‘I shouldn’t have said that about –’ Megan tried again to apologise, not caring that they spoke of other things. The weight of what she wanted to tell him bore down on her.
‘Shh.’ He shook his head. After touching her face for a second, he let go and turned to walk down the stairs. ‘Goodbye, Megan.’
Megan watched him disappear around a corner and heard him continue down. Part of her begged to run after him, to tell him how she felt regardless of Rosa, of the past, of the apology he refused to hear. Swallowing over the lump in her throat, she turned to the door leading to the thirteenth floor. Her feet hit silently against the carpeted hall. It was late and no one was around. The apartments were quiet as she walked past a couple of doors. No one would ever know the secret passion that had taken place in the stairwell.
At the elevator, she pushed the button that would take her to the top, back to Kat’s home. Once there, she found the front door open and her sisters inside changed from their stripper uniforms into pyjamas.
‘What was it?’ Sasha asked.
‘Someone who was lost. I gave him directions,’ Megan lied. ‘Sorry it took so long. I didn’t mean to make you worry.’
‘Well, you are just in time for the movie to start,’ Zoe said, grinning. ‘Nothing but action adventure, just like I promised.’
Megan forced a smile, shoving Ryan to the back of her mind. ‘Perfect.’
Zoe and Sasha headed back to the living room. Megan moved to follow, but Kat’s hand on her arm stopped her.
‘Ryan?’ she asked. ‘I know it was him. I saw him run into the elevator. I screamed because it scared me, but it was him, wasn’t it?’
‘Don’t worry, I didn’t hurt him. I just said I was sorry and let him go. It’s over.’ Megan didn’t move until Kat drew her hand away. ‘Can we just leave it at that?’
‘Megan –’
‘Don’t, Kat. Just don’t. I don’t want to talk about this with you. You asked me to leave him be and I am. It’s for the best and I know why you asked me.’ Megan said no more as she went to join her other sisters in front of the television.
Ryan cradled Kat’s present against his body as he left the building and Megan in it. The strange combination of a sated body and broken heart filled him. He knew what Megan was going to say, but he really didn’t feel like listening to her apologise for not wanting to be with him for more than sex. She didn’t have to be sorry for not loving him and it was never his intention to make her feel bad about it.
‘The last time,’ he told himself, looking up the side of the building. His heart squeezed in his chest. Feeling the doorman’s eyes on him, watching him through the front glass door, he nodded in the man’s direction. The man didn’t return the gesture and Ryan felt extremely alone.
Chapter Thirteen
Megan stood, watching the flurry of movement in the police station around her. She smelt the familiar stale air that reeked of coffee, paper and a lingering hint of Axel’s cheap cologne. The captain had called her the night before to tell her to come back to work. Just like that, her vacation was over. She was back in her old clothes – the black slacks, white linen button-down shirt and black fitted suit jacket. Her hair was pulled back to the nape of her neck, wound into a perfect bun. The familiar weight of her gun was in her shoulder holster, pressed against her side. But, despite these well-known comforts, all was not the same.
She watched the movement around her like a play, nodding at those who greeted her and welcomed her back. Megan even heard her voice answering her fellow police officers, saying all the right things, making jokes and taking them.
‘Eh, Matthews, vacation did you some good,’ Officer Gates said. ‘Why don’t you take us next time you decide to spend a month on the beach?’
‘Do I look like I’ve been on the beach? Besides, you in a thong gives me nightmares.’ Megan laughed.
‘I’ll let that slide, because this is your first day, but don’t think I don’t know you want this.’ Gates rubbed his protruding belly.
‘Careful, boys.’ As Axel walked towards her, the smell of his cologne became pungent. ‘We wouldn’t want to be arrested for sexual harassment.’
‘You’d have to be sexual to even be a candidate,’ Megan answered.
‘Ouch, Matthews.’ Axel put his hand over his heart. He lowered his voice, saying, ‘Is that any way to treat the man who carried your caseload.’
