All for Hope (10 page)

“
Hope.” Bren dropped into the passenger side of the car. “I thought you’d jump all over this. Back when I got the box, you were intent on us going there.”

She started the engine, staring straight ahead. Her chest rose and fell in quick time. He thought he could almost see the movement of her heart palpitating in her chest. He waited, wanting to reach out to her, but he knew whatever was going on in her head, she wouldn’t accept his touch.

“
Brennan, I don’t know how to explain this. You’ve—you’ve come here when I needed you most and I appreciate that.”

“
Aw, Hope, I’m not asking for your appreciation. This isn’t about quid pro quo.”

“
Stop.” She raised her hand, holding her palm in front of his face, but not looking at him. “I need you to listen.”

He swallowed, then gritted his teeth. Glancing out the window at the park, he nodded to her to continue.

“
We’ve been playing this game now for weeks, Bren. Our little ‘ready-made’ family isn’t real. Going with you on this trip to gather up your inheritance is something I can’t afford to do. You’re going to leave, Brennan. You’re going to go back to your life without me.” She turned to him, her eyes glistening then motioned to the baby in the car seat behind them. “Without us.”

“
You know what, Hope? You don’t always know what you’re talking about. I might leave tomorrow, I might stick with you for the next ten years. That’s true with any friendship. What the hell does it matter? Right now I’m here, I’m willing to take care of you and her. You could just stop being the holier than thou Hope for just a damn minute and see what’s in front of your eyes.”

“
Holier than thou?” Her mouth dropped open and she shook her head a few times before punching his shoulder with the heel of her hand. “What the hell, Bren? When’s the last time you stuck around for anything? You’ve bailed on me any number of times, you bailed on your mother, you’ve never finished a damn thing in your life. I think I see very well what’s in front of my eyes.”

His jaw worked back and forth a few moments before he spoke. “Drive.”

She opened her mouth to say something but stopped when he reached down to shift the car into gear.

“
I mean it, Hope. Just drive.”

She sucked in a shaky breath, but he wouldn’t be moved by the tears he knew were welling up within her. Anger burned hot in his chest, and it was all he could do not to rage at her. Five years ago—even two years ago, he would have done that very thing. But Hope was wrong about him. He’d grown up. He wasn’t that guy anymore who would scream at a friend until she cried. He reigned in his emotions and saw that she was sucking in hers as well. She took her foot off the brake and moved them out onto the highway.

They stopped at a motel later that evening, and Hope waited in the car for Bren while he reserved the room. They hadn’t spoken more than a few words most of the day. When he got back he handed her a key-card and drove them around to the back side of the motel.

Hope gathered some of Michelle’s bags onto her shoulder and took the baby in her carrier out of the car, following Bren to the room. He watched her settle her things onto one of the beds, then take the baby from the carrier and juggle her on her shoulder. He didn’t wait for her to turn to him. He unlocked the door that joined that room to the next room, and exited through the motel door.

When he made his way back in from the adjoining room, he found Hope glaring at him with a stunned expression.

“
What the hell’s going on?” she demanded.

“
I need some space. You need some space.” He took a bag of chips and a candy bar from their grocery sack and headed back to the other room with his tote in hand. “Just get some sleep.”

He closed the door between their rooms but held tight to the knob. His mind screamed at him to open the door again and go back to her. He wanted to break their agreement, go back into that room and kiss her breathless. He wanted to make love to her, the baby be damned.

“
Ah, Bren,” he told himself. “What the hell is right? What the hell?” He released the door and looked at his empty hand. Now that he’d let go of the door, his fingers itched to hold something else. He wanted a beer. He wanted something stronger. His mouth went dry as he felt that old familiar thirst for the liquor slither across his tongue.

Just as he started for the bathroom, his cell phone rang. Without looking at the number, he answered with a curt “Yeah.”

“
Brennan Rawley?” spoke an unfamiliar voice.

Brennan tensed, his fingers clenching around the phone. “Yes. Who’s this?”

“
Officer Robert Guillory, Port La Pena PD. I wonder if you have a moment to speak with me.”

Damn
, he cursed in his mind. He should have been more careful about answering a call without knowing the number. Jim had warned him just the day before about Officer Guillory, and he knew the guy had talked to him recently about Hope.

“
Sure. How can I help you?”

“
I understand you are friends with Hope Sheffield. You’re familiar with what’s happened?”

“
Yeah, I know. My friend Jim has kept me informed.”

“
Yes, I presumed he would tell you I’d asked for your contact information. When was the last time you spoke with Ms. Sheffield?”

Bren paused a moment, considering how long it had been since he’d seen or heard from Hope before he ran into her at that service station.

