Allie's War Season Three (50 page)

"What on earth do you think I could teach you, Revik?" I said, subduing my voice. "Seriously. I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"You don't?" He turned on me, his eyes hard. "What about what you did to me the other day? The way you held my light? I can't do that, Allie...not like that. Not without shutting you down entirely. I don't know how to hold you like that...where you still
feel
everything..." Gesturing vaguely, he seemed at a loss for words. "You almost gave me a fucking coronary...I already have trouble with you, then you do that to me...jesus christ..."

I watched his face, skeptical. "You really don't know how to do that?"

"No!" he snapped. "Allie...gods. Have I ever done it to you?"

"No," I admitted after a pause, my voice more contrite. I stroked his arm, trying to reassure him again with my light. "No...and hey, I'm sorry. I'm not blowing you off, I'm really not. You've got to understand, from my point of view, I've always had a major disadvantage in that area..."

"Well, not anymore," he said, his voice short. He still avoided my eyes.

Watching him stare out the penthouse windows, I slid my arms around him again, rubbing his back. I waited until I felt his light soften, at least enough that he seemed to be with me again. After another pause, he let out a short, sharp exhale, almost as if he'd been holding his breath somewhere high up in his chest. I kept working his muscles with my fingers, until I could feel him starting to react, enough that his eyes closed.

"I'll teach you anything you want," I told him. "Anything I know...I promise." Pausing, I added, "...On one condition."

His expression grew heavy again. "Allie...I'm trying to let it go. I swear to the gods, I am. Just give me a little time, please..."

"That's not my condition," I said, still massaging his back.

"Then what?" he said, closing his eyes again briefly, partly in response to my hands.

"You have to do the same," I said. "You have to be open with me about it, Revik...tell me what you want. Show me, if I don't get it..."

He looked uncomfortable again, but nodded. Making the more formal version of the affirmation signal, he added the words in Prexci.

"I vow it, Allie."

Normally I might have joked about the formality of his words, but this time, I just nodded.

"Thanks."

Even so, I found myself studying his face, wondering what it was about that idea that bugged him so much. He didn't even try to hide how reluctant he was to promise me that. I was still trying to decide if I should ask, when he spoke before I could...maybe because he guessed what my expression meant, or maybe because he heard me again.

"I just wanted to take my time with you," he said. "I didn't want to rush all of that...to make it important. It wasn't important, Allie. It still isn't to me. I thought we could get to all of that when we got to it...and I was kind of having fun, just playing with you...not having to worry about any of that shit..." He hesitated, closing his eyes again before his voice turned gruff. "...'Dori told me you didn't like the way I treated you at the rebel compound. He accused me of treating you like a prostitute. That's what I'd been trying to
avoid,
Allie...obviously I didn't do a very good job..."

I winced, cursing Balidor somewhere in the back of my mind, but I didn't look away.

"Revik..."

"You act like I have all of this experience," he said. "I hate to break it to you Alyson, but I haven't
had
a lot of partners. I've slept with a lot of prostitutes, which isn't the same thing. The few actual
relationships
I've had, the ones that were more than that, you already know about...and even with Raven it was pretty damned borderline..."

I nodded, biting my lip. I could feel the embarrassment on him now, how much he hated talking about this, and I couldn't help cringing that I'd laughed before.

"...I didn't want to rush," he repeated, his voice harder again. "I wanted you to get used to me...and used to sex with seers. I didn't want to
scare
you, Allie...or ask for too much. I didn't want to push a bunch of shit on you before we were ready..."

"Okay," I said. "...Okay, Revik. I get that. I really do." I paused, then made my voice more cautious. "So what's the rush now? Why rush when it's you instead of me?"

He shook his head, clicking at me, but didn't answer.

Watching his jaw harden as he stared at the windows, I shook him a little, if only to get him to look at me again...or maybe to snap him out of it.

"Is it ego?" I said, my voice blunt. "Or do you seriously believe I'd consider leaving you? That sex with you, my
husband,
would somehow be 'less' than sex with a bunch of total strangers...just because you somehow missed learning a few of their pony tricks?"

Glancing at me, he exhaled shortly, clicking under his breath in irritation. After a few seconds though, I saw his skin darken, right before he shrugged.

"Both, I guess," he said.

Rolling my eyes at him, I let him go, long enough to grab his hand, dragging him towards the bathroom door, which stood not far from the door to the bedroom.

"Allie," he protested. "Wait..."

I released him at once. "What?"

"What are we doing?" he said. "Right now, I mean."

"I wanted to take a shower," I said. "I wanted you to come with me..." Hesitating, I tried to gauge his expression, feeling my face warm. "...You don't have to, but I promise to be good. You seriously need to
sleep
after that, Revik..."

He continued to stare at me for a moment. I couldn't help noticing his eyes flicker down my body, even as that more predatory look returned.

"Really?" he said. "You were going to drag me naked into the shower?"

Flushing a little more, I laughed. "Well, I wasn't thinking about it exactly like that...but yes." Hesitating, I added, "Really. It's no big deal, Revik. If you'd rather just go to sleep..."

He shook his head, grabbing my hand again. "Absolutely not."

"Revik..." I shook my head as he pulled me closer. "No."

"No, what? Isn't this your idea?"

