‘I had to. He took a picture of me stepping on a museum artefact. With St Claud’s trial coming up and me on the witness list, I can’t have it going public.’ Megan lifted her head. ‘I think the coffee’s done.’
‘I don’t know anything about trials and pictures.’ Kat began to stand, but Megan motioned her down and got up herself. ‘What I do know is that Ryan really liked you, Megan, and you hurt him. Bad.’
Go ahead, rub it in, Megan thought, as she started opening cupboards in search of a coffee mug.
‘Right of the sink,’ Kat called. With the directions, Megan went right to the mugs and pulled one out. ‘French vanilla creamer is in the fridge.’
Megan peered into the refrigerator. ‘I don’t see it.’
‘Look for a metal creamer pitcher near the back right. The cleaning lady keeps pouring it in there. I think she does it to take home the extra creamer.’ The sound of the plastic cracker wrapper punctuated Kat’s words. ‘I keep telling her to stop, but she doesn’t listen.’
‘Your housekeeper steals creamer from you?’ Megan poured a little into her mug.
‘Yeah, can you arrest her for me? It’s not like she does the grocery shopping.’
‘Creamer theft really isn’t high on NYPD’s list of crimes to investigate –’ she shut the refrigerator door and crossed to pour the coffee ‘– but I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Thanks, sweetie.’ Kat gave her a playful smile as she walked back into the room. ‘So what happened between you two?’
‘I don’t suppose I can pretend not to know what you are talking about?’
‘Ryan.’
‘Ah, right.’ Megan sat back down. Putting her mug on a coaster, she pointed at Kat’s empty coaster and frowned. ‘Did you want a cup?’
‘No, I grabbed it out of habit. No caffeine for me. And you, missy, talk.’
‘He accused me of never talking to him about anything important. That I was just using him for sex.’
‘That’s not a horrific thing to be used for.’
‘Yeah, the sex was great.’ Megan sighed. ‘I do miss the release. I mean, you know how some men are just really good at it. Like they can read . . .’ Her voice tapered off into a moan.
‘Vincent is like that. A mind reader or would that be a body reader?’
‘Both.’ They shared a heavy sigh. Megan continued, ‘Our, or rather
my
, communication skills were horrible. Or maybe they weren’t horrible as much as untrue and very harsh. He said I acted like we weren’t even friends and I agreed with him and said we weren’t friends because we didn’t know each other.’
‘You’ve known him a year,’ Kat interrupted.
‘This might not make sense, but I didn’t see it. I separated what we were in my mind. Thinking back, I can see how he thought we were friends. I can even see how he might have hinted at being more.’
‘You should have told him this before he left Montana.’
‘I want to tell him now, but I need to find him first.’
‘Megan, I don’t know that he wants to see you. It will not be easy. He told me when he left he . . .’ Kat paused.
‘What? Whatever it is, I can take it. I need to know.’
‘He basically said he needed to wash his hands of you. I’ve never seen him that angry.’ Kat reached out, touching Megan’s hands. ‘I’m sorry, Megan. But I don’t think he’ll entertain a relationship with you. He already told Mom and Dad the engagement is off. And, even though they refused to talk about it the last week in Montana, the family knows not to expect him around. I don’t think he even wants to see me right now.’
‘Kat, he might not want to see me, but I can’t leave it like this. Even if he . . .’ Megan took a deep breath, feeling the tears well in her eyes. ‘Even if he doesn’t want me like that again. I need to see him. I need to tell him I didn’t mean what I said.’
‘Maybe time . . .’
‘No, not with this.’ Megan pulled her hands away and ran them over her hair to the bun at her nape. ‘I said things, accused him of not giving a crap about Jersey St Claud’s victims. Accused him of blackmailing me with a picture so he could replace the family he lost.’
‘Megan, no,’ Kat gasped, jumping to her feet in shock. ‘You didn’t mention his family.’
‘What?’ Megan’s breath caught in her throat.
‘He wouldn’t have told you, but . . .’ Kat shook her head, turning away.
‘Kat, what?’ Her whole body shook violently.
