All for Hope (11 page)

“
I’m not leaving you, Hope. Tomorrow we’ll go back out on the road— together. I told you I’d get you settled, safe. I meant it.”

She’d been holding her breath without realizing it. The air whooshed from her lips and she smiled, chuckling a bit, a giddy sound. “Okay.”

“
Eh, eh.” He made the warning sound, touching her chin and making her look at him again. “It’s not that simple. You have one week. Either you find a place to settle in seven days, or I’m taking you to New Durma. Together, either way. We find you a place to live. Got it?”

She was so relieved to know he wasn’t going away that she instantly agreed, nodding her head and whispering yes.

“
Okay. Now, I’m going back into my room tonight. My emotions are all over the place, and I made a deal with you that I wouldn’t breach our friendship.”

She stayed rooted in place and looked at the wall as he stood. When he passed her, he walked so fast that she felt the movement of air brush her hair against her cheek. The room felt charged, and it was all she could do not to rush to him and beg him to stay.

Still, she knew he wasn’t the only one with emotions all over the place, so she held herself completely still until she heard the door between their rooms close. Then she collapsed to the bed on her back, arms spread out on both sides, staring at the ceiling.

The next morning, Bren made his way into Hope’s room, his arms laden with goodies from the motel’s free breakfast bar. Careful not to spill the two coffees, he slid a plate of fruit and bagels onto the room desk, and then glanced over his shoulder to smile at Hope as she stretched in the bed. She returned the smile.

“
Morning. Sleep okay?”

She nodded, slid her feet from between the covers and stood with a long sigh. He held out one of the cups of coffee to her, and she reached out, all too aware of her fingers brushing his in the process. The memory of a dream she’d been having just before he came into the room inked its way into her mind. She felt a heat blaze into her cheeks and turned away from him with a shudder.

Dreams of Bren weren’t unusual for her. In fact, over the years it was more common than not for her to dream of him several times in a month. It was inevitable that each time she spoke to Jim about him, she’d have a dream just a few days later. They were usually the same in theme: the two of them in an embrace, just beginning to get intimate when someone would walk in or something would happen to interrupt. The story of their relationships really. They just never could get it right.

Many moments passed with no words, but both of them were very aware of the other’s presence in the room. She sipped her coffee and paced to the window, peeking outside. The hot liquid was perfect, with one sweetener and four spoons of creamer.

“
You’ve paid attention.” She finally spoke, settling on the coffee as a safe topic. “You got the flavoring just right.”

Brennan tilted his head at her, tipping his cup in a mock toast, then sat down on the bed where Michelle was still asleep. He brushed his free hand across her little head, barely touching her so as not to wake her.

Hope smiled. “I’m glad she’s started to sleep a little later. I get to wake up before I have to actually
wake
up.”

Settling into the chair at the little hotel desk, she tore a piece from one of the bagels and popped it into her mouth.

“
Were you and Mark—close?”

She tried to swallow the pastry without chewing completely, and it got caught in her throat. It took another sip of coffee to clear her airway so she could draw enough breath to speak again.

“
Very,” she breathed, staring off into nothing as her thoughts turned to her friend.

“
Do you love him?”

Hope nodded. “Mmhm.”

“
Are you in love with him?”

She turned her head and looked at him, her expression one of deep scrutiny.

He had turned completely in her direction, leaning back on one hand, and the way that he was peering at her made her feel naked.

She felt a chill roll across her arms, and she crossed them to hug herself tight.

“
No. Maybe. I don’t know really. I probably was, but things are so complicated where our friendship is concerned. When we worked together, there was always a sense of closeness between us. Then something very— something happened to me, and he stuck by me through it all. He didn't like some of the decisions I made, but he never turned me away. I had never had a friend like that.”

She had the immediate urge to take back the words when she realized they disparaged Brennan’s friendship, but the look on his face said he hadn’t taken offense. He was still staring intently, his eyes urging her to continue.

“
As more and more time passed, and things slowly started to look up for me, I had time to realize that my feelings for Mark were much deeper than before. We talked openly about our attraction for each other and about the way we felt, but we always made it very clear that nothing could ever come out of it. He’s a married man, Brennan. And neither of us is willing to sacrifice the people who depend on us to satisfy—” She broke off and looked down at the floor.

“
His wife and I are friends, too. Cindy is a good woman, and in a way, I love the entire family, Mark, Cindy, the kids. I guess I'm envious of all they have. Mark told me he loved me the night I left. I don’t think we’d ever said it to each other before.”

