘Well, what do you think we should do now?'

There was a bit of a mumbled, shrugging reply as they all looked at each other waiting for suggestions. Norton didn't know whether he should have said it, but before he knew it, he did.

‘I got a good idea.'

‘What's that?' said Marlow.

‘Why don't we have a party back at my place?'

‘Jolly good idea,' said Vaughn, giving Les a friendly slap on the back. ‘Where's your place?'

‘Just out on Manatee. About fifteen minutes from here.'

‘You got anything to drink?'

‘Heaps.'

‘What about music?'

‘Music? Mate, the music I got would make the blind see, the lame walk and the deaf and the dumb hear and talk.'

‘Sounds alright to me,' said Roxy. ‘But how are we going to get there? You guys have only got that little sports car. And there's eight of us.'

This was Norton's big moment, and no one would ever be able to take it away from him. ‘Hey, no worries,' he grinned. ‘I got a limo waitin' out the front.'

A little mystified the others finished their drinks and followed Les out onto the sidewalk. He waved one arm over his head and whistled. Seconds later Joey cruised up in the shiny blue stretch limousine. He got out, walked around and opened the back door. As Joey stood there he looked at the three spunks, shook his head and winked at Norton.

‘You've done it again.'

Norton just smiled drunkenly. ‘We're talkin'
Great Gatsby
here, son.'

Everybody was suitably impressed, especially Terri; Norton was everything he said he was and more. He was the true messiah. The arrival of the limo easily worked out the travelling arrangements and who was going to finish up with whom also. Les, Marlow, Terri and Moya bundled into the back of the limo, the others went round and got the sports car. Joey knew where to go, he waited a minute or two for the others to follow, as soon as they pulled up behind he drove off. Les mentioned that this could turn out to be a good night, he had plenty to drink and there was plenty of music. Then Moya mentioned that she had to be home by three at the latest, which was when her boyfriend arrived back from Tampa where he worked as a musician. The others would all be paired up by now so it would be left to Les and Marlow to fight it out for the affections of the fair Terri. Norton figured he'd lose on a TKO in the first round. He wasn't all that mad keen to do any porking that night in the first place, especially with Terri, no matter how drunk he was. She'd been pitching up to him a bit back at the bar and when Les would play her a little wide she'd start pitching up to Marlow, thinking it would make Les jealous. Now she was doing it again in the back of the limo and looking
over at Les to see what his reaction would be. But Norton kept looking at Marlow. He was starting to piss in Terri's pocket now, lying to her about how lovely she was, yet all the time he had this weird look in his eye. Before long they arrived at the condo.

The little sports car turned out to be some kind of a green Nissan convertible. Les gave Joey a fifty and said to keep in touch. He'd probably be needed later on to ferry some drunks home. The driver said not to worry one bit, just ring any time, he wouldn't be far. Joey pocketed the money and drove off smiling then the happy little gathering bowled inside.

When he turned on the lights Norton explained that the condo belonged to some friends; have all the fun you want, but don't smash anything and no stubbing cigarettes out on the carpet. As it turned out, all the three waitresses were into aerobics and the boys still played rugby union, so nobody smoked and besides that nobody was a complete party animal so they treated the place with some respect. Les showed them where all the booze and ice and that was in the kitchen, making himself a rather large bourbon while he was at it. Teague had brought a bottle of Moët and some Irish whiskey in from their sports car so between them they managed to open the bottle of shampoo, find enough glasses and get whatever drinks they wanted together. While this was going on Les dropped a tape in the stereo. It was another of the ones he'd got a DJ pal to make up for him before he left, some more Oz music to remind him of home. A bit of old, a bit of new, just as long as it moved along. The first track was ‘Shanghai in the Kitchen', by Scrap Metal. This cut into Cold Chisel's ‘Home and Broken Hearted', and by the time that slid into ‘Once Bitten Twice Shy' by the Angels, everybody was bopping around quite happily with a cool one in their hand.

‘Hey, this is absolutely splendid!' said Vaughn, slipping a drunken arm around Norton's shoulder.

‘Yeah,' agreed Roxy, who was hanging off Vaughn's arm. ‘Thanks for having us around. It's great.'

‘My pleasure,' replied Les, just as drunkenly. ‘I'm glad to see you're all having a good time.' He raised his glass. ‘I know I am.'

More booze flowed, more music played, Warumpi Band, Hunters and Collectors, even a chestnut by Scattered Aces — ‘Highway 61 Revisited'. So the party, small as it was, cruised along splendidly. The stereo wasn't all that big, but it had a good sound so you could still dig the music and talk okay without shouting. Norton threw more tapes on and the night progressed. Les played the perfect host, topping up drinks while he nattered away about Australia and listened to stories about England, Ireland and America, and if Les said he was having a good time he was telling the truth. It was so good to meet some other people just out to have a good time that weren't either in the Mafia, undercover cops or gun-crazy morons. It was like a breath of fresh air. One thing Les had to notice: Terri had decided to lavish her attentions on Marlow, right under Les's nose, just to let him know what he was missing out on. Norton was shattered.

Eventually the three waitresses got into a huddle; Moya had to get home. This suited Teague and Vaughn, they could drive the other two back to their place, or wherever, and drop Moya off on the way. No sweat, said Les. Thanks for coming, the limo was at his disposal so the others would get home safely and in comfort. So it was a boozy farewell at the door, with Norton promising he'd catch up with them again tomorrow night down at Reggae Mambo's. Goodbye, drive carefully. This left Les, Marlow and the beautiful Terri to continue the party. Terri appeared pretty pissed and Marlow still had this weird look in his eye, so Les thought he'd leave them to their own devices for a while before ringing Joey. In the meantime he put another tape on and made himself another drink.

The two lovers were sitting on the lounge opposite Les and Marlow was starting to go to work. He was tongue kissing Terri and squeezing her tits and Terri was kissing
him back. Every now and again she'd look out the side of her eye to see if Les happened to be watching, and if he thought she was she'd get into it a bit harder. Good heavens, thought Norton. Do I get the impression this woman is trying to nark me? Isn't that dreadful. And on top of all my generosity and hospitality. He had another mouthful of bourbon and shook his head sadly. Whatever did I do to deserve such abysmal treatment? Finally Marlow had his hand up Terri's shorts and Terri had her knee in his groin. Conduct like this definitely could not go on forever right before Norton's very eyes. He was going to have to do something about it.