Ai of the Mountain (A Fairy Retelling #2) (3 page)

Grandfather Koi is the wisest being I know, and I often go to him for advice. I seek it now, and tell him all that happened this morning at the daimyo’s castle.

“This is quite a predicament, isn’t it?” he muses. Although I value his counsel, I sometimes find it difficult to talk to Grandfather Koi. Just like a human grandfather, he talks slowly, carefully, and deliberately – choosing his words well. I am often far too impatient to wait on his wisdom. I try to push aside my impatience now as I watch the giant fish think of what to say next.

“I don’t understand what the daimyo sees in me. What does he want with me? I’m no one but a poor peasant girl who lives on the side of a mountain,” I complain.

“I am certain the daimyo is well aware of that fact,” Grandfather Koi explains, “and is planning on exploiting it. I doubt he expects a poor, peasant girl to spurn his advances. Be very careful, Ai-chan. Men like that are used to getting what they want. And
who
they want.”

I shudder. I have no intention on having anything to do with the daimyo, if I can help it. But, like Grandfather Koi says, Lord Nakaguchi is used to getting what he wants. What if he wants me? My body shudders again. Lord Nakaguchi is a handsome man outwardly, but his inner character oozes with corruption. I feel soiled after my brief encounter with him this morning, as if his touch has tainted my skin. The thought of being intimate with him is utterly repulsive. Though I am untouched in that way, I know how the world works. I know my unblemished state would only serve to make a man like Lord Nakaguchi desire me more.

“I don’t know what to do, Grandfather Koi. I feel trapped.”

“Yes, child. It may seem that way now. Be patient though. You are both cunning and brave, like the fox. I know you will find some escape from a fate that seems inevitable.”

“Thank you, Grandfather. I hope so.” I sit quietly and stare into the depths of the river, mesmerized by the tranquil flow of its slow-moving current. My thoughts begin to calm, and my head empties itself of the threat of Lord Nakaguchi. Instead, I see another man’s face in my mind’s eye. I concentrate on his eyes, full of angry consternation on my behalf, and the look of concern etched on his countenance.

“Is there more that you wish to tell me?” I have been sitting silent for some time now. I feel the smile on my face that I didn’t know was there.

“Lord Nakaguchi was not the only one who showed an interest in me today,” I explain. I tell him about Kurasawa-san, and how angry he seemed with daimyo.

“Kurasawa-san seems like an honorable man, but I do not know that he can protect you from his master. What do you plan on doing tomorrow when you must return?”

That question has been swirling around in my head since the moment I left the daimyo’s castle. I answer honestly, “I do not know what I should do, Grandfather Koi. If I do not obey Lord Nakaguchi’s request, it could bring disaster on our family. On the other hand, I do not want to encourage his interest in me, either. I feel like I’m balancing on a rock in the middle of the river. One wrong move, and I’ll be swept away into a situation I cannot control.”

“There is no situation you can control, Ai-chan,” the fish explains. “You can only control how you react to the situation. Trust in yourself. You will find a solution. I am sure of it.”

“I hope so,” I say, dipping my fingers in the water. Grandfather Koi ducks below the surface, and swims under the tips of my fingers, briefly touching them before he dives down into the depths of the river. This is how we say goodbye.

I sigh, and lay down on the bank of the river, enjoying the coolness of the water on my arm as I try to think of a solution to my predicament. In spite of my effort, though, I cannot think of a way out of meeting with Lord Nakaguchi tomorrow. I will have to keep my eyes and ears open, and take advantage of any situation that presents itself.

The gentleness of the water, and the song of the forest lull me to sleep, and I escape from my uncertain reality into a welcoming dream.

He is there. He is always there, in my dreams. I have dreamt of this man my entire life. Nearly every time I sleep, he is there, and I feel remiss if a night passes without a visit from him.