Megan’s expression didn’t change, but the man had a point. She should take it easy on him. ‘Pile my desk, I’ll return the favour.’
‘Already done, slick.’ Axel pointed his fingers, shooting at her with his pretend guns while making soft gunfire noises. Megan instantly glanced at her desk. Three giant stacks of files were piled on it. ‘Don’t worry, I saved you all the fun stuff.’
Megan suppressed a groan, mumbling, ‘Asshole.’
‘I love it when you talk dirty, Matthews.’ Axel laughed.
Seeing Captain Turner’s office door open, she watched a man in a cheap business suit walk out. The captain frowned from behind his desk. He didn’t look happy, but, then again, he never did. Before she could move, he looked up and saw her.
‘Matthews,’ he yelled, not bothering to get up from his desk. Megan instantly stiffened, her body filling with the familiar stress of work. He motioned with his hand for her to come to his office and she obeyed, automatically walking into his office then shutting the door. ‘Welcome back, Matthews.’
‘Thanks, I –’ she started to answer.
‘Here –’ the captain handed her a file ‘– I need you to go over this. Trial date was moved up. Johnson’s not available and you were second on the scene. Be at the courthouse at two.’
Megan flipped open the file. It was one of her old homicide cases, one in the sea of many she’d worked on.
‘Oh, and that photographer, Lucas, played ball. Nothing was in the paper when you were gone, the museum thieves were caught and I finally have one of my best detectives back on the job.’
Megan gave a slight smile. ‘Yeah, he turned out to be all right.’
‘It’s too bad he’s quitting. Only two of the new photographers are working out. But, what can we do?’
‘Ryan, I mean, Lucas is quitting?’
‘No.’
Megan began to sigh in relief.
‘He already quit, gave his notice a little over a week ago. We’re waiting for him to drop off a full backup copy of all his work for our files.’ The captain picked up his coffee cup to take a drink, frowned into the empty depths and set it back down.
‘The picture could still show up,’ Megan said weakly.
‘I don’t think so. He seems like a straight shooter.’ The captain again made a move towards his cup, only to stop himself mid-action.
‘Would you like me to get you coffee?’ Megan asked.
‘What?’ He frowned. ‘No, stuff tastes like ash anyway.’
‘You were saying something about the photographers?’ she asked.
‘What? Oh, Lucas. It’s too bad we’re losing him. He’s dependable and we can call him at any hour.’ The captain sighed heavily, motioning to the file he’d given her. ‘I need you in court for this case and then I want you on desk duty until the St Claud trial. I think Axel left a few files on your desk.’
Megan bit the inside of her lip to keep from commenting. A few files?
‘I’ll only pull you off desk if I need you. I don’t have to tell you there is a lot of pressure on this one, Matthews.’
Megan stood up, knowing by his tone that their conversation was over. ‘I’m on it, Captain.’
‘This is for work,’ Megan told herself, nervously smoothing down the front of her loose black slacks. She’d gone so far as to buy a new navy-blue ribbed knit shirt with a semi-sheer overlay. The fitted sleeves, wide scoop neck with chiffon trim and gathered bust was what the saleslady called runway chic. It was a little overdone for what she normally purchased, but she had an uncontrollable urge to look pretty.
Her hair fell in long waves down her back and she wished that she had pulled it into a bun. Maybe the new shirt and non-work hairdo was too much. Maybe she should turn around, run down the stairs and out of his building before anyone saw her – like the crazy man with the bat.
What if someone at the department discovered she’d deleted a few of Ryan’s pictures that she needed to finish the stack of files on her desk? That she’d planned the necessity of this meeting in a late-night fit of loneliness and need? She missed Ryan, missed seeing him, hearing him, smelling him. Was that so wrong?
‘Yes, when Ryan is married,’ she mumbled to herself. ‘Just get the files and get out. This is a stupid idea.’
Taking a deep breath, she thought of what she planned to say.
The data was corrupted. I need the pictures for my file. How are you doing? I miss you. Please don’t quit. Come back to work so I can see you.
