"How do you feel about that?"
I wanted to know what
he
was thinking! "She's too young," I said, falling back on that, keeping my true feelings, that I didn't want to lose him, to myself.
"Yes she is very young," Marcus said, glancing back in to the kitchen.
I couldn't take it anymore. "Will you just tell me what you're thinking? Please?" I felt, or hoped really, that we were both waiting for the other one to say it. That we had feelings for each other, and we didn't want to lose that. But I had a feeling that Marcus was never going to say those words first, and expose himself to rejection like that.
"I'm going to take to Connor," he said.
I started to follow.
"Stay here," he said over his shoulder, and I stopped, and sighed, and watched him retreat back down the hallway towards Connor's bedroom.
I looked back in to the kitchen, at Fiona eating all by herself. I didn't have to imagine what she must be thinking, because I had been right where she was just a few weeks previous. The difference was that at least I had had Connor to keep me company and make we feel welcome, like I belonged.
So I went back in to the kitchen, grabbed a fork from the drawer and sat down beside Fiona, and started digging in to the food with her. She didn't so much as utter a word or even look in my direction though.
"Did Connor tell you about who I am, and how the two of them found me?"
Fiona stole a glance in my direction and nodded.
"Well if you're anything like me then you learned to be wary of male werewolves. They can be... feral, and dangerous. But I'm guessing you know by now that Connor is different than that, and Marcus is too. They're real, and this
is
a safe place. You don't have to worry about vampires here, you don't have to worry about Marcus or Connor attacking you. You're safe."
She smiled, and looked at me for a moment longer than she had before, and I put my hand on her wrist, and I could feel her tense up a little but she didn't shy away, and I figured that was probably progress.
Just then, Marcus and Connor, now dressed, came back in. "Sara," Marcus said, and I got up and joined the two of them in the hallway, again away from the ears of Fiona. It felt a little wrong, to be discussing things that really pertained to her without her even knowing, but it had to be that way. I looked for some sign of what the two of them had to tell me, but Marcus was impervious to scrutinization as always. Connor looked a little smug and proud of himself though, like he had won whatever argument or discussion the two of them had just had.
"Marcus and I talked," Connor said, "and we want you to choose between the two of us."
I must have looked as confused as I felt.
Marcus tried this time, "the idea of sharing you was a good one, but ultimately it didn't work."
Marcus was too diplomatic to say
why
it hadn't worked, but I shot Connor a bit of a look anyway.
"And since we have added a second female to the pack," Marcus continued, "there is the possibility at least that both Connor and I can have a female to ourselves."
"I thought that I would be drawn to the alpha wolf of the pack no matter what when my mating heat starts. Isn't that what you told me back when we first met?"
Marcus nodded, "if you were to choose Connor, you and he would have to leave the pack during your mating heat and go somewhere else. A hotel room in the city perhaps. Packs used to be much more hierarchical, and the alpha would claim all the females for himself, but a mating couple temporarily leaving the pack is a modern allowance that has been made to make it more comfortable for wolves who are still attached to the human custom of one man and one woman. If you choose to be with Connor I would make this allowance for the two of you."
I could see Connor bristling a little at what Marcus was alluding to there, that Marcus would allow us to leave the pack during my mating heat. I wondered though, if that was truly what Marcus wanted. Connor obviously thought that I would choose him over Marcus in a heart beat, which was why he had looked so smug when the two of them had first taken me aside.
But Connor didn't know what Marcus and I had been getting closer. Not too close, I
had
been planning to leave just before Connor came back, after all. But we were closer than Connor thought, and it was not the easy decision that he seemed to assume it was.
"I don't like this," I said, "I don't want to choose between the two of you. It feels wrong."
"You have to choose," Connor said quickly and decisively, starting to look a little annoyed that I hadn't blurted his name out as my choice already, "we have decided that this is how things are going to be."
That attitude made me want to say Marcus' name just to spite him. But for all his ridiculous bravado, Connor was right, I wasn't going to choose Marcus over him. The connection I had with Connor was real, and deep, and the connection that I felt with Marcus had only just started to take root.
I started to say Connor's name and then sighed. It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted them both. It was crazy, and even just two weeks previous I never would have thought like that. Maybe it was all the time I had spent trying to engage with the wolf side of my mind that was making me feel like I wanted them both. Maybe my attachment to the normal human way of life was weakening. Whatever the cause was, I knew what I wanted, and I wasn't going to settle for less.
"I want both of you," I said before I could really think too hard about it.
The two of them were looking at me like they expected a 'but' to follow what I had just said.
"That's it," I said, looking from one to the other, "I refuse to choose. Or I guess I choose both of you. We were all supposed to be in this together and I developed feelings for both of you and now you want me to choose. But it's not fair. So you're both going to share me like we first agreed to."
I couldn't be sure but I thought I saw just the faintest hint of a smile on Marcus' face at that. Which meant I had been right, it was what he wanted to. The look on Connor's face was much less subtle though. He looked like certain victory had been snatched right out from between his teeth, and was more than a little angry about it.
"The two of you need to learn to get along better," I said, looking from one to the other. "If you cant even share me then how are you going to lead an entire pack of werewolves?"
Neither of them said anything to that, though they seemed to be considering my words.
"So you can think of this like a growth exercise. You both learn to share me, and when you do I'll be waiting. But until then I'll be sleeping by myself."
I started to go back in to the kitchen, back to Fiona, but then thought of something else. "And neither of you had better go near Fiona. She's too young, and she's too traumatized still." I wasn't exactly sure if that was true or not, but the way she never seemed to want to make eye contact, the one word answers, it made me think that there was more beneath the surface than she was letting on. And she really
was
too young. I wasn't sure how that worked in the werewolf world, if girls were expected to start mating before they turned eighteen, but as far as I was concerned that was one human custom that we would be holding on to.