His name is Kaito, and he has been a part of my dreams since I was a child. Although I have grown up and changed over my eighteen years, Kaito has always remained the same age. A young man, just advancing into adulthood, he is always dressed in old-fashioned clothes, as if he is not quite in the right century. I don’t care though. He is my friend.

If I am honest though, he is more than that. As I’ve grown older, we have grown closer. In my dreams he gazes into my eyes, and calls me his beautiful girl. He holds me in his arms while we talk and gaze out over the river. Always the river. I’ve never dreamt of him anywhere else, but I don’t mind. I love him. Kaito, my dream warrior.

And he is a warrior. I can tell by the sword he carries on his back. He has never told me directly, but I guess that he is a samurai. He is waiting for me now, as sleep overtakes me, and pulls me from the worries of reality. I happily slip into this dream, eager to escape my problems, and find comfort in the arms of my dearest friend.

“Kaito, I’m so glad you’re here,” I say, embracing him in a tight embrace. He holds me tightly as well.

“Where else would I be?” he teases. He holds my hand and pulls me down next to him on the bank of the river. We dip our feet in the water, and I lean back into his strong, encircling arms. “I wasn’t sure you would come,” Kaito says after a moment.

“Why?”

“I know I am just a dream, little Ai of the mountain,” he says, using the nickname he gave me when I was a child. “I know I can never be real for you.”

“You are real enough for me,” I answer, suddenly feeling like I want to cry. Kaito has never before mentioned that we are only in a dream. For some reason, it upsets me greatly.

“I may be real enough right now, little Ai, but some day you will want to be with someone who can hold you even while you’re awake. I cannot do that for you, I am afraid.”

“Where has this all come from?” I ask. “You’ve never spoken like this before, Kaito. I don’t understand.”

He is smiling at me, but is a sad, mirthless smile. “I always knew that I would fall in love with you,” he explains. “But, I never expected for you to fall in love with me. It was more than I could ever hope for. It’s selfish of me to love you, though. You need someone who can love you as you deserve. You need someone strong. Someone worthy. Someone real.”

“Kaito, no. You
are
real. Real enough for me to be happy,” I counter. Tears find their way down my face. I do not try to stop them. This is my oldest, dearest friend. I have no reason to hide my feelings from him.

“It’s okay,” he says as he kisses the tears off my cheeks and whispers, “to love someone else.”

“But I don’t want to love anyone else,” I answer, putting my hands to the side of his face so I can look him directly in his eyes. “I only want to love you.” I mean those words. I need him to know that I mean them. I pull his face to mine, and bring my lips to his. I feel their soft heat for only a moment before I awake.

For a moment, I think Kaito is still there, but when I look around I know he is gone. A wave of disappointment crashes into me. It’s the same feeling I have every time I wake up from a dream I share with him. For a moment, there is elation as I think he is there, and then sudden despair overwhelms me as I remember that he is only a figment of my imagination. He is not real, though in my dreams, I swear he is as real as I am. The dreams are so real. I want him to be real. But, I understand that there is truth to Kaito’s words. He can never hold me in the waking world. We can never be married. Never have children. He is nothing but a fiction, and it is okay if I find someone who can truly live life with me.

Unbidden, a picture of Kurasawa-san flits through my mind.

The next morning, Father stops by my room before he leaves for the castle, long before the sun has risen. He was silent during dinner the evening before. I know he is very concerned about the daimyo’s sudden interest in me, but he is also caught in between his concern for me, and the damage the daimyo could cause to our family, to the whole village. Father is an elder of our community. I know he will not do anything to jeopardize the wellbeing of all the people he feels responsible for.

Father looks at me for a steadied moment, then places his hand on my cheek, and gives me a kiss. “Be careful today, my daughter,” he says. I nod. I have every intention of being careful. “I will see you today at lunchtime.”

The door to my bedroom slides closed with a swish, and I lay back down on the futon. Though it is still dark, and morning has barely begun, sleep does not return, and I decide to get up and begin my day.