Why did he have to be married? Why had she been such a schmuck? Every moralistic code she lived by screamed at her, compounding her guilt about what had happened in the thirteenth-floor stairwell of Kat’s apartment building. The feeling warred with the pleasure she’d felt being in his arms.
‘I’m just here to pick up the pictures,’ she whispered, taking small steps towards the door. ‘Pictures.’ Megan took another deep breath and knocked. ‘Pictures.’
‘You didn’t have to knock . . .’ Ryan’s words ground to a halt as his eyes met hers. ‘Megan, what are you . . . ?’
‘Pictures,’ she said softly. He looked so good. She couldn’t help but stare at his face.
‘Ryan? Is that Diederick with the groceries?’ a woman called from within the depths of his apartment. ‘Tell him to get in here. I’m starving. This baby ain’t gonna feed itself.’
Baby? Megan made a weak noise and began to back away from his door. Ryan looked handsome in his jeans and plain white T-shirt, just as he always did. The tousled easygoing look suited him and made her heart flutter in her chest. What was she doing here? ‘I really needed to talk to you, but I see you’re busy. I can come back.’
The expression on her face must have worried him because he frowned and leant towards her. ‘Megan, what is it? What’s wrong? Oh, man, you’re not pregnant, are you?’
‘No.’ She gulped, shocked by the question. ‘What? No. I’m not pregnant.’
‘Oh, wow, sorry. You showing up out of the blue nearly a month after we were in Montana and I just thought that maybe you came to tell me . . .’ He sighed, flustered as he searched for the right words. ‘Since we weren’t all that careful in Montana, or really any time we . . . Well, if you’re not, that’s good. I mean, it’s for the best.’
She didn’t answer.
‘You still have that look. Like you have bad news to tell me, but don’t know how to say it.’ He kept his voice quiet, as if hiding his words from the people inside. She couldn’t say she blamed him. ‘You didn’t come here to tell me you have some sort of disease, did you?’
Megan grimaced. Did the disease of a broken heart count?
‘No, no, it’s nothing like that.’ She tried to peek over his shoulder as she heard footsteps.
‘Then what is so important?’ he asked.
‘Diederick, did you forget the –?’ The woman appeared next to him. She was in her early twenties, with a pretty smile and laidback appearance that matched Ryan’s. Her white long-sleeve undershirt was printed with fake tattoos and she wore a pale-green T-shirt over it. ‘Oh, hello. I thought you were someone else.’
Megan watched, but the woman didn’t wrap her arms lovingly around him, didn’t kiss his cheek or do any number of things Megan imagined a new wife would do.
‘Rosa, this is –’ Ryan began.
‘Detective Matthews,’ Megan finished holding out her hand. ‘I just came by to speak to –’ she couldn’t force herself to say ‘your husband’ ‘– Ryan about some crimescene photographs he took for us.’
‘Oh, ick,’ Rosa said, tossing her curly dark hair. ‘Let me know when Diederick and Pete get here with the food, will ya?’
Ryan waited for Rosa to leave before speaking. ‘Your department should have almost all of them. I emailed the ones they said were urgent.’
‘You did?’ Megan tried to act innocent as she remembered deleting the email messages.
‘I’m sorry you had to come here. I’m sure you just missed the email. Is there a specific photo you need? I told my contact at the department – a Mrs Daniels – that all anyone had to do was call me and I’d send whatever was needed, if it was needed before I could get a hard copy turned in.’
Megan glanced over his shoulder, wishing he’d invite her in and yet knowing it was better he didn’t. To see him with Rosa, together as the happy newlyweds, would surely kill her.
‘But, while you’re here, I’ll just give you the master copy of everything, if you don’t mind taking it in for me since you’re heading there eventually anyway. I told the captain I’d drop the backup off when I pick up my last cheque.’
‘Yeah, I heard you were quitting.’
‘It’s for the best. The paper has offered me a staff position with better hours and less crime.’