Ambersley (Lords of London) (30 page)

Johanna’s face lit with delight. “How sweet!”

“
The vicar doesn’t think so,” Derek replied. “He’s told the women that sick children should be treated with medicine, and if prayers are needed, mothers should look no further than God. Mrs. Cleary told the vicar that she would never look
further
than God, but that Lady Johanna was much closer, and since Providence had been so good to you, you might be able to spread your good fortune to other helpless children.”

Johanna quirked an eyebrow at him as her lips curled into a saucy smile. “So now I’m a saint.”

“
I never said so.” Derek smiled back. “But then I know you too well.”

She reached for his hand and squeezed his fingers. “And you have no idea what a comfort that is to me. These past few months have brought so many changes, I feel like a…butterfly.”

“
A butterfly?” asked Derek, not sure he’d heard right.

Johanna’s musical laugh pealed through the quiet meadow. “Yes, a butterfly. When I lived here, I was as invisible as a caterpillar. Then Aunt Bess taught me to be a proper lady, and that was like being in a cocoon. Now everyone treats me like a fragile butterfly, as if the slightest breeze would send me tumbling. They dance around me, concerned for my health, my welfare, my entertainment.” She stopped her pacing and folded her hands, her back to him. “But they never take time to learn about me, my hopes, my dreams, my ambitions.”

“
You’re a young lady. They believe you have no ambition beyond marriage.”

“
Is that what you think?”

He turned her to peer into her worried eyes. “You were raised as a boy, and your ambitions were always encouraged. Merely because you’ve changed your clothes doesn’t mean you’ve changed your heart. You’re still a rascally little caterpillar inside a very charming butterfly.”

Johanna’s smile warmed him more than the sun. “You
do
understand. It’s not that I don’t like being a butterfly. Sometimes it’s rather fun, but I miss being the caterpillar.”

She had given him the perfect opportunity, and Derek lost no time. “I miss the caterpillar, too, Johanna. It’s been good to have you home this past month. Your absence has—what I mean is…Ambersley has been lonely without you.”

His compliment drew a warm blush to her cheeks.

Encouraged, Derek took her hands. “Ambersley has always been home to you, and I think it fitting that it should always be. You and I know each other rather well, and I think we could live together quite happily. Johanna, I’m asking you to marry me.”

He had surprised her, he could tell by her luminous blue-green eyes. Not wishing to frighten her, he tamped down the urge to pull her to him and kiss her. “You don’t have to answer me now, but consider it. I’ve rather avoided the notion of marriage, but I cannot imagine another woman who better deserves to be mistress of Ambersley. You belong here.”

Johanna swallowed and reminded herself to breathe while her heart raced. To call Ambersley home forever was the answer to her prayers. But marriage… Unsure, she withdrew her hands from his. “I’m flattered by your offer, my lord, but I’m not sure I should accept. You see, I’ve always believed I’d marry for love.” She turned away, unwilling to show how much she hoped he would declare his feelings for her.

Derek watched her turn away, hurt brimming within him. When he’d contemplated proposing, he’d believed her response would be joyous and emotional. Instead, her practical negotiation stung with the sharpness of a disturbed wasp nest. He retreated to stiff formality. “Then perhaps ’tis better you refuse my offer. I wouldn’t have made it except I’ve obviously misinterpreted your feelings—I thought you did love me.”

Disappointment settled coldly upon her, but pride demanded she face him with a tremulous smile. “At one time I did. As a child I idolized you, but that’s not the kind of love on which I could pin a marriage. Thank you for your offer, but I’m afraid our marrying would be a grave mistake.”

Derek made her a small bow. “Very well. I hope you find the happiness you seek.”

“
Thank you, Derek. I hope we shall always remain friends.”

Though neither moved, the distance between them widened.

“
Of course,” he finally said. “Shall we return for breakfast?”

Johanna rode beside him through the home wood in silence. Derek had taken her refusal well—too well. He didn’t love her. He’d suggested a marriage of convenience. What else was she to think when he proposed marriage but had never tried to kiss her? While she remained mistress at Ambersley, he would keep other mistresses in London. She couldn’t bear the thought of being married to him only to share him with other women he cared about more than he cared for her. Refusing his offer was for the best. So why did she feel so miserable?

Derek glanced at Johanna occasionally as they rode. Gone was the confiding imp who had ridden out with him at dawn. Here was a coolly reserved lady. He’d ridden out with the caterpillar, he mused, and was returning with the butterfly.

And yet, he still wanted her with a passion more consuming than carnal, a new and unwelcome experience for him. He had proposed to two women in his life. The first, admittedly, had been a great mistake, and when he considered the unholy mess his life would be if Helena had said yes, he was grateful for her selfishly stormy refusal. At the time, the pain had been intense but quick to come and go, as if he’d been struck by lightning but left with no permanent damage.

Johanna’s refusal today, so calm and quiet, had been resolute nonetheless. He felt rather a fool for assuming she’d developed a
tendre
for him. He had a title and Ambersley to offer her, and while the title might not be important to her, he knew Ambersley was. Yet she had turned him down for the simple reason that she didn’t love him.

Thinking back, Derek recalled he’d never won a woman’s affection, not his mother’s—certainly not his stepmother’s. Helena had proven her only interest was in the status a husband could bring her. Olivia claimed to love him, but she barely understood the emotion. He’d grown accustomed to Johnny’s childlike worship—a love akin to a dog for his master—so the loss of Johanna’s regard now left him oddly bereft.