‘His parents were murdered. It was his first semester in college. He’d left a week before it happened to go to school or else he probably would have died with them. His dad’s boss was a friend of the family and called him to ask if everything was all right at home since his dad hadn’t been to work. Ryan found them.’ Kat turned her troubled gaze to Megan’s. ‘He knows firsthand what it’s like to be part of the victim’s family. If you accused him of not caring about the Preying Mantis’s victims . . .’
‘Little Darling Detective,’ Megan whispered. ‘That’s what he kept talking about, the city needing closure to the murders. He said I was the hero they needed.’
‘He never really said it, but I know he thought of that picture he took of you taking down St Claud as the pinnacle of his career. He took the job doing crime-scene photography to be closer to you. Perhaps that picture did have something to do with his initial attraction, but I never would have encouraged him if I thought he was a bad guy. He was just too shy to approach you outright at first. It’s hard for him to let people get too close.’
‘You never said . . .’
‘Why would I?’ Kat asked. ‘I shouldn’t be saying it now. I promised him I wouldn’t tell you. He didn’t want your pity, Megan. He wanted your attention. Your affection. Your love and acceptance. He wanted you to see him just as he is, not pity him because of what happened to his parents. Maybe it’s the cop thing. Maybe you make him feel safe. Or maybe it’s just that he thinks you’ll understand because of what you’ve seen. I only tell you all this now because it’s gone too far. You’ve said too much. I’m sorry, Megan, but I can’t let you hurt him any more. I understand that look on his face now and why he won’t return my phone calls. What you said devastated him.’
‘I didn’t know,’ Megan whispered.
‘Please, Megan, leave him be. If you must apologise, do it and then leave him in peace.’ A tear slipped over Kat’s face. ‘Especially if you doubt you can truly love him forever and ever, heart and soul, don’t even try it. Ryan isn’t like your cop buddies. He doesn’t hide from his emotions. He’s deep and he feels things deeply. He’s not hardened like you can be. I love you, sis, but this is one thing you’ve really messed up.’
Megan looked at Kat, seeing the pleading in her sister’s eyes. She nodded once. The gesture was small and all she could manage. Kat was right. She’d been a bitch to Ryan and she didn’t deserve his forgiveness. Still, she owed him an apology.
‘I promise to let his actions guide mine,’ Megan said. ‘If he looks upset, I’ll leave. I just need to know where he lives. I need to find him.’
The dark-red silk peasant shirt with the smocked bust fluttered against her arms as she stood outside Ryan’s apartment building. She’d borrowed the clothes from her sister. It had taken some coaxing, but Kat finally let her use them. The grey workout outfit wasn’t exactly what she wanted to be wearing when she faced Ryan. She knew by the look on Kat’s face that her sister still held a small hope that she’d work things out with Ryan, despite how Kat begged her not to hurt him again.
Wiping her sweaty palms over her denim-covered hips, she took a step forwards. The three-storey apartment was exactly the type of place she imagined Ryan living. Old, quaint, with two trees guarding the entrance, the stone face had artistic appeal. As she stepped inside the small front lobby, the wood floors creaked. Mailboxes fitted along one side wall, leading the way to a narrow hall. In front of her was a narrow stairwell, next to a worn round table and two folding chairs. A stack of magazines had been left.
‘Can I help you?’ a man came from the hall, as if he’d been lurking in the shadows, watching the front door. His wrinkled face had the appearance of hard leather, the whites of his eyes were bloodshot and his short hair showed small lines where he’d combed it back. In his hands, he carried a baseball bat. Though he wasn’t threatening with it, Megan’s stomach tensed.
Not wanting to deal with what she could only assume was a drunk, she said, ‘No, I’m just visiting a friend. Thank you anyway.’
‘I don’t have you on my approved list of friends,’ the man insisted, when she tried to dismiss him by walking towards the stairwell.
Kat had told her where to find Ryan’s apartment. Unfortunately, her sister forgot about the bodyguard she’d have to get past. If she’d known, Megan would have brought her badge.