Mother is already up as well, and I’m happy to see that today seems to be one of her better days. Her cheeks are more pink than grey this morning, and she is busily working in the kitchen.

“Ohayou,” I say when I see her. She greets me warmly with a “good morning” as well, and I set myself to getting busy with the household chores that need to be done before I leave. The clothes washing and futon airing help to draw my mind away from my own visit to the castle. Unfortunately, they are done too soon, and before I know it, I must start my journey up the mountain.

I pack up a meal of salted eel, rice, and boiled vegetables. Simple peasant food. We have nothing elaborate to offer the daimyo, even if I felt inclined to do so. At the last minute, I remember to include something sweet in my father’s lunch, and hesitate – should I include a dessert for the daimyo as well?
He doesn’t deserve it.
I pack his lunch without anything sweet to finish the meal and wrap the obento boxes in furoshiki cloths to make them easier to carry with me up the mountain. I did as Lord Nakaguchi instructed and included enough to share the meal, though I have decided to not eat much and only included a little extra rice and a few more eel slices. The obento boxes are heavy in my hands, and I know my arms will be sore by the time I reach the top of the mountain.

The sun has finally risen by the time I say goodbye to my mother. She smiles and waves me off. I can tell Father has not told her about Lord Nakaguchi’s interest in me. I’m glad he hasn’t. While Father is overly worried about me, my mother would be quite the opposite. She’s always believed that I am blessed, destined to fulfill a great destiny. “Why else would the gods spare you in the forest, all those years ago,” she often says about me. “You are meant for more than just the life of a peasant girl.”

I want to believe her words, but in my heart, I know she is wrong. I am just a girl of the mountain. There is nothing remarkable about me. Other than having the interest of the daimyo, that is.

Although I am fearful of what might happen when I reach the mountain’s summit, I still enjoy the walk to the top. The song of the birds and the sunshine peeking through the trees both help to soothe my agitation. I even see a red-eared fox peeking at me from its den. I stop to stare at it a moment before it turns tail and hides back in its hole in the ground.
I know how you feel.

All too soon, I have made my way to the top of the mountain and find myself standing outside the walls of the castle. My heart beat begins to race, and it has nothing to do with the arduous climb I just endured. My feet do not want to move any further. I am frozen to this spot. I know he’s in there. Waiting for me.

I can’t do this.

A man walks through the gate of the castle walls and scans the tree line. He face is familiar, friendly. Kurasawa-san. He is searching for me. He finds me standing just behind a giant elm, and a smile spreads across his face. I wish I was here to spend my lunch with him.

My feet finally break free from their rigid state, and I find the courage to move closer to the castle. As long as I’m moving towards Kurasawa-san, I find that my feet are willing.

“Tanaka-san,” he says, “I’m happy to see you.”

I feel the blush spread across my cheeks. I know I should be careful with my feelings. After all, I hardly know this man. “Thank you, Kurasawa-san.” I pause a moment before I add, “I’m happy to see you, too.” My words create an immediate reaction, his smile broadens and his eyes sparkle.

It only lasts a few moments. Once he sees the two obento boxes in my hands, his face darkens considerably. “I should take you to Lord Nakaguchi,” he says, and I nod. There is a note of sadness in his voice. I smile at him again, but it is tight, not real. I do what must be done.

I expect to follow Kurasawa-san up through the castle again, but this time, he leads me to the rear of the castle where work is still being done on the perimeter wall. There is a garden being built here as well. It is immense, taking up all of the land between the inner keep and the outer wall. A row of rocks creates a path through flowering bushes and a small grove of cherry trees that promise to bloom with beautiful pink and white blossoms next spring. There is a small pond here with an arched bridge crossing over it. The reflection in the water creates the illusion of a perfect circle. I’ve never seen such a beautiful place.

“What do you think, Ai-chan?” a voice says behind me. I turn around. The daimyo is there, and beside him, my father. Lord Nakaguchi is spreading his arms wide as if he is embracing the entire garden.