He wanted to be worthy of her love, Derek realized. He wanted it desperately. That desire filled him with disquiet for he knew not how to begin such a quest.

At breakfast Aunt Bess remarked on Johanna’s heightened color. “I hope you haven’t given yourself a chill or a headache from too much riding.”

Johanna cast him a look, clearly begging him not to mention their earlier words.

Derek paused, his teacup midair. “Nonsense. Fresh air did her good. To listen to you one would think she was as fragile as a butterfly.”

Johanna choked on her tea. She tried—none too discreetly—to kick him under the table, but when she couldn’t reach, she satisfied herself by glaring at him.

Derek’s lips twitched at this reminder of how well they knew each other.

Aunt Bess looked from one to the other in bewilderment. “
I
never compared her to a butterfly. I just don’t want her to wear herself out before we go to London.”

“
A morning ride doesn’t require nearly as much stamina as a night of
ton
parties,” Derek replied lightly. “Don’t worry, Aunt Bess. She won’t come to any harm with me. Now, how soon do you leave for Town?”

“
Friday.” Aunt Bess dabbed at her lips with her napkin. “There will be fittings for her Court dress next week, and then her presentation is the following Wednesday.”

“
Are you planning a suitable ball for her?”

“
Well, I’ve been planning, but I haven’t scheduled one. I wanted to wait until we’d arrived in London to work out the details.”

“
Allow me, Aunt Bess.” His decision made, he buttered a slice of toast. “I’ll be spending a good deal of time in Town this Season, what with my sister and my ward being presented. I should probably look over the field of suitors.”

Aunt Bess beamed at him. “Of course, and perhaps you should look over the young ladies as well.”

“
Yes, I’ll do that,” he responded.

Johanna concentrated on her plate while she digested that Derek was coming to London. He didn’t care for Town very much, he cared for his stepmother even less, and Johanna had refused his offer of marriage only that morning. Derek was going to London to visit his mistress and possibly to seek a wife.

Sometimes, she wished she didn’t know Derek quite so well.

Chapter 14

London, April 1815

Johanna arrived at the Coatsworth’s house in Portman Square, reeling from her first impressions of city life. London seemed to be nothing but narrow streets and tall buildings, with chimneys smoking and people shouting all day. She was relieved to discover the square offered some trees and greenery, but she hoped it would be quiet enough at night to sleep.

Harry awaited them in the drawing room, and she was so happy to see him, she threw herself into his arms without a thought.

“
I missed you so,” she said to his shocked look.

Harry held her at arm’s length with a pained smile. “That’s for certain, but do remember Johanna, that in public, we must not be so familiar.” With a laugh, he gave her a smacking kiss on the forehead as he lifted her off her feet and spun her around the room. “I missed you, too.”

Aunt Bess entered the drawing room followed by Taft bearing a tray of wine and cheese. “Harry, put her down and let Taft take her pelisse.”

“
How was Ambersley?” Harry asked after Taft left them.

Johanna glowed with her memories of the month-long visit. “It was so good to be home. So little has changed there.” Then she remembered Derek’s proposal, and her smile faded.

Harry didn’t notice. “Did the staff recognize you?”

“
Of course they recognized me,” she said with a touch of asperity. “They’re not idiots. You cannot fool them simply by putting me in a dress and asking them to look the other way.”

Harry nodded at her outburst. “Foolish of us, I’m sure. But will they hold their tongues?”

“
Oh yes, for Paget gave me quite a dressing down when I was too familiar with them. It seems now that I’ve become a lady, no one wishes to take responsibility for my childhood—no one except the prioresses whom Derek and Mr. Minton bribed. I’m no longer fit company for the servants, and I feel so awkward at times with the
ton
. I’m afraid even after all the effort you and Aunt Bess have taken to prepare me, I’m going to say or do something frightful.”

“
The beauty of it is that it won’t matter.” Harry gave her shoulders a gentle shake before crossing to the sideboard to fetch her some wine. “Johanna, the
ton
will lie at your feet and worship you. You’re a mystery—a gloriously rich and beautiful mystery. Should your behavior be considered unladylike, you’ll be labeled eccentric, but it won’t detract from your charms.”

“
My charms,” Johanna sighed. She looked up at Harry as he presented her wine to her. “The
ton
may worship me, but will any of them
like
me?”

Harry sobered immediately. “I like you,” he said with simple candor. “Mother likes you. The people at Ambersley like you. Do you truly care for the opinion of anyone else?”

Slowly, she smiled. They clinked glasses and toasted the
ton
to perdition.

~

Derek’s coach pulled to a stop before Vaughan House. Paget and the rest had gone directly to Grosvenor Square, but Derek thought it time to confront his family. He’d not seen them since that fateful day he’d discovered the truth about Johnny.

He was greeted by a sterile butler and shown to the drawing room where he waited to discover whether her ladyship was at home. Apparently she was, for a minute later, she entered with Olivia at her heels.

Derek barely recognized his young sister, so great was her transformation. She’d left Ambersley seven months before an adolescent girl, but here stood a young lady in the latest fashion with her high-waisted ivory gown and ivory ribbons in her coifed and curled raven locks. Derek tried to overlook that she resembled a very young version of her mother complete to the feline smile gracing her lips. At some point he would need to discover how much his stepmother had paid for Livvie’s new wardrobe. Undoubtedly, Rosalie had included a number of new dresses, like today’s coral silk, for herself.