"You know what I mean," I said. "And of course I want to...that's not the point. If we start that you won't sleep for at least a few hours. And then something might happen with the Lao Hu or whatever else, and you won't get any sleep at all..."

"So this is you being responsible?" he said, smiling as he tugged on my hand, pulling me with him as he walked backwards towards the bathroom. "...Taking me to the shower and rubbing soap on me when I've already got a hard-on?"

Rolling my eyes, I gave an embarrassed laugh. "I wanted to be nice to you! That doesn't automatically equate to four hours of monkey sex..."

"What about one hour?" he said, smiling.

I laughed again. "No!"

Even so, I found myself following him.

I could feel what he was highlighting in my light, too...but hell, I already knew I wanted him. The problem was, I could also feel how tired he was, and I was a little worried about what Surli said about there being some kind of time limit on our safety. I had visions of a bomb going off in the inner lobby of the hotel...or maybe an air attack, with me and Revik dragged up to helicopters on the roof in collars. I knew 'Dori had a pretty hardcore security grid up there that should prevent anyone unauthorized from landing, but it still made me nervous. Anyway, maybe the threat wasn't to me or Revik...maybe it was someone else. Like Chan or Cass or something about what was going on in San Francisco. We'd already heard about scares that the disease had spread to Oakland.

"I'm not living like that, Allie," Revik murmured.

He'd already closed the bathroom door behind us. He pulled me closer to him. Once I stood in front of him, he started unfastening the buttons on my shirt.

"I'm not going to live waiting for disaster to strike any minute," he said softer, kissing me on the cheek. "...not until we have to, anyway. That time may come soon enough."

I found myself nodding to that, too.

Stepping closer to him, I pushed the heavier shirt he was wearing off his shoulders. I was tugging up his T-shirt then, and pulling at his belt. He paused long enough with my clothes to flip on the shower, using the controls outside the stall to heat up the water. He pulled his own shirt the rest of the way over his head even as I writhed out of mine. I found I was staring at him as I unzipped and started pushing down my pants. I still quite hadn't gotten over the novelty of seeing him naked yet...I don't think I had even at the rebel base, and he looked different again, more how I remembered him at the cabin, even though I knew he and Wreg had been spending more time in the weight room with Jorag and the others.

When I walked up to where he stood by the shower door, I was already taking off my bra, even as he finished unfastening his own pants, his eyes on me as he got them down and kicked the rest of the way off.

He tore his gaze off me long enough to get under the water. Stepping out of my underwear, I followed him, pulling the band out of my hair and tossing it back on the pile of my clothes.

The shower was huge. I'd only really glanced around the bathroom long enough to get the lay of the land. A sunken tub stood on a raised platform at one end of the rectangular space. Next to it stood another door...presumably leading into the bedroom. Between the tub and the shower lay a toilet and two sinks. The shower itself was a marbled-tile monstrosity with water streams coming from both sides and also from a sunflower-like shower head hanging from the ceiling. I was still looking around, playing with the different faucets and nozzles, when Revik came up from behind me, catching hold of me around the waist.

"What's that?" he said, gruff.

I stiffened. The question hadn't been entirely playful, and something in his light told me exactly what he was talking about, even before my mind fully caught up. Most of my hair had fallen to one side of my back under the main nozzle. When I just stood there, not answering, his fingers rose to my exposed shoulder blade, the left one, caressing the skin. I felt him looking at the design there, even as his hands on me tightened.

"What is that, Allie?" he said again.

That time, his voice was carefully neutral.

Biting my lip, I looked up at him. "Revik...I'm going to try to get it removed. I've already asked Wreg about it. About what it would entail..."

"But what is it? That's not the symbol of the Lao Hu, is it?"

Sighing, I shook my head. "No."

"So what is it?"

Thinking about how to answer, I bit my lip. My voice came out harder the next time I spoke.

"The truth?" I said. "It was a punishment."

"A punishment for what?"

Hearing the increasing edge in his voice, I sighed again, grabbing the soap off the dish and rubbing it between my hands before I answered him.

"Look," I said finally. "One of the infiltrators did it. I was going to tell you about it, but so far, there hasn't really been a good time..." Feeling Revik tense behind me, I bit my lip, shaking my head. "He was an asshole, okay? It was supposed to be some kind of 'marking' of me...like branding a farm animal. He was pissed off because I wouldn't do what he wanted, so he tried to intimidate me in a number of ways, anything to put me beneath him. That stupid tattoo was one of them..."

Feeling Revik's hands tighten, I glanced back at him, my voice edging into defensive.

"He had to knock me out to put it on me," I said. "And I got him back...sort of."

"How?" he said. "You got him back how?"

Hesitating another handful of seconds, I felt my face warm even as I reached up, pulling my hair off to the opposite side, so that it hung over my left shoulder instead, exposing the right shoulder blade and the middle of my back. I felt Revik grow entirely silent, both in his mind and without, as he looked at the design there, also in seer ink but about five times the size of the other tattoo...and in full color. Feeling sparks of reaction in his light, I sighed again, clicking a little, mostly at myself.

"I got a beating for that," I added without thinking. My face grew hotter, even as I shrugged off my own words. "Trust me...it was worth it. I was more worried about the poor girl I talked into doing the artwork for me...she was only like thirty, some artist's kid who lived in the city. I knew there was some chance he might go after her if he managed to get her name off me, or off someone else. But she was really good, so –– "