“
I’d say it’s been about three years. I can’t remember exactly.”

“
Your friend Jim said you and Hope were pretty close,” the officer pressed.

Brennan laughed. “Well, then, I’m sure he told you that Hope and I broke up a long time ago. We haven’t kept contact.”

He thought about that statement. It was true; until he’d run into her a few weeks ago, he hadn’t spoken to or seen Hope. But she was always there, always a part of him. Jim was their conduit. He mentioned her from time to time, allowed Bren to inquire and ease his conscience that she was well. These past few weeks only proved how their bond never truly had been broken.

“
Jim says you’ve taken a sabbatical of sort from your business. Where are you, Mr. Rawley?”

You prick,
Bren thought.
I’m not gonna let you trip me up.

“
I’m the king of bad relationships, Officer. I thought I had the gal I was gonna ask to marry me, but when I realized I was wrong, I decided I needed a break. I’m just on a long breather. A road trip.”

“
Hmmhmm. I see. I may have some more questions for you.”

“
Jim told me Hope’s dead, Officer. I’m not sure what else I can do to help you, but you’ve got my number now. I’ll be back in town eventually, but if you need me sooner. . .” He paused for effect.

“
I’ll be in touch, Mr. Rawley.”

Bren tapped the end button on his phone and slipped his phone into his pocket. He
really
wanted a drink now.

Hope stood a moment, staring at the closed door between the rooms, unable to move. Michelle began to whimper. Recognized the beginnings of a full-fledged cry on the way, Hope bounced her a bit while she searched through the diaper bag for the baby’s supper. She could hear the shower running in the other room, and she hoped Bren was calming down.

A few moments later, she microwaved some macaroni and cheese for herself, spooning some onto a plate for Michelle to enjoy. The little one was really getting the hang of grabbing the pasta in her chubby fingers and bringing it to her mouth.

Hope couldn’t keep her eyes from glancing at the door four of every five seconds. She kept telling herself that any moment he would come back through. Her anticipation was dashed when she thought she heard him exiting the room through the outside door. After a few moments of silence, she swung Michelle onto her hip and opened the door to his room. He wasn’t there.

The tears that had been threatening all day made their way to the surface and streamed down her cheeks. She sobbed, quickly sucking in a breath to keep herself from falling apart completely. Michelle slapped at one of her wet cheeks with her messy fingers, giggling without a care in the world.

That night Hope tried for sleep but gave up after only getting about an hour and a half of rest. She pulled out all the money she had remaining and began counting. Set before her was $4,050 plus some change. She bit her lip in thought. Unfolding a highway map she’d grabbed at the last gas station, she took stock of their location. She needed to find a good, quiet place to settle. The colors and lines blurred and melded before her eyes, and she felt an overwhelming despair come over her.

“
You worry too much.” Brennan’s voice came from the doorway behind her. He was standing at the threshold between their rooms, hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“
Where’ve you been?” She asked the question in a soft tone. She didn’t want any accusation to eek out of her voice.

“
A meeting.”

She frowned, tilting her head as she looked at him.

“
An AA meeting, Hope.” He answered her unasked question as he made his way into the room and sat upon the bed opposite her.

“
I—” Hesitating, she swallowed. “I didn’t know you went to meetings.”

He looked at the map on the bed, trailing a finger from their current location along one black squiggly mark.

“
Jim never told me.” She spoke more to herself than to him.

His blue eyes caught hers in a locking stare from which she couldn’t break free. She held her breath, afraid of something but not sure what.

“
He’s
our
friend. He’s my business partner. Do you think I didn’t know you kept up with me through him?”

She nodded and smiled. “You asked him not to tell me.”

Shaking his head, Bren returned the smile. “I wouldn’t have asked him that. I knew he’d feel the need to tell you, so I never told him. I never told anyone. I’ve been attending meetings for two years now. Not quite that long sober, though.”

“
How long exactly?”

“
Five hundred eighty days.”

She felt like a fool. A heel. A holier than thou bitch. He wasn’t the same Bren.

“
I’m sorry.”

“
Our pasts follow us, Hope. It’ll always shadow me. I can live with it.”

Silence filled the room a few moments, and they both clung to the absence of sound as they tried to gather their thoughts. Finally Hope looked up at him, smiled, then started to collect and stack the money back into a single pile. “I thought you’d left.”

“
I’m back.”

“
Are you leaving? For good, I mean.”

He took the map before she could grab it and tried to fold it up, but none of the creases matched correctly. “I hate these damn things,” he muttered, forcing it closed and tossing it aside so that he could inch closer to her.