The apartment door at the base of the stairwell opened. An elderly woman poked her head out and looked directly at Megan, clutching knitting needles in her hands like knives. Her wide eyes echoed the look of her rounded hairdo.
‘You,’ the woman said, her voice shaking.
Megan glanced behind her and back. With a slight smile, she nodded once. ‘Me.’
‘Leave her be, William.’ The woman’s face wrinkled into a scowl and she slammed the door shut.
‘You can pass,’ William said, stepping back into his shadowed hall. ‘But be warned, I’m watching you.’
Megan shook her head, musing to herself, ‘That’s some sort of a security system they have. Creaky boards, a grandma with knitting needles and the crazy guy lurking in the hallway.’
The light from below cast her shadow along the dim walls. Each step lasted an eternity and she imagined this was how men on death row must feel, walking towards a fate that had very little chance of ending in their favour. Finally, she made the top, finding a lonely hall stretched out before her. Going to the first door on the right, she lifted her hand, hesitating before knocking softly.
Behind her, the door opened. ‘He’s not there.’
Megan turned at the sound. The woman was younger than Megan would have suspected by her voice. Pulling a long knitted brown jacket around her thin frame, she crossed her arms. Behind her, birds chirped noisily, the sounds varied and too numerous to count how many.
‘Ryan’s not home. He’s out.’
‘Do you know when I might expect him back?’ Megan asked.
In a fury of movement, a grey parrot landed on the woman’s shoulder, squawking, ‘God bless you.
Gesundheit
.’
‘Hush, Bullet,’ the woman said.
‘Good boy, good boy,’ Bullet answered.
‘Yes, good boy.’ The woman scratched the parrot’s neck. ‘Ryan’s not here.’
‘I’ll try back later,’ Megan said.
‘I could give him a message when I see him,’ the woman offered. ‘Like a name.’
‘Detective Matthews.’ Megan did not know why she gave the formal title over her given name. Part of her hoped the woman would be intimidated by it.
‘Ah, you are that cop he took the picture of,’ the woman said. ‘I’ll tell him you stopped by when he gets back from his honeymoon.’
Megan stiffened. ‘He hasn’t come back from Montana?’
‘Montana?’ The woman laughed. ‘No, Montana was work. He took Rosa to Europe. Do you know Rosa? They were married right here on the roof just as soon as he finished that photography assignment in Montana. A guy, Harry, from our apartment building performed the ceremony by moonlight. It was very romantic. Ryan said he never wanted to be parted from her again and proposed. Diederick who lives on the top floor went with him, as he is from Switzerland and knows the area. I believe Romania was mentioned a few times. Who knows where those lovebirds are?’
‘God bless you.
Gesundheit.
’
‘Is there a message?’ the woman asked, ignoring the bird. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Huh? Fine.’ Megan turned to go. Married? Ryan was married? She studied the woman for a sign that she was lying, but what motivation would the bird lady have to lie about her neighbour getting married? Had she hurt Ryan so badly that he ran back and married on old girlfriend? Or had Megan been the other woman to his relationship? It didn’t make sense.
Without realising she’d walked down the stairs, she glanced around to find herself in the lobby. The door opened and the old woman popped her head out. She began to close the door.
‘Excuse me,’ Megan said. ‘Your upstairs neighbour –’
‘Don’t know her,’ the old woman said. ‘Only know she rescues abandoned birds. Leave your card in her mailbox.’
‘No, not the lady with the birds. I mean the other neighbour, Ryan Lucas.’
‘Oh, Ryan? Yeah, sweet kid, both him and his new wife. If you are here for the wedding, you already missed it. They’re in Eastern Europe on their honeymoon. I think she has family there. Sweet kids.’
‘Oh.’ Megan glanced up the stairwell. Inside, her heart squeezed tightly in her chest and she felt nauseous. ‘I guess I’m too late.’
Dazed, she walked out of the apartment into the bright sunlight. Even though it was warm, she shivered. Ryan was married? How was this possible? It had only been a little over a week. Not sure what to do, she automatically waved for a cab.