"This is ridiculous," Connor said in a heated voice, "you must choose Sara."
I knew what he was really saying was that I must choose him. He was hurt, again, thinking that I didn't care for him as much as I did. His ego was too tightly wrapped up in this imaginary battle he was waging with Marcus for my affection.
"No," Marcus said, "Sara is correct. We are all of us trying to build something here that is much greater than ourselves. If we cannot see a way to make this work between the three of us then there is little hope that we will be able to deal with the inevitable problems that we will be confronted with in the years to come."
I wasn't sure if Marcus was just saying that because he wanted me or if he really meant it, but I said a silent thank you that he was at least trying to make it work.
"Fine," Connor muttered, "I will try. If I must."
Connor didn't look the least bit happy about any of it, but when Marcus had agreed with me, Connor hadn't had a lot of choice except to go along. It was agree to try and make a triad between the three of us work or else get left out.
I felt bad, but not too bad. Connor had to get past his feelings of jealousy. I didn't have one bit of practical experience living in a pack, but from everything that Marcus had told me there was no room in such a place for feelings like jealousy.
"Figure it out. Please," I said. I gave Connor's big hand a squeeze, just to try and let him know that I wasn't trying to hurt him, that I did care about him, and then I turned around and went back to Fiona in the kitchen. While the two alpha males were sorting out their egos I was going to try and make Fiona feel at home.
~~~
I plopped down in the seat beside Fiona. She had stopped eating. She hadn't eaten all that much either, and I almost told her about how werewolves like women with curves, just like Connor had told me the first night I had arrived and tried to restrain my food lust, but held off from having that conversation. That seemed like too much too soon. She
was
awfully skinny though, like she hadn't had a good meal in a long time.
"So," I said, not really sure what I should say or do to try and put Fiona at ease. I had been in her shoes just a few weeks previous, after all, and I was only just starting to really come out of my shell with Connor and Marcus and feel comfortable. "What have you been up to the last few years?"
She just shrugged.
"I travelled around a lot," I said. "If I ever stayed in one place too long it seemed like male werewolves would find me, or vampires."
There was a definite reaction from Fiona when I mentioned vampires. She seemed to tense up, though she didn't say anything.
"Anyway," I continued, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I just want you to know that I went through all the same things, so if you ever feel like you want to talk about it, you can talk to me."
Still no response. It didn't seem like that was something she was comfortable opening up about, and I definitely didn't want to force her to share anything painful.
"Is there anything you'd like to ask me," I ventured, "about this place, or about Marcus and Connor, or even about me?"
She barely even seemed to hear me, and I thought it was just going to be more silence, but finally she said something, "why do vampires not know about this place?" She looked up at me, "is there something that protects you from vampires here?"
"Vampires don't know about this place because Marcus and Connor are always careful to come and go during the daytime only, so that vampires cant track them here. But no, there's nothing special about this place that protects it from vampires." That made me think of the far north though, and how vampires apparently never went there because of the long days.
Fiona looked disappointed at my answer.
"Don't worry though," I said in my best reassuring voice, "Marcus' family has been living in this house for hundreds of years and it's still safe. You will be safe here."
Fiona went back to staring straight ahead and nodded, but I could tell she didn't look the least bit reassured. Not fearful either, more sad.
There was something about her though, something I couldn't put my finger on. She almost looked familiar. I had travelled so much, never staying in one place for long, maybe we had crossed paths. "I get the feeling like we know each other," I said, "or at least your face is familiar. Do I look familiar to you?"
She glanced up at me again, her expression guarded, and then went back to looking straight ahead. "No," she said.
It was an actual word, instead of a shake or a nod of the head. Maybe I could count that as progress. "Well," I said, you're probably exhausted, would you like me to show you to your room?"
"I think so," Fiona said. I got off the stool and went to pick up her backpack, thinking that she must be exhausted, that I would carry it for her, but she lunged, grabbing the shoulder straps with both hands and tearing it away from me, holding it to her chest and backing away a few steps.
"I'm sorry," I said, cursing at myself in my head for not knowing better. I hadn't been quite that bad when Marcus and Connor had found me, but I knew I would have reacted similarly if either of them had tried to lay hands on my bag.
Fiona didn't say anything though.
I sighed, "let's go find you a room."
~~~
I gave Fiona one of the rooms close to Connor's, so that she wouldn't be too far away, and I made sure knew where everything in the house was, and that if she needed anything she was to wake me up immediately. I wouldn't be the least bit mad.
I really wanted to make her feel at home. Connor and Marcus were all caught up in fighting over me and part of me really, really liked that and wanted to enjoy it, but it was such an inconvenient time for it. If they didn't bother to make Fiona feel welcome, to make a good first impression, she might just decide to leave.
But it was hard to make a good impression on someone that barely looked at you and gave you just the most basic one word answers. After awhile I left her alone for the night. Maybe she would be more willing to open up with a good night of sleep in a comfy bed.
And then I went and looked for another room to shake the dust out of, for me, just in case Connor and Marcus couldn't work out the distrust between them. I had said that I wouldn't be having any sort of physical relationship with either of them until they sorted it out and I had meant it. Which meant I definitely could not stay in Connor's room with him. I needed my own space.
I was using a broom to very carefully gather up all the dust on the floor without disturbing it too much and sending it all around the room when I heard footsteps behind me in the doorway. I turned around and there were the two men, standing shoulder to shoulder, both looking in at me.