Her mind embraced the memories and thoughts of her friend, and she realized how much she missed him. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, but eventually she turned to Brennan and smiled.

“
Did I answer your question?”

“
What was it that happened to you?” he asked.

Hope knew what he meant and got up and went to the window again. “I don't want to talk about that.”

Brennan stood and approached her, putting his hand on her shoulder, squeezing. “I want to hold you, Hope,” he whispered against her ear.

She felt a tremor ripple down her spine, and then her legs felt weak. She fell back against him as his lips nibbled in soft touches at her neck. When his kisses found the corner of her lips, she wanted to turn to him but couldn’t. She wanted to fight the urge to fall into him and lose herself. Bren gave her no choice; he shifted his own body so that he faced her.

His hands combed into the hair at the nape of her neck, and he pushed her against the wall with his body. Hope's eyes opened wide, a look of wonder and uncertainty on her face. She shivered when his finger touched her forehead, then traced its way down to make a path around her lips.

She needed to stop him. Her mind screamed any number of reasons why they shouldn’t do this. This was wrong for them; things just never worked out when they traveled this road. The timing was bad; they had enough to worry about without complicating things. “I have coffee breath.”

Of all her excuses, that was perhaps the lamest. She wanted to sink into the floor in mortification.

Brennan only grinned wryly. Just as he leaned down to kiss her, little Michelle released a high-pitched cry.

Hope reacted quickly, bumping heads with Brennan. She groaned and touched her head, then crawled up to take the baby into her arms. As she changed the child's diaper, she felt Brennan's eyes on her, burning her.

When she stood to heat a bottle, he took over the chore for her, motioning for her to sit down but not saying a word.

“
Thank you,” she murmured and took the bottle from his hands.

Brennan watched Hope as she fed Michelle, talking to the little one in soft tones as she held her in her arms. An image came to him of her sitting just like that and feeding his son at her breast. Their son.

The direction of his thoughts weren’t nearly as shocking as it probably should have been to him. Their situation was so imperfect, it was almost funny, but he felt comfortable traveling the roads with Hope and that little babe. The thought of ending it, of leaving and going home was almost as upsetting as the idea of Hope getting caught by the authorities.

He shouldn’t have pushed her, he knew, but he couldn’t stop himself once the impulse took over. It wasn’t just that he’d wanted to touch her, to be with her all of these days they’d been together. It wasn’t just the affection and attraction he’d always had for her.

No, it was something deeper within him and that something began gnawing away at his insides when he heard her talk about Mark Terrance. He didn’t want thoughts of any other man to linger in her mind. He had to evict them the only way he knew how.

“
You said earlier you were glad she was sleeping later, but she’s always seemed to sleep well,” Bren said, searching for a safe subject.

“
Yeah, she really does,” Hope admitted. “She always has. The night Justine and I brought her home, she slept the night through. I think we checked every five minutes to be sure she was still breathing. You do well with kids.”

“
Well, I’m around Jim’s a lot. It’s made me appreciate family again.”

Propping Michelle against some pillows with her bottle, Hope wrapped a rubber band around her hair, then turned to look at him with a teasing roll of her eyes.

“
Bren the family man, huh?”

Brennan placed his hand to his heart. “You doubt me?”

She waved her hand at him as she made her way into the bathroom. When she emerged a few moments later, she saw Brennan on hands and knees approaching Michelle in the bed.

“
Well, hello there, sweet thing,” he cooed in a goofy voice. “Good morning!”

He ignored her little chuckle as she watched him swing the baby high into the air and brought her down onto his chest. Hope laughed full-out when she saw the little puddle of drool mixed with a touch of formula on his chest, and she threw him a rag from the bathroom.

When Hope passed by the bed to get her bag, he took her arm to stop her.

“
Are all baby girls this beautiful?”

She grinned but pulled from him. “All babies are beautiful, but—Michelle is more beautiful than most. You're a precious angel, aren't you?” She leaned to plant a kiss on the smiling little face.

He wrapped his hand around her upper thigh this time to stop her from passing away from him. “You're precious, too, Hope.” he told her in a soft murmur.

She avoided his eyes and lifted the baby from his chest, taking her to the other bed where she had a set of clothes ready. With quick movements, she began to dress Michelle, ignoring the concerned glare Brennan was directing to her.